“Engaging stabilizers!”

A series of clicks sounded as an astronaut flicked a bunch of switches. Silver gleaming metal and black buttons interspersed with flashing lights. The shuttle turned in the air, stabilizing its descent as it entered the atmosphere. Its exterior was unlike the spaceships of the early era of human exploration — when people were simply going to the moon and mars. It was one of the most advanced spacecrafts ever made, it was part of humanity’s Interstellar Fleet, the fleet that conquered the stars. It was a much different time now, a shuttle capable of interplanetary flight cost as much as an urban house. Long distance space travel — from star to star — was only possible via the much larger (and more expensive) spaceships. The ships that could only be built by large megacorporations or nations. This particular ship was part of a much larger exploration fleet, a joint effort by Goggle and Balibaba.

“Stabilizers engaged.” A second, more feminine voice, called out.

The first astronaut’s face was obscured by a tinted visor, but underneath was an expression of intense consternation and irritation. It is so annoying when she does that! I can see the stabilizers have been engaged thank-you very much! He turned to his companion — about to give her a piece of his mind — her smaller build and nimble movements reflected in his visor. Their grey and black combat spacesuits left everything to the imagination. Well, almost everything. He decided against complaining and turned away and started staring at one of the screens intently. It began to beep furiously.

“Dammit, we’re too fast, engaging thrusters!”

The feminine voice called out again, “Thrusters engaged.”

The male astronaut’s haloesque combat suit creaked as he adjusted himself in his chair and punched another series of buttons in quick succession. But the screen was still nosily screaming at him. The spacecraft’s descent was still too fast. Why is everything going wrong! This is supposed to be a routine landing on a routine planet on a rou— a siren started blaring in the back of the shuttle.

“Frick! Opening flaps!” He punched a heavy black button and the spacecraft jerked like a car smashing into a speedbump.

“Flaps have been opened.”

He felt irritation rise in his chest. She was doing this on purpose, she always did this. Always. Back when they were in the academy, so damn matter-of-fact it made his bowels quiver.

The screen stopped making noise and the alarm shut off. Their descent had been stabilized.

He let out a sigh of relief that echoed in his breather and leaned back in his chair, allowing himself a brief moment of reprieve and rejoicing. We will live to fight another day. Damn new models and the so called “Beta Edition”, sending us out in this stupid shuttle just because this planet is so weird. Frig, I wanna squeegee myself with a bidet!

He adjusted his helmet and returned to examining the panels. Then a voice broke his reverie.

“The ship has stabilized.”

“Thanks tips, I can read the screen.” The first astronaut chirped as he swiveled in his chair to another set of panels. Putting a little more distance between him and his cosmonaut. The cosmonaut did not get the hint. Her chair soon swiveled after him.

“I doubt anyone can ‘read’ flashing lights and noises… typically that word is reserved for words.” She clicked a few buttons and deftly turned her head as he turned to look at her.

“If safety protocols didn’t prohibit me from taking off my helmet, I would take it off and beat you with it.”

“Talk about violence in the workplace.”

The man cringed as he heard the beginnings of a sneer creep into her voice.

“Dammit Jill, why you gotta be like this?!”

“My name is Jillian,” came the terse businesslike reply. “And we’ve got a bit of a problem.”

“Yeah, your attitude! Ever since the Academy you’ve always been —”

“Jackson!”

Her shout caught him off-guard. He winced and meekly corrected her, “I prefer being called Jack…”

“They’ll call you ‘dead’ if you keep aiming us for that mountain!” Her finger floated to a screen that displayed a large topographical shape of tightly bunched contour lines that was rapidly approaching them.

“DAMMIT!”

