"What do you mean 'nah'?"
"Oh, does it mean something else in this world? It means no. I just got here, and both of those guys tried to attack me. That's self defense if I've ever seen it, and besides, I give it about thirty minutes or so before something terrible happens here anyways."
The hero's expression darkened, "And what would make you say that?"
Michael leaned back against the door frame, "Well you see, I travel between dimensions, and I only get sent to places that are dangerous thanks to my edgelord of a god, and…"
Michael looked the guy up and down.
"You people kind of suck, objectively speaking, and I honestly doubt you'd really count as dangerous in the eyes of Order."
The hero reached out and placed his hand on Michael's shoulder, and then tried to push him back, but Michael didn't move in the slightest, and some worry began to enter the hero's expression.
"It's in your best interest to comply villain. Other heroes are already on their way here, and most of them would've already attacked you for assaulting one of our own and controlling the mind of that woman downstairs."
"You mean the woman whose cancer I cured?"
"What?"
"Oh yeah, it was growing in her liver. Nasty stuff. Got rid of it straight away. I'm sure that covers the cost of a motel room, wouldn't you say?"
"You think I'd just believe th–"
The hero suddenly stopped talking as his body went limp and he crumpled to the floor. Michael could immensely sense that the hero's heart had stopped beating. The same was true for everyone else within his senses range.
…
"Well then."
Michael stepped over the corpse and walked out of the room where he disappeared with a flash and reappeared outside where bodies currently littered the streets.
Small fires began to grow in size where cars had crashed into buildings and dead birds littered the space beneath the power lines.
"So Keith, got any ideas on this one?"
"Uh, I have a few. Not many of them are good. Just keep walking around, it'll probably narrow down as you go."
Michael glanced down to the mask, "Allright, but just keep in mind that when the next shift takes place, I'm probably gonna be plopped right over that void regardless of if I'm dead or alive. So you should really put your all into figuring this out."
Keith scoffed, "Sure thing."
Michael walked down the street for a short while, side stepping around the hundreds of corpses until he came upon a park. Or what remained of one.
All the grass was dead as well as the trees. It seemed whatever happened had affected everything except for himself, the bagged infected at his side, the heart and Keith.
"So does any of this narrow it down?"
"Somewhat. I kind of think this is the work of SCP-2935, but that would be the worst case scenario."
"Why is that?"
"Well that thing wiped out an alternate universe earth instantly with no real explanation on how or why it did it. It even killed the unkillable lizard, which as you know is rather unkillable."
"That would be an issue."
"Oh but wait, you're gonna love this next part. It actually follows people as they travel between dimensions. The foundation scientists who originally discovered it killed themselves so it wouldn't follow them back to our world. So with your condition I'm sure you can picture what would happen."
"...god fucking dammnit!"
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"Yeah, you got dimensional herpes. Have fun with that."
Michael began to rapidly teleport down the street with the hope of finding anyone left alive. Sadly it wasn't to be. Anything and everything living was now dead, not even a bug remained.
Michael kicked the ground in frustration, sending cracks shooting down the concrete.
"If everyone else died then why are we fine?"
"How should I know?"
Michael cursed. He'd been sent here for a reason. An impossible challenge wasn't something Order seemed to hand out. Which meant there was a way around this, an optimal path through this challenge.
"Do we know anything else about this SCP?"
Keith hummed for a moment before speaking, "The scientists couldn't actually see or find it, and you couldn't sense it. So it probably doesn't have a physical body."
"Well this just keeps getting better."
Michael teleported once more and saw something move out of the corner of his eye.
He stopped and studied his surroundings, but found nothing.
"Hmm."
"You find something?"
"Maybe. You should probably keep an eye out. Remember, if everything dies when I arrive in a world, then the range of bodies you can steal from will severely diminish."
Keith chuckled, "You do have a point, but at the same time there's a one hundred percent accurate prophecy says you'll put me on, sooo~"
Michael scoffed, "Oh fuck off."
He quickly disappeared with a flash of light and reappeared down the street, where he once again saw something moving just outside his vision.
