Those of us who’d been “blessed” with the gift of being born in GrayBird town know. Our parents taught us from a very young age, just like their parents did before them. They told us that there was only one way into GrayBird town and one way out of it, but nobody ever knows of anyone who’d managed to use that path, not successfully at least.

“Don’t look at a mirror after dark in GrayBird town!” they said. “Don’t you ever leave a door unlocked on Hallow’s eve!” they said. “Don’t leave your home on Christmas eve!” they repeated. They said many, many things to be off limits, yet I crossed all the lines. I broke all and any rumor of a rule to ever reach my ears and… Nothing, I am still alive and kicking, despite my own self, I guess.

No, I didn’t want to die, I wanted to live. No, I didn’t want to live, I wanted to leave. With every fiber of my being, I wanted to finally put that place to rest, in a sealed box, buried in one of the deepest crannies of my mind, as memories to never call for again. I didn't really care as long as I got to leave and forget all about GrayBird town, even for the shortest of whiles.

GrayBird town, my hometown, took everything from me, everyone I’d ever loved, anyone I’d ever cared about. I still don’t understand though, why won’t it take me? I knowingly and voluntarily broke all of the rules.

Well, maybe not all of them. The cardinal sin remained. The capital offense that the populace shivered at upon mention. The act of actually leaving GrayBird town.

I’d heard countless stories and counts of people trying to move out of this town and paying the price for that with their lives. I didn’t need proof of their veracity since my own father died after he attempted to escape. I hated him for years after that, for abandoning us, me and my mother. Now I understand him, his actions.

Nevertheless, the loss of my father was how I got to meet Leonard, the guardian of the town’s entrance. People saw him as a hero for literally volunteering his life away, spending his days trying to stop people and prevent them from doing anything “stupid”. He was basically saving people’s lives, but to what end? It’s not like they were destined to accomplish much in this place.

I didn’t know about being a hero, but I considered Leonard a friend, sort of…

I remember dragging my feet all the way to the town’s entrance that night. Like many other nights before it. Leonard was on his shift.

Only when I got there, he wasn’t sitting on his little chair as usual. He was standing far from it, far past the town’s welcome sign.

He seemed stiff and still, like he'd been paralyzed by something invisible to the human eye. I walked towards him, slowly at first, but then I broke into a sprint, afraid he’d finally lost it. After so many years of stopping people from dying, and worse, having to watch some of them die anyways, he’d finally broke. I thought he was about to do what he’d worked so hard to prevent people from doing. Most of all, I couldn’t admit it then, but I didn’t want to lose him as well, he was my only friend, my last remaining one...

But the closer I got to him, the clearer I saw the scene in front of him. He wasn’t trying to leave, he was standing over four static bodies, lying unmoved on the cold ground. For a moment, I felt relieved, as cold and callous as that may have sounded, I cared more for his life than that of any other.

That being said, I wasn’t happy about that carnage either. The street light above our heads flickered and brought me out of my contemplations. It was hard to determine or visualize what really happened to them just by looking at them.

We stood in pure silence for a moment before I decided to finally break it, "Did you report it?”

For some reason, he ignored my question and proceeded to say something irrelevant to it, "Those two dropped first,” he motioned towards two of the bodies, then he continued, "This one said he couldn’t take it anymore, he took a blade to his own throat,” he pointed towards another body. That explained how his throat had been slit open, why his body was swimming in a pool of his own blood, and why the knife was still in one of his hands. Leonard turned towards the last body, "She said the snakes were everywhere, and that they were eating her,” his voice was monotone. One could’ve mistaken his tone for indifference or calmness, but I knew Leonard. I knew his sanity was hanging by nothing but a thin thread. He didn’t have many words left, nor did he have facial expressions to spare for that matter.

“Did you see any snakes?” I asked.

“None, not one,” he said.

I moved closer towards her body. I didn’t recognize her at first under those dim lights, but then it hit me. I knew that young woman. She was a waitress in one of the town’s cafes. The longer I inspected her face the more wrong it looked. I hadn’t noticed it at first, how twisted and wrenched out of the beautiful shape it originally held. I couldn’t effectively discern any colors in the darkness of the night, but I could tell her lips were drained of blood at the moment of her death. And then there were her words about snakes…

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The other faces weren’t that far off from looking the same, with the exception of the one that took his own life, "What did it look like? What did you see?” I could’ve sworn I saw a hint of surprise in Leonard’s face after my questions. I realized then how unhinged I may have come across.

“They stopped the moment they walked beyond the sign; I could see their silhouettes struggling to stand, shaking from head to toe. As I was running closer, I could hear them hyperventilate, then scream, before what I already told you happened,”

“You couldn’t stop them?” I quizzed.

“I needed to take a piss. I guess they were watching me, waiting for the perfect moment,” he tried to hide it, but his vocal cords were strained, his guilt must have been grand.

