Hello, Author here. I have just gotten out of a massive session of Writer’s block, and this is the result. Please tell me what you think of the story. I personally feel that the character is too dull (though it is the first chapter, so I have more time to fix on that). Other than that, I do not see too many things wrong with my story. Give me your feedback in the comments, thanks!
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I could only scream silently as the barbed whip struck down on the soft of my back, bringing with it immense pain. No matter how much I begged, no matter how much I pleaded, the whip still struck. Over and over again until my back was nothing more than a bloody mess of muscle.
*Cwwwtch!* Once again the whip found home on my back, eliciting another cry of wordless, unobstructed pain.
“This is bullshit!” I screamed in my mind. This is what my random act of kindness got me? A place on the whipping post?!.
“How dare you steal from Baron Kale you lowly slave!” The sharp twang of the whip brought me out of thought just in time to feel the earth shattering pain that accompanied it. This time, the barbed part of the whip got caught deep in the folds of my muscle, causing the overseer to rip the barbs out with a devilish grin. I couldn’t even scream the pain was so intense.
“Oh? I thought I would have heard some nice screams there. Here, have some of this.” The overseer picked up a bucket from his side and with a wide grin threw the contents of my back. I could only see half of this out of the edge of my peripheral vision so I wasn’t sure what was in the bucket. A moment later, I found out.
“GAAAAAAAAH” An earth shattering scream erupted from my lips as the salt water poured down my back, blood and water flowing like a river down my sides. I struggled fiercely against the iron poles that held me down, spewing unconscious profanity that had even my ears recoiling.
“What a disgusting person.” I gingerly turned my head to the right, even the slightest of actions causing intense pain. Standing there with a smug smile on her face was Lady Trelia, daughter of Baron Kale and the one responsible for my current predicament. Mistakenly so, but still responsible for it. A servant of hers had asked me to deliver one of Lady Trelia’s jewels to her. I was free at the moment and heading to lunch so I really had no reason to refuse. I grabbed the jewel, knocked on the Lady’s chambers and was greeted by another servant, an older lady who eyed me suspiciously. I handed her the jewel, saying that a friend requested me to hand this to the lady. She had graciously accepted it, though looking back on it she had been a tad too eager to take it. So when I was pulled from my servant chambers in the middle of the night and asked where the gem was, I was thoroughly beaten until they gave up trying to find out where I “Placed the stolen gem”. What is really irksome is that the gem wasn’t even that expensive (for a princess) and that Lady Trelia just wanted someone to hurt.
“Want to tell me where you stored my gem, slave.” She emphasized the world slave, using a knife from the overseer to cut down a part of my shoulder. I moaned in pain, no longer able to scream out. She tilted my head upwards and towards her face, a cruel look in her eye.
“Where is it, Slave?” She whispered. The word slave resounded in my head like a hammer, smashing the sides with desire to be free. Before I realized what I had done Lady Trelia had a giant bloody loogie running down her forehead and partly in her mouth. The guards around her had a shocked expression. One of them had a hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter. A sharp jab from a man who he presumed to be the captain silenced the man in an instant.
“You…. HOW DARE YOU.” Sharp claws shredded my face as the princess’s nails dug deep into my skin. She continued this until her nails broke, angry tears streaming down her face.
“CAPTAIN!” She screamed.
“Yes M’lady?” He asked, unfazed by her current attitude.
‘He must deal with this a lot’ I thought.
“TAKE ONE OF YOUR MEN AND TIE THIS FUCKING SCUM UP TO THE BACK OF A HORSE. TELL THE MAN TO DROP HIM IN THE RAVINE. MAKE SURE HE IS ALIVE! I WANT HIM TO FEEL EVERY WAKING MOMENT.” Even the captain’s face paled a bit at that, but he nodded resolutely and ordered one of his men to heal me. Despite the pain I couldn’t help but moan in pleasure at the cool sensation going into my back. Even though I knew it was temporary I decided to relish every moment of this pain free existence, letting myself fall into a deep slumber of healing.
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4 hours later
*Splash*
I spluttered for air as my face was doused in cold water, fear making me retch up whatever was left of my earlier lunch. I looked around, realizing I was in a damp prison cell. Behind(Or on the other side?) of the bars were two grim face guards. One of them held the bucket that just splashed me with cold water, an older looking man with multiple scars over his face.
“Are you my Executioner?” I asked. He said nothing but pointed to the younger soldier next to him to open the gate. My hands were bound and my feet tied so I could do nothing as the soldier slung me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.
“Hey...HEY!! GET ME OUT OF HERE! I’M INNOCENT. IT WAS THAT BITCHES FAULT.”