Michael shifted Keith around on his belt.
"Keith, would you be a dear and watch my back."
"I guess?
In an instant Michael teleported across the road, and Keith gave an exclamation of surprise.
"What do ya know, there's something hiding in your shadow. It jumped over once you teleported."
Michael grinned, "I knew I'd seen something! So uh, assuming this thing's the problem how do we deal with it?"
"You just love asking me questions I don't have answers for don't ya? Do I look like I've dealt with instant planetwide death before?"
Michael shrugged, "No, but you do seem like you'd like to."
After a moment the porcelain mask smiled, "Well you're not wrong there."
Michael disregarded the remark and shifted Keith back to his proper spot on the belt before he turned to face his shadow.
"Hey there little fella. Just how am I gonna get rid of you?"
Whispering noises emanated from within the shadow.
"Well you're gonna have to speak up if you want me to hear you."
Its voice was barely audible, but Michael's ears had been greatly enhanced for some time now. A normal person wouldn't have heard a thing, but for him it was as legible as if it was speaking into a microphone.
"Shouldn't see me, shouldn't hear me, shouldn't be alive. Unseen in the dark, the unseen death, they deserve nothing more. To spread me through the great planes is the fate of the world."
"Keith, it's being edgy."
"Really, I think he's just speaking some facts."
"Oh shut up."
Michael unfastened the mace from his side, "Well let's try this out."
In one smooth motion the mace struck the shadow, but other than asphalt spraying everywhere, nothing happened, except for its continuous whispering.
"He can see, but he can't touch. He can run, but he can never escape. Inevitable is what I am, and countless worlds shall die."
Michael slowly stood back up, his attention fully on his shadow and the monster that no doubt hid within.
"I think I get what Order was going for with this challenge. A good dimension hopper shouldn't be bringing along stowaways."
"Yeah, that seems reasonable, but how are you going to get rid of it?"
Michael stared towards the shadow and sighed, "I don't know, but since it's hiding in my shadow, maybe I just need to go somewhere I can't make one. You think staying in the dark would count?"
"Hmm, no. The scientists who discovered this thing, or I guess I should say the scientists who discovered the effects of this thing, since we're the first people to actually discover the creature. I'm getting off topic, the portal to the world housing this creature was in a dark decrepit cave. So considering it followed them through that darkness, it would probably follow you."
"That's problematic. We could try getting rid of it by getting rid of my shadow."
"I guess that could work, but it'd be difficult. Shadows surround you. Where there is light that you stand in the way of, there'll be a shadow."
"Well you're not wrong."
Some time passed with the two of them deep in thought, "Well what if the light was coming off of me?"
"What do you mean?"
"Some animals can emit light, like fireflies and some jellyfish. If I was the one emitting the light then I wouldn't cast a shadow. Kinda like a lightbulb."
"...that could work."
"Then I guess we should find an aquarium before all the bodies start rotting."
"They won't, all the bacteria is dead. There's nothing left to actually decompose the bodies."
"Well, that's somewhat disturbing."
Michael walked over to a corpse sprawled out on the sidewalk and quickly dug through their pockets and pulled out their cell phone. A few google searches later and he found a aquarium about forty miles away promoting their rare glowing jellyfish.
Michael showed the phone to Keith, "This could work."
"Yeah, but you won't be able to drive there. All the roads are going to be blocked with crashed cars."
"Then I'll just teleport."
"Just keep an eye on your shadow. This thing may not have directly killed the scientists who arrived in its world, but they couldn't see it like we can"
Michael nodded, "Noted. Now we just nee–"
In one fluid motion Michael flicked the golden knife from its sheath and sent it hurtling towards his shadow where it buried itself deep into the asphalt."
A moment of silence passed as Michael slowly leaned in towards the shadow.
He squinted, "Hey, are you still alive? I just wanted to see if that would work."
Grumbling emanated from within the darkness, "He is a fool."
Michael laughed and pulled the knife out from the asphalt, "Can't blame me for trying."
Keith sighed, "You're a real liability, you know that?"