Barra da Tijuca, Rio de Janeiro

Monday, 9 a.m. Barra da Tijuca. Enzo's day was already off to a bad start when he didn't hear that there would only be one bus to school. And not just that. Since it was nine in the morning, the clock would be an indication that Enzo had overslept and would have to walk to school. Again.

- Holy crap. - Enzo lamented and put his head on the pillow. - Alarm clock cocksucker.

Half true. Enzo spent a sleepless night watching old action movies. Around five o'clock in the morning he fell asleep and didn't wake up until four hours later. Still, it could be worse.

And then it got worse. Because the thirty minute bus ride on foot turns into a marathon of over an hour. To make things even worse, the day did not dawn sunny, with few clouds and children running in the grass. Oh, no, no, no. Sadly, for Enzo, that Monday is what we would call a classic Monday, after all, the phrase "I hate Mondays" does not only represent a song by The Boomtown Rats. In other words, rain, cold, wind. London in winter. Chicago, naturally? In short, a passport to the flu and a one-way ticket to the bad mood.

- Fucking weather! Shitty rain!

But Enzo's situation only got worse. While walking parallel to the cars, a bus had to avoid a hole in the street. Unfortunately, there was a lot of water accumulated on the stretch. The vehicle, very heavy and at a considerable speed, created a huge wave of dirty sewage water. The water flew right at Enzo, who could not dodge it in time. The scene would be comical, if it were not tragic.

- Holy shit! - Enzo lamented. - Are you fucking kidding me?

Could it get any worse? Yes, because as soon as Enzo made the tough walk to school, he remembered that he had a math test to take. Sadly, the upsets made him forget a little about the subject. What would it be? Sets, fractions, sums? Go figure. Enzo had no clue. But the day was not completely lost, because he was going to strategically hide in the bathroom and study a little before entering the class late. Obviously, studying for the exam in a few minutes was out of the question, but at least remembering some of the material was a possible mission.

And that's what Enzo did. To avoid the inspector of the hall, he took the elevator and quickly ran to the bathroom door, located next to the principal's office - the high school dictator. Although his clothes were wet and his backpack soaked, Enzo managed to get the books out, with one small, "however".

- Crap. - Enzo said as he noticed that the books were damp.

The pages were loose on the floor. And not just that. The water left an unbearable smell of sewage. Anyone who saw him would surely wonder if Enzo had sex with a possum.

- Hey, Enzo, did you fuck a skunk before you got here? - asked one of the students in the class who found Enzo hiding.

- I fucked your mother, asshole. - Enzo replied. - That's why I was late. Just like her period in a few weeks!

Well, Enzo just needed a few more minutes. Everything was going well, until he found the director in the next cabin. As soon as he saw him, there was no way out.

- Oh, fuck. I can't be this unlucky.

But Enzo was not jinxed. Not at all. Vini even said that Enzo was uncommonly lucky. But if this day was anything to go by, someone had cast an evil eye on him.

Well, what do we have? Enzo smelled like garbage, missed the exam, and was forced to spend two hours in the "room of shame," a place designated as punishment for inconsequential students. Parents complained about the unusual way of correcting teenage students, but the dictator - I mean, principal - always thought the idea was brilliant and not at all controversial for the 21st century.

- Oh, hello. - said Vini, surprised. - What a surprise to find you here.

- Keep your sarcasm to yourself, Vini. - Enzo complained. - My day stinks.

- You stink too. - Vini smiled, but changed his mind when he saw Enzo's mad face. - Why were you late?

- Because my stupid friend didn't call me on time.

- This idiot friend guarantees you a roof over your head, food, cigars, and keeps secrets from the client once in a while?

- This idiot friend gets it right every once in a while.

- What happened? How was your odyssey up to here?

Enzo made the universally famous expression of confusion.

- Odyssey?

- Did you stop reading the dictionary in the bathroom?

And from confusion, we changed to surprise.

- How do you even know that? - Enzo asked, but then quickly answered his question. - Italy!

- Women talk about everything. Sisters then...

- How was the exam?

- No problems. You know how it is. You get a piece of paper, remember the mathematical formulas, answer the questions, hand it to the teacher, if you don't do anything stupid, your grade will be good and it is a reflection of your study.

- I stopped listening at the mathematical formulas. - Enzo smiled.

- You're a cheapskate. And you were also taken to the room of shame.

