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The First Mage
Chapter 108: Privacy

Chapter 108: Privacy

Just a few hours after I had almost killed Eissen, the whole incident felt like a bad dream to me. In big parts because I felt like an idiot. I had seen Berla lie there, I saw the blood, and something broke inside me. But I had been the only one who thought she was dead. Even when I first laid eyes on her, Lilana had seen that she was still breathing, and when I ran out of the office, Berla had apparently said my name, but I didn’t even notice. How could I not notice...?

There were probably worse things than getting emotional because you thought someone dear to you had been killed, but I was still embarrassed.

“Hey,” Berla said as she poked me. “Still angry?”

“I’m not angry.”

“You know I strangely find it cute, right?”

“Hmph...”

In the middle of the night, four guards had snuck into the temple, led by Eissen. The plan had been to execute all of us at once while we were defenseless in our sleep. Usually, a sneak attack like this wouldn’t work, because one of us was always awake, but I had fallen asleep, and Lilana didn’t have any real practice controlling her body from the backseat. Tomar had once told me that it was relatively intuitive for him, but he had still needed to get used to it.

For simple guards, Eissen and his men had apparently also done a magnificent job at sneaking up on us. Even though Lilana had been awake, she didn’t hear anything, even as the guards in the hallway fell and the door opened. She had also left her eyes closed, trying to fall asleep after all, just like I had during my first nights in this world.

When Reurig woke up, he saw two people standing in front of Berla and me, ready to strike, while a third was approaching him. He immediately jumped into action, incapacitating the one coming for him and then hurrying over to protect us.

Presumably in an attempt to limit the number of potential opponents, Eissen struck Berla and instructed the other guard to take care of me, but he was too slow, as Reurig was already upon them. Initially, they fought two on one, but when Reurig was able to hold his own against the two, Eissen fled.

Meanwhile, Tomar had decided to sleep in an actual bed for a change and left the office after Berla and I had fallen asleep. He was in a room down the hallway, but he had had trouble sleeping and was wide awake when the door to his room opened and a guard tried to sneak in. Thanks to our scripts, he was able to knock out his attacker with ease and then tied him up using a blanket.

The four of us had survived the attack, and even though Berla had been wounded, it had already started healing, and she would be completely fine in a few days. Even the attackers had all survived. Unfortunately, the incident didn’t go over without casualties. One of the guards who had taken over for Bren and Brie for the night was apparently already dead when I left to find Eissen. The other one survived though, and was now recovering in the temple’s version of a hospital, a room with a few beds where people could rest and be monitored. It seemed more and more like we were bad luck for this guy. Lilana and I had gone through him on our way out of town, he had been injured by the category six beast, and now he had almost been killed while guarding us. But at least he was still alive.

After I had left the office, Berla and Tomar realized what I was about to do and followed me, while Reurig woke Bren and Brie to take care of the failed assassins, who were now all sitting in cells in the temple. Including Eissen. My rage dissipated instantly when I saw Berla, and any thoughts of killing him were gone as well. Me taking his life could have probably been explained, even before the citizens, but not doing so would fit our stories better.

I was doubtful that these four guards represented the entire opposition in town, but at least they had acted alone on this occasion. I had been worried that they might have hit the prison too, but everything had been quiet over there. Still, we had to send a message to everyone who was planning to act against us. Ideally, that message would not enrage them, however. If we went and executed everyone who was against us, we would not only go against our own words and plans, it could also serve as a call to action for those who were in doubt. I believed the best way forward would be a show of confidence. They killed someone, they tried to kill all of us, and this would not go unpunished. Death was the easy way out though, and we didn’t need the easy way.

We would need to take care of all that in the morning, but for the moment we had returned to the temple, and for the first time since we’d known each other, Berla and I were all alone. Tomar had gone back to bed and I switched with Lilana, so she could get some sleep as well. Reurig meanwhile had been restless and went to investigate the town’s Fighters, after he had checked on Riala, just in case.

