Blood dripped off my face as I slowly crawled to the shining warpstone. I can hear the sirens whistling in the background, and the stomps of soldiers are imminent as they slam open the door.

They don’t see me yet, do they?

10 seconds, tops.

I can't think straight.

I need to touch it.

I have to touch it.

Daniel? Are you here?

You fucker, I’ll kill you with my hands around your neck. You think I’ll go down that easily?

I need to get out of here. Now.

“Hey! He’s right here!”

“Captain? We found him!”

As I turn around, I can see Daniel Rodgecrown pointing a gigantic Emper-64 at my face. I should have never got involved with the Shadows.

As I see his eyes, I suddenly remember my school times with Daniel. Was it all an illusion? If it was, I’m dragging him down to hell with me. I lunge at his body, but his eyes show malice, and his fingers pull down on the trigger.

“See you in the afterlife, bastard!”, he screams as the bullet shoots at 20,000 feet per second, and hits me straight in the stomach.

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As I started to lose consciousness, my last trump card revealed itself.

[Title of Impending Doom]

[Once per life, when you are facing death’s door, you are granted a minute of invincibility]

I could hear the soldier’s confusion and Daniel screaming at them to reload the gun. Once they realized they wouldn't get it ready on time, they started to move towards me and pull out pistols of their own. They frantically tried to shoot me, but the bullets ricochet off of my back. Filled with a last sense of determination, I started my awkward crawl towards the warpstone, my last strength fading from me.

I touched the glistening shell of the mystical item, and I was suddenly transported to Planet B-64.

Exactly the place where I just was.

Uh-oh...

God, this has to be one of the most twisted senses of humor you have ever shown me.

I felt like melted jelly, as a cold shiver ran down my back. Surely I didn’t waste such a rare item to end up here?

I needed to move. I had to move. I had gone too far, and lost too much to give up now.

Right as I reached for an elixir on my bottom pouch, I felt a sharp, prickling sense from behind me.

As I contemplated what the hell this was, my blood started to leak out of my chest. A black sword is protruding where my left artery should be. A BLACK SWORD IS PROTRUDING OUT OF MY CHEST. HOLY SH-

I lost consciousness.

I’m dead, ain’t I?

Ah, shit.

I couldn’t meet them.

As my body began to fade, I see one more sequence of fucking digital letters.

[Welcome, God of Titles]

[The Joker has resurrected you]

[Happy 2nd Birthday!]

[:D]

Haha. Fuck you, Joker.

As I spiraled down into my deep pit of mental despair, I started laughing. I’m not falling towards darkness.

I’m falling towards light.

[Oh, and also, happy Deathday! Hope you enjoy your present!]