A few unreadable obscenities, some errant corrections and sputterings of a spacecraft later they landed without a hitch. Smoke rose from the chrome exterior of the shuttle and the smell of burnt grass wafted up from the ground. The joint logo of Goggle and Balibaba was plastered loudly on the sound of the shuttle, interrupting the austere metallic finish. The side of the vessel opened up, exuding steam and moaning with the sound of hydraulics. The door opened Lamborghini-style. Two people walked out, the guy about six feet tall and the girl about a half-head shorter than him. Their faces obscured by helmets. Tinted visors blocked their eyes from the outside world and gleams of metal and interwoven carbon fibre protected their soft bodies. Though the suits were slightly bulky they were still as form-fitting as could be expected from a suit of full-body armor that could resist frag grenades and extreme temperatures. The woman’s ample curves and the man’s bulging muscles were outlined by their equipment. A pair of rifles peeked out from behind their backs and pistols were in holders strapped to their thighs. In their hands were a couple of flat screens with wires that ran from the machines and plugged into their suits. The machines buzzed and hummed like culinary critics as they sampled the atmosphere. The space travellers stepped off the spaceship and let their heavy boots sink into the soft grass as they surveyed their surroundings. Expressions of shock underneath both their helmets.

The two astronauts whistled in appreciation.

“Jillian… have we ever found a planet with grass? Frick… are those trees…”

Jillian regarded the screen in her hands and didn’t respond.

“Jillian.”

She continued ignoring him and fiddled with her tablet.

“Jill.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Don’t ignore me.”

She glared at him then sighed. “Jack… this is really weird.”

“Yeah, I know… it’s like you want me to call you Jill.”

She rolled her eyes at him, but before she could retort he interjected quickly.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding! Yeah… it’s just I don’t want to talk about it, it’s freaking me out.” Jack’s fingers itched as he let them hover near his pistol. This is seriously freaking me out.

Jill’s tablet beeped.

Jack almost jumped out of his skin, “What’s that mean?”

She unplugged the tablet and slipped it in the back of her suit, the suit hissed as a hidden compartment opened and whirred shut after receiving the tablet. She pulled a rifle from her back and checked it. Its stock a metallic black, it’s barrel long and a string of flashing buttons along the sides accenting it. She pressed a few buttons and twisted a silver canister that hung off to the side. Steam squeaked out of the side in a small cloud. She twisted it again. The steam stopped. She hefted the gun to her shoulder and walked slowly. “I’ll cover you, the air is safe, radiation levels low — lower than earth — no signs of airborne pathogens but keep the helmet on.”

“Like hell, I’d take it off.” Jack stared at his tablet and pressed a series of buttons, switching to the more advanced mode reserved for Science Officers. He was after all the Science Officer on this mission and Jill was the Tactical Specialist, a sniper. They’d explored an enormous amount of planets together. But never before had they encountered anything like this.

Jack drew his pistol, balancing his computer in one hand while using his free fingers to touch the screen when necessary. The tablet beeped and hummed as the two astronauts advanced. They grew more and more tense with every step. Soon, they approached a large forest, just a few hundred meters from their shuttle.

They both sucked in a deep breath.

The trees were massive, probably more than twenty feet in diameter, and towered up into the sky with leafy deciduous greens blocking out the sun. It created a dark woody green canopy with shafts of light breaking through. The dull buzz of insects and the soft chirping of birds showed the forests was alive, but despite the brightness and the warmth it appeared sinister and foreboding. Like it was a mirage.

Snap!

A twig broke startling them. With a click the cord pulled the tablet out of Jack’s hands and slurped it into the back of his suit. Both hands now free he gripped his pistol and whirled to the source of the noise. Simultaneously Jillian dropped to one knee and pointed her gun into the forest.

Whoosh!

They heard the soft pitter-pater of feet dashing across the ground and saw a soft brown shape leap out of the darkness.

Jillian jerked her gun and heaved out a sigh of relief. Her barrel followed a rabbit as it darted out in front of them and then dashed into the bushes. Jack was not so relieved.

“This is insane! Frick, Jill, it’s a normal rabbit! The genetic deviance from an earth rabbit is very low, so low that they probably have the same common ancestor, but that’s impossible.”

“Buck up buttercup, there’s something even weirder up ahead.”

