Cam was going to absolutely murder Soen. Just—trap him in a corner of the ship at some point and—like—choke him out. Which would be nearly impossible to do, because Soen was Medese with a stupid rock-hard exterior, but Cam would give it a solid try. Perhaps with a bit of steel chain and a rafter for leverage.
Speaking of choking—
Cam felt his cheeks warm as his memories brought him back to the last time they had sex. Cam always had an excellent time with Soen because he didn’t really understand his strength in relation to human physiology, and he left Cam bruised in the best way. A lot of Cam’s lovers—and there were plenty to count—just wouldn’t go that far. Soen wasn’t intentionally rough; he was just willfully dumb. It was great.
Ahem.
Cam shot Soen a lethal look from over Hermes’ shoulder. Soen glared back and tapped the watch on his thick wrist.
No shit—their evening plans were ruined. Obviously. It wasn’t Cam’s fault there was a solar storm. It wasn’t Hermes’ fault, either, so there was no reason for Soen to treat Hermes so rudely. They could fuck tomorrow. Or the next day. Or whenever.
He tried to express all of this with a pointed glare.
If Cam were being totally honest, having the opportunity to talk to Hermes trumped any brief sexual encounter anyway. Yeah, sex was good, but how often were you going to get the opportunity to ask an immortal being what it was like being mortal for the first time?
Especially an immortal being that was staring. Had been staring. All night long. Cam wasn’t as egotistical to believe that Hermes’ attention was sexual in nature, but—well—what was it, then?
Cam tilted his head and looked up into Hermes’ handsome face. “You said you wanted to talk to me?”
Hermes responded slowly, like he was piecing the words together one by one in his head. “Yes. I would like to ask about your disposition.”
Cam blinked.
“You have many friends. How are you able to accomplish this?”
Soen burst into laughter behind Hermes, and a full body blush started at Cam’s ears and radiated out. While he struggled to think of a response, Soen chimed in, “He’s real friendly, that’s all.”
“Shut up, Soen,” Cam grumbled.
Hermes reached up to stroke a finger across his own chin in thought. “Are you not friendly?”
“I am,” Cam said. He bit his lip. “I’m very nice. That’s really all it is.”
“That’s not all it is,” Soen said.
Hermes stepped back so he could look between Soen and Cam. “Meaning?”
Soen grunted. “I don’t know if you don’t know because you’re a robot or because you’re new to the ship.”
Hermes huffed out, a sound that nearly seemed—annoyed. “As previously explained, I am not a robot.”
Soen waved off Hermes’ explanation. “Whatever, whatever. Look, Cam’s a little promiscuous.”
Cam was going to launch Soen out into space and watch him die and he was going to enjoy it.
For Hermes’ part, he at least didn’t seem—surprised. Or judgmental. He simply nodded. “You were waiting to proposition him—sexually—when I interrupted.”
“Sort of. The proposition already happened earlier today. I was waiting for you to go so we could, you know.”
“Have sex.”
“Yeah.”
Cam wasn’t ashamed of his proclivities. He liked sex. He was good at it. But explaining this to Hermes was an absolutely humiliating task. “Soen, I swear to god.”
Soen laughed. “You don’t need to be embarrassed. You’re one of the best lays on Soter.”
“One of the best?” Cam squawked. “Excuse me?”
Soen’s laughter continued uproariously.
“I apologize,” Hermes said. “I feel I overstepped.”
“No, absolutely not—” Cam stepped forward. “It’s not you. Soen’s just a jerk. I’m not—I’m not upset or anything—”
“Your heart rate is elevated and you’re perspiring. It is distressing for you to discuss this topic. I apologize.”
“It’s just—a little embarrassing.”
“Why?” Soen asked. “Who cares? It’s just Hermes.”
“Hermes is an important member of the crew,” Cam said, pointedly, shooting a dagger-eyed look at Tamn, “And his opinion is valuable.”
“This has not affected my opinion of you,” Hermes said, brows knitting together.
Cam’s mouth opened and closed a few times, at a loss. Finally, he said, “Really?”
“Love is important to humans; it’s one of the most documented phenomena in your culture’s history. I am unsurprised to learn that you also value it highly.”
“Sex isn’t love,” Cam said. “I don’t—I’ve never—” He cleared his throat and figured—well, if he’s gone this far. He might as well close the loop. “I’ve never been in love. I just have sex.”
Hermes stood unblinking for several seconds. “You have sex recreationally.”
“The way he does it is certainly recreational,” Soen mumbled.
Hermes’ silence seemed both surprised and thoughtful. Eventually, he nodded to himself, and said, “I understand. Thank you. This has been enlightening.”
“Has it?” Cam asked, voice tight.