“It’s not like you could have stopped all of them anyways, this isn’t a job for one man,” I wasn’t throwing empty words just to comfort him, I meant exactly what I said. But no matter, he just hung his head low after that. Another painful moment of silence followed, one that I took upon myself to break again, "So, it’s true. People see their worst fears take physical shape when they get closer to the town’s exit. But… I always wondered, why doesn’t it work on you?”

“It does work on me, just like it does with any other. Getting closer to the sign isn’t the issue, it’s the intention of leaving that triggers it. I do my best to curb those intentions when I do my job, ” he said.

“Leonard, what’s your worst fear ?” I didn’t know why I chose that moment to ask him that, but I did.

“I’d rather keep that to myself,” he said.

“What does it feel like, to try and leave?”

“First you feel cold, then comes a nauseating feeling in the pit of your stomach. It grows, and keeps on growing, until your knees become too weak to hold your body weight. Your breathing escapes your control. Your lungs fight for air and then, you see it… The thing that haunts your nightmares. The further you stray away from the exit the more intense it gets. I never pushed past this point, personally,” he explained, his eyes on the welcome sign all the way.

“Did you ever try to curb your intentions as you walked closer to the sign, and then just kept on going without thinking about leaving?” I was curious to know if it was truly as impossible as everyone puts it, or if there was a sliver of hope to be held.

“I’ve been working this job for over ten years, so what do you think?” I didn’t say a thing after his words. Cue the good old deafening silence. This time however, I didn’t need to break it, Leonard spoke first, "I know for a fact that you consider leaving this place more than anyone, I see it in your eyes every time you come here. The way you gape at the welcome sign. You asked me what it felt like to try and leave, are you saying you’ve never felt it?”

“Well, I definitely felt fear before. But if I were to rank my feelings on a scale when I come here to see you, I’d say despair usually takes the cake, no offense,” I said.

“None taken,” he said, but he seemed distant, absent.

“Hey, is there a reason you haven’t reported this yet?” it was like something hit me out of nowhere. Leonard didn’t inform the authorities of what had happened yet.

He remained quiet, giving me a dubious look, something I never saw on him before. I wanted to ask what he was so skeptical about, but he beat me to the line, ”I wouldn’t try to stop you if you tried now, you know?”

“What?” baffled, I couldn’t even line my words up properly, I thought I misunderstood. Surely, he couldn’t have meant what I thought he did?

“If you tried to leave now, I wouldn’t try to stop you,” he clarified.

“I guess it’s a nice way of telling someone to drop dead but… What earned me that pleasure?” I said.

“I think… You can do it kid…,” it was clear that those words were hard for him to say.

Regardless, I wanted to have that experience, at least once. I broke every rule I could think of in GrayBird, except that one.

Would I brave through it like I did every other? Or would it be the last straw on my apparently conflicted luck?

My feet took the initiative before I could consciously think of moving. As I was walking forward, I began to feel something I couldn’t yet describe, not then anyways. I didn’t stop. I pushed ahead, wondering about when I'd get to see the object of my nightmares, my deepest fear, my most present phobia. When would it materialize and take physical shape? When would the walls come and close around me, suffocating me slowly but cruelly?

Something warm came to tickle my skin. My eyes darted towards its source; the first rays of sunlight for that day…

I was already three feet past the town’s welcome sign, and nothing came… I walked more after that... Four feet, five feet, six feet and so on and so forth…

I had done it; I crossed the final line of GrayBird town. I turned around only to catch sight of Leonard, or at least I thought it was him, I don’t ever remember seeing that expression on his face. It was as though he was watching the sunrise for the first time in his life. I thought I saw the world behind me reflecting in his tears.

I wanted to go back, hold him in my arms, cry with him, celebrate the emotions we’d recovered, those we weren’t able to dream of feeling for so long, but I was also afraid, terrified that it was a onetime trick, that if I went back in there, I would never be able to leave it again.

“Hey kid!” Leonard called for my attention as I was drowning in my thoughts, "Fear of heights! That’s…My worst fear,” he said. I just stood there looking at him, unsure of what to do next, I …, “Go! Run!” he screamed, and I did just that, I ran like hell.

Along the way, I didn’t see a thing. There was nothing on the way to GrayBird town. Nothing had tried to stop or attack me. I ran until I could walk, then I walked until I could rest, then I rested until I could live again. A clean slate offered itself to me. I rediscovered life all over again. There were things out there that I really loved, and things that I grew to despise, things to not care about were there too.

To this day, I think back to GrayBird town, I didn’t forget all about it like I thought I would if I ever managed to leave. I didn’t feel the desire to throw up anytime I recalled it. I think back about Leonard, wondering how his life has turned after my departure, and how much about him has changed.

I miss him, but… I am not ready to go back there just yet. Someday I’ll gather up the courage to try and venture back into my hometown.

Perhaps, there is something to accomplish there after all.