That kiss was different from the one they shared the first day. More intense, more passionate. Lorraine had a firm grip on Linda’s body, and was using her tongue. It was so intense that Linda had to take off her glasses before her girlfriend made a move in her direction.
They were dating for about one month. The show they gave the class one month ago had got them in problem. The director left they go with a warning, while making sure to add that “It’s not because you’re both girls. We can’t allow this kind of behavior for anyone." Linda wondered if she was serious or being cautious. Although, she really didn’t remember seeing straight couples showing affection in public on school grounds, either.
Linda pushed Lorraine away, gasping for air. She took a little strand of her blonde hair away from her face, pushing it behind her ear. Her heart looking like it was going to explode inside her chest.
“Time up, please.” She put her glasses again.
Lorraine inclined her head, eyeing Linda that looked like she was massaging her shoulders.
“Did you hate it?”
“Of course not." Linda still hadn’t get used to how the usually cool Lorraine would get really insecure sometimes. “I just need time to recover. It’s been almost ten minutes, you know. And my neck is kinda...you’re could be a little shorter.”
Lorraine giggled.
“What?”
“Nothing. It’s just...that’s so practical and non-romantic. It doesn’t suit you at all.”
“I guess reality really is different from books." Linda smiled.
She thought about saying: “And how about the girl that was saying love isn’t even real last month, but it’s so passionate now?." But she didn’t. Somehow she was afraid that the magic would dispel and the old Lorraine would be back. She liked the new Lorraine better.
“I do miss our fights sometimes." Lorraine said, as if reading Linda’s mind.
“We can still fight. Couple fights. Like, I could get angry that you're looking at other girls. Or maybe you could complain about my skirt being too short.”
“I like your skirt short. I like your white legs."
Got by surprise, Linda blushed.
“Sure you like. You’re a pervert." Her eyes didn’t look at Lorraine while talking. “But others will end up looking, too. Don’t you mind the gaze boys will give me, for example?”
Lorraine shook her head.
“They can look. I don’t mind.”
Linda wondered if that was a reason to get angry, but Lorraine said:
“After all they can look all they want. In the end, I could say: you can look, but that girl is mine.” After a pause, she added: “No touching though. If anyone gives you a bad time, you can tell me. I'll break his face… or hers."
“You're so brave. My hero."
There wasn't much traffic on the street. They were on a unpopular street on downtown, in front of a closed store. It was a long weekend because Friday was a holiday. So it was Linda's idea to use that day to hang out together. Although they usually spend time together even on common weekdays.
She looked at Lorraine choice of clothes. A black blouse falling on one side of her shoulders. Jeans shorts and black leggings. Her hair looked like it was especially well treated. They shined on the night and it looked like no even the wind could mess the way they were fixed up.
Linda smiled. It was clear that Lorraine had spend a long time on her looks that afternoon. The thought of her trying to please her girlfriend, contrasting with her serious attitude, warmed Linda's heart. To complete her stunning presence, a sweet smell of an expensive perfume exhaled from her body.
Of course, Linda also did the same. Although she wasn’t used to those things. She asked Sara for a lot of tips to make herself more appealing. She wore hair loose, what was pretty rare for her. Making it look pretty was, actually, the hardest part, since she realized she never took care of it before. She asked for money from her mother to go to a beauty saloon at the end, enduring the comments that started to be thrown her way from her family about her having found a boyfriend. She had liked the results. Her straight hair now had some waves falling from her face. The problem is that now strand of hair would invade her field of vision all the time. Even more when Lorraine kissed her.
For clothes, Sara lended a blue mini-skirt and a sleeveless top. She thought the skirt was a little too short, and the top almost showed too much of her breasts curves, not that she had a lot of it, to begin with. She tried high-heels, but gave up, using sneakers instead. She looked at the high heels Lorraine was using, wondering how she managed to stay on top of it all the time.
For a romantic girl who dreamed about romance all her life, Linda realized she was too much of a nerd. When the time finally came, she didn’t even know what to do. She didn’t even had a perfume, and the smell of her shampoo was the only fragrance coming from her. There was also her glasses. No way to see without them, and she lacked the courage to use contacts.
Still, when she saw Lorraine that afternoon, all her girlfriend said was “Damn, you’re way too cute."
That made her happy and more secure about her looks. In this relationship, Linda came to realize how fragile she was about her appearance. On the other side, she realized that Lorraine had her own insecurities too, although she always tried to hide it and play cool. Looks, however, weren't one of them. She was always pretty secure about her attractiveness.
