Hello fellow RRL readers/writers.
I'm back with my fiction re-written, I'm aware that the change of pace of the story is radical and the change of POV is something tough to deal with, but The way I as writing it previously was tough.
I decided to change a bit the story (not radically though) instead of starting from a grown up MC, from the beginning. so for the first couple of chapters the pace of the fiction is fairly fast.
I hope to get your comments and opinion regarding my write style.
Keep in mind I'm a novice and this is my first work. so there are many things that may need a lot of changes, with luck and help, I'll change stuff slowly.
Enjoy this first batch of chapters that I'll be releasing today.
http%3a%2f%2fgoo.gl%2fU2NEXq [http://goo.gl/U2NEXq]
Chapter 0 - The Beginning
Immortality... the dream of the short lived races, spending but a fleeting moment in the world, they dream about it, wish for it, and have committed atrocities in the name of research to obtain it.
It’s been over 38 thousand years since the age of the undying ended, its not like it was called an “age of undying” or anything, but actions start rumors, rumor become stories, stories become legend, legend usually become myths, and within myths anything distorts in whatever flavour the best bard can sing about.
I still remember it, how could I not. It was almost 40 thousand years ago, when the immortal phoenix descended from the heavens and purged it all. Breathing fire from its mouth and flapping thunderstorms with its wings it destroyed everything in its path.
And in the end, the few of us who stood up against it, met our end without any hope. Or so it should have been.
Even today I remember it clearly, how all that I once knew, every living thing, and one by one, the last of us, my friends died at the hands of that creature.
With razor sharp claws it sliced everything it touched, wood, stone, steel, even mountaintops disappeared with just a swing of its claws. How it burned down to nothingness all that came in contact with its breath of red and black fire, and how it massacred anything that was caught in the thunderstorms created by the movement of its wings, frightening, incredibly frightening, nothing could stand to it.
And in the end, there I was, all alone, facing such an enemy, just me, against a catastrophic flying calamity, a being bent on destroying it all.
Just as the oracle had said, this was the end of the world, the gods have given up on their creations, and sent their armies to destroy us.
But we couldn't accept that, it wasn't chivalry, nor an act of heroism, not even honour, nor it was kindness, we nephilims didn't owe anything to any mortal race, we didn't fight to protect, we fought to survive, yes just to survive.
So, be it it’s whim or just luck, as I really never thought myself as that far better than any of my peers, there I was standing in front of the beast.
Anger and sadness overwhelmed me, looking at what was laid below that huge beast, everything I could see in front of me was destruction, corpses, blood, mud, death.
I couldn't sense anything alive, it was as if the only 2 living things in the world were that phoenix and me, or rather, it was like that, the planet was wiped out of every living thing in existence, so yes, just that monster and me, staring at eachother.
It wasn't mocking me, no, it was like it was taunting me with its flame-like reddish eyes, looking straight at me, hovering at low altitude, asking me to attack first. So what could have I done other than comply, run away? Give my back to that thing? No, that was just not an option.
After the concentration of energy surged through my legs and stored in my arms, I kicked the ground leaving a crater several kilometers of diameter and flew towards its unguarded chest, as fast as the light of the sun reaches the planet when it rises.
It was my strongest attack at that point, with every bit of energy that I could muster, I flew in a straight line towards the beast. As my shining swords clashed with its feathers, a surge of light exploded, everything became blinding bright.
I closed my eyes and started feeling the heat in my body. I was burning, it felt like that, and my strength started to leave me, I was dying, then the heat started to recede, and my consciousness faded.
-- Wake up, open your eyes my daughter --
Uhh… what’s going on, I’m sure I lost, I died…
-- Wake up --
I opened my eyes, and after a few seconds, when the blur became clear I saw him, standing there, his arms were crossed in his chest, standing in a very proud position, clad in a intricate golden armor, two hilts could be seen behind his shoulders, and his long white wings resting behind him, flaming red hair and somewhat lightly tanned skin of his face, those eyes were looking down to me.
Those eyes and his hair were so familiar, flame-like reddish just like the beast that destroyed the world, I couldn't understand what was going on, I tried to sit but my body didn't respond to my command, I couldn't gather any strength, let alone move even a finger.
Again that voice resounded in my mind...
--- Ah you are awake, I am glad ---
What are you glad about, who are you?
--- Don't you recognize me my child? It hasn't been that long ---
That long? What are you talking about…
Indeed it felt familiar, somewhat warm but old, very very old, how long has it been since I felt something like this, one thousand five hundred years or two thousand years?...
--- Yes, that's it, focus my child, try to remember who I am ---
So annoying, why can't I talk, what's with that mind trick. But I couldn't help it, it was really familiar, I know this man, I’ve seen him before a long time ago. When thinking of that he lifted me in his arms, and smiled, it was an odd smile, it wasn't flirtatious, but by all means was warm, it almost felt... caring.
Who are you? Can you tell me? We have met before, but I can't recall where nor when…
--- Gat, my child focus more, you should know who I am ---
Gat, that's an overly familiar way of calling me, only my peers and my paren... Uh? Wait a minute, it's impossible, come on, it's impossible, she said, mom said you died.
