The Misadventures of Cheesus

At the dawn of time itself, there was a mouse, the mousiest of mice. He was the mouse god. This mouse had a son. A son named Cheesus. He wanted his son to be filial to him, but Cheesus had other plans. Instead of staying in the domain of mouse gods, he ventured into the abyss. There he took on many adventures and made a name for himself among mouse kind. Soon, he got bored of it all and took on a hobby. He became a carpenter.

Eons went by and some forgot about him. Those who remembered had lost their ideals about him.  Some mice said he’s the son of the mouse god, some say he’s a carpenter. But to all, he was Cheesus.

There was a chant that passed through the generations. “Praise be to god, our grate lord. May you bring upon us Gouda times.” The highly religious mice often chant it over and over which annoyed Cheesus.

“What’s so great about dad anyways?” He would often ask himself. “The lazy bastard just sits around all day on his cheese based throne and eat.”

But the mice remains fanatics regardless of what Cheesus told them. So he gave up.

Then one day, he stumbled upon something great. Something that not even his father could get, the god cheese.

Wanting to prove once and for all, that his father was not the almighty cheese god, he set aside his carpentry and once again took upon the mantle of an adventurer.

He joined the race, not to become a god, but to get the cheese. For his name was Cheesus, the son of the mouse god.

As soon as his tiny vessel got past the gate to the first domain, it was destroyed. He ended up avoiding the serpent due to his tiny size and managed to stow away on another participant’s ship.

Soon he learned the ship’s name was Sinclair Jr. It had a very unorthodox design. It was more of an apartment than a boat.

He got lost immediately in all the vents and tunnels.

Soon, he realized how messed up the ship was. He had seen many horrors in his life, but never something so devious. He saw a ghost toy with an innocent child, a man scientist ripping parts off an innocent girl with no legs, he even saw a bald muscular man pound the crap out of fresh humanoid fruits. He could still hear the screams of those poor fruits as they were crushed brutally.

It sent shivers down his spine. Worst of all was the tall and large woman. She kept something secret in her room that nearly made Cheesus vomit. Oh the horrors, oh the mousy horror!

In the end, he decided he could not reveal himself. The crew will rip him to shreds and pick their teeth with his bones.

Then one morning, a rich aroma awoke him from a state of despair. It was the most delicious smelling thing he ever had the pleasure to have his nostrils be stimulated by. His body moved on its own and soon he saw the large bald muscular man in a pink apron. He was humming whilst dropping batter onto a hot iron pan with lumps on it. The sizzling was soon followed by the screams of humanoid berries that was mixed in the batter.

No matter how horrifying it was, the aroma still made Cheesus’s mouth water.

He couldn’t resist it. He leaped out of the vents trying to latch onto the plate of finished waffles.

The bald man had reactions like a tiger. He immediately dropped his oven mitts and snatched Cheesus out of the air.

“Now what do we have here,” He said with a glint in his eye. “A little stow away huh?”

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Cheesus couldn’t even scream as the bald man put him in the pot.

______

“Hey, everyone! Breakfast is ready!” Egg yelled from the kitchen.

The crew awoke grumpily and limped to the mess hall. Suddenly, the sight of waffles appeared and everyone perked up. It was as if they were suddenly injected with copious amounts of horse testosterone. They madly galloped to the plate of waffles and began to devour it like a group of ravenous ghouls.

“More maple syrup!” Inky shouted at the top of her lungs. Egg threw a bottle into the ravenous pack and she barely managed to catch it before continuing to eat.

Debra has skewered her waffles on her hands and rotated them. She ate it like a piece of corn.

“Pickles!” Rigor shouted. A jar of pickles flew into the air and landed in his ghostly grasp.

“Can I get more banana and honey?” I asked. Egg looked at me with disgust before he took out a plate bananas and a jar of honey.

“Thanks!” I peeled the strangely humanoid shaped bananas and diced them into blocks. I put them over my waffles and drizzled the honey on top.

