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The Gate of Shadows (Outdated)
Chapter 20: Determination

Chapter 20: Determination

After professing my love for Fenris, he held me until I forgot when or where we were. To an extent that I did not realize when I had fallen asleep, only to awaken the next morning by the sunlight hitting my eyelids. Slowly I rose from my sleep, finding Fenris already up and dressed for the day. He was gazing outside to see if there were any protesters left to be seen.

Luckily, there seemed to be none. I slowly got off the bed. Upon hearing my movements, Fenris turned towards me. I shyly tried my best to cover myself with the sheets. Even after all we had done throughout the years, I still found his gaze on me somewhat embarrassing when I was baring it all to him.

Butterflies fluttering inside my stomach kind of thing. Even though I wanted to look away from him. I could not help but learn every new detail that had emerged since I had last seen him. My wolf had freshly bathed, seeing how his hair was still moist from the water. Again, he was going out without me.

However, what was more alerting were the dark circles under his eyes. Had he not slept at all? The moment he took a few steps towards me, I instinctively avoided his gaze, glancing towards the floor. I did not want him to go.

Petting my hair lightly, he announced he was heading over to Ryker's to see if there had been any recent developments. When I tried to tell him to take me with him, he quickly shut me down. Even though I knew he wanted me to be safe, I also needed him to be safe. That was my most important goal in all of this, after all.

Though I could not argue when he informed me that all of Cerberus workers at all levels learned I was possibly connected to the Moira witches. Even if they retracted the article, the same day, that was still out. I was sure there would be trouble sooner than later because of it. Not everyone was easy to fool, even with Ryker's efforts to bury it.

I felt utterly useless once again. I possessed so much power, but I could never dare to use it. Not in the way I was, at least. However, even though I knew why Fenris did not want me with him when he saw Ryker, it annoyed me. Hesitantly, I complied, casting a quick cleansing spell on the room.

With a slight pout, I collected clothing to shower. I knew he was not about to leave me alone in this room. Probably Liam would be the one to come babysit me, which irritated me further. This dependency was becoming overwhelming for me. Shade had accompanied me to the shower, sitting by the closed toilet seat.

I took advantage of the chance that was provided to me. I was going to be alone in there. Fenris would not be joining me in the bathroom while he waited for Liam to come. Therefore, a chance to control the magic that threatened this world came into play.

If I could somehow keep it down, perhaps I could become more dependent, less of a burden to my beloved wolf. However, when it came to taking off one inhibitor, it terrified me. My hand trembled, reaching for it, but if I could ease the pressure on Fenris. Nothing would stop me.

The only way that would become a reality would be if I could protect myself using my power. And if I wanted to shield him from the dream, I had to get stronger than I currently was. Glancing towards Shade, I warned her not to grow bigger than she was. That would alert Fenris of what I was about to do.

Taking a deep breath, I slowly took off the left wrist inhibitor. For a moment I felt nothing, but suddenly a pulse rippled through me, causing my body to shake from the sudden wave of power that was released. I tried not to pant too loudly, as whoever was outside of the room would notice I was not okay.

The last thing I wanted was for Liam to come in and see me naked. Glancing towards the mirror, I could see my eyes glow blue, trying to calm myself.

Do not panic!

I tried to keep myself steady, only for the voices to barrage me louder than they had been in years. They whispered tempting sweet wishes.

'Kill the witches and all those who oppose!'

'Destroy the festival and make Fenris...'

I could almost picture everything they said in my mind. I certainly had the power to do what they said, but it was not what I wanted to happen. Not yet, at least. I was determined to not be wicked like the ones who had done this to my body. However, when I tried to block the temptations out, it failed.

Regrettably, I ended up placing the bracelet back on with little being achieved, fearing that they might convince me to do things I did not desire. The urges that had erupted within me needed to be quelled with some sanity. Something I did not forte in. Even though I had placed the bracelet back on, I could still hear some trying to get through. The magic still swelled within me, too.

With brief hesitation, I hopped into the shower, opening the cold water to full blast in an attempt to quell the desires. Luckily, it did not take long before they finally went silent. Breathing somewhat heavily, I tried to stay strong. I could not depend on my beloved any longer.

