Xie Song-jun

2022 years after The Long Night

Wúmeng

She hadn’t been here in… oh, so many years. Song-jun could scarcely remember traveling with her fathers when she was five or six years old, visiting Jingshén and eventually Wúmeng too. Her father’s birthplace, the land felt sacred to her. Not only was it steeped in natural magic, home to healers generation after generation, but it was where her parents met each other, and where they fell in love.

Upon arriving, Song-jun was tasked again with tending to all manner of tedious chores, likely half of which were necessary. When that was finished, the sun beginning to set peacefully over the horizon, she found her way to the pier and stood there, clinging to one of the pilings and gazing out at the water as it reflected the light.

Once, many hundreds of years ago, Xie Yi-jun and Jin Songcai had sat here too. Song-jun sighed to herself, wishing her fathers could be here, missing them and Reian deeply in a place that felt so much like home.

It takes a few minutes, but eventually Song-jun hears water dripping, the faint movement nearby, and decides to have a look. After going down to the actual beach, pebbly instead of sandy as it met the gentle rocking sea, the Princess stilled, quickly hiding herself in the shadows of the dock. Thankfully she’d moved just in time, so when he turned his head he didn’t see her.

Su Lan was… well, he was… Song-jun had to look a few times before she could really tell what he was doing. Then a strange shape flickered under the water and the Princess’s eyes widened, realizing it was the man’s tail!

He really is a snake demon… father says probably the last one, how interesting-

Su Lan was sitting about waist-deep in the ocean, seeming to be staring at the ripples on its surface. His tail, what Song-jun could see of it, was at least ten feet long and the same color green of his eyes, a shade that made you think he might be poisonous.

With his reddish-brown hair being swept away from his bare shoulders by the soft wind, his aloof expression, Song-jun had a stray thought or two about the children’s books she’d read depicting mermaids.

The longer she watched, the longer she started feeling as if she was invading his privacy. Su Lan turned back into his human form after a little while, and in a move that shocked the Princess, he suddenly pulled his knees up, hugging them to his chest and collapsing his head. It was such a… vulnerable pose, Song-jun thought. As if he was a crying child, someone trying desperately to make themselves as small as they could be, like that was their only way to go on.

The Princess’s heart started beating a little faster, and she decided it was far past time to leave him be. Spying on a mermaid resting in the beautiful sunset was one thing, but seeing someone in their most fragile state? Song-jun often felt lost when it came to caring for others, showing her empathy, as she herself felt that it was a bit of an insult when it was shown to her.

Weakness… made her uncomfortable. Maybe it came from a lifetime of hearing stories about her father’s and their heroic adventures. Maybe she didn’t want to be seen as weak, didn’t want to disappoint them, though she knew they’d love her regardless. Maybe, in reality, Song-jun just wanted to prove she was strong to herself.

She’d had a few conversations over the years with Reian about their common heritage. Both orphans, found in the same forest. Wen Reian was probably the only person Song-jun believed understood what she meant when she said; I want to belong…

Seeing Su Lan like this, something in Song-jun reacted strongly, like it recognized a piece of what he was feeling. Other. Something that didn’t belong, maybe in this world at all. She’d thought the same about him over the years, more than once, but now… the Princess wasn’t so sure. All she knew was that, the feeling of being other, it was something she didn’t wish on anyone.

About to turn to go, Song-jun suddenly heard a disturbance in the water. Before she knew it, Su Lan had turned her direction, and as their eyes met it was clear that he was crying.

I should go and pretend like I didn’t see anything…

Song-jun watched Su Lan’s expression as it turned from exhaustion, to surprise, and then to shock as she approached where he sat on the beach. When she noticed that his clothes were lying nearby she paused, deciding to turn around and face the other way as she spoke-

“I thought about what you said, about my father.”

Song-jun swallowed a bit nervously as she listened to the sounds of Su Lan dressing. When the noises stopped, she risked a glance. To her surprise, the man had sat down again, apparently fine with drenching his clothes as he stared out moodily at the horizon.

Su Lan had put that fearsome, aggrieved mask back on his face, and it hid a lot, but it couldn’t hide his small jump of… fear, as Song-jun sighed loudly and went to sit closeby.

She still didn’t know why he was so afraid of her. She hadn’t done anything to expose his secret to the others, but maybe it was just because of whose daughter she was. That was a sad thought.

Song-jun continued; “You… I guess you don’t have to. I was just wondering if you could tell me anything about him. Like from when you were young? My father doesn’t often talk about his youth, and when he does it’s always with a bit of, well… editing.”

To her surprise, Su Lan smiled. It was a bitter smile, but still it was something. It spoke volumes, much more than she’d imagined about the pain and loss he had endured. Song-jun felt her heart ache at imagining her father experiencing the same thing.

“I imagine so,” Su Lan nodded, then he chuckled wryly. “I doubt he’d tell you much of the things we got up to as kids. It would give you too many ideas,”

Song-jun, despite herself, smiled.

“I have plenty of my own!”

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Su Lan gave a small hum of agreement but otherwise didn’t look over. Song-jun wondered if he was thinking of this journey being one of those ideas.

“Well?” She pressed, “What did you do? Father told me of how he went all the way down to the under city and saw the ghosts, were you there for that?”

Su Lan seemed to nod again, “There wasn’t much he did that I was not a part of…”

After a while he looked at her. Song-jun was not used to it and felt a bit… strange, having those piercing eyes directly on her, so she glanced down. With a deep resigned sigh, Su Lan began at last.

“We met when Yi-jun could just barely sit upright on a horse. I was from a family deep inside the inner circle, otherwise his mother would have forbidden us from meeting. Well… he was put into classes with the older kids, but he excelled at everything he did. Yi-jun had a rebellious streak, loved getting into trouble and pushing their tolerance a bit further every time, but at the end of the day he was a good kid who listened to the voices around him, even if he didn’t agree with them sometimes.

