Antoth considered themselves fortunate that some hunter or another had left a torch burning inside the temple of Valta, otherwise he and Ratha would have surely knocked over even more bones and tools than they already had. He thought it acceptable collateral damage, to say nothing of the occasional pain when he stubbed a talon on a table or bumped a corner with his hip. It wasn’t his fault, to be sure. The auburn-furred Cauthan in his arms demanded every ounce of his attention with needy kisses and grasping hands that alternated between holding his body tight to hers and running through any patch of his dense fur she could reach, feeling out the contours of his well-trained arms.

“Damn, you feel nice,” Ratha huffed between kisses, seemingly intent on never allowing his lips to go unoccupied for a second as a couple of used mugs clattered to the floor before the two of them stumbled through the doorway separating Ratha’s quarters from the rest of the temple. There the darkness finally gave them slight pause, their eyes adjusting quickly to the almost pitch black conditions. The torch outside and the light of the moons through the chimney hole in the roof were their only illumination.

“You’re not so bad yourself,” Antoth replied in a deep growl, realizing that his own hands had ended up cupping Ratha’s substantial haunches. “Though I think I’d appreciate this even more if there weren’t a bunch of bones in my way. Did you really need to wear armor under your cloak on a night like tonight?”

“No one saw it, and I see you still haven’t divested yourself of this,” Ratha teased, rapping the metal plate that rested over her mate’s heart. “Strip, Antoth.”

For a long moment the panther-like Cauthan stood still, eyeing his lover critically and taking a chance to catch his breath. His muzzle still crackled from the energy of their kisses. He could practically feel her phantom teeth tugging at his lips. He watched her brow furrowing with impatience, but that only accented her silvery eyes more. Antoth thought he might drown in them as they shined dully in the darkness. “You are…quite captivating at times,” he murmured, beginning the process of unbuckling his protective gear.

“J-just get on with it!” Ratha insisted, feeling heat explode just below her diaphragm as Antoth looked at her with a gaze that clearly indicated he didn’t need her to remove an iota of clothing to imagine that which lay underneath. His eyes were calm, serene even. But they still were the eyes of a predator. They set her on edge, made her legs rub together with anticipation. She reached for him, undoing the belt that held his scabbard to his waist and allowing it to clatter unceremoniously to the floor.

“I happen to like that sword. It was given to me by a rather special female,” Antoth purred, casting aside his chest armor and cloak before reaching up to remove his tunic. By the time he looked back down Ratha had already discarded her dagger, helmet, and much of her armor in a similar fashion.

“Happy now?” She demanded, receiving his reply in the form of another searing kiss during which his soft tongue brazenly demanded entry past her lips and canines to dance with her own. The heat within her flared and melted Ratha’s resolve from within. No protest was given when his hands moved to the hem of her fur and leather undergarment, his calloused pads and strong fingertips running up the length of her body from thigh to shoulder as Antoth laid bare his chosen female. She couldn’t help a rumbling purr as his movements set off sparks just beneath her skin, her fur bent and parted along his path.

“Mmm, very happy,” he agreed, lifting her effortlessly and carrying her the short distance to the bed. In seconds he was atop her, sheltering her from the rest of Mara with his strong frame and midnight fur. Ratha took the time to marvel at his scars, running the pads of her fingers along them as he explored her in turn. Her back arched and she felt her legs move in time with the waves of stimulation, extending before returning towards her core as his broad hands roamed across her chest and through the soft, wintry fur of her stomach. The Huntress closed her eyes and gasped as the heat rose yet again, an undeniable slickness forming at the entrance to her center. She opened them when Antoth took pause above her. She watched him closely. He watched her. The hand resting against his chest was pressed back slowly as Ratha’s mate drew a long, deep breath in through his nose before exhaling quickly, like a chesko ready to gore her with its horns. She knew, he could smell her. “By the gods…” he whispered, stiffening his body as Ratha played an adventuresome hand through the fur of his abdomen and boldly stroked over the dense fur and sensitive skin of his sheath. A most non-threatening chuckle left her lips as she watched his shaft jump and twitch from the stimulation. She didn’t spare him a poke or two from her claws.