- The principal caught me. That asshat.

- Well, Enzo, it could be worse.

- Oh, I doubt it.

Oh, Vini's words would be a death sentence. Because the next day, Enzo would suffer some more divine reprisals, which unfortunately he could not control, but only regret.

Enzo, this time, was up early for school. He ignored the alarm clock, because it wasn't even necessary. He was already up well before the rooster crowed - if Barra da Tijuca were in the countryside - and the sun appeared.

Julio was there at six o'clock in the morning precisely, with his nine-ton bus waiting for the ten, maybe eleven unfortunates who had to wake up early and go to who knows where on such a beautiful early morning in the best neighborhood of the city - in the author's and secretly many people's opinion. Up to that point, nothing to worry about.

- Good morning, Enzo. - said Vini. - Up at this hour?

Enzo smiled. But he didn't say anything.

And then it happened. While he was trying to review the material, something vibrated in his back pocket. There was only one logical explanation.

- Your vibrator is moving in your pants, Enzo. - said Vini.

Okay, two explanations.

- You are very cheerful. - Enzo simply said.

Enzo's face changed rapidly as he held the cell phone in his hands.

- Uh-oh. - Enzo said.

- Trouble? - Vini cynically asked.

- No, no, Vini, "uh-oh" is the universal onomatopoeia that everything is alright!

- What's the matter?

- Amanda. She wants to talk to me.

- Yeah, that's a problem. A good use of "uh-oh".

- Maybe she wants to get back together.

- Sure, Enzo, surely our teacher wants to assume a relationship with her high school student! Something she has not done until today.

- Can't I dream, Vini?

- Well, sure, but people dream about a car, a trip to the Maldives, a mansion in Malibu. You, on the other hand, want to marry the teacher.

Hours later, Enzo met with the teacher Amanda, with whom he had an affair - or rather, affairs. Anyway, she was in the cafeteria, wearing a blazer, white dress and high heels, standing almost ten centimeters taller than Enzo.

- Holy cow, Amanda, you look great! - Enzo said.

- Thank you, darling. - Amanda replied, pleased. - We need to talk.

Uh-oh. If you take the history of mankind, nothing good came out of the combination of those words. When Eve told Adam that they needed to talk, it was all trouble, just like the Roman Empire and the Turks.

- Did I do something wrong? Because it was all Vini's fault! - Enzo defended himself... Blaming the others, of course.

- No, no, no. You didn't do anything wrong.

Except for sleeping with the school teacher as a minor.

- Then what?

- I'm changing schools.

Enzo's eyes widened.

- What?

- I got an offer from Náutico.

- What the fuck is a Náutico?

- It's a military prep school.

- Oh, Amanda! You're kidding, right? You're leaving here to wear a uniform and carry guns?

- You're watching too many movies, Enzo. I'll teach Portuguese, honey. I'm not going to fight in the war.

- Tell that to Paraguay.

- Okay, honey, I know you won't understand, but this is a one time offer. I will get paid three times more than in Rio.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- In Rio? You are moving out of state?

- Well... Yes.

- And where are you moving to?

- São Paulo.

Okay, now Enzo was having an aneurysm.

- I can't believe it! You're going to a gray, dull, poop-smelling, ugly, no beach place in exchange for money, luxury, comfort, and stability?

That bitch!

- Well, Enzo, putting it this way. But believe me, it is a unique opportunity. I won't have this chance again.

- So you are going?

- Yes, Enzo.

- When?

- Tonight.

Oh.

- Tonight? But... But...

What else could Enzo say?

- I'm so sorry. - Amanda lamented. - You are a very special boy and I wish you the best in your life. And you are the best lover I could ever have.

Enzo smiled.

- That's correct. - He agreed.

Even as she described it, she kissed him on the lips. And hugged him, this time longer. And then she left. Probably forever. Enzo couldn't believe it. And when he returned to the hall, he felt as if his soul had been torn out of his body without anesthesia.

- Crap. - Enzo began the season of lamentation. - What a shitty week.

- And it's still Tuesday. - Vini made an outrageous comment.

- You better shut your stupid mouth, Mexican!

- So she has really gone?

- Yes, Vini. Gone. For good.

- Oh, stop being so dramatic! She can come back on vacation. Nothing is stopping her.

- Unless the traffic of São Paulo and the sewage smell of the Tietê contaminates her brain.

