At midday Alize stood at the threshold of the healers’ tent. She wore Hrumi clothing again and, remembering Kell’s porridge in the prince’s jail, held in her hands a bowl of pistachios and dried fruit. The healer’s tent was the largest in the clan, and somehow always had a breeze blowing through, preventing the chicory fumes from overpowering the occupants. The chicory stirred old memories.
The healer bid Alize enter and she was struck first by the sight of Essa. She wore an eye patch, but it did not cover the stitches through her forehead. She sat on the floor and seemed startled see Alize.
Alize knelt beside her. “I’m so sorry, Essa.”
Essa smiled at Alize cautiously, although it ended with her wincing. “You’re sorry, Alize?”
Alize hesitated, unsure whether Essa’s question implied an accusation. “I – Celillie-”
“Celillie,” Essa interrupted, “Celillie has killed nine sisters in the arena, and I thought it was proof she was our clan’s cloudfire.
Alize turned her eyes sharply to Essa. Cloudfire. The word rang in Alize’s mind. The Hrumi legend of a weapon impossibly strong, a promise of victory upon deployment against adversaries. To believe Celillie were cloudfire meant to believe there could be no virtuous battle against her. Anyone who stepped into her arena was already condemned, and rightly so, for trying to tear down a bulwark of the Hrumi.
Essa’s admission made Alize uneasy. It was an act of deception, to believe that. Essa had lived her life with her eyes closed, her mind already decided. For nine women, that choice had proved fatal. Alize glanced towards the other side of the tent towards Kell. He appeared to be sleeping. Had Alize been wrong to believe he would be safe now?
Essa clenched her fists. “I never suspected Celillie made her own rules. She’s immune to myrtle hip, did you know?”
Alize had trouble finding her voice. “No.”
“This,” Essa growled as she gestured to her face, her covered eye, “is perhaps my retribution from the gods, for the things I allowed to go unseen. Celillie may have died for her crimes but that does not absolve me of my negligence. It is a sad day when protection and love are used a guise for greed and power.” Essa grimaced. “I’m sorry Alize. I’m sorry about Hesna. And I’m sorry that your clan almost watched you die today through deceit and would have accepted it as truth from the gods.”
Alize blinked and her unease began to wane. It occurred to Alize that Essa was gazing into her own earthen mirror for the first time in years. From her demeaner, her tense shoulders, her shaking chest, Alize could tell that Essa did not like what she saw. It took courage, Alize knew too well, to not look away.
Overwhelmed suddenly by a feeling of bittersweet connection, Alize place her hand on Essa’s arm. “But she did not triumph today.”
“No. She turned her blade on me.” Essa new smile was acerbic. “She finally taught me something true. We must trust a little more in ourselves, it would seem.”
“Mistakes are human.”
Essa responded with a slight shake of her head. “I don’t want your pity. I want your support. You have doused us in clarity, and I wonder how you found the strength.”
“I’m no cloudfire,” Alize murmured sadly.
“No.” Essa frowned. “We’d all do better to remember that there is no cloudfire left in the world.”
Alize glanced toward Kell again and Essa followed her gaze.
“The Sargon,” Essa spoke and gestured to the food Alize bore. “You’re serving him?”
Alize flushed. She recognized the inconsistency with Hrumi beliefs, but forced herself to respond truthfully. She could be as brave as Essa. “He once did the same for me. If you judge me, I think you will only misunderstand me. Unfortunately, now is not the time for explanations.”
“Hmph,” Essa said after a moment of silence, “I suppose I have something to look forward to then. Deva,” she called to the healer, “I’d like to get some air.”
Kell stirred as Alize settled next to him on the tent floor. So much had happened since the previous day she could not think how to begin talking to him. Alize winced to see the bruises blossoming on his face and the bloodstains surrounding the gouges in his shirt. Her own sisters had done it; women who called themselves protectors of the weak had beaten a bound man, unconflicted about their righteousness. Alize’s head spun.
“Kell,” Alize whispered, flitting her fingers over Kell’s hand.
Kell shook from his slumber, murmuring in surprise. When he tried to sit up, he groaned slightly with pain.
Alize gripped his shoulder. “Wait a moment.” Her hands traced down to his wrists to tug at the coarse rope that bound him. When it fell away, Kell stretched his hands gratefully before pushing himself gingerly into a sitting position.
Though she faced him, Alize could not hold his gaze. Kell had every right to be furious with her sisters, as furious as she was, but Alize wanted desperately to say something to explain that barbarism. Not to justify it, but to put it in context. “We always heard that Sargons begin to heal as soon as we drop our daggers.” The excuse sounded incredibly feeble when spoken aloud.
“Well, I suppose we do,” Kell murmured, “just not any faster than anyone else.”