“I enjoy it when you’re honest, scarface,” she whispered. “Now get up so you can take me.”

Antoth found himself rendered mute but complied nonetheless. His gaze couldn’t help but follow the curve of Ratha’s body as she turned onto hands and knees and presented herself to him, tail raised casually above her rear to lay across her back. She didn’t seem to enjoy the idea of further conversation so he obeyed her command, moving forward and placing his hands on her hips. A gasp left Ratha’s lips as his hips moved closer, preparing to unite their two bodies. “Ratha…”

She didn’t understand why or how, but the moment Antoth spoke her name Ratha froze. The molten, smoldering need to breed with him turned to ash and froze over as though Kel himself had chosen to deny her. Ratha was suddenly very aware of her position. She was on hands and knees, vulnerable. Her tail was too high. She didn’t like that. Antoth wasn’t above her anymore. She didn’t like that either. She’d just heard him, but she couldn’t see him, couldn’t take shelter in his embrace. All she felt was a pair of paws on her hips, claiming her, condemning her. Her diaphragm froze. She couldn’t breathe. Her feathers shook and shivered. Her hands balled into fists and her claws pressed deep into her own pads. She’d lost control. Everything was dark. She yelped in surprise and fear as the tapered tip of Antoth’s flared head pressed against her suddenly unwilling lips, throwing herself forward and flat on the bed, rushing to cover herself with her tail and regain vision, sight of her prey. She reclaimed that sight and it made her heart sink into the pits of her stomach. Antoth was resting still and silent, crouched back on his haunches with hands at his sides. His manhood had already wilted and was well on its way back to its usual and unobtrusive state. Hatred stung her eyes with warm salt tears.

“I need to…I need to get…go somewhere else,” she muttered, standing shakily and staggering to where her clothing lay scattered across the floor of her room. She felt her legs quake as she bent down to retrieve her helmet. No, that isn’t right. That comes later, she reminded herself, dropping it and looking again for something to cover herself with. Strong arms encircled her gently from behind. She screamed.

“By Uthos, Ratha! Get a hold of yourself! What happened?!” He whispered urgently, turning her forcefully to face him so he could get a measure of her soul. The fear in her eyes chilled his very bones. “Ratha…”

“Let go…let me go, please. I don’t belong here.”

“Where the hell do you belong, Ratha? If you don’t belong here, with me, where do you belong?!” Antoth demanded, hearing his own dread break and crest over his words. She brought her hands to her face and cried.

“Just let me go,” she pleaded in a tiny voice. He couldn’t stand it.

“No. You’re not running out into that forest.” With gentle strength Antoth took Ratha into his arms again. Her struggle was brief, weak, and futile. In the end she buried her head in his chest and clung to him desperately, leaving the former Guardian in a state of utmost confusion. How he could be her shelter and what seemed to be her greatest fear was beyond his or even Uthos’ knowing. With all plans of consummating their union in the traditional manner well and truly shattered, Antoth laid Ratha down on her bed and joined her, immediately pulling her against him while he used his free hand to bring the hyrven fur blanket up and over to ward off the night chill. He turned his head for a moment and watched a single flake of snow fall through the small hole in Ratha’s roof before resting his chin atop her head. She’d been crying quietly the whole time, her feathers all flat to her body. To say this was a new side of the Huntress was an understatement of deific proportions. He reached up and ran a paw slowly over her crest, allowing her to snuggle deeper into his the fur of his chest. Her body was warm, soft, and felt very small to him.