- There is a risk. And how are you?

- Sad. But this week is cursed, so I shouldn't even be surprised.

- I would hide under the bed. An anvil falls on your head.

- Like in Tom and Jerry?

Vini raised his hands.

- Exactly!

- This is a dangerous question, but I'll ask it anyway: could it get any worse?

Once again, Enzo would be tested, for on his way home, crossing the parking garages where vehicles enter and exit, he was distracted on the sidewalk, oblivious to what was happening in the outside world. It was then that he felt a huge blow on his leg, as if someone had hit him. But as it turned out, it was not exactly a "someone", but a "thing".

- Holy shit, that fucking Prius almost ran me over!

- Hey, kid, pay attention! - The owner of the vehicle put his face out the window and yelled at Enzo.

- What? You're fucking shitting me, aren't you?

- No, I'm not! Pay attention to the street!

- Fuck you, cocksucker! You just drive that hybrid shit into fucking pedestrians?

- Fuck off, you asshole!

- No, you fuck off, you fucking piece of shit!

And it didn't take long for Enzo to show up, furious, at Vini's door.

- I almost got run over by a fucking Prius!

- Hello, Enzo! - said Belgium.

- Hello, Belgium. How are you? - Enzo stopped his psychotic outburst for two seconds. - I almost got run over!

- But didn't you see the car coming? - Vini asked.

- No! It had its headlights off and I couldn't hear the engine. Guess why?

- Gee, Enzo. Looks like you had a very bad day. - Belgium commented.

- That's because you don't know about yesterday, honey. - Vini said. - Enzo missed the bus, arrived at school smelling of sewage, was caught by the dictator and missed the exam.

- Oh, holy shit! - Enzo whined. Again. - The exam! I forgot to take the test in the afternoon!

- Was this your second chance?

- No, no, no. Enzo told a half-truth. - Enzo told a half-truth. - I can still do it tomorrow.

- Don't forget, you silly boy! - Vini reminded him. - It's going to be hard for you.

- Shut up and bring me an alcoholic drink and a cigar.

- Are you going to drink now? - Belgium started a rant.

- Why? - Enzo questioned. - Do you have something against?

- No, not at all.

Oh, and then the next day happened. Strangely enough, everything was going well. Or rather, nothing very out of the ordinary occurred. Classes went on naturally. Music, physical education, English, geography and math. And, fortunately, he was not going to forget to take the exam he had missed days before. Everything was going according to schedule.

Two in the afternoon. Enzo arrived at the scheduled time for his exam. As he passed by the teacher's desk he noticed a card with letters and several holes. At first he thought it was weird. But what could he do? He thought it was better to ignore it, sit down and wait patiently for the teacher.

Five minutes later, the geography teacher appeared with two sheets of paper, a yellow folder, and a plate of food in his hands. This scene alone was indicative. A recipe for disaster. And nothing more.

- Oh, fuck. - Enzo regretted in anticipation.

But as soon as he received the exam on his desk, Enzo was stunned.

- A multiple choice test? - Enzo was confused, but then everything made sense. - I missed a multiple choice test?

- You have an hour and a half. - said the professor, slouching in his chair as if he were lying on the couch at home.

Enzo couldn't believe it. Still, it could be worse. However, he soon realized that you shouldn't celebrate a goal before VAR confirms it. Because as soon as he asked the first question, he came to a frightening conclusion.

- I can't do shit anymore!

It was horrible, it was like Germany on Russian soil at the 2018 World Cup and in 1941. But after an hour, desperation started knocking on Enzo's door. What could he do? Wait for The Green Mile? - it's a movie, isn't it? But if life imitates art, art doesn't inspire life all that much, since Enzo slowly realized that the professor looked sleepy in his chair. Now, something ought to be done. From a distance, he visualized the briefcase in the arms of the sleeping professor. Soon Enzo jumped out of his chair and walked slowly to the whiteboard. The professor was snoring more than a Mustang V8. But if he wanted to enter the world of crime, he had to do it right, that is, discreetly and lightly. So Enzo carefully tried to open the briefcase without making too much noise and, of course, not awakening the teacher. Finally he managed to open the folder, but no sign of the card with the answers on it. Enzo found himself defeated.

- Looking for this? - asked the principal, staring at Enzo with the answer card in his hand, which meant that what Enzo was looking for was not in the folder.

