The Holy Virgin blinked a few times to adjust to the darkness surrounding her. After all, with a few exceptions, she had lived the last 2000 years in the heavenly eternal light, so she had almost forgotten what darkness was like. She waited for a minute, but it was still pitch-black.
Then it struck her. As a Holy Virgin, she had certain superpowers, and one of them was the ability to emit a warm and calming light. But how did one do it? She tried to remember the last time she'd been on a mission like this, but it was so long ago. The light had just come naturally back then. She was almost about to give up when she noticed a faint glow from her hand, and soon the light spread to the rest of her body, filling the cave she was in with a dim light.
She sighed with relief. It would have been too embarrassing to return to the Holy Spirit and explain that she couldn't complete her mission because she had forgotten one of the most fundamental superpowers. By the way, superpowers? Didn't we have a different and more elegant name for these abilities in the old days?
She dismissed the question and started looking around the cave. It looked a bit different from the caves she remembered. This one had strange colors on the walls. Red, green, yellow, numerous powerful colors in various patterns covering the cave's walls, and as she looked closer, she realized they formed patterns. It was like when she was young and looked at the clouds, trying to see shapes forming up there. Fascinated, she stared at the patterns; she could see faces, but also other things she didn't recognize.
Eventually, she forced herself to stop staring at the colors and instead focused her gaze on some elongated round objects lying on the ground. They glistened a bit, as if they were made of iron or silver, and they had a lot of color on them. She cautiously poked one of them, but her foot simply passed right through it without anything happening.
She chuckled to herself. Of course, that was another Holy superpower she had forgotten about. To touch things, she needed to concentrate. This was getting embarrassing.
She gathered herself and made another attempt to touch the metal object, and this time it rolled away with a rattling sound. With a soft clinking, it came to rest against a green elongated item.
"Meow..."
The Holy Virgin jerked as if she had been caught doing something very unholy, and quickly turned in the direction of the sound but saw nothing.
"Hey, down here..."
She looked down and saw a cat sitting on the cave floor.
"I would stay away from those cans if I were you," the cat said.
"Cans? What do you mean?"
"Cans. They are things humans put stuff in. Lots of weird stuff."
"Those cans,” the cat nodded towards the can she had kicked, “they release colors, and they smell bad.”
The cat stood up and approached her.
"Is it the humans who made these... uh... patterns on the walls?" The Holy Virgin waved her hand toward the colorful walls.
"Yeah, sometimes some of them come here and spray colors, drink wine, and put things in their mouths that burns and make smoke. The colors smells bad, but those things that smoke..." The Holy Virgin could have sworn the cat smiled, but quickly corrected herself. Swearing wasn't allowed for holy people.
"Those things that smoke are awesome." The cat continued "Almost as good as catnip."
The Holy Virgin remembered with pleasure the incense they had received from some men when she had given birth to her only child. Her husband Joseph had sold most of the gifts to afford the stable rent, but they had kept the incense for themselves. And wine, that's much better than water, even if it might not be so holy to drink. Yes, she missed wine. That’s something to bring up with the Holy Spirit once she finished this mission. They should have wine in heaven, at least it should be available to us holy ones, she thought.
"By the way, just so you know, your foot isn't glowing," the cat said with a smile.
She was taken aback and quickly looked down at her feet, but they were glowing as they should. She heard the cat snicker.
"You're pretty new on the job, huh?" the cat sat down again and started to lick its paw.
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"What do you mean? I've done this many times, just that it's been a while since..." The Holy Virgin's voice trailed off, and she felt a bit embarrassed standing here in an unknown cave, having to explain herself to a cat. She quickly decided to steer the conversation toward something more important – her mission.
"Don't any other people come here, like innocent young girls or something?" she asked.
The cat tilted his head and looked at her. "No, not that I've seen. Well, there were one with the painters a few years ago, but that girl wasn't very innocent when she left, I'm sure of that. Otherwise, it's just me and Majsan, who lives in the house next door. We usually come here, especially in March." The cat stretched.
"March is definitely a party time for us cats," The cat nonchalantly scratched behind its ear with a paw.
"Party time? What do you mean?" the Holy Virgin asked.
"Yeah, you know, flowers and bees and all that. 'Makin' kittens,' as we say," the cat stopped scratching and looked up at the Holy Virgin. "I can give you some tips if you want."
"No, thank you, and I know nothing about... uh... those things, and I don't want to know either." The Holy Virgin collected herself and stared intently at the cat.