“I would like to make friends with members of the crew,” Hermes explained. “I believe most people are uncomfortable in my presence.”
“I’m not.” Cam’s smile came on unbidden. “I’ll be your friend, Hermes.”
Hermes looked a little troubled at that.
Cam’s heart sank. So his opinion had been sullied; he didn’t think Cam was even worthy of friendship. Humiliation curdled the drink in Cam’s stomach; he thought he might be sick.
But then Hermes said, “I apologize, Ollis. I have never had sex, so I will not be a suitable friend to you. Perhaps after I do some research.”
“Wh—”
Soen’s laughter cut through the tension. “He doesn’t fuck all of his friends. He has female friends, after all. He’s friends with your mom. He’s not sleeping with Qhathiren.”
This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.
Hermes stroked a finger along his chin again. “Oh. I see. I misunderstood again.”
“We can be friends without having sex,” Cam said, feeling out of body.
“That is good. Then, yes, I would like to be your friend.”
“I need to sit down,” Cam said. Relief had taken the place of embarrassment, but his roiling stomach was still unsettled. He heard the sound of chair legs dragging on the metal floor of the Caf and Soen’s hand guided his shoulder until he sat back in a provided chair.
Silence filled the space.
Eventually, Tamn said, “So. You’re a virgin, huh?”
Hermes tilted his head. “The concept of virginity is not something I identify easily with. I have never had sex.”
“All sex?”
“There are different types?” Hermes seemed to scan his own thoughts, head tilted back. “Are you referring to oral sex? I have not done that either.”
Cam began to choke. Soen, for his part, seemed filled with glee, his laughs bouncing between the Caf walls. “So, you’ve never even kissed someone,” Tamn continued.
“Correct. I have never held someone in my embrace, either.”
“Wait—” Soen slouched back. “You’ve never even hugged another person?”
Hermes blinked. “No.”
“Have you—held hands?”
Hermes looked at his hand. “I have not. I often walk with Dr. Wha’s arm in my elbow, however.”
“You’ve never hugged your mom?”
“I believe you misunderstand our relationship. Dr. Wha is not my mother.”
“She’s sort-of your mother. She’s in charge of you.”
“That would make Captain Shear your father.”
“Cam does call him Ship Daddy, so…”
Cam kicked a foot out and landed a blow on Soen’s thigh, sending him stumbling forward. “Shut up, Soen. God.”
“Ship Daddy?” That phrase in Hermes’ robotic sounding tone of voice was absolutely absurd. In any other situation, Cam was sure he’d be crying of laughter.
Instead, he groaned. “It’s kind of a joke. I promise it’s not disrespectful—I think the world of Shear. He’s a great captain.” As Soen straightened back up, glaring at Cam, he continued, “And you, Soen, shouldn’t be filling Hermes’ head with stupid shit.”
“No, I appreciate it,” Hermes said. “I believe understanding your relationship with various crewmen will help me in my pursuit.”
“Of friendship?”
“Correct.”
Cam sighed. “Well, whatever I can do to help.”
“Do you call Dr. Wha ‘Ship Mommy’?”
Cam choked again and Soen, like before, began to laugh.
----------------------------------------
Agreeing to befriend an ageless seemingly-magical not-robot man seemed awesome in theory. In practice, it was humiliating.
Cam was a confident guy. He was tall, conventionally attractive by most standards, and he was considered a technical genius because of his ability to do complex multiplication at record-breaking speed. He graduated from the Earthguard at age twenty, a full four years before the average student.
Nonetheless, he felt like a tiny, pathetic, garbage-human standing next to Hermes. Cameron could do math really fast, yeah; but Hermes could do it instantly. Cam was tall and handsome; but Hermes was, like, seven feet and built like a god.
Today, they were in the Training Quarter. Cam had successfully avoided the Training Quarter in the last six months he was aboard Soter—he preferred to get his exercise in actual physical practice (ahem), but apparently his babysitting Hermes extended to all areas of the ship, including the Runny Runny Punchy Weight Lifty Room.
Cam slapped the “stop” button upon the treadmill as he thought his lunch might explode out of him—top or bottom, who knows—and groaned as he slid off the end of the machine and sank to his knees.
“Are you alright?” Hermes asked.
Cam moaned in pain and gave him a thumbs up. He looked over to Hermes, who was still keeping perfect pace on his treadmill, which was elevated to maximum and moving at top speed. “I’m so out of shape,” Cam finally gasped when he had enough space in his lungs for anything other than precious, life-giving oxygen.
Hermes tapped the “stop” button and his machine slowly shut down. He stepped off, grabbing the towel suspended on one handlebar, and hummed thoughtfully. “I do not believe you are out of shape. Your form is admirable.”
