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The [God] Machine
Part 12: Mystery of The Colored Wood

Part 12: Mystery of The Colored Wood

Day 33, June 7th, 2019

It's been a while since my last entry, I’ve been paranoid that I’ll run out of pencil lead If I write too much. Anyway, here I am. On this wonderful morning, I am seated at the table in my room. Celsia is nowhere to be found, she likes to up and disappear on days she doesn’t have class. She’s probably running errands and, now that she seems to trust me, leaves me home alone. I don’t really know what inspired her swift change in attitude but whatever, I appreciate it. Doesn’t mean her passive aggressive nature towards me is any less though.

Since my run in with Ada (family name Leulso, as I’ve been told recently), I’ve begun the process of arming myself. If everyone else is carrying, be it a sword or arcane, I should too. Long before I could even ask, Celsia of all people, offered to teach me arcane. Naturally, I seized the opportunity. I was given instructions for a simple activity: controlling the wind. Not on a large scale obviously, just enough to move around some leaves. As it turns out I am not capable of such things. I still try occasionally, to this day even, but still no luck. Perhaps this arcane is not something I, or by extension, humans on Earth are capable of. It may explain why I was able to enter the high ceinic energy area unharmed. It also may explain why magic is myth as far as our history is concerned. That being said, it begs the question as to why magic is mentioned at all. Was it a convenient explanation as we are inclined to believe? Or did the odd magical event or individual provide a basis for myth as we know it? I fear that history may not be as it seems, but as it stands, this is nothing more than a hypothesis.

Anyway, back to arming myself. Celsia was so hellbent on being useful after my failure that she actually offered to help my endeavor. Her uncle, Andre, who lives in the nearby city of Portstown, happens to be a craftsman. Apparently her family founded and run the “Craftsman Union.” From what I can gather, it seems to be a group that circulates technological ideas and provides some sort of copyright protection. Andre runs a small smithy on the edge of town, curious considering his status. For the man who apparently created the modern airship of this world, he doesn’t carry himself that way. When I was there he was prototyping a crank driven drill press using a large flywheel to store rotational energy. Clearly this man knows what’s up.

I’ve decided to start out simple and work my way from there. My first weapon is a crossbow, big enough to pack a punch, but small enough to be practical and still be spanned by (my) hand. Funnily enough, they had no idea what a crossbow was. Arcane seems to be the primary driver of advancement on both the civilian and military levels. I was there almost the whole day and by the evening, had a fully functional weapon. Andre worked incredibly fast given my instruction—a shitty picture I drew—and with no prior knowledge at that. I learned a bit about armor and weapons they possess, such as how bows are exclusively used for hunting, but that is for another day.

From here I plan to expand my arsenal. Even now I am still at a severe disadvantage compared to the typical person. Short ,weak, poorly trained, and still relatively poorly armed. I have a sidearm with me, but it is only good for seven shots. A feasibly serviceable firearm would give me a huge advantage, but it will be one hell of an endeavor. Gunpowder is the biggest hurdle. Charcoal is of course readily available and sulfur is used as a pesticide and is therefore available, much to my surprise. Potassium nitrate is somewhere, but I gave no goddamn clue where. Even if I had all three, I have no idea what the ratios are. Some weapons expert I am. If only I had my notes from the last time I tried this shit.

Jack was about to close his notebook when he suddenly slapped it back open.

Oh, I almost forgot, rumor has it that Ada wants to whoop my ass for hurting her dumb dog-thing, which I did apparently. More motivation to arm myself, just what I needed. The ass whooping would take the form of a “duel” with a set of rules. The first of which is no killing, thank God. The others are the victory conditions: Hit first? Loss. Knocked unconscious? Loss. Yield? Loss. I plan to accept her offer under the assumption that when she wins which, as things stand now, she likely will, she will get what she wants and not pose a threat anymore. I’ll accept the duel then yield, that’s my plan. She gets to win, I get to leave unscathed. That being said, I still need to prepare myself if she doesn’t accept my yield. I don’t need to conventionally defend myself, I just need a few seconds so someone more capable can step in or I can make my escape. A smoke bomb of some sort, something to disorient, or perhaps blind. I’ll need to come up with something before this happens, if it even happens. A week ago began my one sided arms race. Today it continues, escalated, and now motivated by paranoia for an event that may not even happen. Such is life.

