Koffee Krugers:

Vanos loved coffee and drank it each day. That's why he hated most types of coffee. He only drank the most black coffee he could find.

Ahmond went with her brother to a coffee shop. Both carried grocery bags. They came upon a plaza, where there came the familiar scent of liquid caffeine. Both agreed upon entering the coffee shop.

A small establishment, with a violat - a gang-legged monster with a pickaxe shaped head - manning the counter. Ahmond blinked, and wondered if it was Margar. Still, it was best not to ask in case Margar grew to a grump again.

Vanos said, "I would like to purchase a coffee."

Violat asked him, "What kind of coffee."

Vanos' eyes widened, and Ahmond smacked her face with her paw. Come on, Vanos, she pleaded in her mind. Just tell him what kind of coffee.

Instead, Vanos said, "This is a coffee shop. I can't just order a coffee? As in, coffee. A straight up coffee."

The violat scanned Vanos with yellow eyes, scratched his chin, and said, "You mean a black coffee?"

"Yes," Vanos said, nodding as if he was talking to a child. "I am talking about a black coffee, a normal, regular coffee. Is that okay?"

Ahmond would have told Vanos to not make a jerk out of himself, but she was way behind schedule. The violat shook his head, having had wrinkles on his face from dealing with customers like Vanos. As he walked away, Ahmond said, "Vanos?"

"What is it, Ahmond?" Vanos asked as he stared down at his little sister.

She puffed her cheeks out. "Why do you order coffee in a coffee shop? It makes little sense."

"Because," Vanos said, "It's a coffee shop, what would you expect from it? It sells coffee."

"Yeah, but we work at an ice cream shop. We don't accept someone asking us for a straight up ice cream. We have to ask flavor."

"There is no default ice cream," Vanos said, rolling his eyes. He had already figured out he was right, despite no one needing to tell him. And despite Ahmond feeling he had to tell him different. "Coffee comes in a classic, normal shape. It's called black coffee. It's the only coffee that's good."

"I think the best coffees have more to it. Coffee is a bad flavor," Ahmond said. "It tastes gross."

Vanos scowled at her. "You don't even drink coffee, you ordered a hot chocolate. That's going to taste like coffee, I bet. Without any of the flavor."

"Actually, the hot chocolate here tastes like coffee because it's hot chocolate coffee, you know. Oh wait, you wouldn't, pretty boy."

Vanos slipped his bottom off the crimson padding as he went to a booth seat. He saw a dark brown hyena in a hat. A true, western ride 'em hat. Kyofi, and she had a full on poker set in front of her.

"Kyofi," Vanos said as he saw his cousin. "Of course you would be one to talk."

"Just saying, I know way more about coffee than you." She flashed a grin that spread and stretched all her cheek freckles. "That's why I was named after coffee. You were named after boring, ole' vanilla."

Vanos said, "Coffee isn't even an ice cream flavor."

"Yes it is," Ahmond said. "We just don't serve it because someone vetoed the decision. Someone who's name starts with a vanilla."

Vanos felt a dark yellow blush spread across his cheeks. But he threw his head up, loud and proud. He said, "I don't need to be good about knowing coffee, since I know the best coffees. All you know is how to drink some dark water that you get."

Kyofi said, "If you think you have had the best coffee, I've had the queen of the night. That is the stuff that will keep you up for days beyond a shadow of a doubt. A shadow of a doubt is the stuff that keeps you up for a day, but no longer."

Ahmond checked the board. There was a "Shadow of a Doubt", as a coffee. What did she know?

Vanos said, "Fine, I'll prove I can outcoffee you and outcaffeine you any day of the week. Let's both order the Queen of the Night."

"Let's," Kyofi said as both went to the counter. They made a different order. Making it from a black coffee to a frothy cup of Queen of the Night. Pure straight up, shot in the dark, amplified.

Two shot glasses came down, and both took a drink. Ahmond saw neither face scrunch up despite the strength of the caffeine. Both hybrids remained focused as they put their drinks down.

This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.

"Guess we'll have to try again," Vanos said, "at a later point. I'm sure you were close to tapping, right?"

"Dream on, pretty boy."

***

Return to home, and Ahmond put away the groceries. Mosor helped out. Ahmond brought it up to Mosor.

"Have you noticed how competitive Kyofi and Vanos are when it comes to coffee, Mosor?"

"Oh, no." Mosor shook her head, and stared at Mynt. "It seems they're at it again. Good ole' caffeine krugers."

"Not again," Mynt said from the living room, upon the couch that could be seen from the kitchen.

"What's a caffeine kruger?" Ahmond asked.

"Well, in this case, they're coffee krugers," Mosor said. "I doubt they drink energy drinks. But it used to be, when we were adolescents, we all drank coffee. After work, each day."

Mynt said, "Our brother, of course, drank all the fancy coffees. Until he learned it made him look better to drink black and brag about it."

Mosor shut the fridge door. "Ahmond, a kruger is, in short, a know it all. But worse. Someone who is extreme too despite not being extreme."

Ahmond nodded. "And they're coffee krugers because they are extreme with how much they know coffee flavors?"

