Isil was wrong. Her day got much, much worse. Three times she had a sword drawn on her before the awoken knights could stop them. Thankfully, none of the eight had actually attacked her, the closest to it being the first knight. However, the weren’t too willing to listen to what she had to say. Considering that she openly admitting to killing their comrades, it wasn’t too unbelievable.

“You slaughtered them in cold blood.” The last awoken knight stated angrily, pointing accusingly at Isil.

“My blood’s not any colder than normal, considering I’d have hypothermia if it was. But that’s not what you’re saying.” Isil scratched the back of her head as she spoke.

“Is this a fucking game to you?!” The same knight stalked forward, finger shaking in rage.

More than I’d like to admit… “I’m just tired of explaining it. Just wait for the ranger to be done and then he’ll say the same things I did. Your squad’s a gaggle of traitors, save the eight of you. Or so I hope. I’m not really eager to dig more graves.”

The knight stopped right in front of Isil, breathing heavily in anger. He clenched his fist and seemed to struggle with himself for a moment. Not willing to be suddenly punched, Isil used the spell Knockback to send the knight almost floating back to his comrades. He stumbled a little on the landing, but otherwise remained standing upright. She had made sure not to use an excessive amount of force in pushing him back, and the result met her expectations perfectly.

“I’m not going anywhere anytime soon, so feel free to glare daggers at me while I sit on something comfortable.” Isil sighed and walked off, sitting on a slightly comfortable rock.

Isil looked over at the knights for a few moments before turning her head to Cinda and Ella. For some reason, she had assumed Cinda would be lecturing Ella, like her own parents had been fond of doing. However, the two simply embraced for a long time, and she didn’t feel comfortable interrupting them. With little else to do, she picked up a small pebble and began rolling it around with her fingers.

“I’m sorry for the wait.” After a few minutes, Cinda’s voice snapped Isil out of her trance.

“Sorry...” Ella, who was tightly holding on to Cinda’s hand, muttered.

“…” Isil wanted to reply with some snark, bit her tongue when she realized how inopportune it would be.

“You sure took your sweet time.” The knight who had nearly punched Isil earlier said, scowling at the ranger.

Ella moved closer to Cinda as he threw the knight a withering glare. Isil, feeling guilty for wanted to say the same thing, glared at him as well. Even the other knights around him seemed to disapprove of his words.

“Shut it Erickson,” One of them said, smacking him on the back of the head. “I apologize for his rudeness.” He said to Cinda.

“Just keep him quiet unless he has something important to say.” Cinda said venomously.

“Yes sir.” The knight nodded, pulling Erickson back a bit.

Erickson seemed ready to explode in anger, but was able to hold himself back due to the knight’s hard stare.

“You said you wanted to continue down to Ashiron and find Vernon’s contacts, right? Do you have a plan?” Isil asked Cinda, eyeing the knights briefly.

“… I did, but it was a one person job. I had expected to be on the chase for longer.” Cinda admitted.

“I say we get planning then. Are we including our knights as well? Or do you want to want to go back?” Isil addressed the last statement towards the eight knights.

“Your going to let them go?” Cinda asked in disbelief.

“...” Isil hesitated. “Look… I’m not fond of killing people. I only killed your comrades before because they were trying to do the same to me. If it’s any consolation, I’m sorry it had to come to that.”

Isil nodded towards the knights, letting her guilt show on her face. Though she didn’t feel anything when she first killed them, now that she had calmed down, it was beginning to get to her. She wasn’t as shaken as she was when she first killed the three bandits, but her hands were still slightly trembling. She didn’t want to admit it to them, but it felt good to get it off her chest.

Everyone gathered seemed shocked at her words. Cinda seemed somewhat angry, while the knights seemed to just be at a loss for words. Erickson, who had been the most vocal about his distrust towards Cinda and Isil began to feel guilty. One knight looked on impassively, one eyebrow raised in confusion.

“Bullshit,” Cinda spoke up, utterly disbelieving. “You attacked first.”

“I did.” Isil admitted, clasping her hands together to prevent them from trembling. “I felt that I was in danger, and they were going to kill me anyway. It was in a moment of rage and fear. I’m not proud of what I did.”

“You? You acted on your emotions – on fear? You have to lie better than that!”

A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

“You seem to have the impression that I’m some hardened veteran. These two scars on my face aren’t from battle, they’re for doing time for stealing bread!” Isil began to shout, rising from her rock and stabbing her finger out at Cinda. “In there, I was lucky to find someone that cared whether I lived or died! Any day I went without being nearly raped or assaulted by the men in there was a godsend! I came out of that place fucking broken! Don’t you fucking think I’m more than what I am just because I can pull off a few quips and keep my mind off what I did!”

Isil took a moment to catch her breath, not meeting anyone else’s eyes. She clenched her fists, her emotional moment fading as she realized what she had said. She shut her eyes tightly and breathed out. She opened her eyes and turned around and taking a walk away.

“Give me a minute or two. You can work things out without me.” Isil said, coming out more hostile than she intended to.

“W-wait...” Ella called out.

Isil winced, but held out a hand to stop her, not looking back.

“Just let her be alone,” Cinda said, more muted than before. “She needs it.”

Isil didn’t thank him, a little bit of anger still simmering in her mind. She walked into the trees until she couldn’t hear or see the group. She planted her back on a tree and slid down into a sitting position. She grabbed her wrists and tried to suppress her shivers. Her eyes were as wide as saucers as she struggled to control her breathing.