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--- That I did my child, but I am undying and ever present, I returned, as I always do ---
Uh? What does that mean? You returned? As you always do? Is this some sort of joke? I AM undying, unless in battle, I cannot die, it's our race’s gift, but once one of us die, there is no coming back, what are you talking about? Are you --- my mind went blank for a couple of minutes --- are you an angel?
--- Not quite, Keep going Gat keep going ---
Are you god? --- I waited silently, he closed his eyes and shook his head answering my question --- so not an angel, not god, then --- No way, that's impossible --- I thought and his eyes shone brightly, the corner of his mouth curved up a little, as if letting me know that I was either right or close to an answer
--- So have you realized it yet Gat, who and what I am? ---
I just nodded, It's not like I know, but my suspicion seems to be right on mark, if I’m right, he's an archangel, but archangels can't procreate with mortals, it's just impossible, so he can't be my father, it's impossible, that can't be, I shook my head.
“Archangels can't procreate with mortals, it is impossible, there is just no way...”
Ho! My voice returned, I tried to move my body and could move, he let me down and I stood face to face with him, or rather, ‘in front’ of him, he's taller than me by at least one head and a half, but that hair, those eyes, his skin, it's just too much of a coincidence.
--- oh so she never told you, I see ---
Uh? Whats going on, what she didn't told me, who are you talking about. As if reading my mind (or rather actually reading my mind his voice again flooded inside my head).
--- Your mother seems she never told you ---
“Told me what, what are you talking about?”
I said but I'm very confused right now, this man, this feeling, I have felt it indeed a very long time ago so long ago that I had almost forgotten.
--- Your mother wasn't mortal, she was ---
“Oi, oi, oi, what are you saying, she died of old age, there is no way she wasn't mortal”
I interrupted him, waving my hands in front of him, not out of rage, but fear. Archangels are beings stronger than anything, almost on the same if not on the same level as gods, and such a being is right here, in this “nowhere” with me.
“Where are we, what's going on, don't come closer”
I retorted again, looking left and right, white everywhere, not blinding but white, I couldn't tell if I was floating or standing just by the look of this place, then in my fear and confusion went to pull my swords from my back, but there was nothing there. My body stiffened and my face went pale, my mind froze for a second, unarmed, in an unfamiliar place, against what seems to be an archangel, is not like I have any chance of winning, but hey!
--- My child, do not be so scared, I won't hurt you ---
That's what he said, but I can't help but shiver, I’m scared out of my mind, I don't understand what's going on.
--- Your mother was a nephilim, she performed the ritual and let her light go off ---
Uh? Come on she was … I couldn't retort anything back to him, Indeed she died of over 100 years of age but there were cases where mortals died very old, so I assumed she … was … uh? What's this? Uh?. my view went blurry for a minute and his hand touched my face trying to dry up my tears, I couldn't move.
--- I’m sorry that you had to go through all that, but father ordered it, It couldn't be helped, but not all hope is lost ---
What is he talking about? His father? What couldn't be helped? What's this talk about hope? I looked at his face, and his stare was fierce, yet not scornful, but those eyes, they are like …
--- Yes, I did it all, as commanded by the father of all, but in the end, I couldn't end it, not after I saw you were there ---
“You are that beast? What are you talking about? It cannot be, what's going on”
I asked, all fear disappeared from my mind, my body wasn't shaking, I was full of anger and grief. In the next second, he was right in front of me, not 2 cm away, and put his hand on my forehead.
--- That I am, yet I was, as we are in the place where my essence gathers when I die so I can return, look behind you and calm yourself, you are not alone ---
I turned my head back, and saw her, her black hair, her body covered with her usual black leather-like armor, her white face, as beautiful as ever, lying down on the floor, with her eyes closed. I tried to go to her but was stopped by a hand on my shoulder, I felt afraid but the way the hand stopped me angered me so much, when I turned my head to see him, his eyes went round with surprise, but he did not relent his grip.
--- You’ll go back, together, but I can't control where you both will return, so heed my words my child, find them, and protect each other, the road ahead won't be easy, you will be alone, you will have company, you will suffer, you will be happy, you will be revered, you will be hunted. But never let go of those you find, as they will be your salvation, as you will be theirs. ---
What is he talking about? Whats with this oracle-like conversation line, what is he trying to say? Who do I have to find, whats with the salvation part.
“Oi, what are you getting to? I don't understand”
I said rapidly as I saw he was going to continue talking, his mouth stopped and looked at me, again with that oddly caring look in his eyes, he came up to me, and put his other arm on my shoulders and his forehead touched my own, a storm of images sounds and feelings coursed through my body and mind as in super fast forward speed and again I lost all my strength and my consciousness started to fade away.
--- Take them with you, at some point you will be able to call upon them, when you do, don't let them go, and don't forget what I’ve shown you, we won't meet again, as the father of all will close the doors to this realm, and restart all creation, goodbye my daughter, Gatriel, I’m glad I was able able to me... ---
Dad......
http%3a%2f%2fgoo.gl%2fU2NEXq [http://goo.gl/U2NEXq]
Thanks for reading my fiction! I hope to get your comments and help from now and in future issues.
Give and Take you know :D, you help me, I help you! isn't that the main reason why most of us gather here in RRL? to learn from each otner?
Cheers.