Alize braced for his anger, but instead Kell smiled. “The Hrumi who saved my life.” She flashed her gaze to Kell and could see his eyes brimming with warmth. Alize startled to realize that this was how she recognized him.
Then Kell’s good arm wrapped around her. He pulled her into him, torso flush against torso and his other arm lighting on her lower back. There was power in his grip, but no wave of fear followed. Alize’s body surprised her, her head fitting snugly under Kell’s chin. Resting against him somehow dispersed the tension from her muscles. Alize squeezed her eyes closed, unprepared for the comfort that followed. It felt oddly natural to her, as though she were indulging in something she had avoided for a long time.
“You thought you were coming after me?” she asked.
“I should have trusted that you wouldn’t abandon us.”
“Not a second time, anyway.” Alize gave him a crooked smile. “I can’t believe you’re here.” She assumed the tone Kell and Davram used for jesting, “So a Sargon walks into a Hrumi camp-”
“You are kidding me!” Kell laughed out loud and hugged her tighter.
Alize amazed herself by nestling into his embrace. The closer she pressed, the better she felt. There was no logic in it at all. “Now we just have to figure out what happened to Onder and the Magis -”
Kell heard her voice crack. “Wait, you’ve lost me. What have I missed?”
Alize told him everything she could think of – much more than she had had time to tell either Davram or Onder before the earthquake. Kell cracked the pistachios she brought as he asked questions. Together they concluded that Onder was unharmed because Alize had not experienced any disturbance in her shield. Kell, however, was disturbed more than Davram had been about the fact that Alize had killed a Mage.
Lastly Alize relayed Celillie’s words about Hesna wanting to return Alize to the Temple. Kell listened intently and Alize conceded that the story of her origins appeared fabricated. When Alize frowned, Kell pulled her back into him, and rested his cheek on the top of her head.
“The gods never give a person more than they can handle,” Kell murmured, “but they do seem to trust you an awful lot, Leiz.”
“Leiz?”
“I’m giving you a nickname.” Pressed up against his chest, Alize could hear the smile in Kell’s voice. “I think we’ve been through enough together.”
“A nickname?” Not even Hesna had granted such intimacy. “What will I call you?”
“Kell’s already a nickname.”
Alize sat up to regard Kell. She had never asked for that, but he had given it to her anyway. “Then, you didn’t tell me your real name?”
“It’s Kelesh.”
“Kelesh,” Alize murmured, rolling the name on her tongue. It sounded so formal, so distant. “I like Kell.”
“Me too.”
Kell moved to draw Alize back to him but she resisted, still regarding him. This experience contradicted so much, that closeness with a Sargon could feel so safe. It awoke curiosity in her that she wanted to fear, but nothing within her seemed ready to reject it. She reached out to pluck a pistachio shell from Kell’s shirt. Then, growing bolder, she let her curiosity guide her hand across Kell’s shoulder until her fingertips lingered over his heart.
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She brought her gaze to Kell’s, and his lips parted as his heart beat quickened. For an instant his muddled brown eyes searched hers and this time, drowning in them felt like an awakening.
“I like Kell,” Alize repeated, “I actually,” she faltered, but she could not hold the words inside her. They had too much power, even if she could only whisper them. “I like you.”
Hesitantly Kell reached up to touch the wrist of her outstretched hand. He smoothed his fingers over hers, pressing her hand more firmly to his chest. Around Alize the world seemed utterly still as Kell’s other hand slipped to the back of her head, pulling her face close to his. Alize breath caught in her throat and then his lips were on hers.
Bliss flushed through her entire being and Alize responded on instinct, discovering a hunger she had never known resting inside her.
Kell’s hands darted down her neck, her shoulders, her back, pressing her ever closer. There was new strength in him now, for once something less patient. The muscles in his arms were taut, his hands firm and strong.
Alize’s insides flushed with heat. Her own hands began to follow the same path on Kell’s body. He groaned but his lips found her again instantly. It felt as though the whole world shifted beneath her. She realized the world could still surprise her.
It could make her question the future she had always imagined for herself.
And in that moment all her doubt and fear rushed back to her, chastising her, reminding her of the myriad dangers a Sargon posed. She broke away from Kell, gasping. His fingertips traced over her face and she glanced at him in confusion.
He had to know this was wrong.
“You said not to let men kiss me,” Alize murmured.
“I meant to say don’t be passive about it,” Kell whispered. He was a little out of breath and his low tone sent shivers down Alize’s spine. Kell ducked his head so his lips could graze her neck and she struggled to control her breathing over her heart’s wild pounding. Surely Kell could feel both.
“I know about men,” Alize choked. She glanced down to the space between their bodies.
Kell pushed aside the hem of her shirt to kiss her exposed collarbone. Alize flushed with an onslaught of emotions she did not recognize and could not manage.
