PACKER’S GATE
Chapter II
THE GODS OF GHOST RIVER
“'Violence is a very horrible thing.
That's what you're learning now. Your body is learning it.”
- Anthony Burgess, A Clockwork Orange
•••
Wood paneled walls, slathered in yellowing lacquer, that musty old smell of carpet and dust mites. I’m so small, huddled behind the pink and mint couch, picking at the fraying ends. So noisy, Mom yelling, it’s usually quiet, but not this night. A man… dad? Yes, dad. His face distorted and blurry, a picture lost to time. Muddled arguing, I can’t make out the words. I strain to focus, but meaning is hard to decipher.
“You’re telling me… How can you say that… your son… How could you do this… is this why… Darion,” the faceless man’s voice wavering in the still house. There’s anger there, but also something else… grief, resignation.
“… This is why I never went back… It wasn’t my choice… I know you think I’m crazy… Do you think I would have said yes if I had a choice... He’s all I’ll have left...” Mom trembles with upset and… desperation.
My ears perk at the name Darion, my baby brother, tucked away asleep in his crib. Big brothers protect their little ones, maybe I should check on him, but I don’t want to wake him. Bad brothers wake up their baby brothers. So I sit, glued to the floor, more of the loud reverberating through the room.
The storm door swings open and slams shut, Mom sobs over the ugly tiled mustard kitchen counter. At the time I didn’t know it, but I’d never see my father again…
•••
Stillness surrounds me, an arm of a galaxy of stars cuts the desert night sky in half, billions of eyes staring back at me. Nana told me once these luminous pinpoints are spirits of the ancestors, watching, no, leering back at the world of the living. I don’t believe a word of it, but somehow I feel self conscious, unworthy in my own skin. Attempting to shrink into the darkness, the soft glow of the summer moon keeps me illuminated. I give up, time to finish my cigarette, retrieving it from behind my ear. Setting it alight, it burns rich tangerine, the drag is exquisite, my unease melting along with the jitters and prickling in my fingertips. The junipers quake as wind sweeps the valley, then silence.
An eerie feeling hits, I’m being surveyed, not the stars, not the ancestors. A primal ping of adrenaline hits me, like a rabbit stalked by something ravenous. The gloom of the titanic sandstone pillars of Packer’s Gate close around me as the lizard eye moon dips towards the horizon. For such a wide valley, the walls of the mesas feel claustrophobic. Maybe it’s the shadows, fluttering like ominous phantoms in the darkness. I lean against the rusty sandstone, puffing on my little vice, keeping the anxiety at bay.
CLOPIC! CLIP! CLUMP! THUNK!
A falling stone from atop of the great rock formations draws my attention. I look. I see it. A monstrous shape in the blackness above me, silhouetted against the galactic sky. Disturbing wide luminous orbs, silver disks akin to the setting moonlight. Violent eyes. It glares at me through the dimness. I rub the weariness from my face, I sometimes see things, stuff that was never there, I don’t trust my own perception. Looking back at the top of the butte, there’s nothing. It’s gone… my exhaustion is starting to cloud my mind.
Peace shatters with the roar of Nico’s car engine turning over. The illusion of the solitary night, shattered. Annoyed by his disregard for the quiet, I feel my fists clench, my nails biting into my palms, coming close to drawing blood. To my people, this is a holy place, Nico just show some damn respect! I take a deep breath as my irritation begins to fade. He can’t help it, Nico is Nico and there’s comfort in that.
“Bro, plugging in my phone. Still haven’t heard from my man, Dizzy.”
I sigh, my phone is nearly dead too, the cold doing a number on my battery. Who would think a place so hot and desolate could have such frigid temperatures in summer. Minutes pass, the thundering idiot machine eventually turns off, with a begrudging grunt. Shivering into a vicious tremor, my slight build struggles against the conditions, my dumbass should’ve brought a hoodie. At least I have my beanie warming my skull, but the crisp night is getting to me. Even this cigarette isn’t cheering me up like it should. I peer at the sea-foam glimmer of the cell screen, two fifty-seven in the morning, when is Dizzy going to fucking show up?
Rummmbbbbllll.
Headlights dance against pebbles of the winding dirt road. Relief, Dizzy is here! Maybe sleep and a warm bed are on the horizon.
Roooouuuummmm. Wreeeerrrummmm. Rooooumm.