“Look…” he began hesitantly, his voice stilling Ratha’s sorrow for a brief moment. “I don’t know what just happened but you don’t get to run into your little sanctuary anymore, Ratha. You’re bound to me and I’m bound to you. We don’t have to talk. We can just lay here or go to sleep or you can cry as long as you need to. But you don’t get to run away. Not anymore. Not from me.” His promise was soft as her blanket wrapped around a core of iron. Ratha knew she’d never get away. For the first time in her life, she had fallen into the trap.

So she cried.

-----

“Mmm…hello handsome,” Asha cooed, feeling a now familiar feeling rouse her from dreamless sleep. Her mate smiled nervously down at her, his hand moving soft circles over her pregnant belly. “I’m quite enjoying the fact that this seems to be a tradition now. A little more, please?” She requested, laying her head down and indulging in a couple more moments before the morning’s labor.

“I know you moved your bed out into the common space but still,” Zolta protested, complying with her demand nonetheless. He finally paused thanks to an amused chuckle from the door that led to the sleeping area of Asha’s home, the second of two rooms. “Uh…I’m sorry ma’am.”

“Hmm, there’s no need to stop on my account young man. I know quite well what it’s like to be with cub,” Asha’s mother replied as she leaned casually against the frame that separated the two rooms. Zolta’s embarrassment only grew at her words, causing Asha to finally sit up and stretch.

“Mother, please.”

“Oh come now, darling. His sense of propriety is one of my favorite things about my new son in law. Besides, if the two of you managed to find a time to ensure me a grandcub then I think a morning belly rub is quite-”

“Mom!” Asha yelled, watching as her mate looked ready to melt right along with the sun-facing snow outside.

“Oh very well you two, please forgive an old woman her amusements. I’ll leave you for a moment. Ah ah ah, dear. I’ve teased them enough this morning. Come, let’s sit for a time.”

Zolta breathed a sigh of relief as Asha’s mother finally retreated, stopping her father’s progress as well.

“I’m sorry, Zolta. You know they don’t mean anything by it, right?” Asha asked, feeling torn between defending her parents and commiserating with her mate. He nodded.

“I’ll get used to it eventually…”

“Thank you, my dear. And thanks for coming to get me every morning like this. I love you,” Asha assured him with a peck on the lips before gathering her belongings for the day. When she was set the two of them held hands and exited Asha’s home, the bushy tailed female calling behind her to let her family know she was on her way to the temples. “Shall we eat at your temple today?”

“Yeah, that’s fine by me. I need to stop by the temple of Valta this morning anyway, see if I can get my hands on some hide and make another cloak or two,” Zolta responded, laying out his tentative schedule. “Is meat alright with you?”

“Of course, Zolta. Maybe we can grab a bit more and entice Veera and Russell to have dinner with us again, not to mention we need to think of something for their bonding ceremony. It’s coming up soon,” Asha mused, taking in the warm reflections of Seil’s morning light on the snows that blanketed the village.

“Really?” Zolta asked, having missed out on the prior night’s conversation. “Hard to believe they’re getting bonded together in the same cycle as Antoth and Ratha. What a coincidence.”

“Yes, they invited us last night as I was taking measurements for their cloaks. Alyra totally ruined the surprise though!” Asha pouted.

“You really think they wouldn’t have guessed why you were taking their measurements?”

“It was better than doing what my master suggested and stealing their clothing! Besides, I can tell that neither of them tailored those cloaks they got from your temple. It was the only way,” Asha asserted in a tone that challenged Zolta to disagree. He gave her paw a squeeze instead.

“I’m sure you have the right of it, Asha. Why do you want to eat with them again so soon though? We were just there this cycle.”

“Because I want to meet their little hyrven! Xan won’t stop talking about how cute it is and they didn’t have him at the celebration last night!”

Zolta felt a frown on his muzzle as they turned off the main road just short of the eastern entrance to the town square, a path that would allow him to drop Asha off at the temple of the Twins. “I’m not sure I like the idea of you being around a hyrven.”

“Zolta, it’s a baby!” Asha protested, throwing him an annoyed look.

“I’m sure the young ones can still bite,” he tried.