For real this time, Jack closed the notebook. He was particularly stiff this morning and did his best to stretch it out. Boredom set in rather fast without the instant entertainment he left behind. The only thing to do these days was to follow Celsia around—barring she let him—and take in the scenery. That and bother everybody he could with endless questions.

“...still so many answers…” Jack mumbled to himself.

He stood up from the table and gathered his things and headed for the door.

It was sunny today, just barely. Sparse clouds blocked out the sun now and then, it didn’t matter though, people were out and about like any other day. A gentle breeze greeted Jack as he entered the campus center. The various signs greeted him too, but in their own silent way: waving as they rocked back and forth on their suspending ropes. One sign, vaguely resembling a book, waved particularly vigorously. Of course, it didn’t need to wave that much—or at all—for Jack to enter the door it sat above. The bulky door groaned as he pushed them open. Like any other day off, the library was devoid of anyone except its usual occupant. A familiar, messy desk came into view as Jack popped his head around the corner. Kolbert was seated behind it, leaning back in his chair.

“Yo, Kolbert?”

“Huh?” he snorted, snapping up. “Oh Jack! I was… I think I may have dozed off at some point. Did you just get here?”

“I did. Sorry for interrupting your nap.”

“No worries. I was not entirely asleep.”

“Sure seemed like it…”

He straightened his glasses and pushed them back up his nose.

“Then maybe I was. Regardless, have a seat. What brings you here?”

“Well,” said Jack, finally coming out from behind the bookshelf, “Lets see. I mixture of boredom, wanting to ask more questions, and needin’ to walk around some on account of my damned back.”

“Your back… Would it happen to be ar— err… arthritis?”

“It would be. How did you know?”

“Jonthin overheard you talking about it. He came by a few days ago asking about it.”

“Ohh, eavesdropping was he? What’d he ask?”

“What you call arthritis, we call joint lock. He wondered if there was anything here on it happening to young adults.”

“I can tell you, without a shadow of a doubt, that it happens. Namely because I live with it.”

“I see… What do you do to treat such a thing? In your world that is.”

“TNF Inhibitors, NSAIDs, steroid injections, joint replacements…”

“P-Pardon?”

“Medicine. We use medicine. A physical thing, not related to arcane.”

“Did you use any of those?” asked Kolbert, scribbling something down on a spare piece of paper.

“I took TNF inhibitors once a week, sorry, sech. Of course, now I can’t.”

“What will you do now?”

“Well… I’d wager, based on past experience, I have about another month—four sechs—until things get real bad. Like, I can’t walk anymore, kinda bad. Perhaps less considering I had a bout of it thanks to my run-in with Ada. Thing is, for all I know it could happen tomorrow. It's not a gradual build up or anything, it just happens like that.”

Jack snapped his fingers.

“Is there anything you, or we, could do?”

“Meds are out of the question. I can’t replicate decades of rheumatology research in a month without knowing shit about it to begin with. As for what you could do… I don’t know. How do you guys manage pain?”

“That is something you would have to ask Jonthin. I am not an authority on that sort of thing.”

“Surely you’ve had to use such things, right?” Jack folded his arms.

“I have, but I know nothing about them. Arcane or otherwise.”

“Then it looks like I’ll be talking to Jonthin sooner or later,” he sighed. “Anyway, enough about me. What have you been up to?”

Kolbert shifted the papers around on his desk.

“Ohh, the usual work of creating records and digging up literature on the various creatures students bring back, regarding that, the last of the Rites finishes today, I think. Besides that, I have been looking for something, fiction or otherwise, that might give me any hints of your being here.”

“I…” Jack blinked, “Completely forgot I asked you to do that. Did you, uhh… find anything?”

“As I have told you, there are plenty of stories of mythical beasts from the beyond,” he waved his hands around for emphasis, “but almost nothing on people doing or witnessing what you have done.”

“Almost nothing?”

“I have found two things that strike me as odd after what you have told me. In foundational creationist texts—religious texts, put simply—there are a number of instances of things just… appearing? Mostly at the whint of the creator.”

“The hell’s whint mean?”

“Err… say you do something just for the sake of doing something. You would being doing that on a whint.”

“Ahh. Whim, we would say whim.”

“I see. Regardless, there was one other text I found—an excerpt from something larger, really. It was from a written account of the Estrian Civil War. It is not much, but it recounts an odd band of individuals employed by the Reformists to fight in their battles. All it says is they acted odd and the beast that they rode to battle was even more so.”