Yeah, it could always get worse.

Well, that was a pain in the butt. So much that Enzo didn't even want to take the bus back to Lake. Maybe if he was lucky, an armed group would want to fire shots at the police at that moment and a bullet would hit his head. But considering how lucky he was that week, it was quite possible that a rubber bullet would hit his penis, Enzo would survive and be sterile for the rest of his life. It was just then that something happened. In the stinking canal beside the bike lane, Enzo spotted an interesting projectile, dropped on the water's edge. He had to dodge seagulls on the way to check it out. It was a gun. Like the ones in James Bond. But unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on the context, a toy gun. But did it really make much difference? To Enzo, no. So he smiled mischievously, put the gun away in his pocket, and proceeded normally on his walk home.

The next day, Enzo was awakened by an annoying cellular device. As soon as he got out of bed, and the waking sleep effect passed, Enzo could moan for the first time that day.

- Uh-oh. That's great!

- No kidding! Really? - Vini was incredulous.

- That's right.

- So, just for the record, the girl who cheated on her boyfriend with you, cheated on you with some other guy?

- Can you believe that?

- You know, I'm still surprised.

- Why are you surprised? With this fucked up week I am having. If I don't die by Saturday, consider it a win.

- Maybe it's this karma thing that people talk so much about.

- But all in one week? That's not karma, that's a diabolical curse. I feel like that movie where the girl goes to a haunted house and gets a curse.

- Which one of the eight hundred movies with that same plot, Enzo?

- Hereditary!

Vini was confused.

- Aren't you mixing up the movies?

- Which is the movie where the girl suffers a curse?

- Isn't it the one with Justin Long?

- Who the hell is Justin Long?

- Bruce Willis' partner in Die Hard 4.0.

- Oh! I don't remember.

- The name of the movie is Drag Me to Hell, Enzo.

- What's the movie about?

- The girl works in a bank and tries to impress her boss by denying a loan to an old lady who puts a fucking curse on the protagonist. Seriously, who denies something like that for money? Just give the fucking loan, dammit! It's not your money!

- Anyway, Vini, I think I'm cursed. But relax, my luck will change, like the girl in the movie.

Vini started laughing.

- If you had watched the movie, you wouldn't say that.

- Why? Doesn't she live happily ever after with Justin Long?

- No.

- Oh, shit. I'm not catching a break.

To improve his mood, Enzo grabbed his cell phone and did what was already predictable. He looked up the day's matches to bet on.

- Second division of the Argentine championship. 37 teams.

- Sounds like a gem.

- And it is. You just have to pick the right names.

- Don't you think it's a bit risky in a week when nothing is going right?

Enzo, in a rare moment of wisdom, listened to Vini's words. And not just that. He considered.

- But when will this insane curse end?

- It's not a curse, Enzo. - Vini reminded him. - Just don't bet this week. You'll lose money.

- Hello! Of course I'll lose money! They don't call it gambling for nothing, Valverde!

- It's up to you.

- Let's see here. - Enzo began zapping the device in search of games. - Oh, this looks good. The second against the thirtieth. If you bet on a handcap (-1), the house returns 2.05.

- What the heck does that mean?

- If you bet 500, you get back 1025, including the profit.

- Is that a good thing?

- When would you earn 525 bucks scratching your ass?

- By working decently, like all normal people.

Despite Vini's words of wisdom, Enzo obviously ignored him. And made the bet. -1 on the home team, which would mean that a simple victory by two goals would be enough. First minute of the match, goal. But...

- My team conceded a goal. - Enzo smiled sadly.

- I told you so.

- We still have 89 minutes left. Relax.

Second minute of the game. Goal. But...

- 0x2. - said Vini. - It doesn't look good.

- Shut up, Vini!

And that was it. In just 90 minutes, Enzo lost 500 Brazilian bucks. Or rather, technically, in two minutes.

But the worst was yet to come. The next day, Enzo had to go to the association's club to meet a friend. But then, when he tried to scan his membership card into the machine, he was denied. Something was not right.

- What the hell? - Enzo didn't understand. - What's the problem now?

- Did you renew your plan? - asked one of the attendants.

- Well, yes. Last month. But I didn't get anything in my email. I'm changing my card.

- Did you check that the bank slip was not left in the administration?

- Of course not! Why would it be there? They just need to send me the slip on the internet, I print it out at home and pay.