The Hrumi tales of coupling with men were repellent, but now they all rang untrue. Alize did not know what to believe anymore. Her mind had become mush. This madness had to stop. “And I know what you’re doing, Kell.” She could not conceal the shaking in her voice. “But I’m Hrumi again now - you can’t ask this of me.”
Kell paused. He withdrew, slightly, just enough for the cold to come between them. But when he looked up at Alize, there was still warmth in his eyes, tinge with something sorrowful.
“I’m glad you know,” he told her, “but don’t confuse that with understanding.” He spoke Alize’s own words.
Alize blinked and Kell leaned forward. His lips found hers again, gentler this time. All the sweetness without the urgency.
But Alize’s sensibilities rebelled nonetheless.
Kell felt her tension and released her. “But, there’s no hurry. I can wait.”
Alize inhaled deeply and leaned back into him. Kell kissed her cheek as she settled into his embrace, filling her lungs with the smell of his skin. This was less complicated, less wrought, and Alize allowed herself the comfort it provided. It was a joy she had never imagined, and was helpless to deny.
They did not have long.
Alize bit her cheek as she sat up straight with renewed alertness. Kell shifted in his position to watch her, understanding that something had changed outside the tent. “The trees?” he asked, “What is it?”
“They’re panicking.” Alize stated in wonder. “And it’s not about the Kogaloks. Another force is coming too.” She stole a glance at Kell. “A familiar force.”
Kell raised his eyebrows as Alize frowned.
“I have to warn Essa.” Alize drew her arms around herself. The action removed her entirely from Kell’s embrace.
“I’m coming with you.”
“No. I don’t want you in the camp,”
Kell furrowed his brows a moment before nodding succinctly. Alize felt she had expressed herself poorly, but there was no time. Outside the Hrumi busied themselves as before. Alize found Essa in the center of it all, directing the sisters. In time, the clan would select new leader, but for the interim Essa was the clear successor. If she acted well now, Essa could well be elected to lead the Western Clan.
Alize arrived before her and performed the ceremonial sign of subordination. Essa accepted it silently but no echoes exchanged between them. Alize had collected all the clans echoes and no one could reverse that accumulation.
“I bear warning that we may face foes other than the Kogaloks.” Alize said softly. “From the west, another presence is approaching.”
Essa drew herself up to regard Alize with her good eye. “Who?”
“I hope our scouts can confirm, but I believe it is the Parousia army.”
Essa kept her face utterly calm save the flaring of her nostrils. “Coming for your Sargon?”
“I don’t know their purpose. But they come.”
“How do you know this? Did your Sargon tell you?”
“No.” For a moment Alize debated denying her magic, yet again. But Celillie was dead. If Alize wanted to trust her clan, she needed to shape that future. “My magic can tell me these things, sometimes.”
Essa frowned slightly. “If it is truly the Parousia army, that only bodes badly for us. Do you know how large the force is?”
“I cannot estimate numbers, but large.” Panic-worthy.
Essa’s voice hardened. “Perhaps they intend to wipe us out once and for all.”
Alize swallowed. The Hrumi could fight hard, but a concerted attempt by even a single army could utterly destroy them by numbers alone. That vulnerability necessitated the absolute secrecy of the children’s camp, and it was the main reason that the clans rarely traveled together.
Celillie had created this exposure of the clan when she sent the eagles to draw the Western clanmembers together for their journey to the Temple. Now it fell to Essa to ensure that decision would not kill them all.
“An army from the west, and we know what lies east.” Essa murmured.
“Kogaloks,” Alize confirmed.
“And we have no reason to expect mercy at their hands.”
Were those the only choices? Alize trembled. “We could disband, send our sisters different ways-“
“And leave them to face our enemies alone?”
A cry sounded in the forest and Alize’s heart sank. A scout announced an army marching from the west. Soon a crowd gathered around Essa and Alize. The scouts described an enormous Parousia army stalking the Temple Road and likely already recognized they pursued a Hrumi clan.
“We stand our ground!” One of the women shouted.
“Kill as many as we can!”
“They will crumble before our strength!”
“We must give them everything they deserve!”
Alize shuddered to hear the belligerent tones of her sisters. Around her, other women stood silent too, shifting their weight between their feet as they considered the full force of their mortality. Could she appeal to them? Alize knew more about the Parousia Province than any of these women, but she suspected Kell’s goal of Hrumi assimilation would not comfort her sisters. For the Hrumi, death came in many forms, and the loss of identity would be one without honor.
A second scout arrived with a full report of the army. She described giant machinery, war towers and hundreds of troops, fully armed, including an entire contigent of Sargons. The Hrumi reacted to the news with more adamant assertions of their superiority, despite smaller numbers and a clear confusion about the purpose of the war machines or their power.