“HAHAHAHAHA!! FUCKING DIRTY SLUT CUNT WHORE. I’LL FUCKING RAPE YOUR MOTHER THEN YOUR SISTER.”
Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.
“BITCH SAY THAT TO MY FACE.” I shivered unconsciously hearing the dark words the prisoner’s were spouting. I felt slightly sad for them, knowing that they will never escape the baron’s dungeons. I tightened my stomach, preparing for a bumpy ride while going upstairs. To my surprise he carried me up gently, never over-exaggerating his movements to make me feel more pain. Before I knew it we were atop the stairs and I was dropped back down. Using his sword the old soldier swiftly cut my tied feet apart and began to walk.
“So where’d you hide it.” I glance to the side, the young soldier obviously struggling not to look at me.
“In an old ladies hands.” I tell him, not bothering to explain the details. I had explained it far too many times for my own taste.
“You're still going on about that? Everybody knows it’s a lie.” When he stared at me I realized there was surprising anger in his eyes. In but a moment the reason for the anger clicked.
“You're in love with the princess aren’t you?” I bumped straight into the older man, falling on my ass in the process. He had stopped mid walk and turned to look at me. Although he had a slightly angry expression on his face there was amusement in his eyes, whether that be good or bad I do not know.
“I-i-I do not!!” The young soldier stammered, putting a hand on his sword.
“Do not what, soldier Gerraz?” The soldiers face paled then a blush rose on his face as he turned to look at Lady Trelia, whose hands were wrapped in golden bandages.
“You have got to be kidding me…” I muttered under my breath. I was just whipped down to the bone and all I get is a little healing spell yet she needs GOLDEN bandages for broken nails?
“Nothing My Lady! This ignorant slave was sullying your beauty with his words! I long to slit his throat to restore your honor.” The young soldier said this in but one breath, going down on one knee and lowering his head to Lady Trelia. The older soldier gave a silent snort and looked away, as if in disgust of his younger soldiers display.
“Why thank you, Knight Gerraz. Alas, I too wish to see this dirty slave with his throat cut. But no, that would end too quickly. I wish to see him suffer for humiliating me.” A dark glint entered Trelia’s eyes as she spoke, giving away to a crueler personality.
“As do I, My Lady.” After a moments pause Trelia stuck out her hand, indicating she wished for the night to kiss it. He happily obliged, letting his lips stay for a moment longer than polite.
“Well then, I will be on my way gentlemen.” After giving one last dark glare to me she turned around and let, haughtily strutting around like a chicken with its head cut off. With a sharp yank of my nearly destroyed shirt I was jerked forward and led outside.
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I have decided to spare you, the reader of this journal, the details of my time. Know that it took one week to reach the ravine, each day harsher than the last. My hands were forced over my head and I was dragged through rocks and twigs until my back and legs had not but a shred of skin left. Even to this day, even with the power of “That which shall soon be named”, I still feel raw on my back. Even when I sleep I favor sleeping on my stomach, the feeling of something under my back less than comfortable. So I will not talk about the pain and humiliation I endured. How my bowels loosened more than once and I was forced to wash myself with my hands tied. No, I will talk about what happened in the ravine, how I found the weapon that made me who I am today, and how I survived.
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“Get up!” A rough kick to my side knocked the wind out of me and dropped me onto my skinless back. I had been healed so many times during the journey that my body could no longer produce skin to cover it. Only a giant scab that, when peele, showed my raw and bloody muscles. Many times I had seen the doors of death only to have my conscious ripped back into my body, always greeted by the cruel smiling face of the young soldier.
“Grab his feet.” Two sets of rough hands grabbed around my ankles, lifting me into the air. i struggled weakly in their grasp, somehow hoping to escape my predicament. But alas, there was no way out. No such miracle to save my life.
“Any last words?” The older soldier, whose name I had overheard in a conversation was Jale, asked me with slightly sad eyes. It seems that this was a cruel method to even him.
“What’s in the ravine?” I asked. I had never heard of this place before. All around us were broken craggy rocks, devoid of any sign of life save a passing animal or two. We had also seen a magical beast on the fourth day of our trip, something that gave the horses quite a scare and me an extra hour of pain.
“Monsters. Magical beasts who can no longer look up at the light, banished by Telu’s might. So they prey and torture any creature unlucky enough to fall into their grasps.” Embarrasing as it is, I began to cry. It began as something small, barely noticeable. But it soon grew to be heaping sobs, each breath I took adding fuel to the fire to the ever increasing sobs. Soon I was screaming my heart out, promising vengeance to Lady Trelia and all who opposed my. Once again I spewed vulgar words that frightened my own ears and caused me, without warning, to be thrown in the ravine.
“NOOOOOOOO!”