23-4-2008
Finally! I found a way to hide my entry book!
Last night while I was doing homework, I noticed that both my entry book and my Kanji book are the same size and almost as thick.
Plus, my Kanji textbook had a paper cover on its thick one that had the imprint and the title on, and that gave me an idea which worked.
I carefully removed the paper cover off and unstuck the glued edges that are supposed to cover the edges of the book so it was plain paper and rushed to get it print.
I made sure it would be printed with color and bought extra glue just in case using my allowance which I've been saving up all month for a moment in time like this.
With the newly printed cover I stuck the edges carefully the same the original had it and once it was done, I put it in my entry book like I'm having it wear clothes.
Perfect. It looks perfect. You could barely tell the difference! Haha!
Although two Kanji books might seem suspicious to Father, that is if he does ever see the two at the same time, I could say that I thought of buying an additional one for if one got damaged and was not I the shape to be used.
If I say something as foolish as a friend let me borrow an extra book, he'd rebut with something like 'you don't have any friends!' and might suspect me to have stolen one for no good reason, and use that as a lousy reason to beat me to a pulp.
If I tell him that one would be a backup, all he'll say is something like 'that better be from your own pocket or you're dead!' and when I show him my empty jar, he'll just leave at that and leave without any further suspicion.
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I've already started memorizing his patterns. I've picked up on some of his habits over the years, but since you confronted me, I've been trying to memorize them harder. It's been two days, and that's all I need to start recalling his patterns and use them to my advantage.
If my monstrous father is going to be exposed by the time 40 entries have been jotted down, then I must muster my full potential to make it work.
By this point, it's either work hard or die, and I'd definitely work hard.
I've bruised again. So is my sister. This type of beating is a daily type of beating. It's the only beating that could not be avoided.
Every time he gives us this daily beating, he would force us into the bathroom to have long, agonizing cold showers, cuz apparently, cold heal wounds faster, and that actually works.
And if we come back out and the bruises would still be visible, he'd throw us back in to take another bath, including some ice cubes from who knows where which would make the process faster.
I'm not one who likes cold showers. I hate them. They're too cold and it would be a tough challenge to stay under for so much as 3 seconds. Cold showers always make me painfully skip a beat and it makes my heart constrict uncomfortable and in alarm.
What's worse is that there's even a time limit; I'm not allowed to stay any longer than an hour while trying to get the bruises to fade away.
There's no mercy in terms of ice-cold showers, even if it were winter. In fact, it's a lot worse during winter. If the bruises aren't clear in an hour, he'd throw us into the backyard onto the biting cold snow, where he'd press our bodies into the ice for long, agonizing seconds which feel like hours in the icy version of hell.
Sometimes, he would skip the cold baths and just literally bury us in the snow for prolonged periods of time, which was the worst.
I hate the cold, and I hate the heat. I don't like anything, I hate most things in this world.
The things that he'd use to harm me and sister make me hate everything.
Well, except for that Cherry Blossom Tree way. You know, that little bridge over the small lake which is also lined with cherry blossom trees, with more cherry trees grown at the sides of the road after, which I'd cross every day on my way to school.
I'll have to admit, that's the only place I actually like while the rest of the things in the world I hate.
Anyway, I'm especially worried about my sister, for Father uses scissors mostly out of other tools he could use to harm her.
But it's okay, I decided to go full out of this. It's not like I like this hellish life, I'd grab the first opportunity I'd get.