What the fuck was that? Isil was terrified of what she had said. In the moment she snapped on Cinda, memories that she had never experienced flooded her head. It was a long period of suffering in a prison she’d never been in. People she had never talked to, things she had never said. Never being able to leave the cell for anything, begging her cellmates to put up with her just a while longer.

They weren’t his memories. No, he had never experienced them before. He thought that, perhaps, he had experienced some of her memories before, in dreams, but they had been just that. Dreams. Half-remembered a minute after waking up and nearly faded by the time you were dressed. The dreams had stuck around better than any normal dream, as they were memories. He thought that they were just linger fragments of her, but it was more than that now.

Unbidden, they had rose of their own accord. He didn’t relive them in dreams, he relived them while awake, and conscious. It had propelled his own feelings as well, and added to his words. He didn’t intend to speak of that time, but it came as if he had already experienced it. It was unnervingly natural. To put it into words, it was as if someone had planted the thoughts in his head as he spoke. He did not think them, but they came all the same.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Isil chewed on her nail as she tried reining herself in.

The memories were there, itching at her mind. They wouldn’t go away. Like phantoms from the past manifesting themselves, but angrier than ever. She didn’t want to, but it was there now, and it was beginning to cause her physical pain. She crossed her legs and slowed her breathing. She tapped into the memory, calling it from the depths of her mind, and began to experience it.

-_-_-

She thought fate had had its laugh at her and was finally ready to give her some respite, but it seemed it wasn’t out of cards yet. When she left from Segoe, she thought she’d be lucky finding a job as a maid or servant, but the port town was bereft of any noble families or rich merchant families. She hoped then, to get an apprenticeship with a town mage, but an adult elf didn’t even need to be considered when any mage could pick up a random street orphan and teach them magic and devotion. She had been given naught but crumbs to eat on the ship, and already she was feeling the weakness brought on by malnutrition. She didn’t have time to wait, so she resorted to snatching a piece of bread from the market.

Her plans were short-lived.

Two years. Two years for bread. They didn’t care. Peasants, whether they were elf or human, were practically a different species from the eyes of the well-to-do. It wasn’t enough that they beat her savagely, they had to toss her in the dirtiest, smelliest, most vile prison they could think of. Two years. She had to survive two years in the same prison as rapists, murders, bandits that hadn’t been killed, and every other poor criminal scum under the sun. Two years...

She spent her first couple days huddled in the corner of her cell, too afraid to use the bathroom or sleep. It was a grueling experience, jumping at every shadow and noise. She was lucky the guards only cared about keeping other prisoners out of cells that weren’t theirs. Two of her cellmates were women, while the other was a kind old man who had been punished for the same thing she had.

Natiya was much like her, appearance-wise. Her black hair was coarse and rough, so much so that no matter how long she spent combing it, it was never tamed. Her eyes were a verdant green that reminded Isil of home. She was thin, but never as thin as herself. In the times when they were allowed to leave their cells, she often exercised with Kellia, Isil’s other female cellmate. Her crime was burning down the house of some slave merchant. Since the merchant had paid off the officials that gave her her sentence, he was never found guilty for his crimes, despite her attempts to expose him. Her sentence was fifty years.

Kellia was of noble birth, though to what family, she never divulged. Kellia liked keeping her blond hair short, never letting it reach her shoulders. Her eyes were a dull blue, not due to any lacking spirit, but she seemed born that way. Her vision was also rather poor, but she had kept her glasses despite her imprisonment. Due to her noble birth, she was allowed to leave her cell more often than the other prisoners. Her crime was the murder of another noble, but she kept quiet on the details. Her sentence was for life.

The old man, Randy, was a gentle person. She had never seen him even slightly angry. Even other prisoners enjoyed his company. She had called him grandpa until the day he died, oh how she had cried on that day. Kellia had obtained a cane for him to use, as he could not walk on his own. He had been taking care of some orphaned children when he ran out of food for the kids. He had resorted to stealing some food from a grocer when he was arrested. Since he was so old, the court that sentenced him simply decided to leave him there for life.

If there was anything that she regretted in her life, it was that she did not do enough for these three.

Isil only began to move after she passed out from hunger and sleep deprivation. She never knew out who moved her to her hard cot, but she was very thankful. She had also involuntarily relieved herself when she had passed out, making her also guilty for whoever did it. When she woke, she was too weak to even lift herself out of the bed, and Natiya, had to feed her from the bed. She didn’t know how long she cried.

It was impossible to move off the bed in the first week. It was difficult in the second, and troublesome in the third. After the first month, she could finally healthy enough to walk on her own. She might’ve even smiled a little when her cellmates threw a small celebration for her “achievement”. However, it was only five months later, a quarter of the way through her sentence that she finally worked up the courage to leave the cell at all.

Her first day out was quiet, as she had Kellia go with her. Most everyone steered clear of her, and even the guards didn’t bother with her. It was a trying experience for her, but she like going outside for the first time in a month. She was proud to have held in her tears when she had finally gotten her first breath of fresh air.

The second day she went with Randy, and participated in a couple of games of cards with his friends. She enjoyed it more than she expected, and the men playing the game had good humor too.

On the third day, she went out with Natiya. Sometime later, she asked if she could go alone, finally feeling some confidence. Natiya was happy to agree. She walked around for a bit, but was not allowed outside. When she couldn’t find Natiya, she grew nervous. The prison was not overly large, however, so she began to work her way back to her cell. It was in a cell-less corridor she was unfamiliar with that she ran into him.