Papers slid around the desk until Kolbert managed to find something among them: a book. He thumbed through the pages.

“To quote it: ‘The beast crawled to battle, you might even say slid. When it got to where it wanted to be, and spotted something we considered a threat, all it had to do was look in the direction and roar. Whatever was there was not, after that.’ Odd, as you can see. Would you happen to know of any beasts like this, Jack?”

“Ha!” he laughed, “I can’t say I do, and quite frankly, I’m glad.”

“Well, that is all I have, for now that is. There is plenty I have not read yet.”

Jack rubbed his chin, longer than normal.

“I don’t know what to make of that excerpt. I’d need to know more about the odd soldiers to come to any conclusions. For all we know they could have been a little weird, not from a different planet. As for the beast, I understand many people come to the Colored Wood and come out with exotic creatures?”

“You would be correct.”

“So perhaps it came from the woods too. If you can find anything on those soldiers, let me know.”

“Will do, Jack. What are your thoughts on the first finding?”

“I have a lot more to say about that one. My understanding of religious texts—and don’t take this the wrong way—is that they often come with… baggage, of the fictional variety to explain otherwise unexplainable things. To put it simply, chances are something like what was described did happen and they needed to explain it.”

“No offense taken. If I have learned anything during my lifetime, it is that things are never that simple. Especially the kind of simple found in religion. Not to say I do not believe, though.”

“This is neither here nor there, but is your stance common? Of your religion that is.”

“Belief depends on who you ask and where they are from. Some take the Creator and texts very seriously, others want nothing to do with them.”

“Interesting… Not too different from my world I see. Anyway, back to my translocation event. Honestly, I didn’t think you’d be able to find anything, hence why I forgot about tasking you to look, so thanks... In the meantime it wouldn’t hurt to retrace my footsteps, examine them, and examine the world around them. What can you tell me about the Colored Wood?”

Kolbert straightened himself in his seat.

“That place is something that has perplexed us for ages. My father, Meyer, spent his entire life studying that place. He documented all the different creatures that students brought back from the Rite as well as anything he found himself, among other things. There is a whole bookshelf dedicated to just his work, then there are the other bookshelves dedicated to literature related to the Colored Wood as a whole.”

“Did he ever come to any conclusion?”

“He did. It was that he was not close to one. Like those before him, he went to the grave without an answer. I fear I may end up the same.”

“That's just how the cookie crumbles, unfortunately. The uhh… the creatures people bring back, do people only ever see them in the Colored Wood?”

“No, but it is rather uncommon,” Kolbert scratched his beard. “I would say a little less than half of all those found end up being spotted outside the forest. When they are, it is almost always after they were spotted in the forest. That, and they have an active community at that point.”

“Active communities? How’d you know that?”

“More sightings over time, sightings of children, those sorts of things.”

“Yeah,” Jack nodded. “That’ll do it. How confident are you of these reports and what you think they indicate?”

“More confident than not. Meyer worked with other researchers to gather a rather dense timeline of sightings as well as hiring trackers to follow some of the communities around.”

“And he did that with every single one?”

“Yes.”

“That’s a lot of fuckin’ work,” chuckled Jack. “And now you do it?”

“I do, in part. I lack a whole bookshelf worth of work, though.”

“Do the reports contain drawings?”

“They do…?”

“Alright. From the next time we meet onwards, I want you to bring out a few reports so that we may discuss them. And by ‘discuss’, I mean you read them to me because I can’t read.”

“I will honor your request, but may I ask why? Besides your curiosity that is.”

“Among other things, I want to see if I recognize any of them.”

“How…” Kolbert paused and pushed up his glasses. “Oh, I see. If you know them, that means they came here like you, or the reverse. I have pondered the idea.”

“I hadn't thought of the reverse, but yeah, you’re gettin’ it.”

“It will not prove that the portal itself exists though. I believe you, I think, on account of everything you have said and done, but others will not be so easily convinced. Of the portal that is.”

“Oh, I’m well aware Kolbert,” sighed Jack. “So I gotta walk before I can run. The thing with theories is you might not be able to prove that the lynchpin exists, but you can prove that the wheel, all its spokes, and the axle exist. If they do, then there must be a lynchpin.”

The heavy wooden chair creaked as Kolbert leaned back.

“An interesting comparison... about the wheels of a carriage no less,” he chuckled.

