There was no pain. The impulse of the bullet cast my head to the ground. My body was still attached to the head, so it appeared on the ground also. This event’s logic was weird, but when I hit the ground, I felt the pain. Not as powerful as it should have been, but just enough for me to keep trying to avoid my head falling to the ground. There were already too many ‘ground’ and ‘head’ words both in my head and below it, so my mind decided to fall into a commercial break. And when I say commercial break - I mean it.

“Coocoo cola! Trying to be less white? Coocoo cola - makes your skin transparent since the year 700 cd-rw. Drink Coocoo cola - make someone’s ethnic studies diploma as useless as your gender studies diploma. Coocoo cola!”

I woke up already tied. I sat my back leaning at the Elm tree. Ten meters before me, the barefoot woman walked back and forth, mumbling some nonsense.

“One, but should be three, already, at least! What does it mean?! Conditional immortality works probabilistically; Eternal youth should work only for toddlers; Undying makes vessel destroyable either way. Wait! Laminar fate! Maybe” The woman stopped jogging to think about some idea. She lost her gun, boots, and jacket somewhere, now standing only in a black sleeveless turtleneck and trousers, with her hair braided in a complicated braid. I even admired her tender frame for a moment till she started to jog again, mumbling more nonsense: “No. If the patient’s condition were dependent on it - the current situation would never happen. I guess..”

I moved my head from side to side to stretch stiff muscles. The woman’s lost inventory laid near the Big Bertha. Only now have I noticed an actual size of a gun - it was a giant sniper rifle, the one they hunt tanks with. Two full meters from its butt to the silencer, and she was holding this beast with one hand. It seems I am not the only one with extraordinary capabilities here. I cannot die from her slap, but I will sure feel it.

I got bored and decided to escalate action. I used one more cliche to stick to the overall stereotypical entourage - I cleaned my throat loud enough to catch the woman’s attention.

“Khm-khm..chrchmchk. Umckrch.”

Now it was her turn to jump and fall. She quickly relocated to the gun and, as soon as it comfortably sat in her arm, relaxed a bit.

“What is your talent? Tell me now! Tell!”- The woman aimed the gun at me one more time. I just smiled.

“And what will you do with it? ‘Kill’ me one more time? It would be very prudent usage of bullets, I am sure. Set me free and let us talk - economically speaking, it would be more beneficial.”

“For a newbie nomad, you act too calmly and talk too fancy. Newbies usually are very stupid for the first few months. You, though… You sound and act like you were born here. And this tattoo - why has it changed from zero to one? I’ve shot you two more times after the first one, and it is still one but not three. Why? What does this number depict? Who the hell are you?”

Her vocal waterfall appeared to be quite useful. The more she asked me - the more I learned about this place.

“Calm, fancy… Lady, I am lost and disoriented. Only yesterday I was.. someone. I think I was a scientist - astronomer or astrophysicist. Stars make me calm - maybe that is why I act like that. I assume you were a doctor of some sort?”

Once again, the shadow of fright covered her face. I may be much more stupid than I think of myself. I may have made a mistake. I showed her that I had heard her mumbling when she thought I was passed out. And not only have I heard it, but I also made some conclusions about it. The woman started to quickly gather her belongings. When the right boot was on its host, I started to worry a bit. A bit much.

“Wait. You will just leave me to die here? What have I done to earn this? I will tell you everything I know, just don’t leave.” I sounded pretty desperate and felt the same.

“You cannot die, forgot? Someone will free you. I am using Big Bertha and going away.”

A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

“The Snail - it can kill me. It is somewhere within five kilometers radius. I will tell you everything I know, please... “ The woman stopped for a moment considering her options. “Please!”

“What is your talent?” Fuck. I didn’t want to answer this question, but the rope she tied me with was so thick I couldn’t even dream to loose it.

“I don’t know. No, don’t go! I am telling you the truth. The slot machine offered me a list, but I didn’t want to choose. I got angry and pass out for a moment. After I awoke, the deal was already accepted. That is all I know. You were mumbling names of talents. I know that because you mentioned one from the list offered to me - Conditional immortality. Could you please help me to figure out what talent do I own? To figure out the situation in general?”

“Something doesn’t add up. You were offered the probability of immortality, and you didn’t want to choose it. But you are immortal. Do you even hear yourself - it all sounds like a pile of complete rubbish.” - The woman stood before the slot machine and started to press some buttons. There was no rush in her moves, and I figured that it may be a good sign.

“The immortality is the clause from the curse part of the deal. I am immortal because only the snail can kill me. I don’t understand it either, believe me. There were other talents there also.. um..Sporadic teleportation, and Stars favorite, and Death road of something…”

“Death trailway”- The woman corrected me automatically.

“Yeah! That one. I was not in suitable condition to chose something. I was not able to do it.”

The woman started to walk back and forth once more and mumble.

“Usually such complicated lists are not annotated with explanations and have timeouts - sounds believable. Divine talents are quite scarce. Lists of divine talents are even rarer. Hm.. Maybe they have the condition to auto-pick on timeout or something. Too little data to diagnose. Can you recall the complete list?” The last question was to me, but I missed such a context change, so in several awkward moments, she repeated the question. “Do you remember all the talents from the list?”

“Oh. Sorry. I don’t know. I’ll try.”

Reluctantly I managed to remember all the items on the list. Surprisingly numbers helped - I clearly remembered that there were seven possible choices. My lousy memory seriously bothered me. Somehow I knew that it is not usual for me. The woman relaxed a bit, though, after she witnessed my genuine attempts to remember.

“Are you sure there were only seven options?” - She asked me afterward.

“Yes. Completely positive. Is something wrong?”

“Well, I think you’ve made the right choice.. um.. not to choose.”- She came closer and sit before me.

“Why is that so?”

“Sporadic teleportation is useful till some extent - till you teleport yourself to the center of a rock or to the depth of the sea. Flittermouse wings would make an unintelligent batlike monster from you; by the way, this kind of talent is why I have this beauty here.” She patted her rifle with love and continued - “Alternating speed is usually uncontrollable and everlasting, and believe me, I would notice it, as would you”- She sounded very excited while talked about these talents. It appeared to be her major interest. “Conditional immortality is still an option - but it is more than useless in your case. If you would have chosen Death trailway - you would have become an undead leech of great power. I doubt that you are a leech. Afterlife vacancy also is a possible option. You would be able to know if you have it only after your death, though - it is a reserved place in heaven. You could be the most notorious serial killer and still end up in heaven, which is pretty handy, don’t you think?” I just grimaced.

“What about Starts favorite - It sounds like something suitable for me.”

“I would not be alive already if you were Start-Burns. You would be wearing the cylinder hat like our Old Martin wears and star-shaped sideburns. Those creatures are extremely hazardous. They are sentient, magically potent, and very enduring. Even my rifle won’t handle such a creature. They have only one craving - to have some other identity - they usually try to do that by wearing their victims’ skin as overalls. If spotted, they are hunted down by whole cities. I really doubt you are one of those.” She went silent. Me too.

“So one of these two useless talents. I am happy they are not like those other ones, though.”

“There are other options, but I am unable to explore them by myself. I need to show you to someone.” She approached me and, with one seemingly easy move, untied me.

I barely got up and started to stretch my stiff body.

“So you have decided to spare me?”

“I am not sure yet. For now, yes.” She replied and smiled with an amiable and warm smile. My lousy mood increased a few degrees.

“By the way, how can I call you? Lady seems too official as for me, don’t you think?”

“Seems fair, Tad. My name is …”