“So, can we start again?” Lorraine asked, leaning to kiss Linda, but was pushed away.
“Wait...that’s all we’re going to do? Can’t we, like, talk or something?”
“We did spend four hours talking on the phone last night.”
It was true. They spend from 8 pm until midnight talking about all kind of things. Linda’s mother even scolded her for that.
“True, but...I still have a lot of things I want to talk with you.”
“I love talking with you, Linda. But it’s an opportunity where we can be together alone. We should use it the best way we can…”
She made another movement in Linda’s direction, but the girl retracted again. Lorraine sighed, keeping away from her girlfriend and leaning against the iron door of a closed store behind her.
“A-anyway…” Linda said, trying to hide her nervous state. “I thought I was your first girlfriend…”
“You are."
“But...you really seems to know what you’re doing. In some...ways I didn’t expect…”
“Oh, that. To tell the truth, I asked my brother for advice.”
“You have a brother? I think I remember you mentioning him, but...”
“Yeah. He’s like, in college. For some time, I was really lost always when you asked me out. I didn’t have that kind of experience, but I didn't want you to feel disappointed. So I asked my brother. He had some girlfriends, and he has some experiences with girls. Maybe, as a girl myself I should understand more than him, but… this kind of thing…”
“Wait. You told your brother about us?”
“Kinda. I didn't really tell him any specifics. It was more like: ‘hey, I’m dating someone, any tips to your little sister?’, ‘I dunno, could always let the guy take a lead if he has more experience’, 'well, she has none, actually’,’ oh, if it's a girl, I can help then…’”
“Your brother seems… pretty open minded, isn't he?”
“Not that I liked everything he told me. There was some things I'm sure you wouldn't like. But there was some good advice too.”
Linda blushed remembering how daring Lorraine had been and wondering how she could actually be worse. But her attention was dragged another way.
“You really told your brother?”
Lorraine looked at Linda in silence.
“I mean, that's kind of big to do. Without asking me first and…”
“I didn’t tell who my girlfriend is." Linda's face softened, looking relieved. “But it's not a big deal, right? You even kissed me in front of everyone.”
“That was… impulse. My family didn't got a word of it, anyway. So no consequences.”
“So you want to hide it?”
“It's not like that… I just think we should go slow. In involving other people, I mean."
“You…” Lorraine opened her mouth. But thought better what she was going to say and gave up. “Well, never mind. If kissing more isn’t an option, how about we catch a movie, then.”
“That looks nice."
***
The theater they went wasn’t a very big place, and variety wasn't one of its priority. That was obvious when the girls stopped in front of the two only movies being played that night.
One was a drama, the other action. The drama followed two sisters struggling to live together after their mother dies, with two families trying to separate them, Linda had read about it on a magazine some time ago. While the action movie had a generic protagonist with a angry face and a big weapon on front with explosions going off behind him.
“This one looks nice," said Linda, looking at the drama movie’s poster.
“Maybe. I feel like watching this one, though." Said Lorraine, pointing with her head to the action poster.
Linda looked at her confused. She didn’t took Lorraine as someone who liked to watch dumb action movies moved by testosterone.
“Why?”
“Cause… you know", she pointed to the drama poster. “This one actually looks like a good movie."
Linda smiled and looked away, blushing.
“It doesn't look like a bad idea, now that I think about it."
***
“So, how was the movie?” Sara asked.
It was Saturday afternoon. Linda was visiting Sara. She used to visit her friend all the time, bug that started to be less frequent after she got a girlfriend.
Linda was lying down on the bed, with her hands holding her cell phone above her and touching it. She had her hair tied on a ponytail as usual and wore casual clothes.
Sara was sitting on a chair in front of her desk. She had a notebook opened, but didn't look like she was penning down anything important.
“Movie? I’ll be sincere. All I can remember about last night is Lorraine’s face and lips."
“This girl is full of surprises ."
“Right? Last month she was saying things like love were impossible. Now she can't take her hands away from me. She's full of extremes."
“And you're loving to brag about it…”
“I'm not bragging… Am I?”
“Well, you are. Kinda. It makes no sense even, since I’m not interested in girls like that. Not that I don’t understand, though. You do have a lot to brag about.”
“What do you mean?”
“She’s, like, really hot? I mean, you’re probably the one who knows it better, but she was always popular because of that, despite her personality being like that. I don’t know one guy in school who hasn’t had a crush on her in some point. And she’s your girlfriend. Did you stop to think about that?”