“No can we stop and appreciate this situation!”

Jill deadpanned and looked at Jack as if he had some sort of mental deficiency. She managed to squeeze out, “Right now?”

“Yes! Right now! Like now now,” Jack was adamant, he needed to vent or he might explode.

“Give me a minute,” Jillian was quiet, but as she spoke she trained her rifle and held it fast, as if focussing on a distant target. Metallic clicks and whirs were heard as her suit pulled taunt, compensating for any unsteadiness and adjusting for the wind. The corner of her visor lit up briefly and her helmet whizzed as she zoomed in on a distant target.

Jack waited impatiently, “Are you listening now?”

“One moment…” Her helmet began to make a soft humming noise as if it was conducting a scan. “Alright, make it fast… you’ve got 30 seconds.”

“Okay! So first, when we scanned the planet from outside of orbit there was nothing! Dead! Nada! Zilch! There was no life on this planet at all, we even flew around a couple times and filmed the place from orbit. I went over the footage personally, it was a dead hunk of rock in space.” Jack paused expectantly.

His long-time companion knew her social cues, “You don’t say.”

“I do say! I do say! Even as we were descending the computer didn’t report any signs of life until we were almost 16km from the ground, damn I thought the machines had malfunctioned!”

Jillian did not miss her cue, “You don’t say.”

“I do Jillian, I really do! But now, the grass… it checks out… it might as well be earth grass — the bunny too! But the genetics more closely resemble the primordial ancestors of these species.”

“It’s always the primordial ancestors!”

“Jillian take this seriously! We are billions of light years from the nearest human colony and never ever ever! And I do mean ever, has there been even a hint of alien life in the universe. All the planets were dead. No signs of even previous life! Now, not only do we not find primordial ooze or algae, but fully functional life!” Jack was practically screaming through his helmet, he took a deep breath and finished his thought before Jillian could interrupt him. “This is freaky… there are two big questions for us. One, is there some kind of sentient life? Two, what is preventing us from scanning this planet from above the surface?”

Beep! Beep! Beep!

Jack jumped as Jillian tapped her helmet and shook her head slowly.

Jack noticed her reaction, “What is it?!”

“I can answer your first question, there’s a sign of sentient life here.”

“Prick me…”

A wry grin quirked under Jillian’s mask, “Heh, I think that’s your job.”

“Did you really just say that?”

Jill rolled her shoulders in what loosely resembled a shrug. Jack sighed and put his pistol away and pulled out his tablet again. He poked a button on the side and after a series of clicks and a few hisses of steam the tablet almost quadrupled in size and resembled a laptop. Jack sat down and nudged Jill.

The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.

“Send me the scan.”

Jill nodded. Her helmet beeped. Jack’s tablet beeped in response. Jill’s helmet whirred again as she tried to zoom in on the alien lifeform in the distance. There were a couple trees in the way, but her gun could pierce through them easily. She adjusted the rifle again and fiddled with the cannister on the side — adjusting the kinetic output. As more vapour shot out of her gun Jack worked furiously on his keyboard analysing the data. A few minutes stretched by. Jill was done adjusting and Jack tapped her on the shoulder after putting away his tablet.

“Let’s get out of here.”

“Why?” Jill’s voice was a little irate, “I think we need a sample for the eggheads… scans aren’t good enough.”

“We are not killing sentient life!”

Jill snorted, “The scan only tells you cranial size, by our scans chimps look human too. We should go closer to the target, if it’s sentient make contact, if non-sentient we tag it and bag it. We’ll be famous.” Then in a quieter voice, “And rich.”

“No Jill, we will not. And it’s not because I think your suggestion is unethical — frig, I agree with you! It’s because the scan shows this creature could be sentient that scares me… think Jill… if there is a sentient species on this planet and if they were technologically advanced, maybe, just maybe, they cloaked this world! That’s why our scans found nothing!”

Jill’s voice was dry and derisive, “You’ve been reading too much science fiction. There were way too many illogical leaps in that for a Science Officer. Let’s make first — prick.”