"Are you in league with The Devil, sent here to deceive me?"
"Devil? No way! He does live a bit farther down the street, but we're not buddies."
"The Devil live nearby?!" The Holy Virgin covered her mouth in sheer horror. This mission could be more dangerous than she had imagined.
"He’s another cat and usually tries to mark his territory in our yard, but the people who feed me yell at him, like 'Your Devil! Get lost, you damn cat! That’s how I know his name.” The cat lay down on the ground and looked up at the Holy Virgin.
"By the way, could you scratch me a little? On my neck and such. It would be a good deed."
The Holy Virgin sighed deeply but sat down next to the cat, who quickly crawled into her lap. She absentmindedly began to stroke and scratch the cat. This mission from the Holy Spirit was not going as smoothly as her previous ones. And why did she get such complicated tasks while the Son only needed to do easy things like appearing in coffee grounds or on toasted bread? She heard the cat starting to purr as it lay curled up in her lap, and she looked down and realized that her hand was passing right through him, just as her foot had done with the metal can a while ago. However, the cat didn't seem to mind.
The Holy Virgin concentrated again, and now she could feel the cat's soft fur against her fingers.
In that moment, she longed to escape, even if just for a short while. Maybe she should ask the Holy Spirit for some time off, perhaps go back to Egypt with Joseph and the Son or hang out and chill with the cherubs and some of the other saints. Hang out and chill... where did those words come from? She looked down at the cat, but it had rolled up and was almost asleep, although he looked up when he felt her gaze.
"Hang out and chill... what does that mean?" she asked.
"It's like what we're doing now. You're scratching me, I'm purring, and everyone's feeling good," the cat settled back into a comfortable position. "You're good at chilling, but can you scratch a bit higher... ahh... yeah... right there!"
Yes, she would bring this up with the Holy Spirit too. There was too little hanging out and chilling within the holy department. And too little wine, she quickly reminded herself. Maybe they could even form a union with some of the saints? Jean d'Arc and Saint George were known warriors and would surely be on board for a fight.
"You stopped scratching me," the cat remarked.
"Oh, sorry, I was just thinking..." She blushed again as she realized she was once again explaining herself to a cat. She made another attempt to focus on her mission.
"About innocent young girls, if they no longer come to caves in the woods seeking salvation and peace, where can I find them?"
"Well, maybe online, or sitting right in the middle of a street, trying to get in people's way."
"Online?" The Holy Virgin added another item to her to-do-list. It was high time to review the procedures and information for these missions.
"I don't really know what it is, except that they can spend hours staring into a flickering little thing. If I were you, I'd go for the girls sitting on the streets instead. I've heard they like cats and they can sit down for hours, just like you do right now. We cats love girls that do that.”
"Why are they sitting on the streets?" asked the Holy Virgin.
"Well, I think they want attention. Hey, we could team up, you, me and my cat friends. You know, these girls like cats, and we like that. They seem innocent enough and you're into that.” The cat looked up at her and winked with one eye. The Holy Virgin ignored the cat's wink.
"Go on," she said with indifference.
"Well, we cats could start by charming them, and then later, when they are ready for it, you can come in and do your thing, whatever that is."
"It's NOT about flowers and bees!" The Holy Virgin pointed out in a slightly raised voice.
"Whatever... Now you stopped scratching me again." The cat nudged her hand with its small nose.
The Holy Virgin had to bite her lip not to apologize to the cat again, but she quickly resumed the scratching, and the cat lay back down and continued purring. She thought about what the cat had suggested, and it didn't sound that bad. It was obvious that Heaven needed to come up with a new strategy, since innocent young girls no longer seemed to hang out in abandoned caves deep in the woods. They needed to think outside the Ark...
Yes! That's what I'll tell the Holy Spirit and the others. "It’s too much group thinking going on up here and we all need to think outside the Ark!"
"Yo, cat? I like your idea. Would you like to come along and meet the boss?" she asked. Where did that word come from, she wondered but continued, "We can present our plan."
"Okay," said the cat, now sitting up. "But I want it in writing that all cats gets the nine lives, and that me and my friends get expensive canned food every day for all eternity."
"Yeah, yeah, that shouldn't be a problem. We can talk to Moses; he's good at carving down things like these." replied the Holy Virgin. "Come, let's go."
"By the way, what's your name? I can't introduce you to the Holy Spirit as 'the cat.'"
"Lucifer," answered the cat, rubbing against her arm as they disappeared in a flash of light.