“My god Egg, I love your waffles!” Everyone shouted whilst eating. Egg only sighed and shook his head with a smile.

Beatrix walked in looking very tired, but soon she joined the waffle feast as well.

“Yo Egg, give me some of your ale to wash this down!” She laughed. I could see a blood vessel twitch on Egg’s forehead.

“No ale for breakfast,” He said firmly.

She frowned but with the number of waffles stuffed in her mouth, her efforts to beg was to no avail.

“Just eat,” Egg said firmly as he sat down as well. His plate had waffles on it too, but they looked different.

“What type of waffles are those?” I asked him.

“I made my favorite, I call it ‘Surprise Guest Special’,” Egg said with a grin.

He bit into it and a chilling scream exploded forth.

“What the heck?”

“Don’t worry, it’s just the screaming blueberries I added to it,” Egg said whilst happily munching.

“I swear Egg, those humanoid fruits you grow really are creepy, but damn are they delicious.”

“You never told me where you got them?”

“It’s a family secret.”

“Aren’t we family?”

“Unless you marry me, no,” Egg said with a straight face.

I nearly spat out the waffles in my mouth.

“Just kidding,” Egg said with a laugh as he slapped my back while I was choking.

“Wait a minute, what’s that thing in your waffle?” Beatrix asked.

“Oh that, I had a lacking an ingredient earlier. Luckily a guest brought it to me.”

I looked at Egg’s waffle. A part of it was covered in gray fur.

“Why is your waffle furry?”

“Like I said, a guest,” Egg smiled innocently.

“I-I think your waffle is moving.”

We all turned around at looked at Egg’s waffle. It was indeed moving. The tiny gray fur was twitching and it came alive.

“Oh, it wasn’t dead? Interesting,” Egg said with an evil grin.

A small mouse came crawling out of the waffle. It looked at us in fear.

“What do we have here?” Jobs asked with interest. “It would seem the creature could revive!”

“What a cute little thing!” Debra and Inky both wanted to pet it.

“Get that rodent away from me!” Beatrix screamed. Oh, ho, ho, it would seem I have found one of her weaknesses.

Suddenly I realized something. “How come no one wondered why Egg had a mouse in his waffle…?”

I was ignored.

Anyways, the mouse stared at us like a deer looking at an upcoming truck.

“Hey Captain, can you let me keep it? I have something I want to research,” Jobs quickly said.

“Yea Captain, he’s adorable. Can we keep it?” Both Debra and Inky asked.

“Fine, fine, we can keep the rat. Just make sure you feed it and keep it away from anything important.”

I sighed. My crew cheered. Only Beatrix looked green and Egg looked annoyed that his breakfast got away.

______

Cheesus was in pain. The bald man skinned him alive and baked him into the aromatic delicacy. He could feel his skin burn with and cook. His blood boiled and his body roasted to perfection. He soon passed out. But since he was the son of the mouse god, he soon revived after only 30 minutes. He revived inside of the delicious delicacy surrounded by the monstrous giants. He looked around only to realize the bite marks on the piece he was in. If he had revived just a few moments later, he would have been digested. Being constantly revived inside of another person is just nightmarish. He would be slowly corroded by the acid over and over again. Eventually passing through. It would be a hellish cycle.

Cold sweat dripped from his pointy nose as he realized they had spotted him. It would seem the mad man was interested in his ability to revive. The innocent girls seemed to have taken a liking to his adorably round body. The sickening large woman was disgusted by his appearance.

“I only have one chance,” Cheesus said to himself as he tried to make the most adorable face ever.

It worked. The Captain of the ship accepted him as a pet. At least he was alive. But looking at the fanaticism inside the mad man’s eyes, Cheesus soon worry about his own sanity.

But those worries were soon replaced with fear when he saw the bald muscular giant’s expression.

“Oh god, he wanted to eat me still.”

It sent shivers down his spine.

“Daddy, save me…”

But his pleas went unheard.