Things were relatively quiet after John and Felicia got married, and things appeared to look great much to Max and his wife’s relief. Being in the same town made it easier for them to hang out, mingle and even be there if either needed help in one way or another. As time passed, Max even caught himself forgetting the past and how he and John actually became acquainted, but that would soon come bubbling back whenever Wilson would get into contact and check in for updates despite there being nothing to report most of the time. And yet life continued to unfold for John and Felicia, and they carried on as if any other couple would in their position. One day, Max and his wife were hosting the happy couple for dinner when they received the joyful news that they were expecting their first child. Excitement mingled with trepidation as everyone prepared for parenthood and the new addition coming along. Yet deep within John's heart, a silent turmoil brewed.
When the day came and Felicia gave birth to a beautiful and very healthy boy, John was at a loss on how he was supposed to act, and even feel in this situation. His amnesia left John devoid of any memories from his own childhood, so he had nothing to reference when looking for guidance to how to conduct his own duties as a father. He couldn't recall the laughter, the warmth of his own dad’s embrace, or the gentle counseling of a mother's love. Months before the arrival of their son, John couldn't help but feel a sense of unease as he had nothing to work with and that also scared him leading up to the big day.
The day itself went by without any incident, as they made it to the hospital in decent time and delivered the child without issue. Felicia was feeding the child naturally and he left the room to give mom and new child a little privacy. As he was wandering the halls, John noticed that Max was there as well, and they met up in the waiting room. His former attorney and close friend was concerned about John and made his way to the hospital to check up on everyone, both child and parents. Max could tell there was something bothering them as they sat down to talk about it over crappy coffee made by the vending machine.
“Hey, John.” Max said, sitting across from him. “How are you holding up?”
“About as well as can be expected,” John confessed, “But to be honest with you, I’m struggling with it a bit.”
“How so?” Max asked him, curious to know.
“Don’t get me wrong,” John started to explain, “Becoming a father and getting the house ready for the new addition has been fun, and even exciting at times.”
“But?” Max asked, aware there was something else coming.
“I don’t know how to feel about this,” John confessed, “I really don’t know how to feel because I don't remember my own childhood. How can I give something to my child that I no longer possess myself?”
Max sat there and sipped his gawd awful coffee while listening to John’s confession and could sense that it was genuine and coming from his heart. He paused for a moment when he finished to process it and come up with what he thought might be helpful to his friend.
"John,” Max started, taking a deep breath, “You may not remember our past, but that doesn't and will not define your ability to be a loving and caring father. I know from my own experience that parenthood is a journey of learning and growth. Right here and now, you have an opportunity to create new memories with Felicia and the baby. Some might consider starting a new family with a blank slate might be more of a blessing rather than curse.”
“How so?” John asked, eager to know what he meant.
“It’s true that we draw upon good memories of our parents to guide our own tenures as child bearers,” Max continued, “But sometimes we also carry the burden of bad memories as well, and sometimes even pass that darkness onto our own children. While you are missing some of the good stuff that might have happened in your own childhood, you’re also not going to burden the child with any bad memories you might have lost as well.”
“I never thought of it that way,” John admitted.
“Rather than see this as a deficit,” Max carried on, “Use this as an opportunity to make your own path rather than following others.”
“But what if I make mistakes?” John asked, “What if I don't measure up?”
Max placed a reassuring hand on John’s shoulder and smiled.
“No parent is perfect, John.” Max informed him, “We all stumble and falter at times, but what truly matters how we deal with it. I honestly believe it’s the love and dedication you bring to your child's life that will overcome any adversity that comes your way. You’re going to have a chance to build a beautiful bond with your son, and you’ll create new and unique experiences that will be yours and yours alone. My dad always told me that as long as no one gets hurt, mistakes often make for the best stories to tell. I happen to agree with him, as some of my finest mistakes are the stories I call back on and are after the fact fondest memories. In time, you’ll understand that all too well.”
“I hope so,” John said, as he sat back and started to relax.
