Names are no simple matter among the heavens. Thankfully it was never a large problem, as Asterius outranked pretty much anyone, and therefore could say anyone’s name as he pleased. Though to be safe Asterius tended to stick to titles when he could.
Generally, it was okay to say the name of someone who had given you their name, a sign of intimate friendship or romantic intentions. Familial relationships were a bit more difficult, Asterius’s family did say his name sometimes, but often it felt like in moments when they were trying to prove a point, (not that Asterius could really use his messed up godly family as the standard).
But a GOD’s name is an even more touchy matter. Gods did not often call each other so closely. The only times you say a god’s real name is if you are invoking a vow or you are making a statement about them being less than you, a taunt and an insult, a message that you think you are above them. That was why Asterius said Maria’s name at the end of his villain scene. He was making a statement about how even the future empress was ranked below him.
But Maria should have known the impact of saying a god’s true name. One of her mothers was a priestess and until Maria was revealed to be a mortal-born god, she was training to follow in her footsteps and take over the temple she was raised in. It was the main reason Maria adapted to Celestia so well, she already had a deep understanding of both the pantheon of gods and the mythos behind each of them. On top of that, god’s names are not used in their worship, every god is referred to instead by a title. It was considered taboo to even know a god’s true name, let alone speak it.
In the original novel it takes Maria a month of living in the heavens before she feels comfortable enough to say Vae’s name, let alone other gods! Not to mention…. Who told her Asterius’s name? Solveig? It seemed the most likely answer. Sanctus seemed fond of only calling him “Starling”, and Solfrid seemed too polite to reveal such an inmate thing. It could have been Ilona possibly, but Ilona and Maria shouldn’t be anywhere near close yet. In fact, Ilona should be actively plotting to ruin Maria’s life for a short while, driven by jealousy and fear of her brothers being taken away from her. A childish tantrum that Maria is quick to see through and with time they bond and become like real siblings.
So…. How did she know?
“You are worried about something.”
Asterius jolts from the sudden voice, turning to find Cadeyrn’s red eyes pinned to his form. It’s only then that he notices they aren’t walking anymore. At some point during his rampaging thoughts, Asterius must have stopped walking, no wonder Cadeyrn was watching him closely.
After a quick glance around, Asterius can confirm they are only a few minutes from home, the sky a dark muted blue. It is still early afternoon, so Asterius didn’t lose that much time to his panicked thoughts.
“Sorry,” he apologies quickly, beginning to walk again, flustered he had been caught yet again. He really lets down his guard far too easily around Cadeyrn.
“Is it Vae?”
“No,” Asterius says perhaps a tad too quickly. It was the truth; he had been running through everything he could remember about the formalities of names after all. It wasn’t really about Vae, but the reminder of what just happened sours his mood further, the cold swampy nausea of guilt clinging tighter to his bones.
“Then Maria.” Cadeyrn states as if it must be fact. Asterius isn’t sure if he should feel flattered at being so well understood or concerned. “I understand you are upset about Maria’s actions-,”
“You shouldn’t call her that.”
Cadeyrn blinks, confused for a second before his face settles into a firm line, “No one is here to hear it.”
“Doesn’t matter Cadeyrn,” he insists, ignoring the red-tinted window floating next to him. Asterius barely got away with it and he was the god of fate, Cadeyrn however, he was still a prisoner of war, they should not be giving the rest of Celestia any more reasons to target him. “She’s the future empress of the heavens, it is too risky to invoke her name carelessly.”
Cadeyrn doesn’t’ say anything to that, but his annoyed glare speaks for itself, “Hypocrite,” it says, boring into him. And well…. Asterius would be lying if he said he wasn’t.
“Let’s just get home,” he sighs, picking up his pace a little. Once they get back, they could put this all behind them. Pluma would be there to break any remaining tension and Asterius could blissfully pretend none of this happened for a few days until the next mission forced him back into character.
“It was me,”
Asterius almost misses a step, turning in confusion towards Cadeyrn, but the demon isn’t looking at him, his glowing red eyes instead fixed onto the scattered dirt and gravel under their boots, “I was the one who told Mar-,” Cadeyrn cuts himself off with a frustrated huff, “the Goddess of Spring. I’m the one who told her your name.”
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“What!?” and now he’s fully turned around, confusion flooding him so fast he forgets the regret and fear that has been weighing him down for years like ever-present shackles. "Why did you-," his brain catches up with his mouth and he clamps his jaw shut hard, they didn't have the full story yet, he can't just jump to conclusions.
[What!?] The System repeats adding a shocked little [(°□°)], for extra effect. Good to know he’s not the only one blind-sighted by this curve ball.
Before Asterius can even begin trying to untangle the sudden complex web of thoughts and conflicting emotions plaguing him, Cadeyrn goes on, never lifting his gaze off the ground, “That night- when I promised to speak about the angel-,” he stutters, and it is so out of character that Asterius reaches forward, compelled to offer some minor comfort, “I… I did more than just speak of the angel.”
