I go by the name Rothdam Jacobs, my early apologies to the ears listening to the sad, maddening tale of a ringer that my little annoying brat of a niece put me through.

She caused literal fire and we’ll come to that.

A rural area of neatly arranged housing in rows is where I call home. Quiet and serine except my niece takes a chunk of happiness.

Began with one call. Over the phone the girl’s mommy informed me her hubby recently did surprisingly well at his job. As reward was bestowed vacation and two want to take it. She spoke in that pitiful but manipulative voice that always convinced me to do her bidding in the face being bit down the line.

Gullible Uncle Jacobs. What can I say?

Day after mother and daughter in tow drove up my driveway. Meeting me, the girl Marcy, ‘Oh I really like you Mr. Jacobs. Mamma told me a lot about you.’

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She continued to talk and talk. Contained excitable energy in her child body. The child became unnerving to me, ‘Okay…aright…very nice.’

Inside I put down her things. Lunch time my dog Rover went to drink in my kitchen. Marcy showed what I mistook as harmless captivation, left her to watch and attended my errands.

As wholly innocent Rover drank, MARCY opened the kitchen cabinet, removed a box of soap powder and into my dog’s milk it went. Known when I returned and discovered blowing bubbles out his mouth.

Wasn’t the last my pressure raised.

Before I woke next morning she entered the bathroom and in her devil work mixed chemicals with my Listerine – the searing pain is no fun. Cried in horror, for my sanity.

Two days later, needing to perform an errand, not trusting her to go with me. Left with neighbours. Their son and his girlfriend were alone – the industrious child hooked up their speaker system to a mic capturing their conversation to make out, broadcast for any to hear.

Uggh! Sentenced to her room by me. Clearly lesson learned for she took her leave and played with matches. Oh the wondering hands. In my attempt to put out the flame my clothes burnt.

The girl did that knowing mommy due next day. When she came, boy got an earful from me.    

Dennis the Menace is better behaved!

She was wroth at Marcy and promised discipline. Bluntly I brought up parenting has to explain the girl’s comportment!  

After an uneasy pause, eased the tension unintentionally by breathing a sigh of relief. Put my soul through the ringer.