“So you know what a lynchpin is? Good. I was worried I’d have to explain. That always kinda ruins analogies.”

There was a brief silence broken by Jack shifting in his seat and clearing his throat.

“Anyway,” he continued. “The first proverbial ‘spoke’ that I know everyone can agree on is that animals don’t just suddenly pop into existence. They come from somewhere. What's the most accepted theory as to how these new animals just start appearing in the Colored Wood?”

“Well, it depends on who you ask. If you ask someone from the Church, then they say the Creator puts them there sometimes. If you ask anyone else, then they say the creatures migrate there. If you ask me, then I say they are both wrong.”

“Then what do you think it is?”

“I know enough on the subject to say neither option is right. The Creator is not only gone, but even if he were here he would create the phenomenon, not be it. As for the others, they have not read enough to know that migration is not the answer. As for your theory, it is the most plausible one I have heard thus far, but almost too simple.

“Sometimes the answer is right under our nose. Often it takes a different perspective to actually see it. Unless you can see under your nose. I can’t, not without a mirror anyways.”

“Time will tell us then. I look forward to your conclusion, regardless if it brings me any closer or not.”

“And I look forward to the material you provide for my conclusion. Speaking of, when can we start?”

“We could start now. I would just have to—”

Kolbert stopped mid sentence to the library door opening.

“Or maybe not just yet,” he continued.

The footstops drew closer and their owner stepped out from behind a bookcase.

“Definitely not,” mumbled Jack.

“Miss Seliota!” exclaimed Kolbert. “What brings you here today.”

“I was looking for Jack. I hope he was not bothering you too much.”

“Not at all.”

Jack nodded

“I wasn’t, and I don’t think you need to ask that every time I’m here. Anyway, do you need me for something? We were about to start something important.”

“I just thought you would want to greet Otono when he comes back from the Rite,” she shrugged.

As she was about to turn around, Jack stopped her.

“Oi! Hold it right there! You should’ve just opened with that. I wanna see what wacky creature he brings back.”

“Did he not tell you that he was going today?”

“No…?”

The author's narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

Celsia sighed

“For as smart as he is…”

“Happens to the best of us, Celsia. No exceptions.”

“So are you coming or not?”

“It’s at the front gate, right?”

“Yes.”

“Then you go, I’ll catch up.”

She nodded, turned tail, and left.

“We’ll continue our efforts later?” said Jack, turning to Kolbert.

“Do you have a time in mind?”

“Nope. I’ll just appear here like usual. Just set aside some relevant literature for when that happens, yeh?”

“Then I look forward to it, whenever it may be.”

“Epic.”

Jack waved goodbye and took off, leaving Kolbert alone with all his books and a lot more to think about, like usual.

* * *

Fortunately for Jack, Celsia hadn’t gotten far.

“You know,” he said, slowing down to a walking pace. “For someone as tall as yourself you don’t walk as fast as I’d think.”

“And for someone so short you certainly walk rather fast. Do you not get winded?”

“As a matter of fact, I do, on account of me being unable to move faster than a crawl for three years of my life.”

“Leaving you as weak and child-like as you are now?”

“I’ll interpret that as an observation and not an insult,” he frowned. “But yes, you’d be correct.”

“And your height?”

“I was born like this. What’s with you people and height?”

“You came out of your mother that tall?” she asked, ignoring the latter question

Jack had some choice regarding entering and exiting mothers, but he held his tongue, perhaps for the best.

“Ok. let me rephrase that. I stopped growing when I was this tall.”

He patted the top of his head.

“That was a joke,” snickered Celsia. “But thank you for clarifying.”

“No Problem…” he sighed.

When they arrived at the main gate, a sizable crowd had gathered, much larger than the one that greeted him when he had arrived. It was probably due to the fact that Otono wasn’t Celsia. A shitty reason, but one nonetheless. There was a fair amount of commotion going on already and judging by the amount of people craning their necks to see over one another, he had just gotten back.

“Just in time. Too bad we can’t see. Looks like he brought somethin’ back worth ogling over.”

Celsia didn’t respond, instead she frowned more than usual.

“So…” Jack continued. “You ought to lift me up on your shoulders so one of us can see.”

“No!” she snapped. “I am not lifting you up. And why should you be the only one to see, why not lift me up instead?”

“Didn’t we just just finish talking about how feeble and child-like I am? You’re a strong, grown woman. I know you have the strength to thrash me around, let alone lift me up.”