“What?!”

“Dammit Jack… it was nice knowing you.”

“WHAT?!”

“It’s waving… it’s waving at me… it has no suit… no x-ray vision… how does it see us?”

Jack brayed a loud laugh that made Jill scowl, “Now who’s being illogical? Why would it be waving at us maybe it’s swatting a fly. Idiot, why don’t you —”

“Or maybe it’s waiting for you guys to come say ‘hello’.”

The voice was quiet. It was masculine. It sounded very human.

Jill leaked out a weak laugh, “Funny Jack… real funny.”

“Jill… I think I just pissed myself.”

Jill cursed and cocked her gun. It hummed with energy and her finger hovered over the trigger.

“Just come on down friends, I mean you no harm! I haven’t met anyone from outside this world in a long time. Well… to be precise… ever.”

The voice, despite saying something so jovial, was still dry and quiet. The two astronauts were hardly at ease.

“Jill, what’s our company’s policy for first contact with aliens?”

“… Tranq… or kill. No policy for sentient life.”

“Both of those sound unpleasant.” The voice called out to the two them once more. Jill’s finger twitched dangerously while Jack drew his pistol. He aimed uncertainly.

“What am I pointing at?” He whispered cautiously.

Jill shrugged, “Why don’t you go say hello, I’ll cover you.”

Jack glared at her under his mask, “That was not the answer to my question.”

“As your superior officer, that’s an order.” Jill’s voice was hard. It brokered no nonsense, Jack was taken aback.

“Jill come on! We’ve been friends —”

“That’s an order soldier,” her voice softened, “I can punch a hole through his head before he could even touch you.”

Jack paused for a moment. Then gripped his pistol, squeezing it tight, and walked into the forest. With every crunch of leaves and the dull buzzing of bugs he felt the tension in his body rise. Jill had informed him that the walk was about 800 meters. It was the longest 800m walk of his life. Though the time was passing by at a snail’s pace for him, he also felt like he didn’t have enough time to think about all the things that had happened. For starters, their inability to detect any life on the planet was troubling. This “creature’s” ability to project its voice at such a great distance was a little frightening to say the least. It was quite possible that this race was more technologically advanced than their own, if so, Jack had no confidence Jill could kill the alien if it was hostile. But then again… If the creature was hostile — and had vastly more technological superiority — then they would already be dead. Maybe the creature was genuinely curious and just wanted to chat! Maybe they even had tea on this world, or biscuits! Wouldn’t that be great! Instead of being greeted with death, to be greeted with the sweet fragrance of a luxurious green… Jack sniffed the air.

“… Piss me.”

“I’d rather not,” that now familiar human sounding voice called out to him again.

Jack wanted to do all sorts of defecation within his suit. There was a bloody picnic blanket out with hot tea and some sort of cake. He sniffed the air again. Prick me… this tea smells… divine…

“Jack what’s the situation, you stopped moving, is everything okay?” Jill’s voice squeaked in his helmet, not an ounce of concern was in her voice. But based on the content of her speech, she was concerned.

Jack radioed her back, “Lieutenant, why don’t you come on down. The alien life is sentient… and they’ve got tea.”

The radio crackled in silence, as if Jill didn’t know how to respond. Soon enough, her voice came over again, “I’m coming, double time.”

“You know,” the alien directly addressed Jack. “Typically, in modern parlance, the ‘alien’ is the ‘foreign visitor’… it’s a bit of a strange quirk of vocabulary to be called ‘alien’ on my own planet by a foreign invader who was talking about tranqing me and who is currently pointing a ‘weapon’ of sorts in my face.” He sipped some tea casually, not at all sounding perturbed like his speech had implied, “It’s also rude to not show your face when in the company of others.” He sipped his tea again.

