I wiped the blood from my lips with the backside of my hand. The hit hadn’t yet started to throb, since my nerves were ablaze with adrenaline, but my mouth twitched at its corners like I was going to cry.

“You threw the first hit, druggy.” Dax said. He was referring to the red color of my eyes, even though when people do drugs the white of their eyes is the part that turns red. Freaking idiot. He pushed himself off the wall, his left eye beginning to swell to the size of a gold ball, purple and blotchy. He looked for a moment like he might have toppled over, but he steadied himself on the gym wall. He looked above me, at his sister, with her hands under my arms and around my neck. She looked similar to him. A broad nose, tiny orange eyes and a face swarmed with freckles. She was even bigger and buffer than him. The only real difference between the two though was that his hair was cut close in a military fashion, while hers was shaved on one side the long and swirling on the other.

Avery was breathing hard against my neck, cutlets of her bright red hair sticking to my neck with static electricity.

I hated to admit that she was stronger than me. Not cuz she’s a girl or anything stupid like that. But because a guy of my size and stature should have been able to put up more of a fight.

DiDi was watching me from her chair a few feet away. Her eyes were watery and dense and I was scared she might cry. More so, I was scared that she would cry and I would be too occupied to comfort her. She was disappointed in me. I could tell.

She hated when I got in fights- but what was I supposed to do? Dax was the one who followed us. He was the one making jokes about my mother. How come I was the one having to face her sad puppy dog eyes?

I looked at her and rage and shame washed me head to toe. I could feel my head starting to throb as that little voice inside began to scream, begging to be let loose. I hated that stupid voice. He always got me in trouble.

“Look at me.” Dax spat. He ran his fingers through his ginger hair and covered his face in phony exasperation. “Don’t look at Steven Hawking over there, look at me.” The little voice roared at the insult and pounded on the walls of my skull.

I groaned and let my head hang, closing my eyes to shake the pain away.

“Don’t.” I told him quietly. “Don’t talk about her like that.”

“Oh? I thought it was only your missing mommy you hated talking about- now I can’t talk about Wheelchair Queen over there either?”

“Shut up, Dax! At least my mother stayed until I was born, your dad barely stayed around to conceive you!”

He punched me in the face and then held me up by the jaw. I heard DiDi gasping and crying out.

I let the red slaver roll down my lips and onto his fingers. He let go just well enough for me to head- butt him and shrug out of his sister’s arms.

Before I knew it, I was on them, the voice in my head roaring in delight as I pummeled my hands into teeth and eyes and noses, ripped football jackets, pulled hairs and pushed faces against walls.

“Alex!” DiDi was screaming at me. “Alex! Stop! Stop!”

I couldn’t.

“What were you thinking, garçon?” My dad slammed his hand into the living room table. The glass nearly gave out, but managed to hold itself together. He ripped off his blue tie and tossed it across the room in exasperation, unbuttoning the collar of his uniform.

I said nothing.

“Again with these fights? Tu veux to get kicked out of school? Regardez vous! What if you had gotten that stupid rousse boy killed? Do you have any idea how much trouble you are in? Do you?!”

I pursed my lips and straightened my back. I couldn’t let him see me as weak. I couldn’t let him see how he gets to me. I swallowed a brick of tears that clogged my throat and averted my eyes from him as he stood up from the couch- sat back down- and stood up again in a confused rage.

“S'il-te-plait! How many times had I asked you- had I commanded you- to stay out of trouble! You have no idea how much damage you can cause a person!”

My head swarmed with the voice and I let it escape my lips. “What- because I am not a person myself? Because I’m not allowed to feel things? Maybe you don’t want me getting in fights because you’re scared it's all your fault! You are the one dragging me to the gym every day- feeding me protein power like- like-” I was running out of words.

He looked at me and his nostrils flared. His afro was growing back in now that he wasn’t shaved, and when he yanked his police hat off, it played with his hair in a way that made him look crazed.

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Then he relaxed and looked away from me.

“It is my fault, I guess, in more ways than you could possibly know.” He said sadly, falling back into the leather of the couch. “My fault.” He repeated.

I watched him helplessly as he laid the guilt trip on me thick, running his hands over his face and leaning over his knees like he was trying to cave into himself.

“I- I-” Regret silenced the screaming voice in my head and slumped my erect shoulders. “He made fun of my mother.” I said at last. “He made fun of DiDi.”

