2075 - The Chief Commander's Personal Quarters

Victor nodded, and Harlow closed his eyes. “I spent all those years thinking I’d forgiven you and made peace with it, right until the moment you were sitting in front of me. Then I realized it’s much easier said than done. I think that’s part of the reason I allowed you a second chance. It wasn’t just for you. I needed to find out if I could let it go.”

“And yet, you can’t.”

Harlow looked away. “I held you to impossible standards, and you still met them. Even when I’m looking for a reason to hate you, I can’t find one anymore.” He lowered his voice. “Maybe I need to be better, too.”

Victor wiped away a few errant tears. “You have no idea how badly I’ve wanted to hear those words,” he said. “You were always so distant, even when we were sitting in the same room, and it hurt. I know you don’t trust me, and I know why, but I just wanted assurance you don’t hate me anymore.”

Harlow nodded.

“I’ve missed you,” Victor continued. “I miss who you were, and I miss what we had, all those years ago. Some part of me is always hoping I’ll see it again, but for the last two years it’s felt as if I’m watching you die slowly, and I don’t know what more I can do.”

Harlow closed his eyes. “There’s nothing anyone can do. I’m trying my best to put a stop to this, but even from my position, I’m not sure I’ll be able to.”

Victor shrugged. “Just take care of yourself, please. I don’t care if you take me back, but you deserve better than this.”

Harlow glanced at him. “You don’t care if I take you back?”

Their eyes met, and Victor quickly averted his gaze.

“Honesty, please,” Harlow said.

Victor focused intently on the floor. “I’d love nothing more,” he began. “But like I said, you deserve better.”

Harlow stared through the window and drew a deep breath. “Cadet Victor is someone I never want to see again, but Victor the general’s aide is the best I could’ve asked for.” He shrugged. “I don’t know if it’ll be anything like what we had, but we could start over from this point.”

Victor closed his eyes and nodded. Tears streamed openly down his face now, and they spent a moment that way as Victor cried and Harlow sat in silence.

After a while, Harlow stood and began pacing the room, as he usually did when his thoughts weighed heavily upon him. His legs had begun to cramp, and he needed a diversion.

Finally, he stopped by a nearby chair and sat down with a frustrated sigh.

“I miss what we had, too,” he said. “I’d love nothing more than to be as carefree as I was back then—in fact, I’d like a lot of things, but none of that matters because I’ve got no time for it. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to have a personal life, and my responsibilities are being neglected too, because no amount of effort ever seems to be enough.”

Victor stood and made his way to where Harlow sat. He stopped behind him, and Harlow tensed as he felt his touch. Victor began rubbing his shoulders—light at first, then heavier as he applied deeper pressure—and Harlow gradually relaxed.

“You say there’s no solution, but I’ve thought of one,” Victor said. “Run away with me. You’ve done all you can, and you admit there’s no winning, so what’s the point of trying anymore? We could go together; leave all this behind. Move somewhere else, assume different names, and live the rest of our lives in peace and quiet.”

Harlow gazed at the stars. “It would be nice, wouldn’t it?”

Victor nodded. “We could leave tonight. No one’s expecting it, and you’d have enough of a head start, they wouldn’t be tracking you. By this time tomorrow we’d be far enough away that they’d never find us.”

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

Harlow inhaled deeply. “It’s tempting, but you know I won’t do it.”

“Why not? As you said, at the end of the day, this is just a job, and no job is worth this.”

“Maybe in your position, but not mine.” Harlow looked away and sighed. “Lives are at stake here, and I won’t abandon those who are depending on me. Even if I was inclined to leave, though, I don’t think our situation would improve. If there’s one truth that’s been demonstrated repeatedly, it’s that nothing’s safe from this war. Not civilians, not the quiet countryside, not isolated colonies, and not even our own generals. I won’t run from my responsibilities, but even if I did, there’s nowhere to go. This war’s spreading like a blight upon the universe. It’ll find all of us eventually.”

“I’m sure there’s somewhere.”

“There’s not,” Harlow said. “You’re free to go, if you want—in fact, I recommend it—but I can’t. I’ve got to end this, and I’m right where I need to be.”