The little decked-out import hatchback bumps along the rocky path like it was born to take the rough. It’s a deep hue, impossible to discern precisely what color in the dim light, but there’s a warm violet glow from its undercarriage. It’s a decade old but cared for with diligence and love, a personal project easily costing hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars. A low rhythmic thumping emanates from its cabin as the vehicle prances across the desert, not too loud, just a mechanical purr.
•••
I stand in the corner. The party blaring around me, I just want to disappear. I’m acutely aware that I stick out, tall like a lighthouse on an empty shoreline. Hiding behind a curtain or blending into the wall isn’t an option.
A brunette with delicate features spots me, and wanders over. I clutch my beer bottle just a little too hard. Blind panic. I’ve got to come up with something to say.
“Fun party huh?!” she smiles at me.
“Yeah… I guess.”
“You party with Nico often?” she says warmly but forcefully. “I thought I would come over and save you. You seem shy.”
“Not really.”
She rolls her eyes, “You don’t have to be a dick about it,” and leaves me to myself.
I feel so lost, she was cute, but I’ve no idea what she wanted from me. That scares me more than anything. Contending with the ambiguous agendas of people I don’t know. My anxiety starts to take a stranglehold.
“Hey!”
I turn to see a figure more than a head shorter than me with a generous expression, “Parties are hard huh? Especially when you do not know most of the people here. I can do it on the surface, but inside I am just a mess, you know?”
“I know the feeling.”
“Do not worry about it, none of this bullshit will matter in a few years anyways. My name is Dizzy by the way. You must be this Ghost Man Nico is always talking about!”
“I actually prefer Riley, but Nico always introduces me to people that way. I guess it’s all the awkward hovering I do,” I laugh for the first time all night.
•••
I met Dizzy once, seemed nice enough, social, but not aggressively so. Intelligent, knows when to stop, with a bit of a creative spark, which manifests as a passion for import cars. If I knew the first thing about mechanics, I could easily get into a hobby like that, but I spent my youth doing other things, mostly with my brother. Dizzy is one of those people that passes through your life, yet you automatically click.
If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.
Watching the automotive art in motion, he parks behind the neon green box of stupid. Opening the door with a pleasant click, Dizzy exits the car, illuminated by the headlights. He’s well dressed in a slim dark grey suit, although missing the jacket, the sleeves rolled up to his powerful elbows. To add some pop, a skinny tie adorns his collar, also violet to match the undercarriage of his precious car. Thick black gauged plugs in his ears, and his hair is styled to perfection. Either he has incredible skills with a pair of scissors or he’s found a fantastic barber. Damn, I can’t imagine being able to afford that kind of work… I kind of just let my hair do its thing, brush it once a day, and hope for the best. I’m hyper-focusing again, but really I can’t contain my relief, the night is nearly over. Rest awaits, hoping upon hope Nico has booked us a place with warm beds, or he’ll let me sleep on the way to Las Ricas.
“Got the stuff?” Spider braids bouncing as Nico bounds towards Dizzy with the enthusiasm of a Labrador puppy.
“Hey yo, Nico,” Dizzy approaches him and gives him a homie hug.
“Ghost Man!” Dizzy greets me, but I grunt and give a tough guy nod.
Dizzy stands shorter than Nico but carries himself with a stable confidence that I envy. He’s also noticeably better looking than my old friend, a fact, I’m confident, Nico is annoyed by. Moving with the solidity and grace of a dancer, he strides over to the irritating box shaped car. Makes me reminisce about breaking with my brother, bringing me nearly to tears. That was before I grew nearly a foot in a single summer. Just a couple of years ago, but I still don’t feel at home in my body enough to move the way I used to. I observe a strange weighty change to the cadence of Nico’s steps as he trails behind Dizzy. Weird, that’s new, seems out of place, contrasting with his usually animate energy.
“Thank you for meeting me here,” Dizzy states with an air of assurance, “I know it is not the most convenient place, but it is a good midpoint for my supplier.”
“No problem,” Nico grins holding up what looks like a large roll of cash.
I stand with feet planted, I don’t want to intrude into whatever business they’re doing. Best to know as little about it as possible. Habitually, I put out the remains of my cigarette, placing the spent butt into an old pillbox, not wanting to leave litter on the ground. Wandering away from the parked vehicle, I lean against the oppressive sandstone wall. Staring southward over the valley, studying small bats flitting between the sagebrush. Chirping with the precision of a guided missile, I watch one scoop up a large moth and disappear into the darkness. Being a bat seems like an enjoyable life, pure freedom in their outstretched wings, taking the nocturnal world by storm.
