So you want to know why I have a contract with a human ship, do you? Well, there is only one reason actually. You might think it’s because of their special ship tech, which is the thing I hear most from other non-human crewmates.

But I don’t really care about those special faster-than-light engines or their uniquely shaped iron ships - don’t understand me wrong, I still find all that fascinating, but it’s not the reason I’m here. You are now probably thinking I have some deep bond to some human, but it’s also not that.

I did hear there are quite a number of species that have a penchant for falling for humans in reply to the latter’s irrationally strong pack-bonding instinct. I befriended some of them and can definitely attest to how much value they put on loyalty, but I’d be fine either way.

No, the actual reason I am working on that human ship is the sheer entertainment value.

I am serious.

Look, you only read up on them. But I’ve been on that ship for many cycles - I’m actually one of the first ones to join throughout all citadel space. And I can tell you that living with them is special.

Most jobs on human ships are done in teams, so there’s always at least someone else to accompany you in performing whatever function you’re contracted for. For the time during breaks and off-shift there are designated areas on the ship with a number of things to do to relax - most of those aren’t done alone either.

I’ve never worked in a place that had that much social contact weaved into daily life before. I promise that you won’t find yourself any other place where you will be able to listen to so many stories and observe so many interesting interactions.

But the best of all are the times when you get to see the reaction of some unsuspecting individuals when encountering humans for the very first time. I’ve seen my fair share of trade platforms, habitats, travel hubs and military stations and so far it happened nearly everywhere. And it’s also been hilarious every single time.

You know what, let me tell you about earlier today, you might have even noticed that commotion. We had only arrived this morning and I had left the ship together with Pen - her name actually is Penelope - and Julian to look for a place where my kind of food would be served.

The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

We found the food court in section F of ring 2 - do you know the place?

Anyway, we had gotten something good and I was finally able to show off some delicacies from my homeworld. All was fine during the meal, even if we got some stares. When we were done though - that’s when it happened.

Julian had gotten up to take the trays away and I was chatting with Pen when I noticed that I had still been holding on to a smoothstone. That’s an eating utensil you need to - nevermind, the important thing here is that it is small, round and heavy.

So, Pen saw that I wanted to bring it away, but she took it from me instead. Then she got up and yelled Julian’s name across the whole sitting area followed by the words ‘heads up’ - while simultaneously throwing the smoothstone at him.

Now you might not know this, but humans are very good at throwing things. And I mean not only accuracy, but also raw power. The kinetic energy they can produce with that complex motion they perform to throw something that can fit into their palm is actually dangerous. And I’m not talking ‘ouch’ dangerous, I’m talking ‘lethal’ dangerous.

Ok, so Pen threw the smoothstone and directly afterwards all hell broke loose. Alarms went off across the whole section, lights flashed, barriers dropped and those robotic security things stormed out of their hideouts. It was insane.

For about a minute there was total chaos, as all the exits were barred and a couple hundred panicky people had no idea what was going on. At the same time those robots were zig-zagging all over the place looking for something. Then, finally, the station security showed up - in numbers.

It turned out that they were also just looking for something as they began to quickly split the crowd. At first I didn’t understand why they then singled out Pen and me. But when they began interrogating her about a concealed firearm, I finally figured it out.

You see, the smoothstone had broken a number of safety thresholds and was picked up by the station’s internal sensors as the projectile of a weapon. This then caused an armed intruder alert which then caused the lockdown.

I tried to calmly explain all that to the security forces, but they wouldn’t believe me. I imagine they have their fair share of dangerous visitors. Talons here, horns there, maybe a tail whip or even some toxic excretions, but they couldn’t wrap their heads around humans possessing a built-in long range weapon capable of turning ordinary items into deadly projectiles.

After some back-and-forth they resorted to viewing the security footage. Oh, you cannot picture their faces. That human expression - ‘seeing all colour leave their face’ - is spot on sometimes. Another moment I will cherish for the rest of my life.

But you know what then nearly made them crumple into blubbering heaps? When they saw where the smoothstone ended up.

The projectile moving with enough kinetic force to be picked up by the sensors as a serious and deadly threat was smoothly caught by Julian - while balancing a tray on his other hand.