After washing my body, I got out of the shower and readied myself to face the wolf, who would take care of me today. For the rest of the day, all I did was sulk. Luckily, Liam stayed on Fenris's side of the room. While I brooded over my situation, I tried to use the tablet only for it to end in utter failure once again.

Nothing was going right anymore. Technology did not seem to be my thing, sadly. Shade tried to comfort me, but I was having none of it. I was tired of being useless and dangerous. It seemed like I was stuck with no way out. I wanted to be more than a ticking time bomb that Fenris had to stop.

I needed to be something more than a negative force to be feared.

Giving up on everything, I threw the tablet to the end of the bed before letting myself fall on it. I had no information to go to other than what I knew, which was barely anything.

For a while, I blankly stared at the ceiling, trying to find my way out of this dead-end I found myself in. Like this, Stella would punish me for not progressing fast enough. Even years later, I could still feel the lashings she gave me. No matter how many times Fenris would make me feel alive, part of me still felt dead.

Ever since the day, Stella took my innocence. She forced many things into me during the years I was studying under her. Perhaps something of what they drilled into me while I was a child could be of use. If.... it was still... Then it hit me. Maybe the answers I was so desperate to find were somewhere in my memories. If... I could relive them again.

Maybe then I could remember every detail that I suppressed or forgotten. That thought swiftly stopped, though. What I was hoping to do would not be that simple. The spell witches used to recreate memories in their dreams was a powerful one. That meant Lycans that were nearby would detect it. I glanced over to Liam, who seemed too invested in his phone.

However, it would be foolish to underestimate him. He was sharper than anyone else I had ever met before. Probably better than Fenris. It would not be a simple task to outsmart them since Lycans knew the language of our spells. That much I knew since Fenris was well versed in Latin. He always understood every word I said when I cast. They were not a species to be trifled with.

That thought seemed to go off in flames. I was also short of supplies to even try to cast the spell. It would have to be made into a potion that needed to be ingested for the spell to take effect. It had to be at night, when Fenris had fallen asleep for me to have any chance. Or a day I was alone.

If only... I could find someone to help me with all of this without them knowing what they were getting themselves into. Someone who I could con easily since they were gullible. Instantly, a person came to mind, but it quickly disturbed me.

How can I do that to her? Use her for...

Part of me wanted to stop right there. Betraying Melody’s trust should have been a line I would not dare to cross. Yet I... could not help but want to cross it. Her status as a runt would have deprived her of any military training. It dulled her senses compared to other Lycans, too. She would not know what she was looking at if I asked her to get the supplies, either.

Not that anyone would. The ingredients were not too eye-catching, to begin with. Yet the thought alone made me sick. I would use her disability for my benefit. What kind of friend would I be if I used her? But I was against the wall with no way out.

Fenris would not allow me to go to the library, and even if he did. Cerberus secured away all the useful information that was inside from everyone but the heads of witchcraft. I had no choice but to find information this way. It was unavoidable. Standing up from the bed, I headed towards the desk, where I picked up a paper and pen.

'Are you sure?' Shade asked.

I almost snapped the pen in half because of it. Of course, I was not.

Melody...

I could lose her if she found out about this. It could make her hate me. But even so... My fear of losing Fenris outweighed anything else. He was my everything. I glanced towards Liam and wondered if she would do anything differently if she were in my shoes.

Both Liam and Melody were dead in my dream too. But perhaps... there was another way. If I asked her for help, would she give it to me? Or would she call me crazy? Either way... this had to be done. If I told her and she rejected the idea, it would be over. That was something I could not afford, as time was not on my side.

On the paper in front of me, I wrote a list of different ingredients I needed. I also added some female hygiene items to prevent Fenris from looking too much into it. Luckily, the ingredients were not too eye-catching either. What I needed to buy for the potion was fresh lavender, chamomile, and rose water.

The most important ingredient was my blood, and that I had coursing through my veins. After finishing the list, I could not help but stare at it for a while. Doubt was swelling within me.

Can I really do this?