“I guess… I never saw her like that before, but I do think she’s pretty."
“How the hell you never saw your girlfriend like that? If I were a guy...or a lesbian...I would be hating you right now. Think about it, Linda. Maybe Lorraine just likes girls, sure. Have you thought that she has a lot of better choices?”
Linda let her arm fall to the bed and kept looking at the floor in silence.
“And it’s not just about looks. She’s smart, athletic. She has this cool and sexy aura around her. She has enough charisma that people are still attracted to her even though she’s always that cynical...well, was…And don’t get me wrong, I love you, Linda, but what do you have to offer? You’re kinda...plain. You curves aren’t nothing to brag about. You might read a lot, but those dumb romance books will hardly make you smarter. She falling in love with you is, like, really amazing, you know?”
“Linda… I'm kinda panicking right now, because you have a point.”
“Like I said, she is in love with you and there's not doubt about that. But, treasure her a lot. You're lucky, but luck runs out.”
“You know...You’re right. I should’ve left her kiss me more. Even if I die suffocating. I can touch her, so I should do it more, too.”
Sara smiled and shook her head, but Linda sat on the bed, looking at her friend with a serious face.
“No, I'm serious. Why you told me that? Now I can’t stop thinking about it. You should’ve left me living in ignorance.”
“Don’t be so dramatic. I just don't want you crying on my shoulder later because you're an idiot and is alone again. So far she only have eyes for you, right? Just don't mess it up just because she’s a girl. She’s not for granted.”
“Well, I think I am a good girlfriend for now, at least. It’s true I haven’t thought about these things, though. And maybe I would’ve if we weren’t both girls.”
As Linda grabbed her cell phone and started to type at it again, Sara asked:
“By the way, I think I haven't see you with a book lately. That doesn’t feels right."
“Yeah, that's what I'm looking right now."
“Books?”
“I have unread books at home, sure, but I don't feel like reading them right now. I've been researching for a new genre lately, so I'm buying some."
“New genre?” Sara looked to the cell phone her friend had on her hand. The website of a famous online bookstore showing on it. “Oh, of course. Lesbian fiction, huh?”
“There's actually a lot more than I thought, if I consider self published books as well. But it's hard to find opinions about them. Reliable opinions. None of my favorite book critics have anything to say about the genre.”
“Well, I guess. Straight is the mainstream, right? What kind of book you're looking for?”
“I'm not really sure. Something in good taste, I think. Like, books written by women, for women, for example.”
“Is it bad if it's written by a man?”
“I'm not sure. But, like, you know. A straight guy writing about lesbians. It looks creepy, right?”
“You do have a point, but I don't know if we should be judging that.”
“This one looks alright, though. And there's favorable reviews by women.” she touched a few times on the screen. “And done!”
“Did you just buy teen books now?”
“It's uncharted territory." Linda said smiling.
“So… are you buying lesbian books because you have a girlfriend, now?”
“Yes...and no. I was thinking. I read every kind of romantic stories. Why didn't I ever read a lesbian romance? It just never crossed my mind. Like, it was something I had nothing to do with, or so I thought. But this week I was reading something and… I kept thinking about Lorraine and… it didn't felt right."
“You felt it wasn't about you anymore?”
“It's not like that. I kept seeing the heroine as Lorraine… and then all those men started to flirt with her… I was getting annoyed."
Sara laughed. Linda smiled and said:
“There's another reason too, but… that's a secret."
Sara only raised the eyebrows. Curiosity wasn't one of her traits. And she realized how flushed her friend was just by saying that. Also, she could guess what she was thinking.
“It’s still weird seeing you with the hands free, though." She said, raising from her place.
Linda frowned and looked at her with curiosity. Sara walked to the bookshelf she had on the other side of the room. Although it was a place to store books, there was everything on it, except books. Linda often criticized her about that. This time there was something book-like, however. Sara grabbed it and threw to Linda.
Linda examined what she had in hands. It looked like a comic book, but with more pages. Two girls close to each other on the cover. She opened it. The figures were in black and white. And on the very page she looked, the two girls from the cover were kissing.
“Sara...this is…”
“It’s called yuri. It’s, hum...a comic book about girl’s love. It’s japanese."
“Huh, I realize that. What I meant is, why do you have this?”
Sara looked uncomfortable. She avoided looking directly to her friend’s face, facing the bookshelf while talking.