After sitting out there and just chilling, John and Max walked back to Felicia’s room to check up on her and the baby. She was finished feeding her son, and the young lad was back in his little bassinet and soundly sleeping. John’s gaze shifted from the baby to Sarah, who smiled at him with unwavering support. A surge of determination coursed through him, dispelling many of his doubts. He realized that his love for his wife and child would be an unbreakable force, irrespective of the past that he lost. At this point in time, he thought about what Max had said and even started to like that fact he couldn’t remember as now he would be able to build his own future free of any constraint. In that moment, John embraced the prospect of fatherhood with newfound resolve, as he understood that his amnesia could never distinguish the love he had to offer. With his wife along with Max and other friends by his side, John knew he could embark on a journey to create a loving and nurturing environment for his child, one memory at a time.
“How are mother and child doing?” Max asked Felicia.
“We are doing fine,” Felicia answered, even though she was kind of fibbing a bit. “Jackson had a good feeding and now he’s sleeping it off.”
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“Jackson?” Max said, as he nodded in approval. “I like it.”
“It was my Dad’s name,” Felicia told him, “And I thought it was safe to use since he’s no longer with us.”
“It made sense really,” John added, “Since we took her name when we married, I like the idea of paying tribute to the former head of her family tree. It just felt right for some reason.”
“It feels good,” Max said, rather proud. “You two did well.”
After Felicia and Jackson returned from the hospital and the weeks passed by, John marveled at the joy and wonders that parenthood brought. With every coo, smile, and milestone their son achieved, John reveled in the profound connection he shared with Jackson. Though John’s own childhood continued to remain a blank canvas, he found solace in the fact that he had the power to paint a beautiful portrait for his own family; a portrait rich in love, compassion, and a newfound appreciation for the precious moments that life had to offer. There were tense moments throughout Jackson’s first year of life, but it was just the normal things that most parents experienced. One day after putting Jackson down for a nap, Felicia could tell there was something bothering her husband and she reached out to him to help him work through it together. After a little pestering, John finally opened up about it.
“It's about my amnesia,” John confessed, “I was just concerned about how it would affect my ability to be a good father. The fact that I don’t have any memories from my own childhood makes me question if I can truly understand our child's needs. I’m worried that I won’t be able to provide the upbringing that Jack deserves. What if my lack of personal experiences hinders my ability to connect with him?"
Sarah's eyes softened with tenderness as she reached out to hold John's hand.
“This isn’t a bad thing, hun.” She said, reassuring him. “People who worry about their kids are the ones who make the best parents. It’s a sign of how outgoing and loving their going to be moving forward, and it’s the people who think they can do it without issues are the folks that often fail as care givers.
“That’s rather interesting,” John confessed.
“Don’t let your past define the future,” Felicia reminded him. “You may not have memories of your own childhood, but that doesn't mean you're incapable of nurturing and connecting with your son.”
“I hope that’s true,” John said, thinking about it.
“Look at the love and dedication you've shown me and our baby.” Felicia reminded him, “It's evident in every interaction and comforting touch. Trust in your instincts, John, and the love you have for him."
“Sounds good to me,” John said, as he was in agreement.
“There’s also one big difference,” Felicia added, “You’re not in this alone. We're going to take this all on together and conquer parenthood as a team. You and me all the friggin’ way.”
As John absorbed Sarah's words, a sense of relief washed over him. Her journey was also his journey, and together, they could provide a nurturing environment for Jackson. One filled with love, support, and a commitment to learn and grow.
Over the following weeks and months, John embraced the daily routines of parenthood with newfound confidence. With each diaper change, midnight feeding, and lullaby sung, he discovered his own unique way of connecting with his son. Sarah was there every step of the way, offering guidance, encouragement, and unwavering support. As their child grew, John began to witness the beauty of his own parental bonds unfold. He marveled at the little victories and cherished the simple joys of their shared experiences. Whether it was the first giggle, clumsy attempts at crawling, or late-night feedings, John’s love knew no bounds.