“No. Not happening.”

“Ok, alright. I guess neither of us will see then,” he said, folding his arms.

Before they could continue their back-and-forth, someone on the other side of the crowd began to speak, loud enough to quiet down the rest. It was Headmaster Sarmirylis.

“Let it be known that Otono of family De’Villa has come back with a companion!” she yelled. “With this the class has completed the rite!”

The crowd cheered. The noise soon died down and slowly but surely, the crowd began to disperse. Jack managed to worm his way through the thinning crowd and end up at the front. What greeted him was some others still making conversation, the Headmaster, her assistant, Otono, and whatever was standing next to them. It twisted its neck to look at him, sleek gray fur glinting in the sunlight as it shifted. The face—the side that turned to him, at least—was almost entirely made up of a virtually featureless off-white dome, seated a smidge back into its otherwise headless neck.

“Christ,” he squeaked.

Jack couldn’t really grasp what he was looking at. Whatever it was, it was far more worm-like than not, besides its legs of course. It was the best he could come up with.

“Oh, Jack. I was wondering if you would come!”

“Heyyyy Otono,” he said cautiously. “Nice companion dude. The fuck is it?”

It curled its neck down as he said this. Two arms, not obvious before, unfolded themselves from the base of its neck. Their little hands rubbed its stump, almost as if they were searching for the head. Then again, for all he knew, it was scratching its ass. Celsia finally made her way to them and stopped behind Jack. Before she could say something smarmy to him or Otono, she saw what was drawing all the attention.

“Oh my…” she gasped.

‘This is a ‘caparsis’,” the Headmaster giggled, finally breaking her silence. “I find a certain amount of irony in both the human companion and his caretaker gawking at someone’s companion.”

“We— If you put anything like that in front of someone they’ll gawk,” retorted Jack.

“Fair enough,” she shrugged. “In any case, Otono if you would follow me I need to assign you a stable and tell you everything you need to know about your new friend.”

“Oh! Oh!” exclaimed Jack. “Can I come? I want to know more about the eldritch abomination.”

“I see no problem with that,” said Otono

The assistant finally broke his silence.

“Should we?” he asked, turning to the headmaster.

“He can come. Perhaps he may offer us some insight if what I heard is true.”

“Mhmm,” nodded Jack.

He whipped around to Celsia.

“Don’t say it.”

“Say what?” she smiled.

“The bit about me doing something stupid.”

“I never said anything, but if you remember first then I suppose I have done my job.”

“Whatever, I have science to do.”

* * *

If you’ve ever wondered what a worm with fur and four legs looks like, I’ve got good news. No drawing though, just news. Walking to my left is such a creature, a “caparsis.” It was picked up by my dear friend Otono through the Rite of Companionship. I have been examining it intensely, from a safe distance of course, since I laid eyes on it. I shouldn’t say that, I've had my eyes on this notebook and the pavement ahead of me to achieve the delicate balance that is walking and writing.

Perhaps comparing it to a worm isn’t entirely accurate. The only worm-like proportioned areas are its neck and tail, the body changes dimensions to accommodate the proper machinery for hind and forelegs as well as two small arms at the base of its neck. Easily, the two things that are most… concerning, about this creature are its legs and head. The neck just ends, no obvious head, just a… dome. There are a handful of features among the fur other than this that peak out, such as the barbels that protrude from the circumference of its stump, but from here none of them are obviously complex sensory organs. I couldn’t say what that dome is, this is extraterrestrial life, I couldn’t even tell you if it's bone or not. It does look like it, though. The constants of life on Earth cannot be applied here. Anyway, this dome is seated back in the neck an inch or so. As for its legs, coming off of its foot is a separate extension of the leg different from that attaching to the body. It is quite long, the forelegs’ is longer than the hinds’, though. Folded neatly between this extension, the torso and the leg itself is what appears to be a sheet of skin. Could this be the structure of a wing? Intuition tells me no. This creature is far too large, blunted, and above all, it walks way too well for something that flies.

“Does it fly?” Jack blurted out, pointing to the creature with his pencil.

“It does,” answered Otono. "It flew some of the way here."

“Oh.”

Just asked. It flies. So it possesses the limbs of a bat, or close to it, but unlike the bat, it doesn’t walk like it should be confined to a wheelchair. It seems well adjusted to walking, that's why I question whether it flies or not. You either can swing one way, not both. That's what evolution has shown me anyway. Either way, it flies in some capacity. I hope to get a better look at the morphology of this creature sooner or later.