Mosor said, "Without knowing a thing at all. Watch this." She gave a shout upstairs. "Vanos, can you make some coffee?"

"Who broke your legs!?" came Vanos' voice upstairs.

Mosor scowled, and Ahmond giggled.

Mynt called, "Guess we'll just make it ourselves. I'll put down three scoops of it, I think that's okay."

"Oh for the love of - give me a second." Running down the stairs, Vanos took great care not to trip. He wondered what step was next, when he hit his head against the wall.

"Who put this wall here!?" Vanos went over to the kitchen, and grabbed a bag of coffee ground. He poured it into the filter without caring about the amount. "Just pour it in. You don't need it all water. Feel free to get more caffeine in you, alright."

"But shouldn't you measure it?" Ahmond asked.

Vanos shook his head. "I've made a lot of coffee before. Okay?" He walked off, back upstairs, and there came the closing of a door.

Mosor said, "That's a coffee kruger alright."

"But you said Kyofi is also a coffee kruger?" Ahmond said. "But she's not like Vanos. She drinks pumpkin spice and all that."

Mosor smirked. "Okay, watch this. Kyofi!" She called and waited for her sister to come down.

Kyofi came much slower than Vanos, with more sway of the hips. "What's going on?"

"We were just wondering, since we're making coffee, how do we do it? We need something that tastes good."

Kyofi said, "Okay, well what kind of creamer you use matters. You're going to want to put in a bit of chocolate syrup. Put some whipped cream and chocolate syrup on top. It will taste great, as long as you're exact."

Time passed as Kyofi explained the exacts for a perfect cup of coffee. After she left, Ahmond took a sip, and spat it out. "It tastes gross!" Almost more like water than coffee. Water with some chocolate syrup splashed in it. And the whipped cream had melted before.

Mynt took a drink and said, "It is quite awful of them."

"Sometimes," Mosor said, "you can learn all and be wrong."

Ahmond said, "But how did they get this way? Don't they know how awful they are?"

Mynt told Ahmond, "Krugers can't know how bad they are. They just need to know they're the hardest fans."

Ahmond asked, "Wait, if Kyofi and Vanos fight, what are they going to prove?"

"They're going to fight again?" Mosor asked. "Are you saying an actual caffeine match?"

Ahmond told Mosor, "They'll drink the most black of coffees. We're talking straight up coffee, too. They have no care in it. Just to prove that Kyofi can hang with Vanos, and knows his coffee and stuff." Mynt and Mosor exchanged glances, making Ahmond worried.

Mynt said, "Things are going to get bad and soon then. Just as we thought it would."

***

Kyofi and Vanos telegraphed that today was the day they'd drink the other under the table, and everyone knew from how heavy the air felt.

As hours closed, and twilight fell over the realm, Kyofi worked at the counter. It wasn't Vanos' day to work, for he was taking a break, but lo and behold, a yellow wolf on the other side of the veil - or glass door.

The bell rang as Vanos opened the door. He glared at Kyofi, and Kyofi's savage grin returned to him. They both stared the other down, circling each other, before they sat their butts at the main bar.

Kyofi pulled out a bag of Queen of Night beans. She got to work making the coffee, while Ahmond jumped onto the table.

"This battle is known as the coffee krugers battle. In this, there will be no survivors!"

Mynt said, "Tune it down there a bit, champ."

Baynana asked, "Are we supposed to be announcing. Does this happen a lot?"

Mosor mentioned, "Actually, as a matter of fact, it does happen a bit too often."

"The rules of this game," Ahmond said, ignoring the advice of her family members, "Is to drink the coffee that's the strongest for the longest, and survive and thrive! Are there any questions?"

"None at all," Kyofi said as she filled the filter up with several scoops more than usual, making it extra strong. It was stronger than drinking three cans of energy drink after intravenously injecting coffee grounds.

Vanos said, "Same here," and waited for the coffee to get served up, which was notified with a beep. Ahmond, Baynana, Mosor, and Mynt watched on, with Ahmond being the most excited about the spectacle. There was always something funny about these competitions. Something great about the way the family brought out the best, and the worst of each other. Was this how they played in their own days? With Kyofi and Vanos, as bitter rivals until the literally bitter end?

Kyofi and Vanos swallowed the first cups.

Almost immediately, they went for more. And a third cup cometh afterwards.

"Keep it coming!" Vanos said, despite the acrid taste of the drink, almost like eating wet dirt.

Kyofi felt her stomach growl. "I don't feel so good."

And she vomited. Her guts were puked out, almost literally, in a stream of black bile.

Vanos was about to laugh, when he felt something rise up in his throat, and then he hurled.

Ahmond stared horrified, while Baynana almost retched herself. Mosor and Mynt nodded, knowing full well that was going to happen. Mosor said, "I'll go get the buckets."

Sometimes enough was enough, and the body could only handle so much caffeine. As Mosor frequently thought, it was never necessary to get angry or upset about how someone made coffee. Even if they made coffee for the whole household, sometimes it was better to wait your turn, and sometimes it was better to just accept the coffee how it was.

But Krugers would never accept these non Purist truths, and would find their peace not now, and nevermore.

The story of krugers continues onward, in the annals of history.