“You know, I think I should make this spreadsheet a bit better,” Walter said. “Add some double-entry bookkeeping for doublechecking.”

Flipper squeaked in confusion.

“Well, you see my spreadsheet only lists assets at the moment,” Walter said. “That’s fine and all, but I know I’m supposed to be sending energy Sod’s way at some point, which would kind of be like paying taxes. So, I should add liabilities and equity if I get a chance.”

Flipper lightly slapped Walter’s cheek.

“No, I’m not broken,” Walter laughed. “This is just stuff I learned back in college. God, that seems so far away now…”

Flipper headbutted Walter’s chin before he could recall his past in more detail.

“Thanks bud,” Walter said. “I guess the reality of this is catching up with me.”

Walter stared at the bird of prey digging into the dead rodent’s body. “A part of me thought this was a crazy dream. I mean really, a god picking me up out of the blue and tasking me with soul collection? It’s the kind of thing I read in fantasy books. It wasn’t something that actually happened.”

Flipper nodded along, prompting Walter to continue.

Walter continued to stare at the bird. “Picking up that soul cemented it. It was such a… real feeling. Something you don’t get in a dream, you know?”

Flipper squeaked in alarm as Walter’s breath hitched.

“I thought… I don’t know. Maybe I was in a coma? And you were a way to help cope with everything? Or maybe you were a friend reaching out? And the gods were the doctors with the power of life and death over my body. And this whole collection thing was me putting myself back together.”

Walter’s mind played back collecting the rodent’s soul. He’d done his best to ignore it before, but touching the orb finally cemented it. Walter wasn’t human anymore. He’d died, and now he was going to be some kind of minor god for a world run by someone alien and unfeeling. ­­­He collapsed on the ground, his breathing shallow.

Distantly, Walter heard Flipper squeak. A damp flipper grabbed onto Walter’s hand, and the man felt emotion rush through him.

I’m here. The feeling said.

Walter’s breathing slowed. The feeling of assurance and comfort making waves through his body helped keep a piece of Walter’s sanity intact. Inch by inch, the man recovered, until he and Flipper sat on the ground next to each other.

The two were silent for a moment, the only sounds coming from the various animals around them.

“Thanks,” Walter eventually said.

“Squeak,” Flipper replied, and though Walter couldn’t understand, the meaning was clear.

Flipper was Walter’s helper and would always support him. The little guy wasn’t an unfeeling god like Sod, who was content to sit there and let Walter panic until his body finally realized panicking wouldn’t help. Nor was he someone like Davy Jones, who Walter only now realized was using his power to calm Walter down the entire time they talked.

“No wonder things were easy to do then,” the man said.

Flipper placed himself in Walter’s lap, seemingly urging the man to relax.

“I don’t know if this is the best place for it, bud,” Walter said as he looked around.

Flipper scoffed, then made a jabbing motion with his hands.

Walter laughed. “So you’ll beat up anyone threatening?”

Flipper nodded.

Relieved laughter escaped from Walter’s lips. “Haha, thanks buddy. You’re right, we should take our time. It’s not like my time is limited anymore.”

Flipper squeaked again.

“Hmm?” Walter asked.

Flipper sent over a feeling.

“You want to hear more about the spreadsheet?” Walter asked.

The turtle nodded.

“Why?”

Emotions swept over Walter, feelings of support and understanding. Flipper wanted Walter to talk about his life, even if it was boring sometimes. It wasn’t worth it to throw his good times out with the bad.

“It’ll put you to sleep,” Walter insisted.

Flipper insisted harder.

Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

Walter sighed. “Alright, fine. Since you’re so curious.”

The man straightened his back, preparing to remember what he learned in class.

“Best I can tell is that my spreadsheet is closest to a balance sheet. That’s why it lists things as assets. But the thing about a balance sheet is that it’s just that, a sheet that balances everything. The stuff that goes on it has to eventually cancel to zero.”

Flipper nodded along dutifully.

“To do this,” Walter continued. “You have more than just assets. You also add liabilities and equity. Then if you subtract your liabilities and equity from your assets, things should reach zero.”

Flipper squeaked a question.

“Liabilities are things cost your company money, like loans. Equity is money that people invest into your company in the hopes of seeing a return.”

Walter started to remember all the cramming sessions he and his friends had done to remember all the silly terminology businesses came up with. Like the stock market. Walter remembered hours of study all to remember what a bull and bear market were. It couldn’t be called an upswing or downswing, no no. It just had to have animal names.

Flipper squeaked.

“Right where was I?” Walter asked. “Equity. That was it.”

Walter looked out at a passing animal, or was it a plant? “Now that I think about it. The energy Sod gave me would be equity.”