“I’m not going without you. You’re the one in danger, not me.”

“Stop downplaying your own risk. If they’re coming for me, they’ll come for you too. You should go.”

Victor shook his head. “I already left you once when you needed me most. I won’t do it again.”

Harlow said nothing to this, and neither moved. Victor began running his fingers through his hair, and they stayed that way for quite some time until he leaned forward and spoke in Harlow’s ear in a low, whispered tone.

“I’ve missed you,” he said. And even though he didn’t elaborate, Harlow knew what he meant.

They became lovers again that afternoon. It was just like when he was a cadet—he hadn’t planned to, but it happened, and he didn’t mind.

They made their way to the bedroom at some point, where they remained for a long time. And as they lay there afterward, Harlow relaxed for the first time in as long as he could remember. It wouldn’t last, he knew, but he resolved to enjoy it for as long as he could.

Sure enough, though, those thoughts came flooding back, just as they always did. And at this reminder of the life that awaited him outside this room, that dull, familiar throb of a headache returned.

He closed his eyes. “I can’t go on like this.”

Victor glanced at him, but before he could say anything, Harlow stood up and began getting dressed.

“Where are you going?” Victor asked.

“To do what needs to be done,” Harlow replied. He wore a look of stoic determination, and his tone was firm.

Victor sat up. “I’ll go with you—”

“No,” Harlow cut him off. Victor frowned, and Harlow sighed and looked away. “I appreciate the offer, but this is something I need to handle alone.”

He saw that look in Victor’s eyes—the one that said he couldn’t fully read a situation, and wasn’t sure how to react.

“There’s nothing I can do?” Victor asked.

Harlow shook his head, and there was a solemn resolve in his expression that left no room for argument. However, as he sat on the side of the bed and began putting on his shoes, he closed his eyes and sighed. “Fine. There’s one thing, I guess. Call General Lin’s office and tell him I’d like to arrange a private meeting as soon as possible. Immediately, if he’s available. And when I say ‘private,’ I mean exactly that. No aides, no staff, no bodyguards, and no surveillance of any type. I want to speak to him alone—just the two of us.”

“What if he refuses?” Victor asked.

“I don’t think he will, but in case he does, remind him that refusal is tantamount to disregarding orders, and given his history, I’ll be forced to involve Headquarters this time. Then, under their oversight, I’ll call an emergency Council session and start proceedings to have him formally relieved of command and charged with insubordination. This is his last chance to come clean.”

Victor nodded and said nothing else. He remained there a short while, then stood abruptly, put on his clothes, and walked out. And Harlow stared at the wall as he listened to the faint sounds of that phone call taking place in the next room.

When Victor returned, Harlow glanced at him.

“Well?” he asked.

Victor spoke quietly. “He’s agreed to a meeting, but only if it takes place in his quarters, and you come unarmed.”

“When?”

“Twenty-one hundred. Tonight.”

Harlow glanced at the clock. “That’s sooner than I hoped. I’ll be there.”

Victor stared at him, then looked away and let out a frustrated sigh. “If you don’t want me there, what should I be doing in the meantime?”

“Start packing a bag, and have it ready to go.”

Victor raised his eyebrows, and Harlow glanced at him. “Yours, I mean. If this goes badly, I want you to run and never look back.”

Victor’s gaze was heavy with the weight of unspoken questions. “What about you?” he finally asked.

“If it comes to that, you’re on your own, because I won’t be able to help you.”

Victor gave a tense nod and began pacing aimlessly. “You always rely so heavily on that intuition of yours. What’s it telling you now?”

“That one way or another, this is getting resolved,” Harlow said. He stared at the wall again, then looked down and studied the floor. “I can’t go on this way. It’s ending tonight, and if I die here, so be it, but I’m not leaving.”

There was a resolute determination in his tone, and his words had a sense of finality to them. This wasn’t a statement of intent, but rather an immutable fact. Victor nodded, as if sensing there was nothing further to be said, and eventually left the room, while Harlow remained there staring at the wall until the agreed-upon hour of their meeting.