As they approached Jackson’s second birthday, John’s concerns about his amnesia slowly faded into the background. It was slowly learned that being a parent was not about dwelling on the past, but rather about embracing the present and building a future filled with love and cherished memories. Yet it was on the exact day of Jackson’s birthday that something changed. It wasn’t anything wrong with the party itself, or the many kids that were running around and causing a ruckus, but something small that happened away from the party that cause the incident to occur. One of Felicia’s cousins had traveled from another state to share in the festivities, bringing her own children who were around Jackson’s age. It was during this party that the cousin handed a gift to Felicia that wasn’t for the boy but for her.
“I found this when I was cleaning out at attic to move,” her cousin explained to her, “I found thousands of old photos and thought you might want this one.”
Felicia removed the gift from it’s box and it was a framed photo, and John could see the look on her face when she first gazed upon it. He walked over and looked at the photo over her shoulder. There was a picture of a woman that looked very much like Felicia, standing in front of a man, and wearing a gown at some sort of event.
“Who is that behind you?” John inquired.
“That’s my father,” Felicia answered, “This picture was taken at the university graduation ceremony.”
“Wow,” John said, as he hadn’t seen many photos from her past. “He looks very proud.”
“Yeah,” Felicia said, wiping a tear from her cheek. “He was so proud that day.”
It was at this moment that the sight of the photograph triggered something deep within John. For a fleeting moment, a fragment of memory resurfaced. It was the face of Felicia’s father that had caused it because he remembered seeing that man before. He saw an image in his mind of a television, and Felicia’s father was on the screen. He was standing at a podium, and there was a dozen microphones attached to it as he spoke about something. John couldn’t recall the words being spoken but the man seemed determined and even angry about whatever he was discussing. John paused for a moment, as if he was suffering from a brain freeze.
“John?” Felicia asked, as she noticed this. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah, I’m okay,” John said as he was eager to change the subject as he pointed to the picture. “He looks like an important figure. Was he in politics by any chance?”
“No,” Felicia answered, “Why do you ask?”
“He just has the presence about him,” John replied, “Like a man that knows how to lead.”
“Oh, I suppose you’re right.” Felicia agreed, “Dad always had a way of getting people to bend to his side. Quite the talker too.”
“Now I see where you get it from,” John joked as everyone had a good laugh from it. Shortly after making the quibble, John excused himself and went to the bathroom.
He quickly locked the door behind him, as he felt a wave of disorientation wash over him as he tried to piece together the details of the memory that had come back to him. He saw a dimly lit room, an overwhelming sense of fear. The memory was hazy, elusive, and laced with discomfort. He saw that television again, with Felicia’s father speaking to the press, even shaking a fist about something. Was he a union man fighting the evil empires of the world? That part of the memory was unclear, as John sat down on the toilet and took a few deep breaths hoping it would just go away. His heart raced as he struggled to comprehend the significance of this unexpected recollection. The memory held no context or specific details, leaving him unsure of when or where they had taken place. It was a disturbing piece of the puzzle, forever haunting the depths of his consciousness. Without other details, it was near impossible to interpret what was going on, so John took a few deep breaths and chose to let it go.
Unwilling to distress Felicia on their child's special day, John chose to tuck the memory deep within himself, as it was a part of a past that no longer meant anything to him. John went back to the party, enjoyed himself and didn’t think of the memory again for weeks afterwards as he was determined to forget it all over again. John understood that his true strength lay not in the memories lost, but in the love and resilience he displayed every day. He had created a new narrative, one filled with warmth, support, and a steadfast commitment to protect and nurture his family.
As he watched two year old Jackson blow out the candles on his cake, David knew that he was exactly where he was meant to be and he wasn’t going to let one little memory ruin the good thing he had going. What John didn’t realize this day was that memory represented a crack in the dam. Water was starting to leak out, and it was only a matter of time before more memories followed.