“Once, he must have been eleven or twelve, I noticed he wasn’t paying attention in class, just scribbling and writing like mad in this book he always carried around. When I asked about it he got all shy, and I’ll never forget his face when he showed me. He’d been writing and drawing these little stories, based on us, taking some inspiration from the tales we were learning about; dragons and unicorns and fights with evil old gods… A’Jun had a lot of hobbies like that, he’d get stuck on them for a few weeks and then move on. I don’t know, I just always remembered those stories. I sort of hoped that one day they’d be true too.

“I think the most dangerous thing we ever did was that summer I turned nineteen. It had taken so long to convince A’Jun to even go in the lake, let alone go underwater looking for signs of the creatures that live there. At first, it was only a scary story I told him for fun, he pretended not to be worried but he jumped at every little noise. Well, low and behold, we went under and the first thing he pulls up is a human bone. Before long we start to feel something on our feet, around our ankles, and Yi-jun swore up and down afterward that he heard a voice calling his name. We stayed pretty far away from that side of the lake after that.

“Yi-jun was, no matter what he said… he was really lonely. I was his only close friend. There had been a few along the way as well but they were in it for… the wrong reasons. He trusted so easily. He took people at face value for a long time, until the world and people’s cruelty wore away at him and he needed to put up walls. I never envied him for what he had to do, what he had to suffer at the hands of family and enemy alike. I admired him and loved him because he was my foolish little brother, and because even when everything and everyone seemed to have turned their backs on him, he not only didn’t give up, but he remained kind. I suppose he must have been born with a heart like that… and I really wanted to… to protect him.

“People like him, people that feel like your other half- love doesn’t encompass it. I watched him grow since he was six years old, forgive those who wronged him and fight for what he deserved and remain hopeful even if the chances were slim to none. I would have endured a million hells on his behalf, and I tried to, but in the end I failed. A’Jun continued without me, and for that I am grateful, but… he ended up having to fight his dragons alone, and that is only the beginning of my long list of sins. After so many years, I can finally put to rest this life that has served so few and destroyed so much.”

“P-put to rest?”

For some reason, that was the first thing Song-jun focused on.

Su Lan seemed to tense suddenly, reviewing what he’d said. A’Jun was afraid he’d immediately put that mask back up, and she so liked hearing him talk without it, so she quickly stammered-

“You mean you’re going to… but, I thought you were immortal?”

The man didn’t respond and it was obvious by his expression and body language that he wasn’t about to explain. Song-jun liked to pride herself on usually being able to guess the ending of books, so she took a second to review what she knew about Su Lan…

He’s likely been traveling the world all these years, or holed up in one place, wallowing in self-pity… why would someone like that suddenly decide to join a band of traveling scientists? The only reason would be if this place, the tree… has something that Su Lan wants-

Song-jun looked at the man again. He refused to meet her gaze. Then Song-jun remembered something else. Something she’d read once… the tree of life, gave all life to every being. If it was true, could the tree also take life away?

The idea of purposely and knowingly heading towards your own death didn’t make a lot of sense to Song-jun, personally, but from what she knew about Su Lan… she supposed he might think that way.

“Why…” she couldn’t help but press for more information. “Why don’t you want to live anymore?”

To her surprise, Su Lan smiled. Then he laughed softly-

“Ask me again when you’re over seven-hundred years old and your family is already dead.”

Song-jun bristled, thinking he meant her father, but then she paused. No, Su Lan wasn’t talking about Yi-jun. He must mean his parents?

“You,” she blinks, unsure. “You mean…”

The look on Su Lan’s face is very strange. Distant. Song-jun really wouldn’t be surprised if he was remembering something from a very long time ago. Maybe seven-hundred years.

“My wife.”

Immediately Song-jun feels bad. Well, how was she to know?! No one ever mentioned it… maybe no one ever knew. Did her father know?

“I’m sorry,” she mumbles, then can’t help from asking- “Was she the one that made you… the way you are?”

Su Lan nods but doesn’t say anything else. After a while it seems like he’s just going to pass the rest of the time in silence, but Song-jun hates how the silence feels so she ends up saying, thoughtlessly;

“But, what if something changes? What if tomorrow you wake up and the birds are singing, and the sky is so beautiful that it makes you change your mind?”

Su Lan all but rolls his eyes as he scoffs.

“My family will still be dead tomorrow. Nothing will change my mind-“

“What if… I don’t know, what if you found something else, or someone else? What if my father still thinks of you as a brother? Would you come back for him?”

Su Lan answers, but to Song-jun, it feels as if he’s speaking in a different language.

“I would have died for Yi-jun in a heartbeat and I still would. I still will-“

The Princess sighs loudly, shaking her head. “That’s what you're not understanding! He doesn’t want you to die for him, he never did! Saying you’ll die for him is meaningless if you also say in the same breath you have nothing left… if you really still cared about him, you’d live instead.”

Song-jun can tell by the look in Su Lan’s eyes that she might have gone too far.

“I know I’m still too young to understand…” she sighs. “Maybe I never will, but… I do think that the future never goes how you think it will. Maybe instead of living for my father, or for someone else, you live for yourself. Maybe you stay to see the next sunrise. And then maybe, if you feel like it, you’ll stay for the one after that. I can’t begin to understand how the tree works, or your powers. But, can you please promise that you won’t do anything drastic until we can go home? Just… stay for another sunrise in Hei’an City. Just… one more.”

To her dismay, Su Lan turns and whispers softly, his voice swallowed up by the wind-

“I don’t make promises anymore. You’ll have to go see the sunrise yourself.”