After some walking, they came to a stop in the front of a rather large building. Jack had previously passed this same building on his occasional walks through campus. It distinguished itself from its neighbors by being the most home-like out of all them all. That, and it was predominantly constructed from wood as opposed to stone, like the vast majority of the campus. The Assistant stepped ahead of everyone and pushed open the large wooden door, holding it open for the rest of the group. Jack walked in last, behind the caparsis

Definitely the ass-end, he thought, eyeing its rear.

Much of the interior was devoid of furniture or decorations, or this room was at least. There was a coffee table and some chairs off in a corner, however. If everyone and their companion came here for a “debriefing,” then it would make sense to not have much for them to break. Before seating herself, Headmaster Sarmirylis addressed her assistant:

"Liyer, would you be a dear and fetch the pages on caparses from Instructor Arnes?"

He nodded and closed the door behind himself. The Headmaster shifted her attention to Otono.

"I am certain you know where we are, but for the unknowing…" she eyed Jack, "This is my home, I bring students here to brief them on their new companions."

"Did she not bring you and Celsia here, Jack?" asked Otono.

“Nope.”

“I tend to take all but the most generic partners here.”

“You consider a human companion generic?”

“I do not, but I did not think informing Celsia on how to take care of a human was necessary considering she is one…” she paused. “In hindsight maybe I should have.”

“I’m surprised you haven’t thus far.”

“I have been busy.”

“Busy enough to forego a rather important development for your field of study?” Jack retorted.

"Kolbert is not the only one doing research my dear. Between my work as Headmaster and your predicament, I have not had the time to talk at any meaningful length with you."

“Fair enough.”

“One of these days I will find the time.”

The caparsis that had seated itself next to the table let out a loud snort. Otono, who was rubbing the back of its neck, stopped.

“Was that a happy noise?” he asked.

“I think we’d know if it wasn’t,” said Jack, finally sitting down. “But what do I know?”

Now much closer than before, he noticed that the dome was, in fact, split into two halves. The sharply zigzag-ing gap ran vertically relative to the rest of the creature and disappeared behind the flesh lip-ring serving as the border to the rest of its body.

"Well it seems as if you know more than me," said Otono. "The most I know is the name."

"I… would've thought you'd know something about the creatures you could find out there," Jack eyed the Headmaster.

"They do," she replied. "But we do not spend much time on things they are not expected to find."

"Then what if they do?"

"Carparses are more than friendly. Is it not reasonable to educate on the most likely possibilities?"

"Edward Murphy would have something to say about that."

"Whom?"

"Dunno. Only know that law of his."

"When is the last time someone brought one back?" Questioned Otono, sensing a need to change the subject.

"Hmm… Forty cycles perhaps? You would be better asking Instructor Arnes who will no doubt be coming back with Liyer. He is the expert on these things after all."

"So is that number a guess on your part or…?"

Otono nudged Jack.

"You are talking to the Headmaster, Jack, not Celsia."

"I'm not trying to be rude," he retorted, "All I'm doing is questioning certainty, something fair considering what's been said, no?"

"I know when someone is trying to be rude, so plenty fair," she said. "Regardless, I prefer it when people question me."

"See?" Jack nudged Otono. "Nothin' to worry about."

"Need I remind you about your squabble with Ada?"

"I was trying to insult her, which she deserved, mind you."

Before anything more could be said, the door swung open.

"I heard the good news and had to come!" exclaimed Kolbert, papers in hand."

"Not only did he insist on coming," Liyer closed the door behind them, "But he also demanded that we stop by the kitchen and get this… assortment of scraps."

He presented the small crate of possibly edible things before placing it upon the table.

"It is necessary!"

Kolbert rushed across the room to greet the caparsis, much like how any over enthusiastic dog lover would.

"Hello little girl..." he stroked the back of its neck. "I thought I would never see another of you."

"Little?" asked Otono. "Girl?" added Jack, simultaneously.

"This one is young. It will not take long for her to grow much larger. And to answer Jack's question, yes, this one is a girl."

"How much larger do they get?"

"Large enough for you or I to comfortably ride."

"And it'd let you?"

"Of course! They are rather quick to pick up on intentions. Smart ones they are, perhaps among the smartest."

Oh really… thought Jack.

