Alexia forced herself to keep her sunrise-colored eyes looking forward. She rode toward the sun but away from her moon. She rode away from love but toward peace. It felt wrong to disjoint love from peace. In a better world, the two would never be sundered. Peace and love were meant to be together, to be one. However, for Ruby and Sapphire to become one again—as they were meant to be—Alexia needed to look forward and not back to the place she yearned to be. Yet, though she looked forward toward peace, her mind was at war.
“Look forward.”
Yet almost everything in her wanted to look back. The muscles in her neck tensed with the temptation of turning around. Her thoughts raced toward Goddess Hill, yearning to send her back into Zander’s arms. Her logic stretched, searching for a way to bring him with her. Her emotions throttled her, begging her to find a way to keep him behind without breaking his heart. Every fiber of her being felt less whole without Zander and the locket.
Alexia gripped at her sternum, where the locket belonged. The power of that magic conduit was nonpareil, and it seduced her toward hindsight. Memories of Zander’s lips, of his embrace, of ecstasy and belonging at the end of the worst night of her life… Her neck twisted to the side and her eyes reached for her rear. She stopped midway and moaned.
“Look forward,” she choked, forcing the words past the lump in her throat. Her chest heaved with the unfathomable weight of those two little words.
Alexia tried her best to harness foresight. Alexia imagined Ruby and Sapphire gathered in Mirrevar, signing a peace treaty atop Goddess Hill. She gazed farther ahead, envisioning a unified Leveria prevailing over the Chimaeras of the Celegan Hollows. She found peace in a future beyond the wars to come. Alexia and Zander would be together again, claiming a home in Mirrevar and living happily ever after in a world where peace was restored.
Looking forward, she knew she should not go back. This was how it had to be. Alas, just because you knew something logically didn’t mean you could accept it emotionally.
Alexia clutched at her sternum, to the place where his locket should be. She should be with him. She should be able to bring him with her! She should not have to hide her love! The love of a Sapphire cognitive-affectomancer and a Ruby soldier should be proof that peace is the proper course. It was not divinedamned right! It…
It was what she deserved. Alexia gasped and her stomach roiled with the truth of what should be. She reached into her bloodstained robes and felt at the wooden doll that Allison had thrown at her. I should be alone, just like that poor girl.
Alexia screamed. The memory of Ferrickton burned her insides. She tried to fight the pull of the past, but it was a battle she couldn’t win.
“Look forward,” she commanded, trying to find a way toward redemption, a way to make what happened in Ferrickton acceptable. That was a future she couldn’t see. No matter what she did, no matter how many lives she saved, nor how much love she made possible, nothing would erase Ferrickton. Nor could anything stop the flood that hit her now.
Allison’s father, Sir Barnett, screamed for her death as she collapsed a tunnel on him. Timmeck Eckhard’s shattered skull, both eyes forever unseeing, dead because of her failure. “Look forward,” she pleaded with her mind. Instead, a little girl who had given her nothing but love screamed her oath of vengeance as she faded into shadow.
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Ferrickton was destroyed and nothing, nothing, Alexia could do would change that. She tried and failed to look forward. Neither could she look backward without further breaking herself. She lacked the strength to look at this moment, too burdened by the ever-chasing past and the challenging future that could not wipe the slate clean.
Alexia lost sight. Time continued its unstoppable flow, but she didn’t flow with it. The world seemed only to exist from a faraway place through a foggy lens. The echoes of yesterday became distant and quiet things. Those fires burning so bright were dim lights from a faraway place, aching to be remembered. Alexia ceased to be. She didn’t see the vibrant flowers around her nor smell their wondrous fragrance. Lastly, and most importantly, this empty vessel did not gaze ahead into the distance and see herself becoming whole again.
Alexia’s sensation was deadened, like a tree in the winter, awaiting the heat and light that would awaken her back to life once more. Oblivious to the world, angles passed as the sun mounted the sky. Yet, the day’s growing heat and light did little to stir her soul out of its slumber.
The sight of the palisade walls slowly brought her back to life, back to the moment. Alexia took in the beauty with all of her senses. Fields of flowers, endless arrays of wondrous colors filled her vision. The scents were ushered to her by the whistling wind. Their strength and splendor stirred the feeling of life within her. She felt the heat on her head, metamorphing her hair color from her father’s chestnut brown to her mother’s dark gold. She ran her fingers through her hair, gliding along the waves as they spilled to the small of her back. Aware of her intense thirst, she drained the last of her waterskin, tasting the earthy flavors of the Bear River.
At last, Alexia looked back. A part of her hoped to see Zander chasing her. