Most nights, I would have spent it alone trying to make it to the next waking hour. It always felt so cumbersome, as there was none to keep me company other than my thoughts.

Over the years, wintry grew familiar to me. The other side of the bed had remained cold for the past five, as my husband never bothered to visit the chamber we were supposed to share.

But tonight was an outlier from the rest. The stars seemed to have glowed brighter, and the moonlit bedroom felt warmer. I knew not of the occasion, but he had finally come.

I should have asked him questions ― how he was, what did he do that day, and why did he only decide to join me now. But the foreign feeling of being held in his arms possessed my thoughts entirely. I soaked up the warmth I had craved for all this time.

He said naught to me, but I did not mind. Our marriage was never made from verbality, yet I knew what he thought of me. Although he may embrace me now, I was aware of his loathing.

He hated me. Enough to make me spend my nights alone, be absent from home for periods of time, and never speak to me unless it was with a scowl.

But just this once, I wanted to seize this rare display of affection. It was shameless, but I was deprived of him.

When I came to, it was with the sounds of morn. I got by another night but this time, I had someone beside me. An odd fluttering tickled my chest, finding myself coming face-to-face with his sleeping expression.

He was my husband, a man who I was supposed to know like the back of my hand. Yet it felt as though I was looking at him for the first time – in awe like I was rediscovering every detail of him that I admired.

Stemming from the roots of his head flowed rays of morning sun, graciously shaping his face like a set of curtains. However it wasn't something that blocked his beauty but rather enhanced.

I wanted to reach out and tuck them away behind his pointed ears, but I was afraid of the possibility of his wake.

Just this once, I wanted to delude myself into what felt like a dream. I wanted to succumb into this fantasy a while longer.

"Your Majesty," the physician looked at me in disbelief, a smile spreading across his face, "You are with child."

I looked back at them with the same appearance, unable to process any of their words, "What?"

"Congratulations!"

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At first, I was shaken with surprise. A concept that had been in the air had finally begun to materialize. Tears streamed from my eyes, a distant emotion that I thought I had forgotten was now resurfacing.

Joy. It had overtaken me. A child of my own, one that belonged to both me and my husband.

My husband... That's right. I had gotten ahead of myself for a moment.

How would he look at me? What kind of face would he make from such news? Would he want to have a child with a human? The thought terrified me.

But it wouldn't remain a secret forever. Especially not when my own body would play a factor in its disclosure.

"What?!" he exclaimed, "A child?"

Ah, I knew it. The look of contempt, one that I could have mistaken to be his resting face whenever he'd look at me. I knew that he wouldn't be happy.

He continued his glower, staring daggers through my head. "That can't be. Was that not your first?" he asked. But as if he had reached enlightenment, his eyes lit up, "Unless you were seeing another man while I was gone?"

My brows furrowed, not understanding how he came to such a conclusion. It was so absurd that I had to shoot up out of my seat. "What? No!" I shouted. It had hurt my pride that he would ever make such an assumption of me. "You were my first! This is your child, Eion," I corrected.

He seemed taken aback that I had raised my voice, but quickly recollected himself. He sighed before sitting back in his office chair, pinching his temples in frustration.

Between us was a few moments of silence before he opened his mouth to speak, "Out."

"What?"

From his tilted head, he lifted his eyes to glare at me. Through his seethed teeth, he made it clear for me once more, "I said, 'out.' I will not repeat myself again, Lilith."

"We're not done talking yet, Eion. You can't just throw me out like thisー"

But before I could say another word, I felt myself be lifted up out of the room. His aide and knight began to drag me out, but my gaze did not leave my husband during. My face was rendered with the shade of confusion, a chokehold of questions failing to leave my throat.

As months passed, nothing from my schedule really changed. I no longer felt the suffocating desperation of wanting to be acknowledged by my husband. I counted my days with excitement the more my belly grew into shape.

I spent my free time daydreaming of our future together. I pictured just how lovely my child would be, thought up of the activities we'd do together once they grew old enough, and how I'd welcome them when they'd arrive into the world.

I wanted them to look like their father. Perhaps then, he would finally recognize my efforts. Recognize me as his wife.

Before I knew it, I realized that they had become my solace. But the child I looked forward to never came to fruition.

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. I'm so sorry."

Those were the only words that I could register from the physician. I was lying down over my bed, drenched from the labor of my exertions. Instead of being given a baby in my arms, I received a slap in the face by my reality.

My body grew cold as the weight of it all sunk in, and the pit of my stomach suddenly felt heavier than it did prior.

It had been so exhausting. Everything.

What did I do to constantly be pushed around by the ones closest to me? By the unknown force of life that robbed my only happiness away from me?

I did everything that I could do to please them. To please him. Why couldn't I just be rewarded at least this once for all that I've been through?

Whatever I said couldn't get to him, even if I had studied for years to learn the tongue he spoke. What was the point of it all?

I was far too tired to think any further. Once more, I was miserable. Once more, I clung onto something that I felt like I could never have.

And before my vision could get any darker, I wanted to make it known. That if I could, I wanted to change the fate that was set for me.