For the first time in a long while, I feel, what one might describe as, happy. It seems like a vague and insignificant feeling, a warm glow in my chest. But I don’t want to dismiss it, hell, I get so few of these moments as is, it’s special to me. Imagining whipping between the trees in the warm moonlit sky makes my heart beat just a fraction faster. It’s like my mind is switching back on again, as if I was asleep and just now, I’m waking up from a long drawn out dream.
“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?” Dizzy’s voice breaks through the night, wavering with panic I’ve never heard from him before.
A click.
POP! POP! POP!
My mind reels with confusion as I turn from my spot. Nico stands alone, gun drawn, as smoke wisps in nasty little tendrils from the barrel. I move closer and see the form of something in a heap on the ground next to him, someone, Dizzy… oh no, not Dizzy! Blood pooling around his fresh corpse, I’m frozen in terror, staring in disbelief, he’s nothing more than a sack of ruined meat, a shell, he’s gone. I can’t feel my fingers and toes, shock, time slows, until an abrupt rush of adrenaline and cortisol smashes into my body. Gasping, my eyes fix on Nico, his face is contorted into a twisted sneer. A chilling memory, his young fingers pressing against the abdomen of an iridescent blue wasp squirming in terror, ripping its legs and wings asunder, the same ghoulish expression.
His eyes meet mine. His smile broadens. I’m next…
How had I not seen it before, a lifetime of his cruelty, to just about everyone I knew, my brother too, even… me. A monster stands before me, but a familiar one, one I’ve normalized, accepted as just a part of my life. My lizard brain takes hold, with a purpose and dexterity I never knew I possessed, I leap into the night, ducking between the junipers.
POP! POP! POP!
He can’t get a clear shot. I’m sprinting, scrambling over rocks and brush, my heart pounding in the base of my throat.
POP! POP! POP! POP!
More shots fired as one whistles past my ear, barreling north, struggling to find cover that isn’t spindly indigenous plants, or anything large enough to obscure my frame. Zigzagging, I try to keep my trajectory as random as possible. A break, the ground bends unexpectedly downward, I’m no longer in line of sight. My feet strike against the unforgiving sun-baked earth, let’s hope my luck holds. Nico pauses, the silence ringing in my ears, another clink clink noise echoes against Packer’s Gate as he reloads, then stillness. In the distance, I hear his engine turn over, and his idiot machine roar to life. He’s coming for me…
Primal dread, all I can do is run and maybe, find a place to hide. The brush tears at my skin, I’ll be fortunate if I can escape with my life and both of my eyes intact. Long legs help sweep me along, although, my height makes me a bigger target. I feel the lights of the car probe through the trees, I’m not in sight yet but within seconds he’ll find me. Panic grips me. The will to survive welling from a place foreign to me, a muscle unused, I forgot it was even there.
POP! POP!
Two more shots whiz past me. Like a panther in the night, the once comically neon green vehicle prowls with homicidal agility over the harsh terrain. I guess being a lefty finally paid off for Nico, driving with one hand on the wheel, the other holding onto his handgun, pointing it wildly out of the car window. No wonder he hasn’t hit me yet, dipshit couldn’t hit a barn door bumping through the night like a fucking moron. It’s a miracle the recoil alone didn’t send the pistol spinning off into the desert. Confidence surges through me, my mind races, I can make it out, as long as Nico keeps being Nico, I’ll prevail, and disappear into the night. Boulders around me are getting larger, scattered impassibly across the topography, some ten feet high or more. I’m surefooted as I scramble over the stones, he’ll be forced to pursue me on foot.
My stomach drops. In my fervor to flee, I nearly run myself off a ledge. Thirty feet below, a jet-black river beats with animalistic savagery. Blood rushing in my ears obscures the crashing rapids, stones falling from the tips of my boots roll unceremoniously into the turbulent water. The last speckles of light of the setting moon dance on the froth and spray.
POP! RRRRRIP!
Fire in my left side, maybe ribs or shoulder? Disorientation, I can’t pinpoint where it’s coming from, it’s just white hot. My body shudders with impact and flames. I don’t have time to turn.
Am I shot?
I collapse. Roll forward, fluid draining from me. It’s warm. Plummeting... off the edge. I see a silhouette above. Physics strange. Stoopid bouncing braiiids shaaape.