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

But no action taken. Even so, Enzo's suspicions were soon confirmed, because when he called the association, Enzo's sinister theory proved to be true. And he was not happy at all.

- What? This is outrageous! - Enzo shouted. - I haven't received any communication from you!

- I'm sorry, sir, but the charge will stand.

- How was I supposed to know that the bill was with you?

- I am sorry...

- Go fuck yourselves! Fucking assholes! You mercenaries!

Enzo hung up the phone, furious. And what does an angry man do? He gets up and leaves the house, to avoid damage to property.

On his way to who knows where, on the bike lane, alone in the middle of the night, Enzo almost tripped over a black cat, which crossed towards him like a runaway train.

- Crazy ass cat!

In one part of the bike path only pedestrians are allowed to pass through, bicycles must stay with the cars. But in Brazil, what is said is not always - almost never - followed. Enzo was very angry about a lot of things. At having lost the exam, at losing the bet, Amanda, losing the bus, losing his association card. All that was needed was one more little spark for the glass to overflow. Or rather, explode.

Walking along the dark street, Enzo felt a thump on his back and fell. He couldn't see who hit him, but he didn't have to, because the unidentified body also got up with his bicycle.

- Hey, you freak! - The man shouted at Enzo. - You got in my way, asshole!

And that was it. The man was about to get on his bike and get on with his life. But then Enzo came up behind him, grabbed his neck and threw him into the rearview mirror of a parked vehicle. The man fell to the ground and was writhing badly, apparently bleeding. With the impact, the alarm of the vehicle crashed. Enzo was startled and started to run as far away as possible. With his heart racing, he ran as fast as he could through the adjacent empty streets; after all, he knew the area like nobody else.

- Shit. - he said, breathless.

The next morning, Enzo got up early and did something he never once did. He took his running shoes and went for a walk along the bike lane. It was very early, sometime before seven in the morning. The sun was just shy in the sky and the streetlamps were still on. On the Lake road, but still a little far from the condominium, a vehicle was overtaking the left lane at a speed higher than allowed. As there were no parked cars, the driver was able to overtake without causing an accident. That was the moment when Enzo was crossing into the bicycle lane. The vehicle had to stop instantly. The tires fried and white smoke billowed from the ground. Enzo had no reaction.

- Get out of the street, you little fucker! - said the driver.

Enzo could tell that the driver looked drunk. But unless he was a highway patrol officer, there wasn't much he could do. Or was there?

- LHU 2879. - Enzo said to himself. - I got you, motherfucker.

But it wasn't even that necessary, because the mystery vehicle turned right onto the football field into the only condominium with a sidewalk entrance to the dead end street. Enzo smiled.

Upon arriving at the condominium, which was about a quarter block from Lake, the doorman approached Enzo and asked the traditional question:

- Is that right?

- My name is Enzo and I was wondering if there is a Fiat Mobi in the condo?

The question made no sense.

- Pardon?

Enzo gave the car's license plate. The doorman left his post and went to get the clipboard with the residents' license plates, but when he returned to the lobby, Enzo was no longer there. When he couldn't find him, he complained:

- I don't get paid enough for this job.

Although it was a different condominium, all had underground garages. The only problem would be to find the vehicle that had almost killed him. And soon he did. And he smiled maliciously. And not only that. A few meters ahead, an older man and his small son were repairing their bicycles with tools. A unique opportunity. Enzo approached and asked:

- Could I borrow your wheel wrench?

The man didn't understand.

- Why?

- I need the wheel wrench. It won't last two minutes.

Maybe the man had a feeling, because he didn't want any trouble with Enzo. He figured that his intentions were not good. And indeed they weren't. Because as soon as he turned his back on Enzo, the two of them heard loud banging noises.

- Hey, are you crazy? - the man asked Enzo.

- If I were you, I'd get out of here. - Enzo recommended.

By hitting the tank with three blows, Enzo managed to damage the fuel valve. Once again he smiled, knowing very well what to do. To complete the job, he lit his cigar and threw the lit lighter into the compartment. The vehicle began to burn uncontrollably. People were running everywhere in the dark smoke. Without calling anyone's attention, Enzo left the condo through the back door.

Hours later, Enzo returned to the club's administration office that revoked his membership card. A woman was waiting for him on the other side of the counter and had no idea what to expect.

- What is your name, sir?

