An 18 year old girl with sparkling blonde hair and serene blue eyes walked on a road while carrying a heavy back pack. She wore a simple tunic and a cloak to protect her skin from the heat of the sun.
“....”
When a town came into her sight, the young girl stopped her march and stared hard at it. Her lips quivered as she attempted to swallow every inch of her view. Finally after tens of seconds, the girl said, “I’m back huh....”
The girl then hid her face with a hood and quickly headed to the town.
^^^^
As far as I could remember, I had two names. Crest and June Drake. The former was the name I currently have while the latter was the name I had in my previous life. With this as a context, I’m pretty sure that most people already understand what I am. However, I didn’t really have the memories of my previous life ever since I was born.
I think the reason those memories woke up was because of a certain life-changing event I experienced in the past.
The despair, futility and depression I felt at that moment might have been enough to trigger them up. It’s awakening caused my memories to jumble up and threw my head into confusion. Though the memories of June’s life were a bit ambiguous and unclear in some parts, the sheer amount of it was enough to cause severe headaches for a few days.
In June’s life, he lived a mediocre life in a rural town of an unknown country in a world where magic did not exist and science ruled supreme. The way the people lived their daily lives and how they cope up with the changing seasons were really different from the way the people of this world did.
One day, his country was thrown into confusion by a one-sided declaration of war by its neighbor.In response to the declaration, his country quickly conscripted men, gathered volunteers and armed its people to protect to protect it’s sovereignty from the invaders.
Since that day, the June’s country had become a battleground. No one from his homeland were safe. People he knew died, comrades he met as a volunteer were killed and the friends he held dear were murdered in front of him.
The days of conflict turned to weeks. Weeks turned to months. In the end, after 2 years of fighting in the frontlines, June had realized that his country had lost the war.
June saw hell as he looked at his country’s capital. Hordes of planes flew over the sky as they dropped tons of bombs into his city. Enemy tanks and soldiers mowed down the defenders and killed them without remorse. And, as he turned his gaze back to his front, he saw an enemy soldier point a gun at him.
The enemy soldier shot at June without hesitation. And, within a few seconds, lead bullets pierced through June’s body as if he was made out of paper. He fell to the ground on his back. I didn’t know what kind of face June had made as he stared at the smoke-filled sky. However, because his emotions also came along with his memories, I could somewhat guess the kind of expression he made at that time.
A face full of grief, regret and frustration. A very ugly expression that came from a man who made too many mistakes during his lifetime.
Then, before his memory was cut off, the voice of the soldier who killed him reached his ears.
“Cain... I killed him Cain... I managed to kill your murderer Cain! Hey, where are you? Where are you Cain? Cain!!!”
The soldier sounded frantic and from the tone that he used, anyone could tell that he had gone insane. June thought back to as far as he could, however he never knew anyone who had the name ‘Cain’. Then, as June continued to think back, he made a conclusion. Cain may have been the friend of the soldier that killed him. And from what he said, June may have been the one who killed him.
Realizing that point, the feelings of regret he had felt got stronger. During the early days of war, back when he had just lost his friends, he had volunteered to become a soldier for the sake of revenge. And with that as a goal, he continued to kill the invaders without remorse. Every time he killed the invaders, his comrades and the people he protected would rejoice. At first, June paid no heed towards their cheers. However, the chances he could kill the invaders were not everyday. In fact, peaceful days were more often than the days of battle.
Since he had no choice, he forced himself to spend those days with his comrades. He didn’t like it at first. However, no matter how much his mind wanted revenge, the weariness of his heart had desired the opposite. As a result, he came to like the peaceful time and before he knew it, his goal had changed. Though he still had the desire to avenge his friends, the desire to protect had overshadowed it.
And now, a person who may have been like what he was had shot at him. If Cain was a person who June had killed in the past, then everything would make sense. Though there was a chance that June didn’t kill Cain, the possibility still existed. And because of that possibility, the regret that June felt became stronger and stronger. In the end, as his consciousness grew less lucid, the irony and regret he felt from being killed by a person who had gone insane for loosing a friend in a war dyed his mind in a deep dark color.
And with those feelings lingering, June’s memories were cut off at that point.
June’s death was quite tragic and depressing. However, the things I experienced could somewhat be comparable to his. Though it may not be as gruesome, the feelings felt almost the same.
In my current life, the country that I lived in was called Estria. It was a monarchic country that had 400 years of history.
According to the history I could remember, this country was once a dukedom that was under the control of a certain great empire. When the emperor of that country suddenly died, no one really knew who the rightful successor was. Some said that it rightfully belonged to his first son, the empires first crowned prince. Others said that the second crowned prince was more suited to the throne. A few more then said that the third and fourth princes were just as viable as them.
