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The Fire Queen
Chapter 21 - Doubts

Chapter 21 - Doubts

"What was he so eager to talk about?" Uraia came in and asked after he'd left.

"Refugees, they want the refugees out of their kingdom. I expect other ambassadors will be seeking an audience to discuss the same thing, as well the debt that we owe them, I'm surprised he didn't bring that up."

As I predicted, the ambassadors for Theran and Alderin arrived at the palace in the coming days to discuss refugees and debt. I gave them the same assurances that I'd given to Ambassador Bornheim and sent them back to their embassies. The refugee problem would sort itself out; once the refugees discovered that Queen Esmeralda had been dethroned and replaced by the rightful queen as chosen by the Overseer they would return to their homes in the kingdom. Repaying the debt that we owed was my biggest concern, until we had done that the kingdoms to whom we were indebted would continue to hold it over us.

I could do nothing about the debt until Alfred had finished formulating his plan for how we were to deal with the kingdom's finances. Forced to wait for my subordinates to complete their tasks and return to me, I turned my attention to the issue of my first proclamation as queen. The mayor had advised me to approach the matter of my first proclamation with the utmost seriousness as it would set the tone for my reign. To drive home his point he recounted to me the cautionary tale of Queen Gwendolyn, the onetime queen of Theran, whose first proclamation was that she was never to walk on ground not strewn with rose petals. Her subjects never took to her and by the end of her reign the kingdom of Theran was weaker than it had been when she'd assumed the throne. I spent the time thinking about what my first proclamation might be in the palace garden with Myra, Anbu, Lucy and the chicks. I thought about other things as well, like how it was possible for an Overseer to select a less than ideal ruler, and if that meant that I was not the right person to lead the kingdom.

"We're not infallible," a voice suddenly said to me from out of nowhere.

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"I was wondering where you were."

It was the Overseer.

"I was watching, observing from a distance your fledgling reign as queen."

"And?"

"As expected, you've continued to live up to my expectations of you."

"I'm still confused by your basis for those expectations; why did you pick me?"

"I had my reasons, the main one being him over there," he said, pointing at Anbu, who was rolling around on the ground with one of the chicks.

"Anbu?"

"Yes, when I saw you racing to rescue him as a pup when his pack turned on him I thought to myself 'That's who should be the next ruler of the kingdom'."

"What if you were wrong? What if I'm not the right person to rule the kingdom?"

"You wouldn't have come this far if I was wrong about you."

"Overseers have been wrong before."

"Yes, like I said, we're not infallible."

"Doesn't that defeat the whole point of you being divine?"

"We need people to think that we're infallible otherwise the rulers that we choose won't have any authority."

"But how is it that there are times when you get your selections so badly wrong?"

"There are things that we can't legislate for, like power going straight to a ruler's head as soon as they assume the throne, as was the case with Gwendolyn, whom you were discussing with your Hand."

"How do you know that's not going to happen with me?"

"Because it would have happened already. Where is all of this self doubt coming from? You didn't have any doubts about your abilities when you were plotting to raid the city, why are you now suddenly questioning your suitability for the throne?"

"The kingdom faces problems that can't be solved by simply occupying a city and dethroning a queen, my proficiency in the skills that are needed to address those problems has never been tested."

"Your captain, Uraia, told you to trust that I wouldn't have chosen you unless I believed that you would prove yourself equal to whatever challenge you're confronted with. Listen to her."

The Overseer vanished before I could question him further about other things that I wished to know more about. He and Uraia were right, I needed to trust myself.