- Enzo Carvalho.

- What's the deal?

- Well, the association canceled my card because of payment. But I had no idea that the payment slip was right here and nobody told me.

- Sir, I understand. But since your card changed, we couldn't email it to you because we didn't have your data.

- Sorry? This doesn't make any sense! I have lived here for years! I want my license back.

- Sir, there is a fine...

Enzo didn't even let the attendant finish her sentence, because he simply grabbed the computer keyboard from the counter and slammed it hard against the glass.

- Enzo Carvalho. 16 years old. Lake Buena Vista. Apartment 1103. Any more questions?

The attendant didn't dare reply. Enzo, on the other hand, simply turned away from the frightened woman and left.

When he returned to Lake, he decided to go to the bar and drink his so precious Matte, which is nothing more than a very famous iced tea in Rio de Janeiro, sold mainly on the beaches by sweaty street vendors dressed in an orange shirt, which is the universal color of the company that sells the drink, Matte Leão.

- One Matte, please. - Enzo said, strangely calm after his rowdy brawl at the association.

- Six bucks. - said the attendant.

Enzo didn't understand.

- Pardon me?

- Six. - The attendant just repeated what she had said.

- I don't understand. When did the price of Matte go up so much?

- It's the inflation, sir.

- Bite me! Inflation my ass. Back when I was a kid, I paid two bucks for a 250ml bottle. Now, you tell me that I should pay three times as much? Let me ask you: do you have any idea what the word inflation is? Or is it just a fancy word that your boss told you to repeat like a damn parrot?

Oh, the attendant had no idea what to say.

- I'll go talk to my boss.

Enzo smiled, ironically.

- Call him indeed.

Two minutes later, a man in a blue shirt appeared at the counter. He didn't seem very happy to see Enzo, nor was he very interested in putting up with him for too long.

- What's going on?

- Are you telling me that a small bottle of Matte is six bucks?

- That's what it says on the menu. - The man simply said.

- Yes, I can read.

- So, what's the problem?

- The problem? The rates. I have lived here all my life. I have never seen, anywhere, a damn bottle of Matte cost the price of a keychain!

- Look, if you're angry about it, fine, but it's not my problem.

Oh, Enzo was not going to listen to this quietly.

- A problem? That's the problem!

Enzo simply punched the glass jars of mints away. Then he knocked over the glasses and napkins that were on the counter.

- Are you crazy, motherfucker?

- Yes, I am. Completely crazy.

- You can take everything! Take the money!

But money certainly did not cross his mind. Not at all. His expression of confusion clearly showed it.

- Money? Are you making fun of me? Do you think I'm a thief? I am not a thief. I'm not charging six bucks for a bottle of Matte! You are the thief! I am a resident and a consumer! All I am doing is demanding my rights as a consumer! Do you think I'm going to believe this pathetic inflation bullshit? Oh, sure, the American president badmouthed the Arabs, so gasoline goes up 10% in two weeks! But it is nobody's fault, it is the market! It is something abstract and invisible that nobody can see! My white ass!

Enzo climbed up on the counter and stared outside. Then he asked:

- How much is the Coke?

- How much is what? - The manager didn't understand.

- Did I stutter? - Enzo thickened his voice. - How much is the fucking Coke?

- Seven.

Enzo looked surprised. And he began to laugh.

- Here's your seven!

In a fit of rage Enzo picked up one of the wooden chairs and slammed it hard against the beverage freezer. The glass shattered like an explosion and even made a noise.

- What the fuck is this?

- The sandwich. - Enzo looked at the menu. - How much is the sandwich?

- Which one? The salami, ham?

- The small one.

- 10,50.

- 10,50?

Once again, Enzo quietly made his way to the back of the bar, took the meat machine off the counter, and threw it outside the bar. The machine hit the glass door and fell onto Lake's Portuguese stone path. Fortunately, no one was hit, but the shock was great.

After that incident, there was not much that could be done. Even so, Enzo just repeated the question:

- How much is the bottle of Matte?

- Two.

- Two what?

- Two bucks.

Enzo laughed.

- It really is.

So, he went to the cash register, pressed the open button. He left a two in the compartment and closed it again. Without any further reaction and strangely calm considering all that had happened, Enzo just smiled, glanced around and went on his way, drinking his iced Matte in the middle of the destruction he had caused.

