Oh man. I had to give my report to Him.

The one man I had dreaded facing. Commander Harlem was a lot of things but true to the rumors; emotions held no regards to him. Duty. Honor. Sacrifice. These notions is what created him and hold him high above everyone, even the King he served for. Rumors of him not being actually human were always circling him; and if he heard them; he gave no hint of it. Though, I half expected that he encouraged the rumors. Shifting in the bed, I tried to steel myself. Show no emotion. Don't let him see.. A deep slow breath and I saluted smartly; ignoring the cry of my muscles.

"Commander. I bring a most grievous report of the mission. We had been ambushed just after dawn right as the rain and fog ceased. I'm not sure of the numbers but it was roughly fifteen strong." I swallowed past the lump that seemed to grow as I got to the worst of it. I gripped the blankets laying across my legs. No emotion...

"Squad leader Tarin was surrounded by half a dozen and went down after taking out four of them. I didn't see what happened, it seems though that Darren had. He called them cowards and rushed into the remaining group..." I trailed off.

I couldn't tell him how I was just as much of a coward as the hostiles. I was only facing one person, Darren was facing eight. Feinting left, right and diving between blows while dispatching them one by one. It was as though he lost himself though, fighting as a demon would. Shaking myself I glanced back at the Commander; he said nothing though his eyes were hard glittering gems of blue. I cleared my throat, continuing, "I tried to help but I was locked down by another; I think it was the leader of the group. I.. I'm not proud of it but he beat me soundly.. I don't really remember how I managed to win." My voice grew dull and quiet, even to my own ears. "He said that he had been watching us - the Scouts, that is - for a long time. I'm sorry... He didn't survive.."

"A grim report indeed. What concerns me is the amount of spying that was done under my nose." The Commander's voice was brusque like that of a blizzard. He focused on me; the scrutiny made me feel unclean and dishonest. Left me feeling like the choices that I had made during that mission were wrong and perhaps it would have been better for me to have not survived. That gaze was sharp and unrelenting as a predator hunting it's prey. "You both are not to speak to anyone about this."

Both?

"Yes Commander." A seraphic voice to my right replied. I blinked several times in an attempt to focus on the Commander again. I forgot that he was still here! I mimicked his immediate reply dully.

"Good. Now, moving past this, Jade; Cade is to be under your care until you see fit to have him return to his training. From what Sasha was saying and how I understand it, he is going to need a lot of recovery." Harlem shook his head and folded his arms across his chest. "Personally I feel that the boy shouldn't be babied but Sasha is Head Warden. So as her apprentice, you are Cade's Paladin just as Andri is Sasha's Knight. Both of you are to report directly to me."

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He spun on his heel, storming out of the infirmary like a stalking tiger and I slumped down into the firm mattress. I stared at my bandaged hands; unseeing them. With Commander Harlem spearheading everything, how will things turn out? What does he expect from.. A cool hand rested over mine, bringing my attention around to him, my nose throbbing and my eyes stinging.

The newly appointed Paladin handed me a small linen to wipe my eyes. He squeezed my hand gently before moving away; silent as a wraith. I choked on a sob as I curled underneath the blanket. Tarin... Darren... It should have been me.

~♥~

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Jade said nothing as he swayed away from the boy. Stifled cries from Cade's bed felt like stabs to his heart as his trembling hands made it hard to write his initial report of Cade's health. He went over the boy's story in his head and how the Commander had place such trust in either of them. The scratch of his quill on the parchment chafed his ears as he thought over how the boy looked whiter than the sheets when reporting to Harlem. The haunted look in his hazel eyes seemed to swim before him. Clearly this ambush was well thought out and meticulously planned but.. why leave Cade alive? Why attack three Scouts with a small hunting force? Something was wrong and it bothered Jade as sure as a thorn beneath a fingernail. A sigh escaped as he glanced over at Cade's bed. He knew the boy had nothing to do with the attack; it was clearly written in his posture and his eyes. Yet.. how did he survive when both Tarin and Darren were five years his senior? His fingers brushed against the silver teardrop pendant that hung beneath his clothes as he watched the boy. He knew what loss meant and he knew how close the three of them would have been if they had more time together. Far better than Cade could even hope to imagine... He knew. Perhaps that's what the Commander had in mind when he had assigned him to Cade.

~♥~

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Time seemed to flow differently after the Commander left me to my grief. What might have been mere minutes felt like hours as I lay there in a lump of pain and emptiness. I tried to control the waves of sadness that surged up like a giant tidal wave but like nature itself; I was swept away and drowning in it.

Tarin had been the brother I lost and Darren was my best friend. I smiled at a memory of having found out they were lovers. I don't know who was more embarrassed - Darren or myself. Though Tarin was happy I wasn't repulsed by it. The Scout squads had three to four members per group but they had been different.

Commander had accepted their conditions of being the first duo Scout because of their unique and widely unaccepted relationship. I don't know what made Commander assign me to their squad but I was happy that he did. They had been a duo for five years until six months ago, when I showed up to make it a trio.

A happy and very successful trio.. until now. Forgive me... O Father of Light. I wasn't strong enough for them and I humbly ask that with this second chance - I can avenge them. The battle replayed itself over in my head as I drifted into the darkness that beckoned me.