When Melody came knocking on the door, it was like any other day. But I could not help become a nervous wreck. Folding the paper in half, I tried to hide my turmoil before turning towards the door. Liam answered it. The moment she stepped into the room; I could not believe my eyes.

Something I thought I was delirious about before was staring back at me once again. Tiny light white cracks were visible in the dark aura that surrounded her. The magic that had swelled within me hours before still coursed through me. It allowed me to see them when normally I could not.

Her curse...

All the guilt that was swelling within me faded, remembering something that I had witnessed once with Stella. She tried a similar stunt to Fenris's family but failed. Back when I did not know him. The only reason I knew now was because of the nickname she used to call him. It was like the dots finally connected.

I thought what Stella had done was something different, since it failed when she cast it. But what if it was not? When she was starting the spell, it had the same black aura coming from the cauldron she was using. Of course, it was not as dark as the one that radiated out of Melody, but it had the same tone. Same malice.

When it failed, all I remember was being beaten as if it were my fault. She had tried to cast it on Amir's youngest son, Fenris. The one she called the cursed moon child. Other than that, I could remember nothing else. Why had it failed for Fenris yet not for Melody?

I was missing a vital piece of the puzzle, and I did not know what it was. However, seeing the cracks meant that if I were in full power, perhaps I could break it, but I... was not confident about that either. The only thing I had ever tried to break before were barriers, and unlike Melody's affliction. Their cracks were so clearly visible even with my inhibitors on.

It was not only that, but curses were nothing like barriers. To break one, I would have to understand it, or it would hurt the afflicted. There was a reason witchcraft had a branch that specialized in curses. And I was no expert. That was not the only thing that alarmed me, though.

Whoever cast the spell on Melody had to be powerful. More powerful than Stella. And that alone had to be terrifying. The extent of the magical essence that swelled out of Melody's body was so weak before. But with the magic that still was active within me, it was very pungent. I could only come to one conclusion, and it terrified me.

It was probably cast on by an elder, also known as an eternal witch. Just like there were rankings in every other race, witches also had their ranks. Eternal witches, though, were rare in our kind. They believed them to be witches who dodged the passage of time. Never aging, or never dying of natural causes.

Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.

That, though, did not make them immortal. I thought them to have gone extinct long ago. Though... curses lasted as long as the witches' life. And this one seemed older than... I wanted to realize. This new suspicion was not a good outcome for Melody.

I knew very little about eternal witches. Before this, I thought it was a generational curse cast with a cursed artifact that held the life of a witch inside, long ago when Lycans were not as powerful. After all, I could not see any cracks before. Back then, I also was not interested in knowing.

Perhaps that was why I tried to push the fact that I could do nothing for her, but I could see the cracks clearer when I had more magic coursing through me. If an eternal witch was part of the equation, then it meant she was the first in her family to be afflicted. Then again, I was no expert in curses.

A lot of what I thought could have been wrong. But it meant Melody still had hope. The way she glanced at Liam on the way in, surprised to see him here with me, solidified my determination further. I would use and help her. An equal exchange, even if she did not know of it. It was better that way.

Perhaps by reliving my past, I could also learn about why the curse failed on Fenris. My mind was the key. My past... Melody approached me. All I could think about was about Stella and what she had said about Elders. I had always thought more of them as legend witches and warlocks worked to achieve.

But to see a spell-like this on her. It dawned on me that they were really still roaming the world. These were not people to be trifled with. Especially if they survived the purge. Breaking this curse would take more than anything I had ever tackled before. Especially if I did not want to hurt her.

If I could relive the time when Stella tried to cripple Fenris. Maybe I could find out how to break it. With my determination solidified once again, all I could think about was what I would do once I had all the ingredients. The spell alone would be a difficult one since we usually cast it in pairs, one that would relive the experience, and the other would be their anchor. This was to bring them back to reality if something went wrong. Some who used it never awoke from their trip into the past. Everything seemed set against me.

After all, I would have no anchor to bring me back from my slumber. Without it, I could find myself stuck reliving the torture I endured when I was a child, but that did not terrify me. What did scare me was losing Fenris while I was lost in the slumber. This risk... A choice... was one I would gladly make when the time came. A world without him was one not worth living in.