"Regardless," he continued, "Before I explain the intricacies of caring for a caparsis, I need to address something."

Kolbert began sifting through the box of scraps

"Carparses are messy eaters. Rather than scaring you later after trying to explain, it is best just to show you."

"You best be prepared to clean up any splatter," sighed the Headmaster.

"That is time I am more than willing to part ways with."

Kolbert grabbed a hunk of bone and meat and waved it around, catching the caparsis's attention. With a low growl, the skin around its stump of a neck rolled back slightly. The boney plate pushed forward slightly then opened horizontally. The result was a set of massive mandibles.

"How…" Jack blinked, "Phallic? Gross…"

Kolbert tossed the bone into the air. That very moment after it left his hand, the caparsis shot its head out and slammed its jaws shut splitting the chunk in two. Its jaws quickly retreated back into its mouth bringing the food with it.

“I will never get tired of that,” he said. “As you can see they eat violently, not because they want to, but because that is how they function. That mouth of theirs is either open or closing very fast. They like it when you toss their food in the air, it is what they are used to.”

Otono nodded as vigorously as Jack scribbled.

“Well, with that out of the way. I still need to fill you in on taking care of a caparsis. Where did I put those papers…”

As Kolbert explained the intricacies of caring for a caparsis, Otono vigorously scribbled down notes. He wasn’t the only one taking notes though. Like usual, Jack sat off to the side making his own notes all the while attempting to interact with the beast. Fortunately, a gentle whistle was all it took to draw its attention. It came to him and dipped its head leaning down to his shoes. The caparsis began to wave its head around by his feet.

“What are ya doin’ silly?”

The barbels, about an inch or two in length, on its lip rubbed against his pants. It worked its way up Jack’s legs and when it reached his knees, reared up, putting a foot on either of his legs and began working up his torso. Kolbert, who was still lecturing Otono, stopped to witness the spectacle.

“Do not mind her Jack. She is just inspecting you much like a dog would, without the sniffing of course.”

“What about the licking?” Jack pushed his head further back into the cushion of his seat.

“No. No licking.”

“Oh thank God.”

Despite the word of relief, his head still remained sunken back into the seat. Fortunately, it never went any further up than his chest. Doing the best he could to not disturb the carparsis still half seated on his lap, Jack clicked the button on his pencil and scribbled something down in his journal. Suddenly, the creature reached out its hands grasping at the air, each set of its four fuzzy fingers opening and closing much like an infant would.

“What? You want this?”

He held up the pencil, as it continued to reach for it. Against his better judgement—knowing better to let any infant or infant-like creature bend his will—he let the caparsis take the pencil. It held it in both hands underneath its neck and twirled it around. Jack craned his neck to get a better look underneath. Beneath its head on the neck were two fist sized lumps tucked snuggle into the fur.

Eyes, he thought, and compound ones by the looks of it.

Had he the means, he would have written his revelation down that very moment. Jack scratched his chin.

Click.

He looked back at the pencil. The caparsis had pinched it between its fingers, albeit awkwardly.

Click.

It hit the button again. Jack gasped.

“Again,” he whispered.

Click

“Oh my God. You seein’ this shit?”

Jack looked over his shoulder expecting someone to be there, no one was.

“You wanna try?” he shifted his attention back to the author in training.

He opened his journal to the next blank page. After a moment, it reached down and put the pencil to the paper. It drew a line, not straight by any means, but a line nonetheless. It then placed the pencil down onto the notebook. Jack circled the not-so-straight line a dozen or so times and wrote a note beside it reading: “ITS LEARNING.”

In a manner not totally unlike Psychologists attempting to teach chimps intelligent things, Jack began to try and teach things to his intelligent animal friend. He began pointing at things within reach, hoping it might mimic him or more importantly grasp the idea behind the gesture. It wasn't long before the caparsis following his finger and not long after even decided to point at Otono.

"Fuck me," he exclaimed, "You're hellishly smart!"

"Is something wrong?" Asked Kolbert, pausing his lecture.

Jack pointed to the caparsis, who pointed back.

"I just taught it what it means to point at something like that."

He snapped his fingers.

"I did say they were smart…"

"Yeah, but gestures initiating mutual contemplation--like pointing--are almost entirely exclusive to humans and other primates. The only reason other primates do it to begin with is because they watch us. That isn't something they learn overnight, let alone in a few... moments. Not only does this gesture mean caparses are incredibly smart, smarter than any species I know about, but it also implies that they are a social species considering they have this level of behavioral mimicry to begin with. Why else would they have it?"