“You’re my best friend and love you, Linda, but sometimes you’re really something else. I mean, coming out as a lesbian, or something like that...At first, I thought it was on a whim. You really wanted to win against her, so you went that far. It was cruel, but I didn’t think I could stop you. After time passed, though, I realized you were serious. I always thought I was open-minded about these things. But when I realized my best friend was dating another girl, I’m sorry but I panicked.”
She closed her fists, not daring to look at Linda, sitting on her bed.
“Two options. Accept or avoid you. Actually, avoiding you only flashed my mind, but I never considered it. Still, I’m sorry for even think that. I know I can’t change you, and I never considered trying. I wanted to accept you. it might sound stupid and petty, but it’s hard... Even though I was never against this kind of relationship, the thought that my best friend was in one… So yeah, I desperately started to search for ways to make myself more comfortable with it. I didn’t want to show disgust if you kissed your girlfriend in front of me or something. So I searched for lesbian romances. I wanted something graphic, because if I just read about it, I would end up imagining one of the girls as a guy anyway. And watching movies...Well, I would need to do it in the living room. So…”
“Lesbian comics?”
Sara nodded. She was halting looking to her friend’s face. But when she heard her name being called in a soft voice by Linda, she turned to her. Her friend was smiling, tapping the bed, asking Sara to sit beside her. She did and Linda touched her hand.
“It’s okay, Sara. I don’t judge you. It’s normal to act like that. And you worked that hard so much just to accept me. I’m glad."
“I wish I could adapt to things as fast as you."
“I’m not sure I’m okay with that yet. I never even gave much thought to it until now. Maybe I’ll start to panic soon, too."
Sara shook her head.
“You’re going to be fine. You’re always going to be fine. You’re a better person than me.”
Linda smiled and made a timid move in Sara’s direction.
“Can I hug you? Won’t you be grossed out by that?” She asked.
“Of course not!” Sara emphasized. “I’m already past it now. And I never thought you were gross, I just…”
She stopped as Linda put her arms around her and pulled her close, making the side of their foreheads touch. Linda’s glasses were uncomfortable touching her head, but she didn’t move it, letting her head close to her friend.
“I love you, Sara."
“I love you, too." She smiled. Linda's body hugging her was warm like always. “Wouldn't your girlfriend became jealous if she saw this?”
“Lorraine doesn't get jealous of anything. I don't think she even find reason for that."
Sara giggled thinking of course she doesn't. Even if she was a lesbian, she would probably never win Linda if going against a girl like Lorraine.
Linda released the hug on her friend and took the comic book again. She studied the cover and turned to Sara, waving the book in front of her.
“So? What you thought of it.”
“Oh yeah… I… Liked it. Enough to become a fan of the genre, I think."
“A lesbian comic books fan?”
“A yuri fan, actually. There's not a big difference, but… Fact is, it was too sweet. I never saw this kind of feeling in hetero romances. I was captivated by it and could only cheer for those girls. I bought more after that, and I read some online. I really think lesbian romance is the purest form of love."
“Even though you're straight…”
“Well, on fiction stories at least. I can't know how much they look like real life, but romance is something that’s usually idealized, anyway. Still…”
She stopped, considering how to spell the rest. Linda looked at her, smiling and waiting.
“It might be fantasy. Maybe It's not like real life. But since I read these comics, I came to accept your relationship. But more than that. I'm actually cheering for the two of you. I want you and Lorraine being happy together."
Linda smiled, even more warmly.
“Thanks, Sara. That means a lot to me."
***
Next day, Linda and Lorraine’s date was in the same cafe that started it all. It was different now. Instead of a unfriendly, sarcastic expression, Lorraine had a smile on her face. Linda looked the same as always. This time a slice of cake was placed in front of each of them.
Linda had asked Sara for help again. This time they tried some make up, something Linda wasn't really used to. Even Lorraine had shadow on her eyes and her nails painted when seeing her. Lorraine compliment was the same as always: you're too cute. That was enough.
“Do you see this place in a better light now?” Linda asked, cutting a piece of cake and bringing it to her mouth.
“It's… nice. I don't really care much for it yet, to tell the truth. I would rather spend the day alone with you."
“But here we can do more things, like…”
“Like eating cake and drinking coffee. I can make both for you, if that's what you want."
“You know how to make cake?”
For a second, Lorraine regretted her words. But since it was her girlfriend talking, she just nodded. She couldn't hide things from her.
If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.
“My grandma has a cake shop. She taught me, and sometimes I make something for her to sell. I can guarantee you, it's better than what we're eating right now."