Oh.
Oh no.
His outstretched hand hovers frozen in the air. Everything is silent, or maybe it just feels silent because his ears ring with a buzzing static, vision almost swimming in his newfound panic.
What did Cadeyrn say? ‘He didn’t- he didn’t tell her anything did he?’
[System will run an OCC check!] The textbox announces before blinking out of sight.
“What-,” Asterius startles at the fear in his own voice, suddenly overwhelmed with the mounting feeling of doom. He was going to be terminated and wasn’t even his fault! An accident caused by a demon trying to be kind-!
Cadeyrn must be able to sense his thoughts spiraling because he takes two quick steps and there he is looming and large and so stupidly handsome right in front of him. Cadeyrn reaches out with only a moment’s brief hesitation, before placing his hand on Asterius’s left shoulder. “I didn’t speak of too much,” he reassures, “nothing that would violate your-,” Cadeyrn’s calm voice is broken by a deep annoyed growl, “orders.” And he spits the word like a curse, like just saying it causes him physical discomfort.
Slowly the demon brings his other hand up, softly taking Asterius's still outstretched hand into his won callused palms. They are the hands of a gardener, scarred by thorns and tools, with dirt permanently caught under his nails. Asterius had meant to give Cadeyrn comfort, but instead, he is being comforted by the gentle touch, “I know how much she means to you-,” and oh gosh that hurts to hear, but it was true wasn’t it? He did care. He loved Maria in his own stupid way. A bit of idol worship at meeting his favorite character, mixed with the amused compassion of a friend, all tied together with the proud egotistical thoughts of an older brother. 20 years. He spent 20 years of his life watching her grow. (That was longer than his own sister had been alive-)
“Master-,” and Cadeyrn makes an aborted motion upward, voice pained and filled with guilt. Before his gaze softens and yet gains a steel at the same time, determination flooding his eyes. Cadeyrn gently cups Asterius’s face, brushing a finger lightly under his eye. It’s only then that Asterius realizes he’s crying.
[It’s okay Host!] the System tries to cheer, making little holographic cartoons of himself and the Female Lead appear, [System has run all the possible OOC checks! Host is safe!] and the little drawing of himself holds hands with Maria’s doodle, [Host will see her again soon! And Host is helping her grow!]
A misplaced kindness, that only seems to only further tear open the bleeding pain in his chest.
“I-,” Cadeyrn shuffles closer, so close their fronts are completely touching, Cadeyrn hasn’t moved the hand gently holding his, pushing their joined hands in between their bodies. “I didn’t want her to hate you.” And Asterius’s breath catches in his throat, some unnamed emotion robbing him of the ability to speak, “I’m sorry master, it was my own misplaced selfishness.”
Asterius can’t do anything other than shake his head no. Before there were thousands of thoughts running through his head, now there are none, an empty quiet only filled with a hollow pain.
“If master wishes to punish me for my actions-,” Asterius has never heard a more stupid thing in his life- “Or if you want me to leave-,”
Asterius isn’t exactly sure what the sound he makes should be called, but it is a broken pained thing that has Cadeyrn tensing, and the ornaments in his hair breaking apart back into glittering stars. Their familiar worried chimes ringing around his head.
“Please-,” he breaths, more a gasp than a true breath, as he clings onto Cadeyrn’s shirt, tangles his fingers in tighter as if his feeble strength will be enough to keep Cadeyrn here, “Please don’t.”
Not the most articulate thing he’s ever said, and if he had even half of his wits still with him he would be mortified at how it sounds like he's begging, but Cadeyrn seems to get the message.
“Understood master,” and the demon ghosts his hand down Asterius's cheek to cradle the back of his head, mindful of the pins and hair ornaments decorating his silver hair. Softly he pushes Asterius's face into his shoulder, “I won’t go anywhere.”
It’s unfair how that one little action and sentence causes his breath to stutter for a very different reason. Heart now thundering in his ears from some misplaced excited embarrassment. Damn it he’s far too easy, how the hell had he managed to keep his crush a secret all this time is a mystery he will never understand.
He just wants to get some sleep, even as his tears slowly stop, he feels empty, numb in a way that feels wrong and hollow, but he’s still Asterius, and this is still an important conversation. A conversation that can’t be allowed to be repeated.
“Pluma-,”
“I won’t tell him anything,” Cadeyrn assures. It really is unfair how perfect he is, but now secure in knowing that his little angel won’t find out he finally lets himself fully relax into the demon’s hold.
“I’ll keep your secrets safe,” Cadeyrn whispers into the shell of Asterius’s pointed ear, causing the god to shudder, and cling tighter onto the demon’s shirt. The rest of that phrase goes unsaid, but it still echoes in Cadeyrn’s own thoughts with the power of a divine vow, “and I’ll keep you safe.”