Melody's presence was one that I enjoyed while the day passed. Though all I could think about was what I was going to do instead of what she was actually saying to me. And how I would lie to her when the time came to hand her the folded paper in my hands. I tried to pretend everything was fine, but part of me wondered how far I could take the facade.

Luckily, Melody chatted about her day at work. And how she wished I would go back with her once everything died down. The entire time, I felt like I wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there. I did not deserve her smile or kindness.

She was the shining sun I could never be, but even so... I wanted to protect her. Give her the happiness that she could not get on her own. That would have to be enough payment for using her so coldly.

It has to be.

Melody had brought treats for us to enjoy while we chatted, too. Although she did not expect Liam to be here, she still enjoyed the time we spend together. Although part of her was nervous because it was us and him. It took a little longer, though, for Fenris finally to return from the meeting with Ryker.

Melody's stress seemed to hit a tipping point, taking the chance that Liam was leaving to go with him. I did not know what she was planning on doing once they were alone. But before she left, I handed her the list with the promise of paying her back as soon as I could. Most of the items could be found in a store within the building, but since I could not leave the room, I could not go get them.

For a moment, I expected some resistance, but to my surprise. She happily told me she would get them. Even told me to not worry about paying her back. I felt relief only for it to come crashing down soon after. Fenris swiftly picked me up into his arms, dropping me onto the bed. There he climbed on top of me, pinning both of my hands on the bed.

His amber eyes studied me while I tried to avoid them. He already knew that was out of character for me. I knew what he was about to ask. He was too watchful, but I had to be better.

"Hm... That was unusual." Fenris hummed.

The tone of his voice triggered me to glance away from him. I tried to find the strength within me to lie to him.

Will he notice? Of course, he will.

I did not want to lie to him, but I had no choice. If he knew what I wanted, then... He would have done anything to put a stop to it. I was his precious charge, after all.

"I..." I tried to speak but choked.

My nerves caused him to get even more suspicious. He had always been the person who brought me everything I needed. This included all of my hygiene things. So, in his train of thought, if I needed something, why not ask him for it?

"What did you give to Melody?" Fenris asked straight forward, knowing full well I was up to something.

"I... I..." I tried to lie, but my tongue felt heavy.

It was almost as if my whole being did not want to lie to him, yet I was cornered. If I wanted to go behind his back. I had no choice but to lie through my teeth. He would never let me become what I had to be. For a moment, I collected my thoughts before I carefully opened my mouth.

"I-I... gave her a list of items I need for my cycle that’s coming soon." I tried to hide my lie with some truth.

He, out of everyone, knew the exact day my menstrual cycle began. It was because he would never touch me intimately when I was on it. It was only a few days before it came. Usually, while I was on it, he would cuddle me to sleep. Carefully, Fenris studied every expression and body gesture, hoping to read me.

Is it good enough? Will he believe me? I wouldn’t.

Were the thoughts that bombarded me as doubt set in as he knew something was off.

My wolf... is too clever... and too caring to deceive normally.

"Right... So why did you stutter? Nervous about something?" Fenris questioned more assertively, trying to make me trip in to tell him what I was truly thinking.

But it would not work. I needed to find how to get away from this situation. And the only way to do that would be by changing his mind from watchful to something else. What better way to do that than to seem like the innocent girl he wants me to be?

I was turning into a devilish woman.

"Because of you..." I mumbled, feeling pressured by his query.

Even though I thought I was finished, my words seemed to catch his attention differently from before. The expression on Fenris's face changed from concern into amusement. A smile rose on his lips before licking them temptingly. The way he looked at me changed into one of desire.

"Oh? Yesterday was not enough?" he teased.

I for a moment was caught off guard.

It worked?!

I could feel my cheeks burn from the heat that rushed through my face. Just remembering everything he did the day before made me feel wanted and loved. If I were to be optimistic. This slip maybe was the only chance I had to get him off my trail for the time being. And it was not like I did not want it either.