Cam scoffed.
“It’s considered the most desirable among the crew,” he said.
Cam pushed himself to stand. “There’s a difference between being physically fit and being sexually attractive.” He gestured to Hermes, poking a finger between his perfect, gigantic, soft pecs. “Physically fit.” He pointed to his own very flat, very sweaty chest. “Sexually attractive.”
“I am not sexually attractive?”
Cam sputtered. Finally, he managed, “Do you want to be?”
Hermes stared down at Cam, lips pursed in thought. “I do not suppose that is very important to me, no.”
Cam sighed in relief. He didn’t stand a chance against Hermes, obviously, but there was some relief in knowing he wouldn’t have to actually compete against him. A bead of sweat slid from Hermes’ short, dark, wavy hair, down his thick neck, and into the top of his low-cut tank, and Cam’s mouth involuntarily filled with saliva. Yeah, it was a very good thing. Hermes with sexual desire would be a goddamn menace.
Focus, Cam.
He cleared his throat.
“Oh, what’s this?” Hermes and Cam turned to see Dr. Wha at the door to the Training Quarter. “I didn’t know you two were friends now.”
Cam, having caught his breath enough to not immediately puke upon standing, stretched back to his full height. “Hey, Qhathiren.”
“So my suggestion to hang out at the Mixer last night worked?”
“Yes, but mostly because of the power outage,” Hermes said. “Cameron, Tamn, and myself were trapped in the Caf for a few hours. Cam agreed to be my friend.”
“How nice of him.”
“Being Hermes’ friend apparently means exercising regularly. He does this after work hours every single day,” Cam said. He winced as a stitch developed in his side. “It seemed like a good idea at first.”
Hermes leaned in close, brows lifted in concern. “You are in pain.”
Dr. Wha scoffed. “He’s fine.” She reached out and patted Hermes’ shoulder, soothing him from his concern. Sure, yeah, Cameron was the one being stabbed in the side by an invisible knife, but Hermes was the one who needed comfort in the situation. Made perfect sense.
Like hell she wasn’t his mom.
“Perhaps we should retire for the evening,” Hermes suggested.
Cam nodded. “Yeah, I’m gonna go grab some food and then lay in bed for eighteen hours.”
They began to depart towards the locker room when Qhathiren grabbed Cam’s arm. “Can I talk to you—briefly?”
Oh no.
Hermes hesitated and she waved him on. “You go change. Cam’ll be right there.”
Hermes scrunched his nose in thought but finally agreed, disappearing behind the locker room doorway.
“Thank you,” Qhathiren said when they were alone.
Cameron blinked owlishly. “For?”
“Befriending Hermes.”
“You don’t have to thank me for that.”
She smiled, feigning a look of thoughtful innocence that Cam could see through immediately. She leaned in and said, “I have an idea. Would you be willing to help out in an official capacity?”
“Official…” Cam tilted his head. “Meaning?”
“Hermes has a ground mission coming up next week. Could you tag along? I just—want to make sure it’s successful. For his sake, but also, honestly, my sake. The whole Hermes program is really hoping he integrates well.” She waved her hands around with a thoughtful noise. “You know, like, with other people, and in his job, and stuff.”
Cameron hadn’t been part of the ground crew before. Those jobs were reserved for the strong, fit, fighting types—because they could be dangerous. Many of the worlds they stopped upon had undocumented predators. He pursed his lips. “It might not be a good idea, Qhat. I almost passed out running a mile. I’m not sure I’d pass the requirements to join.”
Dr. Wha scoffed. “If I can pass, you can pass.”
“Hm.”
Her black eyes lit up, fluorescents twinkling. “Hermes is a hundred years old, but he’s still really new at—everything. I just want to make sure he has someone there who can help him navigate, you know, being a person.”
“Isn’t that what you’re for?”
“I can’t always be there, you know?”
Cam nodded, slowly at first, and then more assured. “Alright. Fine. What would I have to do exactly?”
“Just keep at Hermes’ side. I’m going to be there, too, but in a different vessel. I can send you the mission briefing. It’s going to be an easy one.” She leaned in and whispered, “Adam made sure.” She winked in a way that meant she and her fiance had clearly discussed details of the expedition alone.
“Okay.”
Qhathiren clapped. “Perfect. Thank god.” She sagged a bit in relief. “I’ll have all the information sent to your quarters. Thanks, Ollis.”
He cleared his throat, a little lost in her enthusiasm. “Sure thing, doc.”
He did idly wonder why Qhathiren decided now that she needed an official babysitter for her project, but Cam caught Hermes mid-shower in the locker rooms and all coherent thought left him for the next several hours.