Jack mumbled an apology and put away his pistol and took off his helmet. The suit squeaked out steam and dust. Jack’s hair was black, a very dark black, his eyes were a deep brown and over one eye was a glass screen — with green lettering flickering across it. He had high cheekbones and his jaw was squarish and chiseled. He didn’t at all fit the typical profile of a nerdy science officer. This might be because he was the Interplanetary Wrestling Champion — as well as having the second highest grades in the Academy, next to Jillian. Though her grades were better, her knowledge was superficial, she lacked genuine curiosity for academic pursuits. Jack pressed a button on his helmet and it crumpled into a square. He slipped it in the back of his suit and sat down, right in front of the picnic blanket just as Jill darted into the clearing — her weapon trained on the ‘alien’. Jack shot her a look and stared at the blanket, making sure he wasn’t touching it with his body.

The “alien” ignored Jillian, he narrowed his eyes on Jack who was sweating profusely at the scrutiny, “Does my blanket displease you? Why won’t you come and sit? It’s almost as insulting as calling someone an ‘alien’ on their own world, talking about tranqing them and pointing a —"

“Alright! Alright!” Jack threw up his hands in surrender and scooted on the blanket, his suit creaking with the adjustment.

The “alien” looked at Jill, his face quirked into a curious smile, “Ah, the female member of the species, do you too need a lesson in manners?”

Jill didn’t react, Jack waved at her drawing her attention, he said, “Just take off the helmet put the gun away and sit down, this guy means us no harm… I think.”

Jill wordlessly propped her rifle in one hand and took her helmet off, shrinking it and putting it in her suit. She sat down. Her rifle still in hand and eyes closed, as if shutting herself off from the world. Her hair was red and curly, it framed her strawberry shaped head perfectly. She blinked. Her soft green eyes peeked out and were then hidden beneath her eyelids. Back straight and posture formal, she was vigilant. Small freckles were bunched up around her nose on her cheeks, moving close together as she wrinkled her nose, sniffing at the air.

Jack faced the mysterious ‘alien’ and looked at him closely. His frame was thin and slight, slender not boney. He wore rectangle-framed glasses on his oval shaped head. His hair was black and wavy, his eyes a radiant brown, almost orange. He wore a brown waist coat with a high-necked white muslin shirt underneath. He was wearing tight tan pants with buttons along the side visible past his high black leather boots. A navy-blue coat completed his outfit and he gently swept back his hair before taking a sip of tea, the white cup was only slightly lighter than his pale skin.

Jack did quite know what to think. The man looked like he had stepped out a of a Jane Austen novel. He definitely did not look like an alien of any kind, more like a confused cosplayer. Jack didn’t quite know where to begin, or how to begin for that matter. As he puzzled over what to say he almost yelped in surprise as a hot cup of tea was shoved in his face. Jack held his hands up to refuse the drink, but the man’s eyes flashed a radiant orange.

“You come uninvited to my plane, you talk about tranqing me and killing me, you point some ‘weapon’ at me and refuse to sit on my blanket and now you won’t —”

“Hehehe! How do I know it’s not poisoned?”

“Would you rather drink from where my lips have drunk? I see… that’s what you’re like.”

Jack waved his hands furiously, “This is a misunderstanding… I only meant —”

“If it’s poisoned I’ll kill you.” Jill’s hard voice broke into their conversation.

The man’s face was hostile, “Eh? Who said you could speak… I didn’t invite you to my blanket. Be silent.”

“I can speak wherever I want!” Jill’s hand rested on her rifle with a light click, as if emphasizing her point.

The ‘alien’ stared at her intently, as if measuring her, he looked at her weapon. The tea cup still sitting in his hands proffered to Jack, undisturbed by the motions of his head. Then back at her. Jill squirmed. There was something off about his gaze, like he didn’t even consider her a threat. But perhaps on this world they just had never been acquainted with the good old-fashioned negotiating powers of Uncle Sam’s arsenal. Jill gripped her rifle tighter and started pulling it closer.