Tensions rose and a civil war was fought between them. The nobles were split into factions and the commoners followed them in suit. Persecutions, trials and executions became a commonplace. People started to doubt their neighbors. Death became common place and the children suffered the most for losing their parents. As the dark and horrid days continued, the Empire’s people had grown weary from the constant conflict.
So, they petitioned the people who had high ranks in the military to find a way to stop the days of suffering. Though a lot of these were shot down, those that weren’t were deliberated and understood by them. When these reached the ears of the 4 princes, they decided to meet up and negotiate with one another. The negotiations lasted for days, the noblemen who followed them grew paranoid as the princes continued to discuss on what would happen.
In the end, the princes had reached a conclusion. The four of them would each found a country and cut off all relations from the other. The places where they found their respective countries were the places where their influence were strong. Estria was one of those countries that was formed as a result of those discussions. It was located in east of the empire, near the Dwarven-Beastmen alliance.
Since the day of division, Estria had experienced peace and prosperity for 400 hundred years.Although a few battles were fought in its borders, the skirmishes never led to a war.
And in that peaceful country, I was born as the first daughter of a duke house. Because it was a high-ranked noble house, the familiy I belonged to had close relations to royalty. From time to time, my parents would meet up with the King and offer him some advice. What more, though it may sound obvious to some, my father had a very high-rank in the royal court. I didn’t know what it was, however, from what I heard from him, it seemed like his authority was second only to the king.
Thanks to that or should I say to my misfortune, I, who was his eldest daughter, was taught very strictly from a young age. Etiquette, dancing, and proper manners where drilled into me. I wasn’t given any leeway on anything. From day till night, my time were used up to the brim just to learn all of those things. And, since I wanted to respond to my parents expectations, I accepted these with enthusiasm.
One day, when I was 10 years old, father introduced the first prince of Estria to me. With a smile, I made a curtsy as I introduced myself to him. I acted in a prim and proper way. I felt that my introduction was perfect. However, the first prince casted a cold gaze to me before snorting and walked away. Though his actions were quite rude, specially to a lady, I forced myself to endure because he was the first prince of Estria.
When that day came to an end, I asked my father if there was something I did to get a cold reception. And with a scowl he responded, ‘You still have a lot of things to polish. Your bow needs to have more sincerity and your smile needs to look more elegant. I’m gonna increase your tutors next week so you won’t shame our family.’
I responded with a small nod to my father’s words. Not because I wanted to, but because I had no other option but to agree.
A week after that, as father had said, the tutors that taught me increased by two-folds. Thereby, decreasing my free time by half.
The days of tutoring came to an end when I reached the age of 13. The reason wasn’t because my father became gentler, but because I was now old enough to go to school.
Eventually after my father sent me to school, I was reunited with the first prince after 3 years. And, like that day, when I introduced myself to him, I was flatly ignored by him. Even though I was his fiancee, he still ignored me. Although the event was disheartening, even for a child like me, I forced myself to endure it since I was the first daughter of a duke house and was the fiancee of the prince.
Some days after that, as I strolled around the school, I coincidentally stumbled upon the prince. I found him talking to a girl with a gentle smile on his face. The presence that he had as he chatted with the girl were the exact opposite to mine. And, as I gazed upon the two, questions started popping up within my mind.
Who is she? Where did the meet? How did they meet? Where does she come from?
How come he’s smiling with her?
What does that smile mean?
Why? Why? Why? WHY!?
I wasn’t jealous of that girl or anything. I was only anxious. If the prince made such an expression to any girl, he would have at least showed me that because I was his fiancee.
But, in reality, he never did. A simple conclusion could easily be brought up if one judged how he behaves with me. Even I arrived to that conclusion, however, the desire to run away from that answer was strong. What’s more, if that were true, then my position as his fiancee would be in-danger. And if that were to happen, I wouldn’t be able to meet my father’s expectation of me. He may abandon me.
No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
I continued to deny the possibilities that came up as I observed at the prince and the girl. Then, in the middle of my denial, a plan was made within my head.
First, let’s find out what and who that girl is! Let’s make countermeasures after that!
I hired henchmen and informants to dig up the girl’s history. I even used my status as a duke’s daughter to coerce the people around me to answer a few of my questions. And after a few days, I managed to uncover the girl’s identity.
A commoner! How can the prince tolerate a commoner to appear before his presence! A commoner should never appear before a prince casually! She needs to undergo some procedures before appearing before him! I mean he’s the first prince of this country! He’s the future king of Estria!!!
No... wait, this school has accepted other commoners besides her. However, not one of them approached the prince as casually as her.
...
She must be an assassin! An assassin after the prince’s life! My god! I need to ward the prince of... this.