“And I’m sure that between you, Russell, and Veera nothing will go wrong. Zolta, I appreciate you defending me and our cub from those raiders more than I can ever say. This isn’t the same thing. I promise I’ll be careful. I just want to pet him!” Asha pleaded as they neared her temple, carvings of the two moons of Mara flanking the top of the entryway. Zolta shook his head but acquiesced.

“Alright. Next time you see one of them just say we’d like to meet the thing together.”

“Thank you!” Asha exclaimed happily, throwing her arms around his neck in an all-encompassing hug before leaving him with a final kiss that warmed his chest against the winter cold. Zolta turned for his own place of work, sighing with happy and humble resignation. He wondered if a day would ever come where he’d deny Asha anything.

“That’s probably a long ways off,” he decided.

-----

Antoth exited Ratha’s chambers with a mask of mild annoyance on his face. That morphed into outright irritation as he realized that even at the early hour her temple was already playing host to a handful of hunters working over the ursae. So much for privacy, he grumbled to himself, noting that among the disciples of Valta was one of the younger apprentices from the temple next door. While Valta’s charges didn’t seem to mind his presence or the fact that he was the newly minted priest of Seil, Zolta froze as they locked eyes, forcing a long sigh from Antoth’s chest. He walked over to where the young man was bartering for leather and meat.

“Don’t mind me. How’s your mate?” He asked in a demanding tone. “Damn it all, turns out becoming high priest doesn’t magically make you good at conversation.”

That humble admission seemed to set Zolta more at ease, prompting the young smith to venture a reply. “At least your morning didn’t involve getting your scales teased off by your mother in law. But Asha is well, thank you.”

Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

“Ha! No, I would need to consult the spirits for that. I suppose we all have our struggles,” Antoth mused, his meeting with Winters the day prior suddenly coming to the fore. “Ah yes, you are the one if I recall correctly.”

“I’m sorry?” Zolta asked in confusion, accepting a bundle from one of the hunters with thanks and the promise of a compensatory note from his temple.

“Your words just reminded me of something. You and your mate planned to purchase a home around here, yes?” Antoth asked, leading Zolta out into the street where they leaned against the temple walls and watched the early morning traffic grow.

“Uh…yes, we did?” Zolta confirmed uncertainly, wondering how Antoth could know such a thing. The imposing Cauthan nodded.

“The human must really like you, son. He asked that I stay construction of a new home on that land and allow you and your mate to purchase it.”

“I…what?” Zolta spluttered. “Can he even do that?”

“He saved us all,” Antoth replied with a fateful chuckle. “He can do whatever he wants. I will have to learn much before I can deal with anything concerning the immediate tasks before us…before you and your fellows at the temple of Tyrdus, I suppose. All of our records were lost as you might imagine. Perhaps Thantis will know how Vash used to deal with homes changing hands,” Antoth reasoned, stroking his chin as he became lost in thought. When he looked back at Zolta he found the brown-furred smith shifting his weight awkwardly. “Ah, pardon me. I suppose I rambled a bit there. I’m not yet used to these responsibilities,” Antoth explained, wondering why he was confiding in some kid just older than his first festival.

“It’s fine. Please don’t feel the need to make concessions for us. I’m sure there’s much else to be done that’s more important,” Zolta said softly.

“Well crushing your hopes and dreams isn’t going to make my morning any better. Look, no one’s going to be doing anything for a while until the rubble is all removed and the snow melts. I’m sure you know that better than most given you serve Tyrdus. Come find me at the barracks and let me know which plot you had your eye on. I’m sure construction can be postponed there until, say, the next festival? Should give you and your fellows time to rebuild my temple, hmm?” Antoth suggested with a wink, finally finding a bit of enjoyment in the whole Seil business. Zolta bowed to him.