“So you have to make me something."
“Anytime you want. We could plan a sleepover sometime. My parents are out a lot, so…”
Linda smiled and, blushing, tried to change the subject. Lorraine took note of it.
“I never saw you like that. That's something so… wifey."
“So I don't look like I would be a good wife?”
“That's not what I mean. You're going to be a good wife… someday. But, you know…”
Lorraine eyed her girlfriend. She realized Linda was avoiding looking at her directly all day. She looked flustered. Lorraine parted a piece of cake with the fork and pushed it on Linda's direction, trying to feed her.
She smiled, timidly.
“Lorraine, that's kinda…”
“Don't we look like a couple like that?”
Linda smiled and let Lorraine feed her, while looking around to see if anyone reacted. She tried to hide her embarrassment as Lorraine licked the cream that remained on the fork.
“We did it directly, already." Lorraine said casually.
Lorraine was conscious of Linda's actions since the previous day. How she seemed uncomfortable sometimes and reluctant on touching some subjects. She was also always looking at the boys and girls that formed couples around them. At times she seemed distracted looking at other couples and forget to pay attention to what Lorraine was saying.
“Say, Linda. Want to go have fun after we eat?”
“Sure. What are you thinking about?”
“I know of a hotel we can go...I mean, even if we’re underage."
Linda looked uncomfortable.
“Lo-Lorraine… I don't think we…”
“What? You think it's a sin to do it before marriage or something? We are already sinning anyway, if you’re see it in a religious way.”
“Don’t you think it's too soon?”
“One month. That's more than all our friends can say, right?”
“I'm not ready for that yet…”
“Have you even given it thought, though? Do you think about how sex between girls works? Have you ever thought the details of it?”
“Lorraine", Linda put her finger on her girlfriend lips, making her stop talking. “Why are you doing that? It doesn't look like you.”
Lorraine looked at Linda and sighed, taking Linda's hand away from her mouth.
“I’m sorry. I’m just in a bad mood today. I don’t know if this date is a good idea."
“I-It’s okay. Just...I’m not used to it.”
They made some small talk after that, but the silence took over most of the time. Lorraine could see how sometimes Linda had a distant look, and how she couldn’t look at her face for a long time.
After eating, they started to walk together. No place in particular as a destination. Linda hold Lorraine’s hand, but still didn’t look her in the eyes. Lorraine thought about how warm and soft her girlfriend’s hands were. She wanted to hold Linda and kiss her that same moment, but…
“Oh, you remember this place?” Linda asked, stopping in front of her, smiling.
Lorraine look around them. Yeah, she did remember. It was a long time now.
“You gave me my first kiss right here. It was surprising. You did get me by surprise, but...I never thought you was actually in love with me. It never even crossed my mind."
“Yeah, I love you." Lorraine’s face was serious while she said that. “Hey, Linda, do you love me?”
Linda looked at her dumbfounded.
“Of course."
“Of course what?” After the silence that followed, Lorraine asked again: “Hey, Linda, you never told me directly that you love me, right?”
Linda started to talk something, but the sudden question took her by surprise and she just opened her mouth, with no sound coming out of it. Lorraine hold her hand. Her own hands were cold in contact with Linda’s warm hands.
“You know I’m a girl, right, Linda? You do realize that being lovers, someday we will need to do something more than kissing, right?” Linda blushed and looked away. Lorraine touched her face and brought their eyes together again. “Have you thought avout that?How two girls do it. How you would react to it. Would you be okay touching a girl’s body in their private places, and being touched by them?”
“Stop that, please." Linda released herself from Lorraine’s touch and step away. Her face burning red. “Just give me some time."
Lorraine smiled, breathed deeply and started talking.
“I love you, Linda. I really do. And this last month is probably the best I ever had in my life. Well, at least from these last years. I'm sure you would make me really happy all my life, like you promised. So you don't need to worry about that, you won." Linda smiled gently, but Lorraine didn't stop. “So… let's break up."
Linda's eyes opened in surprise to the words she heard.
“What are you saying? Is all of that because of sex? If that's the case…”
“No, listen. It's not about sex. I’ll explain it. It will be my last argument. If you can counter it, I take it back… There's nothing that would make me more happy than being wrong right now."
Lorraine lied her back against the wall of the store behind them. She pressed her eyes with her fingers. Linda just looked at her, still at the same place.