At this point, due to paranoia, anxiety and desperation my reasoning had somewhat died. Any speculations or conspiracies, so long as those things placed the girl in the wrong end of things, I would easily accept it as the truth.
... If I were to warn him... would even listen to me? No... I think he won’t. In the past, he never really opened up to me.
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...
But still, as a noble of this country and as his fiancee, I am obliged to protect his life! But how?
I didn’t know if I had gone mad or not, however, if I had any close friends during these times, he or she may have said that I had gone insane. Sadly for me though, I didn’t have any, so nobody was there to stop me from the plan that hatched up due to my insanity.
What if I showed the prince her real character! If I showed him her true colors, he may even realize what she really is! Heck, he may even go further and find the mastermind behind her! Un! Let’s go with this!
The next day, I started my harassment. Because I didn’t really know how far I could go before she revealed her true colors, everything had started lightly. Things like pushing her down, forcefully ordering her around and backstabbing her. However, the girl was more stubborn than how she looked. Every time I did those things to her, the girl would just smile at me and say, ‘I’m sorry.’ to me. Making me more and more frustrated. As such, every time she directed her smiling face at me, I would escalate my harassment a step further.
Even though I didn’t like doing these things, normally. But because the anxiety and guild had substantially cornered my mind, I wasn’t able to think of other options. As such, I hardened my resolve and continued on. Despite knowing that I was in the wrong.
One day, as I gave out orders to harass the commoner girl, the prince suddenly appeared before me. He didn’t have the cold icy expression he usually faces me nor did he have the gentle expression he uses whenever he’s with the commoner girl. The expression that he had was one of anger. The fires of wrath burnt on his eyes as he stood before me, looking down at my face.
A chill ran down my spine as my instincts understood how he looked at me. He was looking at me as if I was the lowest trash to have ever lived on the land.
I cowered in fear before his presence. As a result, my mind started to deny itself as I attempted to reason out how it had come to this.
Next thing I knew, I was presented before the current king of Estria with my body on the floor and my hands bound to my back. Before the king, the nobles and my family, the prince listed out all the things I did to the commoner girl.
I didn’t deny anything nor did I attempt to voice my reasons to them. It was because my mind wasn’t able to catch up to the things that were happening. I was afraid to face the consequences of my actions. I was in despair because of the thought of what was gonna happen to me. And, I was confused as to why I was being humiliated by the prince.
Despair, fear, confusion and regret dyed my mind in their color thereby triggering the awakening of June’s memories. With its awakening, I couldn’t help but shout out in pain despite the place and time I was in. The king, the prince and the nobles were baffled by my scream. The guards attempted to restrain me, however, before they could even touch me, I had fainted.
Since that day, I experienced severe headaches, sleepless nights and identity confusion for a few weeks. And, while I was in that state, the people around me continued to move their agendas. In the end, even though I was still confused and delirious from June’s memories, I was sentenced into exile and was disowned by my father.
One good thing that happened when I snapped out of my confusion, was that my identity as Crest wasn’t swallowed by June Drake’s identity. I’m not exactly sure why but I think that it may have been because June’s memories were quite ambiguous and vague if I compared it to my memories as Crest.
Well, either way was fine for me though. If I considered the things that happened in his life and in my life. I didn’t really care which identity won, it didn’t really matter all that much to me.
Anyways, by using the memory of June Drake, I was able to survive my days of exile. It was also thanks to his memories that I wasn’t consumed by hatred and revenge. I wonder what would I have done if I was consumed by hatred though but I would digress if I continued this subject.
Though the things he experienced in his life were the main driving force, the the quotes, ‘The opposite of love isn’t hatred, it’s apathy.’ truly sealed the deal. Logically thinking, love and hate means being aware of an individual. Meaning both may mean ‘interest’. If I continued to hate the king, the prince, the nobles and my family for the things I experienced, it’d mean that I still hold ‘interest’. meaning I may still love them.
This is where apathy comes in. Apathy means becoming ‘uninterested’ and with this alone it is obvious that it’s the opposite of ‘interest’. And, if I hold no ‘interest’ to them, it’d mean they would become the same as strangers to me. Who’d care about a stranger, right?
Using June’s experience and that quote as a compass for how I live, I managed to enjoy my new life as an exiled noble’s daughter. What’s more, because of the memories from June’s life, the world that I currently live became more vivid.
According to June’s standard, the world I lived in was considered a ‘fantasy world’. It was mostly because this world had dragons, elves, dwarves, demons, monsters and, most importantly, magic. Thanks to that, I didn’t get trapped in my past and instead made a new goal spontaneously.
“I wanna explore this world! I wanna meet the people of this world! Experience things that could only occur in stories! And... and... live life without regret!!!”