“Ah yes if you could? That would be…really something, thank you,” he rambled quickly. “If you don’t mind I can show you now or-”

“Easy, son. You have things to do,” he insisted with a nod to the bundle in Zolta’s arms. “And so do I.” The tone in Antoth’s voice was a clear signal that the conversation was over, the momentary distraction ended.

“Of course, my apologies. Selah, high priest.” With that Zolta headed next door, leaving Antoth to mull over that phrase.

“I still don’t like it,” he decided. On his way back to Ratha’s quarters he grabbed a small amount of cured meat. No one gave him any trouble about it. He dropped it on a plate on Ratha’s table with an audible thud. Looking over to where she remained huddled under her blanket, he sat in one of her chairs and felt a frown play across his face. He didn’t think she’d moved since they’d awoken. “Ratha, come eat,” he demanded softly. She didn’t even look at him.

“No thanks.”

Bile rose in Antoth’s throat at her meek reply but he tamped it down, closing his eyes and looking to the ceiling. Valta, help me understand her.

“The high priest of Seil commands you to eat.”

“The high priest of Seil can go fuck himself.”

Antoth laughed fully and loudly, inwardly elated to see the corners of Ratha’s mouth twitch upward. That died as soon as they both remembered their attempt at ‘fucking’. Antoth punched his own thigh and pushed himself up, moving to sit next to Ratha on the bed. She tried to look away as his head turned toward her. “The high priest of Seil would appreciate it if his mate would confide in him what happened last night.”

“You think it’s that easy?” Ratha said after a long moment. He watched her fingers clench tightly at the hem of the hyrven pelt.

“No. But this isn’t like you, Ratha.”

“You think I don’t know that?!” She hissed despairingly at him, trying to keep her voice down as the sounds of ambient work outside reminded them they weren’t truly alone. Antoth moved to place a hand on her shoulder, she recoiled. He felt his chest tighten with sorrow and his hunger vanish.

“Talk to me, please. We made a promise.”

“I’m useless as a mate. Maybe it’s best you forget your promises,” Ratha murmured. Her eyes still looked away from him at somewhere far beyond the walls. Antoth felt his claws extend of their own accord and dig into his thighs.

“And all that about me screaming your name?” He pressed, feeling black inside as his frustration got the better of him. Ratha only managed a defeated smile.

“Guess it was all just words.”

“Am I hurting you by being here?” He asked, his tone indicating he was beaten. She refused to take the out, remaining silent instead. The knife of confusion twisted between his ribs again, painfully. “I can’t stay here all day, Ratha. We can talk now or we can talk later. You know I’ll track you down if you run. I’m not above asking the human to do it.”

“Fuck you, scarface. I’m not going anywhere…ever again if I have my way. Useless females who don’t even understand their own bodies…”

“Oh for the love of Uthos I can’t stand this,” Antoth declared, standing and pacing the room. He hacked himself a piece of meat and tore into it. He couldn’t taste it. His stomach twisted in knots around it as he swallowed. He beheld Ratha again and something inside him snapped. “I can’t fucking stand this,” he growled, stalking back over to her and throwing his body atop her, looking down from hands and knees as she finally turned to gaze at him. “You hate this? Just tell me, Ratha!” He pleaded as quietly as his frayed nerves would allow him, feeling any sense of authority flee as he made ready to beg. Service to Uthos or Seil didn’t seem to matter when it came to Ratha.

“No…”

His ears twitched at her whispered reply. “No?”

“No.”

For a long while Antoth stared down at her, locking his arms and allowing himself to breathe deeply. “No…you don’t hate this.”

“Don’t go taking your clothes off just yet, but this feels safe,” Ratha tentatively explained.

“And last night…” Antoth trailed off, watching his mate close in on herself again.

“I don’t know yet.”

“Come here then,” he urged, scooping her upper body up with an arm and leaning back to draw them into an embrace. She didn’t fight him, but she barely reciprocated either. It was enough for the moment. “I’ll tell them the ursae didn’t agree with you or something.”

“You don’t need to tell them anything, Antoth.”