“I don't know if you really believe you're in love with me or if you’re just trying to force yourself. Still, since I really love you, I can't just keep doing this. Linda, I know you hate to lose. You got really obsessed about all this, and that's why you're trying to pretend you're in love with me right now. Because you want to prove me wrong. No, please, wait. Don't say anything yet, just listen. First, you don't want people to find out we’re going out. The people at school… there was nothing you could do about it. But when it's about bringing our family into it, you're against it. I get that it’s a big compromise. But you know, all relationship is a big compromise. We shouldn’t need to hide it. Also, I feel like you're really stressed out lately. I didn't even see you reading anymore. And you were pretty much always with a book at hand. You're getting more nervous around me each day, and avoiding to look at my face sometimes lately. Today, for example. There’s more. At the coffee shop I could see you looking at those straight couples around us all the time. Why? You always wanted a boyfriend, right? I’m here to mess with your mind? Maybe I made you confused? And of course, for last. It's not all about sex, but as lovers, physical contact is normal, even important. But you're uncomfortable with it. With kissing, or the thought of having a more… intimate encounter. I can see you feel uneasy. In the end, you can't even say you love me. You can’t even lie about that." Lorraine sighed deeply, closing and opening her eyes and smiled. ”I conclude that, like I said, you hate to lose. You wanted to win so desperately, and that’s the way you found to do it. I won’t think bad of you. I believe we could live together forever had I not said nothing at all, and you could be true to your words forever. But that wouldn’t be fair. Because I love you, I can't do that." She paused and, with a serious face, made her question. “So, can you counter all that?"
Linda looked dizzy and confused. She opened her mouth two times before any sound came out of it.
“I…can’t, but…."
Lorraine smiled, gave two steps forward and put two fingers on Linda’s lips, stopping her from saying more.
“It’s okay. This month was really important for me. I spend a very sweet time with you and will remember it fondly. So don’t worry. I won’t go back to like I was before. I can’t deny what I felt and I know I can feel it again. I’ll look for someone else. I’m sure you’ll find someone for you soon, too."
She pushed the strand of Linda’s hair behind her ear and kissed her lips. Tenderly this time. She let the soft sensation be felt on her mouth. Linda’s shampoo fragrance would be stuck on her for a long time. As she opened her eyes and their heads moved away, Linda tried to hold her face again, but Lorraine gently grabbed her hand and keep it away.
“Just let it go." She said, smiling. Then, turned away. “See you at school. Let's keep being friend like we were, okay?”
And, leaving Linda confused behind, Lorraine walked away.
***
“So she just threw all that on you and left? What the hell is that girl thinking?”
Sara had opened the door to her house to see a desolated Linda behind it. With a trembling voice, she told her what happened. Lorraine broke up with me. Sara put a glass of water in front of her shaky friend and listened while she told the entire story.
“How she can be so smart and yet so dumb?” Sara said in an angry tone. “Don't worry. Tomorrow I'll be with you while you talk with her."
Linda was nonchalant after finishing her story. She raised the glass to her mouth and took a sip of the water, like an automatic process.
“What if she is right?" She finally said. Sara looked at her dumbfounded.
“What?!”
“I mean… It does make sense, right? Once you start to think about it.”
“The hell it does!”
“I mean… It's true that I just started dating her to prove a point. What she said… It could be true. It's kinda dumb, now that I think about it.”
“Are you talking about that whole 'you just hates to lose’ thing?”
“It makes sense..."
Sara rose up, walked to her wardrobe and opened a drawer, searching for something inside it. She then went back and threw a packet of cards in the table in front of Linda.
“Let's play."
“What are you doing? I'm not in the mood for that."
“Too bad. I feel like playing it. It will be good for you."
It was a fast play, with Linda losing with a big difference.
“Yeah… you suck as always."
“What's the point of that? I said I'm not in the mood for that…”
“You weren't in the mood in the last nine times either? Yeah, I've been counting."
“So… what…”
Sara slapped the table and rose her voice.
“My point is… You hate to lose? Please, you don't give a shit about that. You are the same girl who would lose a match, smile and say ‘well, someone needs to lose’. So don't give me that. And that's why I always thought weird how you acted with Lorraine. Why you cared so much? You would argue against her, even though most of the arguments I had with you before turned you on this same mess you're now. So don't give me that shit. You didn't became her girlfriend just because you wanted to win."
“Why then?”
“Tell me you. Don't you like her?”
“I can't even say I love her, though."
“Still, it's not like you aren't giving this relationship any thought. You could answer most of the questions she made, right? Even I can. You're not avoiding to think about any of this, like she said. You fucking bought lesbian erotica so that you would know better how to do it with her, right."