Unaware of what was happening in the outside world, Vini was watching a horror movie. He caught the film in progress, but soon realized that it was one of those found footage movies featuring brainless youngsters who break into a haunted house and regret it. Or not.

- Don't go in the room. - said Vini, staring at the TV as one of the scenes from the movie happened. - Don't go in the room. You will die. You are reproducing the stereotype of young people if you make this stupid decision.

But there was no choice. The character entered the room and had his head chopped off. Vini tried to save her. If only he had a Smart TV.

- I told you so. - he said.

Then there were knocks on the door. He thought it was unusual, because his aunt didn't warn him about visitors and Enzo was rude and didn't usually knock before entering. With that information in mind, he got up from the sofa and went to the door. But he was not happy with his discovery.

- Uh-oh. - Vini regretted it, even though he had no reason to regret it, just as there was no reason for the police to be knocking on his door.

- Vinicius Valverde? - asked the policeman.

- Yeah.

- Do you know Enzo Carvalho?

- Yeah.

- Is he your best friend?

- Yeah.

- Do you consider him a person close to you?

- Yeah.

- Do you know where he is?

- Yeah, no.

- Do you know that if you withhold information you could be accused of being an accomplice?

There was only one answer to that question.

- Yeah, I want my lawyer.

It seems that all seven seasons of The Good Wife proved to be important to Vini when he needed it most.

In the end, Vini was discharged, because he only exercised his right not to answer questions without a lawyer present. And that's what Vini did, after all he was the smart friend. But what seemed clear was that Enzo had done something stupid, just for a change.

Fortunately, it wasn't too difficult to find him. He was in the park, on one of the benches, a little gloomy, admiring the people coming and going, with dogs and children.

- How did you find me? - Enzo asked.

- When you are not protesting against global warming and delivering food to the poor, you are here.

- Very funny, Vini. Mock my own misery!

- What the hell happened? Besides the lack of humor? I mean, nobody gets arrested for being in a bad mood.

While the two were walking, a cyclist, who couldn't ride his bike through the park, almost hit them both, lost control, and fell into the grass. Vini also lost his balance and hurt his hands.

- Son of a bitch! - Vini complained.

Then it happened. Enzo ran towards the cyclist and pulled out the gun he had found on the bank of the canal days before. He pulled the trigger twice on the man's head. The gun was not real, but Enzo did not know exactly what was going to come out of the barrel of the pistol.

- Enzo! Holy shit! - Vini was stunned. - What the fuck was that about?

- Motherfucker! Motherfucker!

Enzo kept kicking the man as he lay on the ground. Vini was frightened by the situation and Enzo's reaction, but still managed to contain him. The cyclist was able to escape, grabbed his bike and sped away.

- Come back here and fight like a man, you piece of shit! - Enzo shouted.

Vini pulled him by the shirt, almost ripping it off.

- What's wrong with you?

- Did you see that guy?

But the situation was about to get even worse. Because many families and children were strolling peacefully through the park that morning and were witnesses to the beating. Enzo looked around. The children were scared. What could be done? Well, Enzo abandoned Vini and ran away.

- Enzo?

Vini was a mix of emotions. Confusion, anger, disappointment, sadness. He couldn't understand what this was all about. There was only one person who could calm him down. So he picked up his cell phone and called Belgium.

- Baby, can you come over here? I need you.

- Did something happen? - Belgium noticed that his voice sounded strange.

- Just come over. I'll explain it to you here.

Belgium's comforting lap was all Vini needed at that moment. Lying there, he had to explain to her what had happened and what he was feeling, although he had a hard time putting it into words.

- You had to see how he was behaving, Belgium. He was furious. Full of hate and anger. He lost his mind, wondering if he had one.

- Wow, had I seen him like that before?

- No, that's why I was shocked.

- Do you think it has something to do with his bad week?

- Actually, today's events are a little reminiscent of that movie Falling Down.

- And Enzo is William Foster?

Vini was surprised.

- Have you seen the movie?

- It's a classic, Vini. I watched it with my sisters. And my father loves Michael Douglas.

- My father-in-law has very sophisticated taste indeed.

- But are you worried?

- Honestly? I'm waiting to see what the next problem Enzo will get into.

Vini's words once again proved to be true, as soon as the subject came up, once again, someone knocked on the door of Vini's apartment. This time he stared at Belgium, as if asking her to answer the door, but she obviously wasn't going to get off the couch. And Vini didn't make much effort to ask either.