There was a tick somewhere in Walter’s consciousness, and with a start Walter realized his spreadsheet had updated.

Current Assets

Divine Energy on Hand

252

Total Current Assets:

252

Long-Term (Fixed) Assets

Property, Plant, and Equipment

1250

Total Long-Term (Fixed) Assets:

1250

TOTAL ASSETS:

1502

Owner’s Equity

1500

Retained Earnings

2

Total Equity

1502

“Well would you look at that,” Walter said.

Flipper squeaked in question.

“My spreadsheet updated,” Walter answered. “I guess talking about Equity added some to it. I wonder if it’ll update when I have to send energy to Sod?”

As Walter contemplated, Flipper watched the world around him. The small turtle was new to life, but could already tell Walter would need protecting. So when Flipper felt an ominous wind in the distance, he quickly stood and hissed at the oncoming threat.

“What is it, boy?” Walter asked with alarm.

Flipper sent over a feeling of danger, jolting Walter upright.

“Where?” Walter asked.

The man scanned the horizon. Sod had said things were supposed to be safe! He should’ve known not to trust the deity with something like that.

A moment later, Walter felt what Flipper did. A sick feeling washed over the man, and he found himself thinking of tar pits and other sticky, black substances. There was a distinct feeling of hunger in the air, and Walter’s hair stood on end.

Flipper started to snap as the sound of battle rose in the distance.

“Push them back men!” someone yelled. “The daemons will not take anyone this night!”

Walter watched as a squad of tan-skinned men stomped over the horizon, backing up in formation against black, wispy entities. Grunting followed the sight, the men’s metal reinforced armor clinking along as they stepped backward in time.

Each man wore a skullcap helmet with leather flaps to protect the side of their face. A neckguard met the flaps, then ran down to merge with a patterned metal and leather breastplate. More leather straps connected the armor with a series of bracers that led to gloves. Finishing things up were metal-looped skirts and shin-high boots of hard leather.

All of it was painted or dyed a light silver-gold. Similar to the color of the rodent’s soul earlier. Each knight held a weapon, though many varied from swords to spears. Though each knight held a large shield as tall as their bodies. It was this they were using to hold off their attackers.

The attackers were ethereal in nature, and Walter could tell they weren’t natural to the world. Black mist spilled from nowhere to craft a child’s drawing of a human. The arms and legs were too thin and clawed while the head sat top heavy. A moment later the head shifted, spilling out to create more limbs that struck at the knights.

Flipper’s hissing grew as he saw the wisps, and Walter felt something akin to a soul inside them. But the soul was distorted, almost is if it was trying to alter its very being. To top it off, there was a distinct hunger emanating from the wisps. Walter would liken it to a hungry dog salivating at the prospect of a new meal.

With a start, Walter realized the meal meant the knights, and that the wisps were hunting for a meal. The knights, weren’t slouches, however, and were equipped with weapons that sliced through the black wisps, forcing banshee-like screams from their mouths.

And yet, despite the knights prowess, the wisps weren’t retreating. Despite the multiple slashes the dark things advanced, attempting to slip inside their shields. Walter realized things were at a stalemate.

Then, another wisp, larger than the others and almost fully formed, emerged from a shadow.

“Look out!” Walter shouted.

A knight turned at Walter’s warning, quickly seeing the threat. This new wisp was shaped like a woman, but twisted in a sickly way. Walter saw that the being’s soul was almost mutilated, as if someone had taken a rusty hatchet to it. The womanly wisp radiated pain and hunger, and Walter stumbled from the feeling.

The knight turning to Walter didn’t, and brought their shield up to block. A brilliant flame surrounded the shield, twirling into a grand wall that stopped the wisp’s attack. The womanly wisp emitted a seething cry at the flames, though Walter couldn’t see her in pain from the attack.

“Retreat to the village!” one of the knights shouted. “Protect the civilian!”

Walter attempted to protest, but the knights moved faster than the man expected. One second, the men were near the wisps, the next they were in front of Walter, giving him barely enough time to scoop Flipper up. The knight with the flame shield picked Walter in one hand and moved to the center.

“Double time it!” the commander shouted. Walter flinched from the sound.

Moments later they were off, the knights deftly striding across the road in retreat from the wisps. Walter, slung over the knight’s back like a sack of potatoes, had a front row seat to the chasing wisps.

They moved like mist, spreading out and gliding over the ground to ensure the knights couldn’t escape. Black tendrils shaped like claws raked across the air as they chased, almost as if they hoped to catch a straggling knight.

However, Walter couldn’t see the woman-wisp, and with a start he realized she was somewhere nearby. He could feel her soul, feel the twisting pain.

Walter looked down at the shadows below.