“Point that thing at me and I will kill you both. I could have killed either of you at anytime, without explanation. You are trespassers on my property. Consider it merciful that I even bothered to give you some of my finest tea. You think you’re taking a great step in trusting me? I saw two people come out of the sky on a metal box who talked incessantly about killing the locals — and you think I need to earn your trust?” The man was incredulous, his tone was matter-of-fact and cold. Not an ounce of warmth in it.

Jack scratched his head. Then grabbed the cup of tea. And drank.

Jill tried to stop him. The ‘alien’ looked at him as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

“Frig it burns!”

Jack screamed in pain and Jill shouted and yanked at her rifle. Surprise flitted across her face as Jack’s hand pressed heavily on her gun, forcing it back down to the ground. She almost yelled at him then noticed he was shaking his head furiously at her.

“Jill, I’m sorry, it was just so hot that I reacted that way. The tea was just too hot.”

Jill’s green eyes flicked to the still rising steam from the teapot and back at Jack’s red face. She began slowly, “There was nothing wrong with the tea?”

“No, in fact, it was great!” Jack quipped, feeling energized. Damn, that tea was more than great. Frickin’ tasted like a massage for my taste buds!

“I see.” Jill sat back down and rested her hands on her rifle. “I’ll wait fifteen minutes, if nothing happens to you by then, I’ll try some alien tea.”

The man sighed, “‘Alien’ is such a misnomer. Call me James.”

“That’s a very human sounding name, do you think I could have more tea?” Jack rubbed his neck and extended his cup, a goofy grin plastered on his face.

James was indignant, “There’s no need to repeat all the rude things you’ve already done. First you mock my tea for being poisoned, now you want another cup. I give you my name, you don’t give me yours. What an uncivilized and barbaric culture you have.”

Jack winced at being called “uncivilized” and “barbaric” by a man dressed in pre-Victorian era attire. Jack sniffed and asked a casual question, “So… you speak English I see.”

Jill coughed. She hadn’t even noticed that.

James stared at Jack as if he was looking at someone who was competing with a rock for the title of “Most Intelligent”. James poured himself another cup of tea and took a bite from a slice of cake and chewed it thoughtfully. A few minutes passed. In that time James had alternated between eating and sipping tea dozens of times.

Jack felt the awkwardness of the situation. Jill seemed oblivious. But the damn girl was the finest engineer of awkward situations this side of the galaxy, so there was no sense in using her as a measurement. Jack scratched his head and relaxed as he remembered something very important, he extended a hand and spoke formally, “My name is Jackson T. Pyramus, astronaut of the United Megacorporations of Discovery. Rank Ensign of the starship Nautilus, serial number 657890. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Mr…”

“James! My real name is Johann Sebastian Eisenach, but my friends call me James. It’s a pleasure to meet you, I’ve never met aliens before,” James’ dry voiced turned so enthusiastic it almost made Jack cringe. James grabbed Jack’s hand and shook it vigorously. “Please,” James poured Jack another cup of tea, “You must have questions, sit, ask!”

“I am sitting…”

“Eh? Oh, my apologies. This is really exciting! I’ve never seen an alien before…”

“Yes… I suppose, I’m the alien…” Jack turned to Jill for some kind of mental support, but her eyes remained shut. He steeled himself. This is just too weird… the alien is fanboying me… I’m an oddity. Jack cleared his mind and arranged the questions he wanted to ask in order. James waited patiently, sipping his tea — the image of the perfect gentleman.

“Okay, first off… why doesn’t this planet show up on scans?”

James tilted his head to the side, he licked his lips as if considering the taste of the question, “Scans? What are those?”

“Oh… Uh…” Jack stuttered, this was an unexpected development. THOSE DAMN CURVEBALLS! He tried again, “I can’t… ugh… take pictures from outer space of this planet… what do you know about that?”

“What is ‘taking pictures’… what an odd phrase.”

“Like with a camera… a computer or… you don’t know what a computer is do you?”

James shook his head solemnly, “I’ve never heard of those ‘things’ you are speaking of. But, people who have been outside of our world have told us that this planet cannot be found by ordinary means. The Cabal has hidden this world with some kind of spell.”

