What an unexpected harvest! I opened one bottle, took a sip, and a remarkably sweet taste overwhelmed me. The potent smell of honey reminded me of a Sauternes I drank on my first holiday, where I only drank the most expensive wines and liquors that ruined my wallet. On that memory, I gazed into the distant forest and grinned. Good times.
Lucas gently touched my shoulder and asked, “Charlie, you look broken. Are you fine?” I nodded and opened eyes with an even bigger grin, but he returned me only a sigh. “You have trouble with an alcohol. I mean it this time!” He moved closer and pulled me into a hug. For some unknown reason, butterflies ran amok in my stomach as soon as he touched me. Woah, the wine has that powerful effect?
“My lovely mage, now it is not time to be so gloomy; let’s celebrate our first spoils with a drink!” I tried to offer him a bottle, but he pulled out and shook his head.
“I’ll pass. We’ve played for over 6 hours, I need to log out, at least for a while,” he said his apology and without waiting for my response logged off. After he hit the button, he remained still for 10 seconds, like a statue, and only then his body disappeared. Without thinking much into it, I tasted the wine once more.
[Attention! You had entered the intoxicated state 1]
[The pain toleration had increased by 20%]
“What? Drinking lowers the pain? Incredible! Let’s drink, cheers, to you, my friends at the QA department; so hardworking all the time!” I screamed at the entire mountain and drank a full bottle.
[Attention! You had entered the intoxicated state 2]
[The pain toleration had increased by 40%]
[Intelligence decreased by 20%]
[Agility decreased by 10%]
My sense of directions got a little blurry, and I had to revise my plan of farming the Goolems. There was no way I could hunt something that would kill me in one shot. Not while intoxicated.
After thinking about the best plan of an action, I recalled a weird dungeon with Goolems, so I hiked near it. At least that was my goal, but as I tried to not stumble upon the various things on the ground, I lost a fight with a few pebbles. Not fair! My shoes were the ones to blame, because my heels got stuck between the roots. Five times; the same root.
After all said and done, finding a dungeon was an impossible task, because when I walked for full ten minutes, I somehow circled back to the hole and nearly fell there. This time my stumble saved my skin, so shoes were redeemable. I sat on the familiar boulder and waited for the world to stop spinning. If my memory served right, I got an extra payment for the unusual entry. But where it was? The only thing I remembered was some running water. A pond? A creek?
[Attention! You had entered the intoxicated state 1]
With my head a little less dizzy, I stumbled around until I found a little stream, followed it for twenty minutes, until thirteenth most beautiful waterfall popped up. Okay, I couldn’t check it in a sightseeing guide, because Ricky probably didn’t know what Rimelion was, so he obviously couldn’t write it. Yet. I didn’t want to get into a thirsty state, so I drank the cold, refreshing water and splashed over my face to wake me up. The hunger modifier was a future John’s problem.
After the break at the waterfall, I glanced up the mountain. Thankfully, the north side was full of gray rough stones, so I nodded and started climbing up. My heels were helping me this time, and when I climbed near a resting place, I grew excited and tried to jump there. Guess what? The fall almost gave me a heart attack, and the rocky ground welcomed me in a warm embrace.
[You suffered fall damage 27]
“Ouchie,” I massaged my forehead and quickly healed the wound for sweet proficiency points. Masochists must be awesome healers, right? The second climb went without a hitch, and I gazed into the distance with a satisfaction. I could vaguely see the Main Village Number Four, according to the map it was over than 8 miles away. A few more villages popped up between us, but they all will get devoured by Irwen soon. Could I get somehow involved?
I searched the cliff and found a small rupture hidden between a few roots of a pine tree. A faint light glowing from it confirmed my suspicion, and it was narrow only for my hand, but I wedged in my stick-staff and widened it, little by little. Because it wasn’t doing anything, I leaned in and pushed with all my weight, so the staff finally broke. Although it did with a big bang, little rocks fell inside, and I involuntarily followed them.
[You suffered fall damage 17]
[You found ‘Goolem factory dungeon,’ stage 3]
Yes, I jumped up with fist pump and cheered, albeit quietly, and squinted eyes, because the light was dim and the stale, warm air weighted me down. I found myself in a small side room, and the only feature was a broken table and two half-functioned chairs.
Hey devs, good way in, huh? I laughed at them; but they’ll deploy a fix that prevents intrusion like this. I would love to skip the annoying stages of the Scorching Dungeon. Maybe there was a way to insert myself into a Lisa’s group?
Naturally, I had to be careful with each step, because I didn’t want to attract the monsters. If I strained my body to the limit, I would survive the fight with one small Goolem. Anything more would mean my death and twenty-four hours wait. When I stepped into the hallway, I noticed old wooden beams; it looked like an old mine.
[Goolem Lv.5]
Type: 1-common | HP: 100/100
For I while I pondered about digging another hole, but I decided against it. There was no guarantee that this Goolems wouldn’t climb; they fixed only the wild ones. As per usual, I tried to sneak around, but I had to continue with a great care. If I was the Thief, I would have a more leeway. Sadly, Priests weren’t a class known for their sneaking abilities.
All went without a problem, until I stepped on some stupid pebble and it drifted away, echoing all around the hallway, alerting one Goolem. No!
The insignificant creature turned around and dashed towards the sound. Not to be ashamed, I ran for my life and jumped into a random room, thankfully an empty one. Just in time, because I heard the stone screeching around the door. After gulping down, I realized my heart raced like crazy. Trouble in a noob dungeon, John, you’re pathetic.
