"But you always knew," thought Helena.
"Yeah," Winnie thought back.
Helena peered through Winnie's memories, seeing the conversation Winnie had with Victoria about the deal to get Helena a body in exchange for cooperation. Helena dug back further to when Winnie was overhearing the truth from Paul, and the anger Winnie had felt thinking about how Victoria was responsible for her father's death. Then Helena saw Winnie's last phone conversation with her dad.
Winnie mentally recoiled.
Helena stopped. "Sorry."
"No. It's okay. Look."
Helena witnessed the memory as though it were her own. She saw the announcement on the news, and Winnie's mother trying desperately to reach her husband. Winnie shared final words with her father, knowing they would be their last, but not fully understanding why. She'd imagined her father's final moments, screaming at the phone, then staring at the city when that final flash of white came.
"Were those actually your dad's final moments?"
"I don't know. I guess they might actually be."
"And Victoria did this to you?"
"In a roundabout sort of way, yeah."
"And you agreed to keep her secret?"
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"It was her condition on her giving you a body."
"But she killed your dad."
"But what am I going to do about it? If I even think of rebelling, she'd know, and she'd make me forget everything. I'd rather know the truth."
"Why didn't she?"
"I guess because I agreed to help her anyway. If she had made me forget and I later found out, I'd probably run away before she could do it again."
"But then—"
"Yeah. She could just find me and erase my memories again. I thought about ways I might protect myself from her. Maybe I could write down everything on a piece of paper. You know... Victoria caused the war and killed your dad. She promised to give Helena a body once she's in control again. All the stuff she might make me forget, but then I realized she'd read my mind and see the note. Then she'd just get rid of it first."
"What if you put it somewhere she couldn't get to it?"
"I can't think of anywhere. I thought maybe the admin section of my clothing website, but then she just get the password from my mind. The best plan I came up with was to use one of those ‘Last Wishes' sites people use for when they die. You know... you send it a bunch of messages. Then if you don't check in with it once in a while, the server emails the messages to your family. That way you sort of send messages from beyond the grave. I figured I could make an account, give it my secrets, then change the account name and password to something I don't remember so not even I could stop it."
"But Victoria could contact the website's company," said Helena.
"Exactly, or get into my email. If I were really serious, I could ask Josephine to erase my memory of making the account."
"I thought the memories she takes have to be related to her."
"Oh. Right. So see? Not even that works. Besides, Josephine would have to erase her own mind too, so no matter what I do, Victoria could stop it. I can only trust that she'll keep her word, but now that now that her secret's out, she doesn't have a reason to."
"Don't worry about it so much. If I don't get a body, I don't get a body. Don't let her control you because of me."
"I will get you a body, Helena. Stop trying to talk me out of it. Besides, she can always put me in a tortoise, so what choice do I have? I have to help Victoria no matter what she's done. I'm stuck."