When you play “Jeopardy!” on TV they give you the answer. It’s your job to find the question. They tell you exactly what the result is and then you need to fill in the blanks; the part that gets you there. It’s the process of discovering the journey by using the destination as your only clue. If you can extrapolate enough information from the conclusion, and you’re clever enough, you can figure out what led you there.

That’s where I find myself.

I already know the answer. The End. The Conclusion. That part was given to me. It’s how I got there that I can’t tell you. That’s the part that I need to figure out.

Poetic, really.

It’s all very improbable, mostly impossible, and in no way anything I’m equipped to figure out.

You’ve got to understand that I’m not particularly scientific. I couldn’t even begin to explain quantum physics or mechanics or string theory or that… stuff. I don’t even know if any of that is important.

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I’m just a guy sitting on his couch, watching TV, streaming “Jeopardy!” on Netflix.

Watching "Jeopardy is one of my favourite things to do. I try to compete with the contestants, see if I can answer faster than them, and sometimes I do ok. Just ok.

“Jeopardy!” does this cool thing where they collect the impressive runs of successful contestants and I’ve been binging them all morning.

I’m two collections in, starting the third, and the announcer, Johnny Gilbert, is announcing the new contestants of this series.

And it’s me.

Johnny announces my name and the camera centres up on me and it is me.

I’m on “Jeopardy!”.

Except I’ve never been on “Jeopardy!”.

But there I am, podium two, big dumb grin on my face, thinner but otherwise not noticeably different. I’m on the show, I’m wearing a pressed button-down Oxford in a pale shade of blue, and eerily I feel like I’m looking through the camera straight at myself sitting on my couch.

And… Dear Lord… I just winked at myself.

So there it is, I have the answer. I am a contestant on “Jeopardy!”.

And it’s my job to figure out the question.

How the fuck am I on a game show that aired in the past?