“As you wish, Ratha. I need to go. Eat, please.”

“Fine…fine.” She inhaled deeply against his chest. “I’m sorry.”

“I love you.”

“That’s why I’m sorry.”

“I’ll be back when I can.”

“And I’ll be here,” she promised quietly. “By Valta I sound pathetic.”

After a brief nuzzle Antoth allowed her to lie back on the bed and gathered his things, swiping a bit more meat as he left. He stalled in the doorway to look at her. She met his eyes. It was enough.

-----

When Antoth returned late that evening he was elated to find Ratha sitting at her table and fletching a new bundle of arrows. She’d made a fire and two mugs of tea. He contented himself with that. Perhaps in the future he could request dinner as well. Or…maybe not, he considered.

“You look like shit,” she informed him casually, glancing up from her work of carefully trimming her own feathers with her blade. Scraps of feather, wood, and a whetstone littered the table and floor around her. He divested himself of his armor and sat heavily in her other chair.

“That’s rich coming from you, Ratha.”

“Yeah you don’t have to remind me, Antoth. But given what happened I’d say that makes me the authority on looking and feeling like shit, no?” She reasoned in a resigned tone. His smile disarmed her as he leaned in and stole a kiss.

“It’s good to have you back.”

“Such as I am.”

“It’s still you,” he insisted, causing her to drop her tools and straddle him. “You enjoy this?” He teased, indulging in a fuller kiss that had her hands resting on his shoulders.

“Don’t act like you don’t,” she insisted knowingly before leaning into a hug that he completed willingly, enjoying the sensation of their fur against one another as she settled into the crook of his neck. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Antoth. I promise I wanted to mate with you.”

“I know.”

“No I’m serious, Antoth! You can’t just say that so easily,” Ratha insisted, happy they weren’t looking at one another in that moment. She felt safe and warm. She was still in control. Antoth’s body stiffened beneath her as he considered his next words.

“I am…hesitant to speak of this at all, Ratha. But I know…” He swallowed heavily before continuing in a tentative and awkward tone. “I remember what it’s like when a female is willing. I do know.”

“I…fuck. Why does this hurt?” She wondered, unable to stop herself from imagining Antoth inside his former mate. She’d been a nice woman. It hurt even more. Her chest was tight. She could feel her muscles tightening around her ribs.

“Don’t close off on me again, please,” Antoth pleaded, running his hand gently along her crest.

“By Valta I’m not, Antoth. It’s just…I’m me! And suddenly I can’t do something even the meekest of females can?” She lamented, pounding a fist harmlessly against his back.

“I think that might be a bit of a stretch and-”

“Oh don’t you dare patronize me, Antoth. We’re in our primes. I should be pregnant with the strongest, most beautiful cub in the whole damn village right now. Or we should be mating every night until I’m fertile again. It’s sometimes hard to tell for me when it’s time. Gods, I can’t believe I’m even saying these things to you! To anyone!”

“You know Ratha, I couldn’t imagine you discussing mating in any other way. I love you and your bluntness, you know that right?” Antoth smiled as he felt a low purr emanating from the Huntress. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to melt into him.

“I’m so sorry. I want this…so badly. I don’t know what happened.”

“Tell me everything you remember. Tell me everything you felt. It doesn’t matter how long it takes,” Antoth insisted. “Did you have dinner?”

“I was waiting for you.”

“Lunch?”

“I ate.”

“Promise?”

“I’m going to claw you, scarface.”

“You like the scars.”

“Mmm…you got me there. I’ll go get a bit of meat from outside. Uh Antoth, you’ll have to let me go if you want to eat,” Ratha informed him, sliding back into the more comfortable headspace that she usually inhabited around Antoth of late. He made no move to release her.

“Look to your left.”

Ratha did as bade and was greeted by a small wrap of meat as well as a handful of vegetables that Antoth must have gathered on his way back from the barracks. She made no attempt to hold back the low, rumbling purr that spilled from her chest. Antoth’s paws felt good on her hips again.