Linda's face became bright red.
“How do you know that?!”
“I'm not stupid, Linda. It was pretty obvious either." Sara supported her face with her hands, her arms making a pole on the table. “Look, I don't want to force you on doing something you don't want to. Sure, I wanted you two to be together, but I can't force anyone. I just think you're being stupid."
“I’m afraid to make my family meet her."
“And, knowing your mother, I get why. It's natural to be afraid of doing something when you are sure you're not going to be accepted. I don't think you're ashamed of her."
“I just don't know. In the end, I was never truly in love with anyone before. I like her, sure. How can I know that it’s the same way she feels about me?”
“Linda, dear…” Sara's face softened in a smile. “If you're not in love with her, why are you crying?"
Surprised, Linda took her hand to her face. Her fingers touched the face she didn't even realize was wet. She looked at her humid fingertips. For some time she froze. She didn’t react at all, with her eyes fixed on her fingers, sparkling with the tears. Her expression started to soften. And finally, a smile formed on her face.
It wasn't any smile. Sara thought that was the biggest smile she ever saw her friend giving. Enough to make her jealous of Lorraine.
“You’re probably right… I do love her… I never realized." She rose up, spilling the water from the cup on the table, without even realizing." Now that I think about it, it makes sense! That's why I hated her cynical side. The girl I love saying love isn't real… That's why asking her to be my girlfriend was so easy…”
Sara patiently swept the table with a piece of clothing, drying the water. She looked at Linda with a grin in her face.
“So…? Aren't you going after her?”
“You're right! I have to go. Thanks Sara!”
By saying that, Linda stormed out of the room, rubbing her eyes with the back of her arm. Sara trying to call to her, saying ‘you don't even know where she is right now’, but that was useless. Soon her friend had disappear from her home.
Sara sighed and, smiling, said the words with no one there to listen to it.
“Good luck. Go find your girl."
***
It was too late when Linda realized that she didn’t even know where Lorraine was. As far as she knew, she could be home already. Linda didn't know where Lorraine lived, though.
I don't even know my girlfriend’s home. I'm the worst girlfriend.
She thought about calling, just to realize she had left her cell phone on Sara’s. The night was beginning and it was improbable that Lorraine was even outside yet. Still, even knowing it was dangerous, she decided to keep looking. She didn't want to wait for the next day, so she just kept running through the night.
She arrived at the park, panting, at her limit. A solitary figure walked on the side with long black hair. Linda recognize the jacket. So she just ran. She ran and jumped on the girl, hugging her from behind and burying the face on her hair. The same sweet perfume she felt earlier that day.
“I'm sorry!” She said, loud enough to be listen by pretty much anyone at the park at the moment, although she didn't see anyone. Linda didn't care if people listened to her, though. Not this time. “I'm sorry, but you're wrong. I love you, Lorraine. I really love you! “
Slowly, Lorraine turned her head. Linda could see her well in the moonlight, as well as the tears glittering on her face.
***
Both girls were sitting o a bench in the center of the park. Linda had been the one to conduct an agitated Lorraine by the hand. The tears refused to stop falling from her eyes.
“Never thought I would see you crying like that…” Linda said, smiling. “Although, I cried too, so I won't laugh at you."
“You cried?” Lorraine asked, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand, trying to clean off her tears.
“Yes. You made your cute girlfriend cry. Aren't you ashamed of that?” As Lorraine looked at her with serious eyes, Linda shook her hands, saying: “Just kidding, just kidding… I know it's my fault, too. I'm probably the one the blame.”
“You meant what you said earlier? Do you lo...love me?”
“Yes. I was at Sara’s home, you know. You left me a mess. I even started to question my feelings. Than Sara called me an idiot and made me realize they were real. Well, I guess she called us both idiots. While running, I thought about it a lot. I think I can give you an answer about each of your questions. If I can make you believe me, we don’t need to break up anymore, right? ”
Lorraine nodded slightly. Linda squeezed her hand gently.
“I'll start with the easiest. Why I'm afraid to tell our family. Well, my family, actually. I don't know about the rest of your family, but your brother looks pretty cool. Since you aren't afraid to tell everyone about us, I'll assume he's not the only one. I'm not that lucky. My mother is crazy about her beliefs and moral. As far as I remember, last time she talked about homosexuality, it was something like ‘I would rather have a dead child than a gay child’. So yeah, I'm not so excited to tell her. That doesn't mean I'm ashamed of you."