Jack’s jaw dropped open, “Yes… I see… the Cabal… Some kind of… spell…” He shut his jaw and tried again, filing that bizarre answer away for later, “So, you do have space travel?” This was a burning question in his mind, the alien — er — James… didn’t seem too surprised that they came from space. Jack was hoping for some sort of useful information.

“Some persons have travelled in space before,” James answer was slow and measured, his facial expression had cooled, as if put off by the question, “I have not… most people who leave our world do not come back. So, there are very little stories of the places beyond. This planet has enough troubles of its own anyways.”

“So, you have spaceships?!” Jack was eager, an alien space vessel! If it was a flying saucer this would be sensational. He could smell the fame and fortune.

James was looking more and more off-put, “If by ‘spaceship’ you mean ‘flying metal boxy thing’ then by no means do we have anything that looks that ugly. I think all ‘space-travel’ has been done individually.”

“Pardon, I don’t understand what you mean by —”

James spoke slowly, as if he truly was explaining something to a child, “They simply get up and fly out of the atmosphere and leave the planet.”

“Okay, I get it, but what do they use —”

“Their bodies!” James snorted, “Why would they use something so loud and impractical like a ‘spaceship’! Some people use vessels, but they’re typically not necessary.”

“Not necessary… Jill… did you hear that, spaceships are not necessary for space travel…”

Jill never misses a social cue, “You don’t say.” Her eyes were still shut, her voice was terse, but a slight shake in her hands gave her away.

But Jack was too caught up in the moment himself to notice, “I do say! I do! I really do! That’s what James just told me! People just get up and walk into space.”

James set down his tea with a clatter, “Not to be a haggler but I think precision is important, I distinctly recall saying ‘fly’.”

“Yes, sorry, ‘fly’! You did say ‘fly’! That’s true, well Jaaaames… I see… I really do see.” Jack was feeling unhinged, “Okay, one more question… why the frick do you speak English?”

“It’s my Cultivation style. I cultivate in the ideal of Language… I am part of a now lost school of thought, founded by the Elderweiss family. One of my side abilities — apart from projecting my voice — is to communicate in any language.” James smiled lightly, his voice somewhat cheery, “I hear many things I would rather unhear.”

“Cultivation… what’s that… like a magic of some kind?” Jack’s tone was icy.

James seemed to pay it no mind, he simply nodded, “Though I do not like the term ‘magic’ that is a somewhat accurate description.”

“I see… you hear that Jill, he’s a magician, a real-life magician!”

At this point Jill was a little too shook up for her social cue, but Jack himself was too shaken up to notice, so he simply ploughed on. “He’s a magician, our boy Jaaaaames… is a magician. He uses magic and people fly. Dammit people don’t fly JAMES! People can’t use magic JAAAAAAAMES! What kind of prank is this?! Huh?! Which of the higher ups thought this would be funny! Hmph! Ridiculous, let’s just mess with the Science Officer who believes in aliens! I don’t know who you are JAMES! If that’s even your own damn real name why don’t you —”

“Please stop this… Mr. Jackson. It’s unsightly.” James stood up and straightened his outfit. His expression severe and cold.

“There’s only one ‘Mr. Jackson’ and it would be Mr. Michael Jackson to you! Friggin’ stupid life… Jill… let’s go. I’ll go yell at the Petty Officer back on the ship, this whole thing was probably his damn idea.” Jack got up, turned heel and started to storm off. He stopped at the sound of James’ voice.

“Your ship… you won’t be able to leave this place. When you’ve calmed down and you want answers to your questions, why don’t you come find me. I’ll be waiting.”

Jack felt his back stiffen. He ignored James and stormed off with Jill in tow, his mind reeling with thoughts of indignation and rage. This prick thinks he can tell me what to do?! Damn actor, I’m a real astronaut dammit! Command thinks they can pull a fast one on me, turn me into a laughingstock! I love my life too damn much to stay here on this planet with you and this damn farce!