The rain feels like needles against my skin, each drop carrying the weight of everything I couldn’t bear. The knife in my hand feels heavier now, like it knows what it’s done. The blood, once vivid and accusing, fades into the rain, washing away as if it never existed.
I stare down at the raging water below. The waves crash against the bridge’s pillars with a force that seems alive, like they’re calling me. The height doesn’t scare me anymore. Nothing does. I’m ready. This is it.
Even if someone screamed at me to stop, begged me to step away from the edge, it wouldn’t matter. Their words would just be noise, lost in the storm. I’ve already made up my mind. My life’s been shredded too many times, and I’m done picking up the pieces. Done pretending things can get better when I know they won’t.
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It’s not anger that brought me here, not really. It’s something worse—envy. I envy the people who hurt me, how easily they brushed it all off and moved on while I stayed stuck. Stuck in the guilt, the shame, the endless loop of “what ifs” and “why me?”
The truth is, I thought I could handle the pain. I thought I was strong enough. But strength doesn’t mean much when the weight never lets up. They say pain makes you stronger, but no one warns you that it can hollow you out, make you feel like nothing inside you is real anymore.
I’m a failure, I know that. But maybe this is the one thing I can succeed at. Maybe there’s peace waiting for me at the bottom, a place where I don’t have to keep pretending I’m okay. A place where I belong.
And yet… just for a moment, I wish things were different. I wish I could live like everyone else—laughing with friends, feeling safe, loved, normal. I wish I could feel my parents’ warmth again, the kind of love that makes you believe everything will be okay. But I know I’ll never have that. Not again. Not ever.
The wind howls louder, the rain pelting harder, as if the world itself wants to push me off. I tighten my grip on the knife, but my hands are trembling now. I can’t tell if it’s the cold or something else.
I closed my eyes.
"Goodnight."