It took me twenty minutes before I found a bonus room, where small Goolems littered a floor; these small vermin were only 5 inches tall. Yes, I wasn’t in any danger; they ignored me and jumped aimlessly around.
[Little Goolem Lv.1]
Type: 1-common | HP: 10/10
My primary target was a chest hidden in a corner. While I rummaged through the rubble, I noticed an error in my calculations, because heavy stones were a challenge for my weak body. When I was throwing them to the side, a sweat formed on my forehead and I had to stop for a while. Was I clearing the dungeon or working as a miner? Whatever.
[You found a secret treasure chest!]
[You found Basic Mace]
[You found Goolem scroll x5]
[Basic Mace] Quality: 2-uncommon ATK: 6-8 Restriction: Level 5 Effects: bonus damage to Goolems 2-3 Basic Mace sturdy enough to hit a Goolem.
[Goolem scroll] Quality: 4-exceptional Grants temporarily (10 minutes) Goolem disguise. The Goolems won’t attack unless provoked.
Yes! The system gave already identified items, because it wasn’t a monster drop, but a chest one. Sweet. Too bad I hadn’t found a staff, but I guess flailing with the mace around will suffice. Although it will do only one damage, because the Priest shouldn’t use it, and I even lacked the level requirements. I confidently walked back to the hallway and pointed the mace at the Goolem.
This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.
“Come at me, you small rock! You are nothing but a pebble in my eyes!” After my taunt, the Goolem sprinted towards me and bashed at my abdomen. Ouch! I shrieked loudly, because the wound was pulsating like that time when an evil dentist pulled my damn teeth. Even in the pain, I used the scroll, but couldn’t stop my screaming.
[You lost 6 HP.]
[You have used the Goolem scroll, you are now disguised.]
[You lost 1 HP.]
When I activated the scroll, it confused the Goolem’s AI. The key was to activate it during a fight. After every attack it didn’t know what to do, so it stood still for five seconds like Lucas without an energy drink, and then bashed at me, but only for one damage. This exploit was a classic one, but it still worked, so why wouldn't I use it?
Although, it still hurt like when Lucas hit me with an empty bottle of vodka. The exploit worked, though. The Goolem kept attacking me for 1 HP, but I out-healed that damage easily and returned the beating with my mace. With 1 damage as well.
Out-healed was a strong word; I succeeded in a healing spell once in three attempts. Stupid magic system, it’s harder than solving riddles at night in a bar! As the pain clouded my judgment, I selected my lovely wine and drank it during the fight. The sweet nectar eased the pain, and as the intoxication increased to level 2, the pain subdued a lot.
The Goolem granted me only 8XP; that was a far cry from the whooping 300XP, but as I healed myself my proficiency points increased, so it was a win. Except the stupid pain. Wait. Am I a masochist now?
Thinking about my future as a receiver of Goolem-pain, I continued to run around the hallway like a madwoman and bashed the various Goolems. Okay, now I embraced the pain; I welcomed the crushing sounds when they hit my knees or even the stomach. All for the sweet XP, or proficiency points. When the scroll timer neared the end, I used another one.
With a grin, I smashed the last of Goolem’s head and watched it flew away. The sad thing about my rampage was nothing dropped, and the leveling speed wasn’t that great.
[XP to the next level: 272/450]
With only 3 scrolls remaining and the timer still ticking, I entered the Boss’ room. In the center of a massive cave stood motionless Goolem, larger than me. Developers painted him red, because he was angry. How original. I braced myself for the intense fight and ran with a shout at that monstrosity.
[Angry Goolem Lv.7]
Type: 4-exceptional Dungeon Boss | HP: 1000/1000
As I could smash only once per second, I started the onslaught without rest. The Boss skills of [Rage], [Berserk], or others couldn't make a dent on me, I received always only one damage and the Boss still stood after the hit like an idiot for 5 seconds.
Hello! It’s me, The Exploiter, the glorious tanker! As the time neared, I had to use yet another scroll.
That was an oversight on my part. My healing power was still greater, but I had to attack during a casting. If I had the skill [Simultaneous spell-casting] it would had been easier. Or if I had been better at casting spells…
I had to focus as much as when I had to solve a differential equation and drink whiskey at the same time. My evading skills from my warrior age were on the spot, but I lacked the agility to avoid at least half of time. Naturally, I was using the basic tactic for this Boss, as I stood between two enormous boulders and tried to avoid his angry smashes. Yes, his attack was [Angry smash].
When my stamina dropped to 0, my attack speed plummeted to a half, and I depleted my last drop of mana. When the Boss had the last sliver of hit points left, my last scroll expired.
Damn, what an impeccable timing, my calculations were off yet again. No more messing around, I drank the wine and ferociously beat the Boss. I avoided his fist, but I failed to avoid his feet.
[You lost 19 HP. Warning! You have only 3/30 HP.]
Princess, how could you be so confident, you moron! Jumping between his legs, I turned around and smashed his head with mace and destroyed his angry nose.
[Angry Goolem has been defeated. +140XP. XP to the next level: 412/450]
[You found an unknown staff.]
[You found a strange book x2. Angry Goolem pool: 48/50]
“I still got it, bastards!” I shouted and happily collected my spoils.
[The God of Ice Blood is calling a young heroine.]