CRASH, hitting water. BURNING.
Leaking. Am I… dying?
Water, water everywhere. Frigid. Ripping. Grabbing. Tearing. Blistering.
Sleepy… Sinking. Darkness.
••••
Endless black nothingness, is this death? No gravity, I float. My body curled, my arms extended loosely to what I assume is up. Straining to see, mysterious things rim lit in the gloom, outlines of amorphous viscous shapes slip into view and vanish. I gaze at my hands, they too appear as a silhouette, but against what light? A ringing call shudders through the empty space, almost liquid, the vibrations trembling though the nothingness with a thickness heavier than water. The remaining odd structures dematerialize, as if they were frightened or pulled by this unearthly siren cry. Immobile, sensory deprivation takes a hold of me. All that is… is void. Am I the void? Blind, but my mind pulses, I search for my limbs, to my surprise they are there. I dig a finger into my left forearm, pressure… pain. Huh…
Strange shadows build in the endless, little rings of backlit illumination dance against shifting forms like ink in a fishbowl. Ebony threads coiling together, strings, sinew, muscle, flesh knitting, unifying. A form rising in the darkness, snarling jaws, inhuman, ancient, seething. Unnatural?... No, nature raw. Feral features, hound’s face, an unruly tangle of mane lining its tall, articulate, but muscular neck, wings of leather and night. Soul of the storm, thunder her breath… orbs of silver, violent eyes... beholding me, deep within me, cutting into my consciousness.
Night’s Verse
Thread Complete
Heart Beat
She speaks, lips unmoving. Androgynous sound, the timbre deep and reverberating, extending into a ghastly wrathful hiss, as though a cyclone could assemble words. Why is my brain jumping to female, there’s nothing about the entity that suggests anything of the sort, almost some innate feeling compels me to it.
Heart Beats
Line’s Flow
Heart Slows
Anxiety, paralysis, I need to escape! “Wake up stupid!”
Heart Slows
“I can’t be here!”
Strand’s End
Heart Beats
Sweet Release
“No don’t leave me! Don’t let me go. Please! I’m begging you!”
Arise
Broken One
Silence
Beckoning
Tissue disintegrates into inky wisps in fluid. Her lurid eyes hover alone in the blackness.
Time Narrows
Survival Spent
Shadow
Flesh
Sentry Assent
“FUCK YOU! DON’T LET ME GO!”
NAVAN’YU
She dematerializes… I’m alone.
••••
Swirling, rushing, ripping, tearing. Freezing… Burning.
Disoriented, don’t know what’s up or down, I open my eyes. Water, stinging and pulling on the lids. My left side, white hot, but I’m so cold. I shake uncontrollably. Find “up”. Letting what remaining air in my lungs guide me, higher I go, a dirigible corpse floating in the desert night. Surface tension gives way, my head breaks through the river. I gasp, grateful for the fresh night air. I can’t move my left side. No sensation. I’m alive, but paralyzed? No? In bad shape, but not dead… yet… Numb in the glacial water.
The canyon walls are closing in. No shore for me to swim to, the depths of the cascade appear bottomless. Moving my right side, I flounder along, but exhaustion is taking me. I barely believe I still can keep my eyes open. A rushing current sweeps me from the simple goal of touching the edge of the sandstone wall. Just within reach, pressure pounds against me. I’m pushed into a boulder, scraping skin off of my frame. Bashing my body from side to side, I might as well be in the mouth of a huge beast, I’m being chewed alive by earth and water. Things can’t get any worse…
… They’re worse. A wet pop within me, needle jabbing pain, the flames in my side are not my only sensation. I CAN’T BREATHE. I struggle. I PANIC. The rapids quicken. I’m sucked under, icy liquid filling my mouth. I CAN’T COUGH. Tossed to the surface like a rag doll, I stiffen against the torrent of water, trying to keep my head afloat. I CAN’T BREATHE! I CAN’T COUGH! I’m losing this great game of existence. I can’t hold on anymore. Sinking, my vision spots, I’m fading…
… Fire in my body. I break the surface, talons of shadow grip my torso. Painfully, I’m lifted higher and higher into the dark summer night. Above the phantom cliff faces of the massive canyon, the river drifts below me, morphing into a surreal distant pattern. Driving, pumping air, black wings of obscurity, a great form pulls me into the sky.
The stars… the ancestors, I lose consciousness…
Ghost River
Grants
Evanescent Night
Foresight
Broken One