The length and speed of Jack's speech left him winded, and everyone else wordless.

"What?" asked Liyer.

"If I am not mistaken, that was likely the aforementioned insight," said Otono.

"Ah shit," Jack scratched his head. "That probably didn't make any sense, did it?"

"No, it did not. Would you like to put it in different terms for the less… insightful?" suggested Headmaster Sarmirylis.

"...for the less insane," mumbled Liyer.

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that," said Jack. "Anyway, where should I start… Well, for starters, primates are creatures typically characterized by their intelligence. We, humans, are primates and so are the rest of the great apes. Oh, and for the record, monkeys are not apes. If I catch any of you conflating the two I'll put soap in your mouth just like Celsia did to me."

"She what?" asked the Headmaster

"I walked in on her trying to feed him soap," said Otono.

"In hindsight it was pretty funny," added Jack.

"You hid behind me."

"Like I said, funny."

"Well…" sighed Headmaster Sarmirylis. "I suppose it is good to know she has an affinity for idiocy, just like her brother."

"And just like the rest of us," Jack once again added. "Everyone was dropped some distance as a baby."

Kolbert cleared his throat.

“Should we be getting back to the topic?”

“Right. Now where was I… Yeah, apes. Long story short, if any creature that’s not an ape displays even a fraction of our intelligence, it is considered an achievement. Certain examples come to mind, such as some birds like crows or ravens. Not apes but comparatively smart.”

“So what would you consider our friend here?”

“Uhh…” Jack rubbed his chin. “Other than smart, I don’t know. I don’t know enough about it nor do I think I can apply Earthly taxonomy to categorize alien life. I’m not an astrobiologist, I just don’t know…”

“You lost me,” Kolbert said, adjusting his glasses. “What—”

“Wait!”

Jack plated his hands on the arms of his chair.

“I am an astrobiologist! Like, a full blown one too. Move the fuck over scientific community, your boy found a whole ass animal, not some stupid microorganism.”

The caparsis, which had returned to the floor at some point, was again pointing at Otono. He seemed concerned, as did everyone else.

“Ahh… I was rambling again. I’m normally pretty good at not doing that. Been a while since I’d let it slip.

“I think it has not been as long as you think,” said Otono.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It—”

“Don’t answer.”

Otono raised his hands defensively.

“Well,” huffed Kolbert after a brief silence, “Our student has all the information and then some. Anything you would like to add, Headmaster?”

“Midday tomorrow, meet me here. I need to sort out proper accommodations for when your companion inevitably outgrows your dorm.”

“Yes ma’am,” nodded Otono.

“Then I believe we are done here.”

With that everyone gathered their things and headed to the door. Liyer made sure Kolbert did not forget his box of meat. The caparsis trotted after Otono following him out the door. Like usual, Jack took his time leaving. On his way out the door a hand fell on his shoulder.

“I would like a word with you,” asked Headmaster Sarmirylis. “If you have the time that is.”

“I got plenty of time these days. Hit me”

“Hit you?”

“With your words.”

“Oh… Well, The whole campus knows you.”

“I figured. People know who I am before I can say a word. The staff meet me with curiosity, as I’d expect. The students? A mixed bag.”

“Ada—”

He cut her off.

“Ok, I know where this is going. I shouldn’t go around aggravating the locals. I don’t disagree, I… just got lost in the moment.”

“Then we are on the same page, good. Though, it should be said that I do not expect good behavior with someone such as her.”

“She has a history of being… aggravating?”

“To say the least. If she bothers you, I am surprised Celsia has not gotten a rise out of you yet.”

“Oh-ho-ho, she has. Believe me.”

The Headmaster straightened herself out.

“And yet you stay?”

“I know at least part of you thinks I am insane, but let me tell you, there is a big difference between insane and stupid. I have a grasp on my immediate situation and leaving would not help. I’ve tried to be patient with her, and as far as I’m concerned, I’ve done a pretty good job. Patience is virtue, as well as a bringer of answers.”

“What do you plan on doing with your answers?”

“Everyone’s supposedly heard the story: ‘The boy from the other world.’ The first order of business is proving my claims.”

“Well, I think all of us stand to learn something from your endeavors, no matter how strange, or believable. I look forward to it.”

Jack sighed.

“So do I.”