Dad looked up at me sadly. He was too big and strong to be sad, it had always seemed. It didn’t fit him to be much other than angry.

“Mon fils. . .” His voice was low and made me want to curl into a ball and cry. “I am sorry he made fun of DiDi.” But not of mother, I thought bitterly.

“I want you to understand. S’il te plait. Nothing I do is for moi, my fils. I need you to control yourself. I do not care who said quoi, I care about the rules. You broke the rules.”

He stood up and towered over me. No matter how tall I got he always looked down on me. “Pushups.” He said, the softness leaving his voice as if he suddenly remembered who he was. “Maintenant.”

DiDi was waiting outside our apartment by the time dad was finished with me. She sat in her chair, her eyes fluttering restlessly from one word of her novel to another. When she heard me step outside she lifted a finger, signaling for me to wait, finished her page and then closed the book on her soft fingers.

“So,” She started.

“Please. I don’t need another lecture.”

“Are you sure? I think I outta keep reminding you until the bruises go away.”

“The bruises are reminders enough.”

Her eyes linked onto mine and she gave me one of her famous sad smiles. Her skin was becoming clearer each day I saw her, I realized sadly. It was almost translucent now, with her veins crystal clear along her arms. Her eyes were hollowed out and outlined in gray and her body was frail and gentle. Slim and soft. Her hair was still shiny though, falling thick and straight onto her shoulders. Her eyebrows were lost behind her bangs.

I wanted to comfort her. To let her know I will never leave her side. But she was mad at me then, and I was afraid she'd lose it if I pretended like she wasn’t.

“Why’re you always getting into fights, Alex?” She asked. I rolled her chair away and out of the door, partly because I couldn't stand being inside any longer where dad might find me and decided I needed more pushups, but primarily because I didn’t want to look her in the eyes.

“He deserved it. You of all people should know that.” The early night wind swept curls of blond hair from my cheek and left a cold impression on my caramel skin that gave me tingles.

“Maybe he’s changed since what he did.” She shrugged.

“Clearly not. He called you names. He made fun of you.”

She placed her hands on the wheels to break the chair. “I don’t need you to be a knight in shining armor, Alex.” She said severely. “I don’t need you to protect me. I’m not incapable of taking care of myself.”

The words hurt more than I cared to admit. DiDi had been my best friend since before her accident. Since dad and I moved from France. I’d known her for twelve years; since I was three. Even before she’d lost her legs I had been there for her- always the protector- always her guardian angel. After her accident a few years back, she stopped wanting me to occupy that role. It was no longer me taking care of her; it was us taking care of eachother.

But for me things were different. I became obsessed with watching over her. People like Dax were dedicated to making her life a living hell and I would stop at nothing to make sure that she would be safely returned to her mother every night. At some point she even had to stop going to public school. Freshman year was her first year back.

I sighed long and hard and knelt in front of her chair. “DiDi.” I said and curled my lip and gave her my biggest puppy eyes.

Her mouth was a thin line, but I could feel her caving in. “Don’t.” She warned me.

“Didiiiiii. . .”

“Alex, I swear to god-”

“Don’t be maaaad. . .”

She giggled and I knew I had her then. “I swear I’ll be good. . .” I whimpered and she gaffawd and grabbed my cheeks in her little hands. She kissed my lips.

“You’re a stinker, you know that?” She asked me.

I leaned my forehead against hers and breathed her in. She had an intoxicating atmosphere- something out of a movie. I was sure that she and I were the absolute epitome of happiness and perfection.

“I’m sorry if I made you mad.” I whispered sincerely. Her eyes were closed but she still smiled. “It's okay. You’re very easy to forgive.”

And that was that.

My head was ablaze. Every fiber of my being was curling in flames as the screams cut through my eardrums and rattled my eyeballs. I needed out of the classroom- I needed some air- I - I needed something. I didn’t know what. It had never gotten so bad before. I could barely hear the teacher grant me pardon as I stampeded out the classroom, tears begging to overflow through my lashes.

I found myself hunched over a water fountain, my knees weak and my body aching from shoulder to toe. I felt as if my skin was giving in; slowly ripping apart to some hooks underneath- slowly caving to the weight of the air and the sun.

I was shaking, I realized, whimpering, nearly on the floor. I thought perhaps I was having a sun stroke, or was simply going insane. Gosh. , . I wish I had time to figure it out before the huge man made of clay caught my eye.