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Alone... Wouldn’t this be a good opportunity? I thought as I looked at Berla, clinging to my side. I had wanted to talk to her about what had been going on here, but after what just happened, I wasn’t so sure about my own feelings anymore. It seemed incredibly strange to me, but just a couple of hours ago I was ready to kill someone because I believed they had taken her from me. Would it have been the same with Tomar? What about Reurig? I’m sure I would’ve been furious, but that level of rage I felt earlier... that was something else. Do I... like her? More importantly though... does it matter?

Even if I did, I didn’t see what kind of future such a relationship could have, if any. I briefly thought about it the other night, and the conclusion I had come to was that it couldn’t possibly work. Unless I stole a body, I would be stuck sharing them with other people, potentially forever, and in my mind, this would end up being awkward and inconvenient in the long run. Especially for my hosts. And what about the age difference? It’s ludicrous. No, there’s no way. I need to talk to her. Is this the right time though...? After what we just went through? Ugh, no more excuses. There is no right time.

“Berla...” I said.

“Hm?”

“This... can’t work.”

For a moment, she was quiet. I knew she understood what I was talking about, and I expected her to let go of me, but that didn’t happen. She didn’t even look up at me, and I couldn’t see her face, making it difficult to judge what she was thinking.

“Why are you saying that?” she finally asked in a neutral voice.

“Think about my situation. How could it work? And... I don’t want to get your hopes up...”

She was coming onto me, but I didn’t see a future for us. No matter what I might or might not have been feeling, I had to put a stop to this. This is the way to handle this, right?

“Not to mention that I could be your fa—... grandf—... hell, I could be your great-great-great-grandfather...”

In a world where people oftentimes found a partner and started a family shortly after they became adults at fifteen, someone who was technically one hundred and twenty years old could meet a mind-boggling number of generations. It’s completely ridiculous... and what kind of cliche would this be anyway?

This time, Berla wasn’t quiet for long after I stopped talking.

“I’m disappointed.”

I guess that would be the natural response...

“I expected better arguments,” she said.

“Huh...?” I said in confusion. What does she mean, “better arguments”...?

“You’re not saying you don’t like me, do you?”

“I... I mean...” I stammered. What’s happening here...?

“That’s good,” she said, finally turning my way, looking at me with a warm smile.

I feel like I’m losing control over this conversation... “Listen. This isn’t my body. It’s not even my gender for that matter... But hypothetically, what do you think Lilana would say about this?”

“It’s okay for her,” Berla said matter-of-factly.

“What...?”

“Do you think I would make a move on you before talking to the girl you’re sharing a body with?”

I was dumbfounded. When...? There had been one time where Lilana briefly stayed on the backseat as I took a nap, because she wanted to give it a try, two days before we headed back to Alarna. She told me that she didn’t like it though, and that she had essentially taken a nap with me. Berla used that one opportunity to ask permission...?

“When you say it’s okay for her, what do you mean exactly...?”

Lilana had warmed up to the others a lot over the past weeks, but I felt like giving your okay to someone starting a relationship with the guy that lives in your mind was a little different.

“Essentially, she said she doesn’t mind, as long as she isn’t there for it.”

The girl didn’t even want me to pee in her body, but this is okay? What did Berla say to her!?

“... Okay, but still, how do you imagine that to work long-term? And once I leave Lilan—” I started, but I realized she probably hadn’t stopped at Lilana. “Don’t tell me you talked to Tomar as well...”

“I did,” she said with a chuckle. “He blushed more than Lilana.”

Well of course he did if you’re essentially suggesting a relationship with his body!

Was it me? Were my values out of whack? Why did these two agree to that? Or did Lilana and Tomar maybe not quite understand what she had asked of them? In a way, they were still children after all. Or was my imagination just running wild and she hadn’t talked to them about sex?

“Berla, what did—” I said, trying to ask her, but I was rudely interrupted when she pressed her lips against mine.

I’m not exactly winning this argument, am I?

“Mh... There is still the age difference...” I said the first chance I got, though I wasn’t sure why anymore.

“I don’t care,” Berla declared and kissed me again.