Alize pushed her way through the increasingly bellicose crowd. “Essa,” she called, “We have to think hard about our options!” The Hrumi beside her fell silent and Alize startled to recognize that they placed value in her words. “I want a plan that has survival as a possibility! It doesn’t make sense for the High Prince to attack us now. They may be moving east with the others, and we are just their way. We can move faster than an army.”
“You are suggesting a retreat?” Essa demanded.
“It’s hardly a retreat if we run towards the Kogaloks! But we cannot fight them both at once!”
Essa nodded and began formulating her strategy aloud.
When Alize arrived back at the healer’s tent, Kell pulled himself up quickly.
“It’s the Parousia army, Kell.” Alize stated, almost like a goad. She wanted him to know about the banner he followed. “At least fifteen hundred men, and the Kogaloks approaching from the east.”
Kell met her eyes. “I can help.”
“You’re going to have to.” They were momentarily interrupted by commotion outside the tent, but Alize ignored it. “Essa wants to send you back to delay them while we move east.”
“You will go straight into the Kogaloks?” Kell asked sharply. For once his utter calm seemed shaken.
“They’re coming for us. We’ll do better to meet them on our terms.”
“No – the Hrumi should hold their ground here while I talk to Jorin,” said Kell. “The Kogaloks are friends of no one – he’ll pledge his army against them too. We’ll do this together.”
“Kell,” Alize battled her sorrow. She needed Kell to understand the situation’s true gravity. There was no room for his optimism here. No room for hope. “I’ve been wrong on so many things, but you must trust me this time. You didn’t hear what I heard outside this tent. The Hrumi will not ally themselves with any prince.”
“Even against the Kogaloks?” Kell started to raise his voice, “What if they have Soul Eaters? Whoever they don’t slaughter they will rob of their soul – isn’t that what you most fear?”
Alize groaned inwardly. Kell made a good point, and she could not even acknowledge it. She could not reveal the secret of Hrumi soul protection to a Sargon. “Don’t underestimate us! The Hrumi have fought them before!”
“You’re mad – if our armies work together-”
“I’m telling you there’s no chance of that happening!”
Kell grabbed Alize’s arm, “This is bigger than any of our differences! You might find friends if you cared to look for them!”
Alize chaffed against his unyielding grip. She did not want to fight Kell, but neither could she help him.
“If you and I can work together, why not our people?” Kell leaned in and Alize met his gaze wide-eyed. “Or now that you’re Hrumi again, am I nothing more than a Sargon?”
“No,” Alize breathed. Standing this close she could feel the heat of Kell’s body, but she refused to let it distract her. She spoke with clear emphasis, “But what I can accept, I know my clan cannot. Not today.” She did not want to look at Kell, did not want to see the new frustration in his face. “Can you delay your army from attacking us? That’s the only way we’ll stand a chance.”
“You know that’s not a strategy,” Kell said sharply. “You need to tell your clan leader to stay here and wait for us.”
His words stung Alize and she felt her own anger take hold. “Listen to how arrogant you sound! The Hrumi don’t need a prince to rescue us! We fight our own battles and we accept all consequences!”
“The Sargons can help you!”
That only fed her fury. “How could Sargons possibly help us?!” Alize demanded.
Kell clenched his jaw and released Alize’s wrist from his grasp, flexing his fingers, withdrawing.
Alize felt his absence like a chill. She watched him open-mouthed as he began gathering his bag together, preparing to leave her. Belatedly she softened her tone. “I don’t have the power to make the Hrumi trust you.”
“No, Alize, you don’t have the courage to try.”
She rebelled again his accusation even as the shame washed through her. “This isn’t about bravery! You can’t impose a good idea on a bad situation! Tell me you understand that!”
“Goodbye Alize.” Kell muttered without looking at her.
Overlaying everything was the surprising realization that Alize did not want Kell to leave. Not like this. She had lost control of everything. “Kell, I may never see you again.”
“That’s why I’m saying goodbye.” Kell responded in monotone. “I can show myself out.”
Alize hesitated and then nodded in numb defeat. She had nothing else to hope for. “I’ll get your horse. You can take Davram’s with you too.” When Kell did not answer she opened the tent flap and stepped out into the forest air. The trees offered her little comfort as they murmured in nervous disarray.
She did not know the size of the Kogalok forces, and Kell’s words of slaughter resounded in her ears. She was halfway to the horses when Essa pulled her aside to discuss strategy and she begrudgingly delegated the instructions to another sister. All day she dreaded the sound of Kell’s horse’s hooves. The night grew thick beyond the Hrumi campfires, blossoming until it swallowed the outer world. But still Alize heard no horse hooves. When the night had truly triumphed she had to accept that she had missed that last chance to see Kell.