"It’s never enough," I whispered, flustered by his playful tease.

For a moment, I thought he would return to what he was previously querying about, but his cheeks turned bright pink. His ears slanted back. He had been surprised by what I had said, too. He probably thought I would stay silent or give in to his previous curiosity.

Grabbing onto my chin, Fenris pulled me into a light kiss before separating from me, chuckling a bit.

Adorable…

"I-I see,” he stumbled a bit, clearing his throat.

“I’ll try to fix that before I can’t touch you for a couple of days," Fenris assured, kissing me once again, this time more feverously.

The moment his tongue caressed mine, a whine was released from me. His hand traveled down my dress and onto my hip, causing me to shiver somewhat. I could not help but respond by grabbing onto his shirt, only for him to separate from me once again, taking it off.

For a moment, I watched him tower over me. It was not long before my hand instinctively touched his chest. I trailed down to his navel and into his pants, where I unbuckled them. To pry my sight back into his face, he licked my cheek, kissing me once again when I gazed at him. Once his heat was in my hands, I caressed it.

It triggered a slight groan to be released from his lips while they worked on mine. Impulsively Fenris pulled my arms away from his member, trailing kisses from my neck down to my chest, peeling off my clothes. I tried to touch him again, but instead of meeting with his skin, I met the bed.

My wolf pinned me once again, kissing me more forcefully. It was not long before most of my clothes were gone, and I was in my underwear alone. Traced his fingers down my bare body, he placed them on my hips. There, he yanked me towards the edge of the bed.

I watched full of embarrassment when he licked his fingers before he invaded my underwear and depths. His touch set my body ablaze. I could not help but give in to his touch that I was utterly addicted to. Mewls of pleasure escaped me.

The way his fingers caressed my walls made my voice run wild. His touch was something I could never live without. I was his in every way possible. Even though we had done it multiple times the day before, just like any day, I never tired of feeling him.

Dazed by his touch, I did not realize when he took off my underwear. He entranced me the entire time. No matter how many times I had seen his body or expressions, it was never enough. I wanted more. No one... would ever take him from me. He was mine alone. Whoever tried to take him would...

"Lily... Don’t look at me like that or else. I’ll want to be mean to you." Fenris warned, breaking me from my train of thought.

His expression only showed pure lust. For a moment, it stunned me. I wondered how it would go when he interrupted me. He would not let me ponder for long, though. Before I knew it, he spun me around and lifted my waist. I tried to reach for him, but quickly retreated when he rubbed himself on my thighs. It was also rubbing my vulva and bell.

A surprised gasp released from my lips from the fresh sensation. He had done nothing like this. This was a whole new form of teasing that I was not a costume to.

Was it because I wasn’t truthful earlier? Has he noticed?

My worries flooded my mind. Not that it bothered him. He continued to tease me. A chuckle released from his lips, enjoying my reaction, continuing to thrust himself in between my thighs. Even though it felt good, I could not help but want more.

"Stop..." I mumbled, trying to get my head around the negative thoughts that were overwhelming me.

However, even though I was not referring to Fenris, he immediately ceased, worried he had gone too far with his playfulness.

"You want me to stop?" Fenris asked, pulling back his hair from his face.

I slowly glanced towards him, wondering why he had halted his movements. I never intended to worry him about me. Or make him think he had done anything wrong. All I wanted was to end the negative thoughts, but those were not his fault.

My attempts to cease those thoughts were useless, though. I was not sane. But it seemed like I had given him the wrong idea. From his earlier expressions, I could clearly notice the worry in his eyes.

"No... Don’t stop." I whispered.

It triggered Fenris to tilt his head, a bit confused. Though it was not long before a smirk rose on his lips. For a moment, I would give the world. If for a second, I could read his thoughts. Maybe he was not doing this for punishment, but to see the reaction I could have. Perhaps he bought what I had said, and I was overthinking everything.

This time when I reached for him with my hand, I met with his, intertwining them together. For a moment he chuckled, pulling me up towards him and into his lap. My mind could not keep up when I suddenly faced Fenris. The way his bare skin felt on mine made me feel skittish.

