You ever wondered what it’s like to be a table? I spent four hours as a chair once so I expect it’s pretty similar. Perhaps it’s my fascination with being objects that makes me want to collect them. Well not collect them per say, mostly just borrow them. Although I guess borrowing usually implies returning so maybe taking them is the better way to put it.

I’d never really considered becoming a car until I met Cat. It’s not my usual kind of object. I’ve been lots of different people, and furniture, and things but never a car. I was always slightly afraid of them to be honest, where as Cat’s so obsessed with them, but what else do you expect from a mechanic? I guess I always thought of it as more of a job than a passion, but Cat doesn’t see it like that. Objects are sort of my passion, objects and Cat. I should probably clarify at this point that Cat is a witch, as am I, well most of the time.

It’s a funny thing actually, I usually go after boys, don’t ask me why. I think I’ve been a boy more often than I’ve been with a girl too. But Cat was different, a rare thing. I still find myself thinking about her, lusting after her, even though she’s evidently moved on, or back in this case.

I guess I should take it as a compliment that I’m the only girl she’s been with. Some consolation prize though. It’s her fault I’m here, well okay, not really, but I needed a distraction, and that is her fault.

I just wasn’t expecting them to have search dogs. I didn’t have much time to think about it and so here I am, currently disguised as a pot plant. I figure a plant blends in pretty well in a museum. Perhaps I should have shifted into a painting, but I didn’t really consider that until now. At least this way if the dogs sniff me out the handlers will just assume it’s because of some funny smelling dirt or something.

I bet you’re wondering what it’s like to be a pot plant now. It’s quite nice actually. So, the thing about Shapeshifters is we often take on the personality or attributes of the thing we shift into. I’ve never particularly liked plants that much. Plants were always more my sister’s thing, but then she’s not a Shapeshifter. They’re just too, well too varying. Shifting into a chair or a stool can be very relaxing. A plant though, is just weird.

They move too fast. I know, you’re thinking that makes no sense. I mean plants don’t move, not really, they grow but that’s slowly right? Well compare the rate at which a plant grows to that of a person. See what I mean? They’re too fast. So generally I just don’t like being a plant, it’s just too weird. A pot plant or a house plant is different though, once they’re mature that is, and Bonsais? Oh Bonsais are my favourite. Much more refined and constrained. They don’t grow quite so much. But you can still feel the air surrounding your leaves.

Large trees aren’t so bad either, depending on the type, as far as plants go at least. But I’d much rather be a bird. It’s not as easy and carefree as people think. Flying is actually quite hard, even terrifying at first, but oh once you learn it, it’s like dancing on air, well, I mean, it is dancing on air.

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So I like birds, and chairs. Birds are exciting, exhilarating but very tiring. Chairs are just relaxing. I could be a chair for hours. I’ve never been a table though. I really should try it sometime. It’s too bad I didn’t think of that before, but I was in a hurry, and I’m not sure a table blends in quite as well as a pot plant.

Maybe I’ll try it sometime when I’m not in the middle of a heist. Museums aren’t even usually my thing, not for stealing from anyway. It’s just one of those days I guess. I usually go for the really small stuff, can’t help myself. That or the larger cons, that’s more of a job thing than a passion thing though. Small things are more my specialty, but I don’t do heists, not usually, they’re just too risky. Case in point.

It’s been quiet for a while now though. Maybe they’re gone. Maybe I have time to shift into a mouse. I’m always worried about cats though, hah, as if I needed reminding. Seems they are the bane of my existence, well one type of cat. I did actually get caught by a cat once, when I was a mouse. I was just trying it out and my mum’s cat Jessie got me between her teeth. The other thing about being a Shapeshifter is that once you are in a form it can be very easy to forget what your original form is, especially if you happen to be trapped in the jaws of a giant feline. I’m lucky most cats don’t kill their food right away, especially house cats. My sister managed to grab the cat and once she was caught she just let me go. It did take me a good twenty minutes before I remembered how to turn back though.

I slip out of the museum painting and self intact. I don’t know if it’s worth very much. Truthfully I never paid much attention to the kind of art that stays still. I rolled my eyes at every painting my parents hung on the wall but when they took me to the ballet I was captivated. But I know who will know. For a mechanic, Cat has an uncanny knowledge of art and it’s value. Then again for some, a vehicle is a form of art. I’m hesitant about taking it to her though. She has no problem with theft. Heck, half the cars she does over probably weren’t paid for by their owners. But with me, when I steal, I get that look of pity. I hate that look. I think it’s because she knows for me it’s less of a choice. It’s a compulsion. And she knows, as well as I do, that I could just stick to dancing and make an honest living that way, if not for this little habit I have. I think she worries about me.

I leave the painting in my storage container. I seek Cat out anyway. I want to see her. When I get there she’s on one of those rolly things under a car. I am tempted to grab an ankle and pull her out. I know if I do she’ll give me that look like a snake about to strike. It’s kind of a sexy look actually. She slides out before I can reach her, as if she reads my mind. The look is there. I can’t help but smile. That always seemed to unnerve her a little too. She gets a wary look in her eyes for a moment but without the anger, and then she relaxes. Well as much as is possible for Cat to relax.

“Do you want to go for coffee?” I ask.

“I don’t drink coffee.” she replies but with a come-hither smirk back at me she’s up and off down the drive.

I follow as the dance continues.