“I’ll stoke the fire and we’ll talk.”

-----

“Hope you’re done eating, scarface,” Ratha declared as she sauntered around the fire pit and plopped herself down in his lap and wrapped an arm around him.

“And if I wasn’t?” He asked wittingly. She ignored him and handed him one of the cups of tea she held in both hands. Antoth contented himself with being impressed with her balance and enjoying a bit of tender care from a not so tender woman.

“I enjoy this sort of thing,” she explained simply, moving the cup in the hand behind his neck to her free one and fixing him with a satisfied gaze. “But I guess it’s time to try and figure this out, right?”

“Yeah. Don’t worry Ratha, it’s not like I’m going anywhere.”

“No, you’re too damn noble. I still can’t get over the fact you don’t serve Uthos anymore. Has it hit yet?”

“You’re stalling.” Antoth cut Ratha’s ramblings short before they could really take off. She lowered her eyes and kissed him shamefully.

“I was scared of you,” she whispered, as though admitting the truth might invite divine justice upon her. She shook her head as Antoth opened his mouth. He took a sip of tea instead and waited. Ratha felt her teeth grinding together with reluctance. “It didn’t make any sense. I wanted your hands on me, all over me. Hell, I even wanted them inside of me, to curl up and see what it would feel like.”

“Ratha!” Antoth’s eyes almost bulged from his sockets.

“They’re smaller than your pillar! C’mon, scarface. You like kissing, right?” She pressed, immediately a Cauthan of commanding presence now that the focus had shifted to Antoth.

“Well of course I enjoy it! I wouldn’t keep on at it with you if I didn’t.”

“So what else do you think we’re missing?” Ratha demanded pointedly. “If that human just walks around hugging and kissing in broad daylight…” Antoth watched as she trailed off, embarrassment rattling their collective feathers and scales. Ratha swallowed heavily, bolstered her courage, and carried on. “I hear my men talk every so often. They don’t know, but I hear. You think I want to be on the receiving end of what some of them do?”

“I…am not sure,” Antoth replied honestly. “What exactly is it that they do?”

“Nothing,” Ratha spat. “They just stick it in and wait until their mate does her duty. I don’t want to be that kind of female.”

“I…” Antoth trailed off, unable to meet her eyes. He felt as though he’d jumped into the river, chilled to the bone. Ratha cocked her head at him, understanding lighting her eyes as she used her right hand to turn his head back to face her. The fire crackled softly as he met her eyes with disgrace. “I didn’t know there was anything else.”

A perverse pride rose and swelled within Ratha’s breast at Antoth’s admission. Suddenly it clicked, the darkness and his hands. “I think I was afraid of us being like everyone else. I was afraid of not being able to live up to my words. And then when you were behind me I was afraid of losing my control, my ability to make that wish come true. I can never be vulnerable. I can never let my guard down or I die when I’m out there. I don’t know how to turn that off. When I couldn’t see you, when all I could feel was your hands on my hips and you pressed into me…I don’t think I’ll ever want that. That darkness terrified me.”

“I…” Antoth tried again, cursing himself for his sudden inability to say more than a word. There had been more than one sympathetic moment among the guardsmen in the barracks when he was in training. The story was often the same. A disagreement or argument had gone unresolved, or negative emotions were allowed to fester. The next time the unfortunate pair would try to mate, his fellow guardsman would find himself rejected in body and mind. It had always been good for a laugh and a joke, but now he was on the receiving end. It felt like Kel’s snows had settled nicely in his belly to destroy any of the warmth or contentment Ratha’s proximity was causing. She disengaged herself from him and took their cups before grabbing his hand and leading him to the bedside. Their clothes were off moments later and she stepped into him, appreciating the feeling of his body with nothing to hide his scars. His chin rested atop her head and she listened to his heartbeat. That feeling in her womb returned but she tamped it down.

“I’m happy, you know?” She asked softly.