- Hello, Vinicius. - said the same policeman. Coincidentally. - Did you find your friend Enzo?

- I did. - Vini was sincere.

- You'd better come with us.

- Am I being arrested?

- No. We just want to ask you a few questions.

- I won't answer anything without my lawyer.

- That's okay. You know you can't afford one. You know if you can't afford one, the state will provide one for you and all that crap.

- I know my rights and that's not necessary. - Vini remembered The Good Wife talks. - Belgium, we need your father.

Belgium didn't understand. But then she remembered the whole conversation.

At the police station, Vini had to wait more than half an hour for his interrogation. He was beginning to lose his mind in that dimly lit room. He felt a stomach ache and wanted to go to the bathroom, even though he hadn't had any drinks. But the presence of his father-in-law at that moment helped him to calm down. Despite the stories, Mr. Banks liked his son-in-law and Vini liked his father-in-law. The curious thing is that Mr. Banks did not care much for Enzo, perhaps due to the fact that he had dated three of his daughters and dumped all three in different fashions.

- No need to be afraid, Vini. I've got your back.

- All right, Mr. Banks. - Vini made a mockery of it. - This is not my first interrogation.

That caught him off guard.

- How's that?

- Being friends with Enzo Carvalho puts you in these situations.

The officer finally entered the room with a serious expression. He sat down in a chair facing Vini and introduced himself.

- My name is Gonzáles. I have a theory and my instincts are telling me that it is true.

- Oh boy, an Olivia Benson. - Vini complained.

- Officer, this is ridiculous, my client has done nothing wrong. - said Mr. Banks.

- Maybe, but his friend... Not so much.

Vini was curious.

- What do you mean?

- There was a massacre at the club where you live. Four people died in a shooting.

Now it was Vini's turn to be amazed.

- Oh, God. Are you serious? I didn't know that.

- Yes, it is.

- But what does Enzo have to do with it? - asked Mr. Banks.

- He was in the same place hours before. The security camera caught his movements. He yelled at one of the clerks and trashed the place.

- Uh-oh. - Vini answered, in a low voice.

- Did the cameras catch him?

- No, but the person knew very well what to do, because he covered the lens with black tape before firing. Whoever did this knew the place and the blind spots very well.

- So it could be any person living in the 26 buildings of the association? - Mr. Banks was not to be trifled with and asked an intelligent question. - I don't know, but it seems like a very big picture approach. How can they accuse him of something without knowing for sure? Just because of Enzo's tantrum?

- Actually, Mr. Banks, some things have happened.

- How so? - asked Gonzáles.

- Enzo has had a very, very bad week. To begin with, he missed class and that day's math test. On the way, he received a bath in dirty water and went to school smelling like sewage. He tried to fool the principal, but was caught. Then, the teach...

Oops, this information could not be revealed. Fortunately, Vini was smart and quickly changed his speech a bit.

- Girlfriend moved away. - Vini corrected himself and continued. - He forgot to take the test, tried to cheat, but was caught again. The association cancelled his membership card and he lost money on his bets. It was a terrible week.

- Right.

- Enzo's most recent events have been strange. He simply lost his temper, threatened a cyclist in front of everybody with a gun that looked very real. And now I'm learning about his attack on the association's headquarters.

- Do you think he did it?

Vini had no way of saying for sure, but considering the circumstances, there was no way to deny what he was shown, although he very much wanted to believe otherwise.

- Yes.

- All right.

The policeman left the interrogation room. Vini stared at Mr. Banks, as if confused by what he said and his thoughts. Well, in spite of what he admitted, he wasn't sure of anything.

- Did I do it right? - Vini asked.

Mr. Banks had no answer to that question.

Many kilometers away, a dish-shaped spaceship was flying over the huge blue planet in the distance, dodging space boulders and some inconvenient probes and satellites. Inside the ship, two creatures, about six feet tall, green, and with six tentacles, were conversing in a unique language about the events of history.

- Did the boy hand over his own friend?

- Yeah, no shit!

- He looks like our cousin Frodo.

- What do we do now?

- We blow up the Earth.

From underneath the spacecraft, a huge gun fired a single, deadly bolt of lightning, which flew over the vacuum at thousands of kilometers per hour, striking exactly at the center of the Earth, causing it to explode and the end of life as we know it.