After Carson’s rolling laughter subsided, everyone around the table re-engaged in conversation. Roxanna’s spirit had quieted in that brief moment. That brief second alone with Erramir. Alone while they’d been surrounded by friends, what a strange and wonderful moment.
Now her soul was a-buzz with possibility and hope. Hope that her self-imposed and long-suffering loneliness had been justified. It was true, from a rational perspective at least, that a couple seconds meant little and her hope was girlish foolishness.
She would have discounted it only a few years ago, before she’d been forced by grief to find the depth of her being, before she’d chosen to hold her love tight, not to squander it.
Now it felt easy to trust that short moment. Moments were after all the substance of her entire life. Discounting the power held within any one of them was to discount the wonder of her existence.
Her smile was small but deep. It went all the way down and resonated near the base of her spine. Like a humming connection to life. To her life. So wonderful. She mused, closing her eyes to relish the sensation.
She couldn’t remember ever feeling like life was quite so rich, so bright and vibrant. Roxanna had hoped this kind of connection was possible. She’d hoped that the love she’d finally managed to recapture would continue to expand. A new question, one she’d never seen or considered asking, came to her. Where will loving myself, trusting myself, lead now?
Her contemplation was interrupted by Val, and Roxy was happily drawn into conversation with the bold woman. She found herself liking Valerie more and more. Conversation really wasn’t the right word; it was more like an interrogation. She certainly wasn’t timid. Val’s questions and manner were intensely focused on determining if Roxy was trustworthy.
Roxanna didn’t mind at all. Val was obviously someone who was slow to trust, and since she trusted herself it was actually quite pleasant to have so much direct attention. From where she was standing, it was a wonderful place to start a friendship. A skeptic grilling an empathetic pragmatist to determine if she was a liar. How could that possibly go wrong?
Humm, could that go wrong? She wondered momentarily, felt dissonance in her chest at the thought, and cast it aside. Nope, doesn’t matter anyhow. She answered the woman’s questions with honest ease.
No, she didn’t know Erramir before that day in the hospital. Yes, Bendik had really come to her house. She’d even made tea for the man, he liked locally sourced honey in his tea. No, she’d never met Bendik before that night.
“Why did he pick you and your son?” Val finally asked.
That was tougher. They were both good at games and he had noted their exceptional neural capacity to interface with Novamen. He knew about her husband’s death, and respected that she had emerged from the trauma stronger. He was particularly interested in Dnoeth’s potential and seemed to share an easy bond with him. He also may have felt partially indebted because of Erramir’s promise to help Dnoeth with admissions for Dartmouth.
Roxy laid all of this out for Val, but none of it made a dent in her narrowed expression. Roxanna couldn’t help but agree. It was a good question and she was glad to poke around her head for an answer that satisfied. Why had Bendik chosen them? Humm. Well, I’m glad he did, does that factor into his reasons? Probably not.
She considered in silence. None of what she’d said captured the feeling that Roxy had about Bendik's reasons. She knew why she’d accepted his proposal after only the one conversation. Yes, his reputation and the scholarship assistance for Ben was certainly part of it, as was his compelling conversation and sincere desire to help people heal.
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At first it had been that. Now though, after creating her avatar and spending the last several days in Kuora, things were different. She was onboard. She wanted this place, this game that felt nothing like a game, to succeed. She had a part to play, a way to help make that happen. She knew it was crazy to think her help could make a difference for humanity, because that’s what they up to. But still, Roxy knew she was up to it, knew she could help. And her reason for that was simple, she trusted herself, and she wanted this.
Then she saw it. His reason was exactly the same as hers. “He picked us because he trusts himself. I mean, did you and Carson have a detailed interview with him? I doubt it. He trusts Erramir, he trusts you, he trusts Carson, he definitely trusts Ramal, and he absolutely trusts himself. After looking at the data and meeting in person, he trusted us, and he didn’t second guess that.”
She shrugged then smirked. “I think he chose well. I’m completely committed to this now, committed to Kuora succeeding, to all of us succeeding, to this project making a difference for humanity.” She took a deep breath and let that thought sink in. It was the truth. And she was only in this position because she’d found a way to trust.
Val’s expression had softened considerably, and she was regarding Roxy more openly now. “That’s a good answer,” Val said. “Trust just changes everything.” Roxy couldn’t agree more.
From her right Carson and Dnoeth were intensely engaged with proclaiming the exquisite flavor of the meal.
“This beef is unbelievable! Is this slow roasted?” Carson exclaimed.
“I know right. And the potatoes. Unghh dude! They’re unreal,” Dnoeth said. “Did you try the orange ones? They’re like sweet potatoes but savorier. Sooo good!”
“Really?! Pass those down man. I’m not missing out on anything.”
Dnoeth passed the large bowl that looked like mashed sweet potatoes, only a bit deeper orange in color.
Erramir gestured at it. “Let me get some of that when you’re done, Car, I love sweet potatoes.”
He turned to Ramal. “How’d you guys have the time to make all this anyhow? They must have one hell of a pantry back there.”
“I’m sure there is, although I have no idea. We only got back a little bit before you showed up. The elf had all this ready for us.” Ramal pointed toward a row of brass tap handles that Erramir hadn’t noticed before. “Good beer too. He tapped a barrel of something that’s dark and smooth. It’s the first one.”
A shelf beside the taps that was lined with large handled mugs. Erramir looked between the table and Ramal momentarily confused.
Carson was already standing, his eyes wide, and moving toward the newly revealed beer tap. Erramir stood, walking around the table to fetch his own pint. Over his shoulder he asked, “Where is the elf? Is he part of the Und Varden?”
“Yeah, he’s an officer of some kind. We didn’t get too much into it yet. I guess this place was in some kind of stasis for a long time and he wanted to check on the supplies since we broke the statis.”
“That’s great!” Erramir said. “We need to finalize our induction into the Und Varden. Can he help us do that too?”
“Not sure.” Ramal shrugged. “If not, we might be able to help. Dnoeth is a bonded elementalist and can talk directly with the base. But I think the elf is going to fill us in when he gets back out here. He wanted to wait until the team that saved our sorry asses got up here to join us. Said something about waiting for his Gwarn’din to get here. What is that anyhow? Some kind of apprentice?”
“What–did you just say?” Carson asked, each word a slow snarl.
Erramir turned around, Carson’s mug was overflowing. “Woah dude, you’re wasting beer! Good beer!” He pushed the tap up.
Carson didn’t even hear him, he was stalking, steps slow, toward Ramal. “Does this elf have a name?”
Catching movement from the entry door to the kitchen, Erramir looked over and saw a tall, well-built elf dressed in leathers similar to Carson’s but more elaborate. He held something like a clipboard in one hand and wore a tight knowing smile that gave him an impish air.
“Oi! Naked Boy! Did you miss me?”
Carson’s beer hit the ground and he was running for the door. Erramir irked at the waste, but as his best bud’s form disappeared out the door, and he just sighed. Then he looked to the new arrival.
“You must be Nero.” Erramir approached, extending a hand. “I’m Erramir.”
“That I am. Well met Erramir of the blood.” The elf responded with a mischievous tilt. “It appears that my reputation precedes me.”