All I could do was try to avoid his gaze, only for him to trail kisses down my neck and onto my chest. However, I could not help but arch my back when his fingers found their way into me once again. I grabbed onto his shoulders when he licked my chest. His other hand trailed down my back and onto my bum. My mind slowly became filled with him alone. I desired him.

"Fenris..." I trailed off, feeling unsatisfied by his fingers alone.

Oh, how greedy I had become. My voice told him everything he needed to know. Pulling away from my warmth, he kissed me before suddenly entering me, leaving me more than breathless. For a moment, I wondered if he could read my mind when he sent waves of pleasure through my body.

The moment he filled me with his heat, I was in bliss. I could not help but whine loudly when he thrust deep into me, leaving no space between him and me. I draped my arms around his neck, wrapping my legs around his hips. In response to me, his tail swaddled around my waist.

Every time he made love to me; it was always gentle, even when it felt rougher than usual. It was nothing compared to what he could do if he really wanted it to hurt. This wolf… showed me in so many ways how he cared, but I…

I could not help but mewl loudly, feeling the full extent of the ecstasy that Fenris was providing me with. My body had become extra sensitive to his touch. Especially when I professed my feelings to him. The emotions flowing out of me were hard to contain anymore.

Before I knew it, I began again to confess my love for him. Almost as to quiet my confessions, he thrust deeply into me, pulling me into another kiss. I did not know if it was to stop me from telling him I loved him, but it was a tender kiss. Without separating from me, he pushed himself deeper within me, to the extent I embraced him with both my arms and legs tightly.

Even though this all started with me trying to hide that I had gone behind Fenris's back, it had developed into something else. The way he held me, even though it deprived me of rationalizing correctly. It made me wonder what he and Ryker had spoken about. Usually, my wolf would only take an hour or two whenever it was a meeting, but he had been out until dusk.

Had he been doing something else I did not know about? Sadly, I had no way of knowing. It was not like he would tell me what he was up to either way. Especially if it was something that concerned me. Unable to keep my head straight enough to figure anything out, I let myself go in the pleasure he gave me.

Fenris, much to his word, did not let me have a moment to catch myself. Not even when we were in the bathroom. He made love to me once again while we showered. Not that I minded it. It was not like I could try to handle my power with him around. He was too vigilant with me. The moment I took off my bracelet, he would be all over me.

No... my opportunities were only present when he was not there. This continued throughout the night until suddenly Fenris plopped onto the bed. For a moment, I panicked, thinking something was wrong, but I quickly realized he had fallen asleep. This was the first time I had outlasted him.

The suddenness of it all had caught me by surprise, though the dark circles under his eyes told me all I needed to know. He had pushed himself over his limit.

Silly wolf…

Releasing a sigh, I covered Fenris's naked body with the blanket before lying next to him. This had happened once, back when we were kids. When we started living together and he was going through his intensive training. Although it worried me a bit, the way it all happened gave me nostalgia.

Thinking back to it all, it had been a full fourteen years since we met, soon to be fifteen. He was only eleven, and I was ten back then. I could not help myself but smile when I thought about all the time I had spent with him. The kindness he had filled me with was far longer than the time I had been tortured.

My wolf was such a sweet child. Perhaps if I had never pursued him... Maybe then he would still have been happy with his family. Sadly, I could not turn back time, but I wished I could. Unable to help myself, I kissed him on his cheek, which he responded to by pulling me into his arms.

For a moment, I thought he had woken up, but he had not. Instinctively, he was always protective of me. I did not know when I felt again. I could not tell when the emotion inhibitor stopped working either, but I was glad I could feel once again.

Being denied of my emotions had made me docile and depend on him. That would not happen anymore. This time... It would be my turn to protect those who I cared about. Not like the failure of all those years ago.

"I am sorry I depended on you all these years. For the burden, I placed on you... I love you so much that it hurts, Fenris." I murmured, caressing his warm cheek.

Oh... How much I loved him. There was no stopping me anymore. Every drop of reservations that I had of what I was about to do melted. I would protect him at all costs.

Even if... it ended the world as we knew it.