“You…you are?” Antoth’s voice reeked with disappointment in himself. She pulled back just enough to look up at him and peck his lips.

“It’s rather hateful but I’m happy you only…no. That’s wrong. I’m happy that there’s plenty for me to take from you, things that you’ve never done, things that have never been taken from you before. When we first started all of this I was so jealous. It was infuriating. I hated a dead Cauthan…hated him for years. Then I almost hated a dead female, an innocent who never did anything to me. If there really is a soul, Antoth, mine was surely on its way to black.”

Antoth couldn’t bring himself to move an inch. It felt as though roots had grown from the very floor and were threatening to strangle him. “Then what?” He barely managed; feeling like his guts might twist themselves irrevocably into knots. The smile she gave him was like Seil after a blizzard and nothing he’d ever seen grace her face before.

“You started talking about bonding with me, instead of us just using one another. You stood up in front of every single one of them and took my hand proudly. My hatred left me I think, in that moment. I still get pissed off when I see Veera or that human but-”

“Ratha!” Antoth groaned.

“Oh give me a break, scarface! You think this is easy for me? Loving you doesn’t just make everything better!” She protested before biting his lower lip hard. “Do you know what it’s like when you finally give something like that up and fear comes flooding in to replace the hate? I was afraid you knew everything about mating and that I would embarrass myself in front of the high priest of Seil. I was afraid I’d find myself unworthy of him. And then I was afraid of submitting to you like a willing mate should. I’m afraid you won’t want me as I am. I don’t think…I can’t ever be like one of them,” she finished in a whisper, stepping back and letting her hands fall to her side as her tail drooped to hang between her legs. She made no effort to hide anything from him. Her heart beat like a hyrven was about to rip her throat out. Vulnerable didn’t even begin to describe it. But unlike the night before she could see him. She could watch his eyes. They drank her in. She liked that. He was silent for a long while, but she waited. She couldn’t bring herself to say any more.

“I had…a normal female. I had a normal life, Ratha. The gods decreed that I should lose it. The only thing I can do for her now is pray that she forgives me and that she and my son are…are happy.” In the shortest of instants Ratha’s world turned upside down. No longer was she the inexperienced maiden and he the strong and imposing hunk of male. She was the blank slate, eager and ready. And he, Antoth was the broken one, collapsing onto the bed with his head in his hands.

“Antoth?” Ratha gasped, her feathers flaring to full spread as she witnessed something she didn’t think anyone in the entire village had ever seen save, perhaps, Thantis. Antoth was crying, freely. She slowly took the two paces necessary to kneel before him, shamelessly opening her center but caring only for his obscured face. “Scarface?”

“There will be time when our son is born.”

“I…what?” Ratha’s confusion melded with a momentary fantasy of her own offspring.

“That’s what I’d always tell myself. There will be time when our son is born. Time for her and for us. Time when I don’t have to train, or patrol, or fight. I never satisfied her…and there was never time.”

Ratha placed her hands gently atop Antoth’s own. As though delivered by Valta herself, all the control in the world suddenly rested irrevocably with her. “I’m sure she knew, sure that she knows what kind of male you are,” Ratha cooed softly, somehow knowing just the tone for that moment, a moment without walls and without the duties of their gods. The words she had used in the past to comfort grieving widows, forced and difficult, somehow came freely and earnestly. “She and your son are in a better place now, free from want and fear and hunger and death. There are males who will go their entire lives without giving something like their mate’s satisfaction any thought, Antoth. You’re already better than them all. I will pray to the goddess for your lost ones. They’re part of the path that led us to this moment. And I will pray to the goddess for you, that you may find it within you to forgive yourself.”

Without a word Antoth fell gently to his knees, raising his hands to take Ratha’s head softly into his hold. His forehead met hers as she reciprocated, purring loudly to comfort him. The fire would die out long before they moved again but Ratha was no stranger to long, brutal hunts. This discomfort was nothing.