“I… I didn't know…”
“And that's also my fault, for not telling you. Sorry, I'm actually ashamed from my mother. You were not the one I wanted to hide from her. She's the one I wanted to hide from you. My father is not the worst, but he still follows everything she says without question."
Lorraine managed to free her hand from Linda and this time she was the one squeezing the other girl’s hand.
“I'm sorry. You're right. My family is cool about it. I don't have any idea how it would be if they rejected it.”
“That means I can stop here?”
Lorraine shook her head.
“I could accept this reason alone. But the other ones would bother me every night.”
“So pretty, but so insecure…”
“No matter how gorgeous I am if you aren’t into girls.”
“I didn't even say gorgeous… But okay. For starters… About watching straight couples. About that, I just can say, you’re right. Not this time, though, but the last one. Like, when you called me a creepy by stalking couples...Yes, I like looking at couples. Sorry.” She tried to hide her embarrassment while saying it, turning her head to the side. “But you’re wrong about my reasons for that. I don’t even look at ‘straight couples’. It’s just that all the couples there happened to be straight. But I never thought like ‘it would be nice having a boyfriend’. It’s more like: ‘oh, it’s nice how they love each other’, or something…” As she noticed a sly smile forming on Lorraine lips, Linda shouted: “It’s really hard to confess that, you know?! Maybe I do have a problem…”
“It’s okay. I think it’s pretty normal, really. A little creepy and invasive, but normal.”
Linda glared at Lorraine, who just smiled. Although her eyes were still wet from the tears.
“Well, the rest is kinda…”
“They’re the most important…”
“Hm...okay then. So first of all...Lorraine, you’re way too pushy!”
Startled by how suddenly and loud Linda said that, Lorraine moved her hand away.
“I’m not saying I don’t like when you touch me. I-I d-do like it, but… Please, consider I was never in a relationship before. Well, neither you, but...but I…”
“But you’re really shy.” Lorraine said smiling.
“If you get it, please understand. “Linda avoided her gaze, feeling the blood rising to her face. “Also, stopping asking your brother about these things. Ask me what you want to do. Don’t ask things about sex suddenly, and in public. I didn’t act like that because you’re a girl. I would act the same way if you were a guy. Actually, it would be worse. You would scare me...Maybe I still should be scared.”
“I’m sorry...I just…”
“I’m giving thought to that. A lot. I’m not reading anymore because I don’t feel like reading about straight romance stories anymore for now. I bought some l-lesbian books. I still haven’t got them, though. And I’m...planning to learn something with them…”
“Learn something?”
“Because...I have been reading about straight romance until now. Even...like...sex and such. All I know about is how straight couple do it. So I wanted to learn something before, so I at least don’t look so lost when we...hm...do it. So yeah...I’ve been thinking about it...a lot.”
Lorraine felt like laughing about how Linda had her face so red, but didn’t say anything, just held her hand again in silence.
“Also, It’s Sara’s fault, but since yesterday I’ve been thinking a lot about how...you’re really hot. And I’m so plain. You don’t realize how hard it is to be your girlfriend, right?”
“But you’re so cute.”
“You’re cute! You’re sexy! You’re gorgeous! You’re perfect...So yeah, I’m nervous to show everything of me to you, to tell the truth.” Linda raised her hand and passed her fingers on Lorraine’s eyes. Cleaning the rest of tears’ trace she had. “I’m sorry I made you cry. You made me cry too, though. So we can call it even.”
Linda smiled. Lorraine looked at her with a serious face. She raised her hand, aiming to touch the girl’s face, but was interrupted but an exclamation.
“Oh yeah! The most important thing. And I was forgetting it...You said I hated to lose. That I was with you only to make a point. Well, it’s true that it started like that, I won’t lie. And I thought that was the reason, too, for some time. But you’re wrong. I was wrong. It was not to make a point, it was because it was you...Lorraine...” She raised her own hand and meet Lorraine’s hand mid-air, making their finger intertwined. “I love you.”
Surprise, Lorraine felt that tears started to form in her eyes again. Releasing her hand from Linda, she tried to clean it with the back of her hand. While avoiding the other girl’s eyes.
“Damnit” she said, in a crying voice. “That’s why love is…”
“It’s nice, right?” Linda said, and inclined to lie her head on Lorraine’s shoulders.
Lorraine looked at her, smiled, and inclined her own head, touching Linda’s hair with her own.
“Yes…” She mumbled.