With the shackles from being the fiancee of a prince and being the first daughter of a nobleman off of me, I, for the first time, had tasted freedom. The same kind of freedom that commoners have. And, the same kind of freedom I had in my previous life.
I’m talking about the freedom to do anything, choose anything and to live life according to my whims.
Since that event, 5 years had passed and I had become 18 years old. I managed to tour most of the ’known’ world within those 5 years. During the first year of my journey, I decided to tour the countries that were spawned from the fall of the empire 400 years ago. I spent 3 months in each country before moving to another one. Adding the 3 months I was at school back in Estria, my time as a 13 year old came to an end as I exited the northernmost country of the fallen empire.
In the second year, I visited Lakia, an Elven kingdom that was located north of the fallen empire and lived there for a year. The life I had as I stayed in the Elven country was quite fulfilling and enjoyable. As thanks to their kindheartedness, I helped the people I was indebted to when a time of instability came to their lives. As thanks to my deeds, the Elves wanted to present awards and title to me, however, because I only did it as thanks for what they did. I decided to flee from their and return another time.
Next, I visited Vrom, also known as theBeastmen-Dwarven Alliance that was located east of the old empire. I managed to arrive here at their capital quite easily because of a certain magical beast I had befriended as I stayed with the Elves. There, I met a [Wiseman] who was who taught me the arcane arts. I was afraid of him at first because of his terrifying look, however, when I conversed with him, he turned out to be a gentle old man. He was very spartan during training though. All in all, it took me a year before I could master the arcane arts. And, once I had mastered it, I decided to resume my journey.
By the way, as I lived in the Lakia and Vrom, I also experienced loss, depression and other stuff. Heck, there was a lot of times where I almost got killed! But, experiencing sad times along with happy times really made me feel that I was alive. So, I continued to live on while carrying all those things on my shoulders.
Then, on the fourth year of my exile, I went overseas and stumbled upon a Clockwerk nation. Again, with the help of a certain magical beast, I was able to safely arrive. As I landed along the coast of that country, I was bewildered by their advanced way of life. It was very different from how the countries I had mostly visited. I felt like I had traveled through time and had arrived into the future.
Automatons, that looked like humans, walked along the towns performing theatrics or doing menial jobs in place of men. People manipulated a floating screen-like object with their fingers. And, the carriages and carts weren’t pulled by horses, but were autonomous and looked quite modern.
I felt joy as I toured the city and learn their culture. Thanks to June’s memories, I was able to easily adapt to their lifestyle. The temptation of spending my entire life their was really strong. As a result, I stayed their for 2 years. Summing it all up to 5 years.
One day, as I was strolling around the town, I heard a rumor about the existence of a floating island. If I went by the common sense of my June’s world, a floating island would have been physically and scientifically impossible. However, because the world I now lived in was a world of magic, something like a floating island should be possible. Just the thought of adventuring around that island greatly lit up my heart. As such, I decided to take the quest and clear it.
A few days after I heard the rumor, a few hints from hearsay arrived to my ears.The first hint was about the reason why. even though flying magic existed, no one currently alive had visited the floating island. From what they said, it had an ancient barrier magic that prevented most people to enter through the island using flying magic.
This meant that there was a special way to enter that island.
The second hint they gave was certainly about that special hint. From what the informants had heard, in the distant past, magic circles for teleportation which lead to the floating island were scattered around the known world. However, due to a catastrophic event of some sort, that super advanced civilization had collapsed. Then, as thousands of years passed by, the people who knew the location of those magic circles died out.
Learning of this, I changed my methods and quickly decided to use all the knowledge I had and had gained from my previous journeys to find a way to find those magic circles.
Thankfully for me, I was currently staying on the Clockwerk nation. The people here were experts in magic engineering and with their help, I was able to make a magic tool that picks up on the special signature that teleportaion magic circles would leave behind when they are used.
The tool was shaped as a small sphere that had runic symbols and arcane numbers from their language lodged within it.
Bowing my head in gratitude for their help, I quickly moved to find those magic circles.
And, my search had lead me to the country of Estria. The country I was exiled.
It took me the entire latter half of the third year after my exile to find the very first magic circle. But, no one would’ve expected it to be the very country that exiled me. Wielding an orb with runic letters engrave within it, I stared at the royal capital that came into my sight. I looked at the orb then switched my gaze back to the royal capital and back to the orb.
I continued repeating this for quite a while. In the end, I put the orb back into my back pack, I adjusted my cloak, hid my face with a hood and decided to go to the royal capital.
“I’m back huh....”
The best revenge is to live on and prove yourself.
-Eddie Vedder
Floatingfeather here, nice to meet you.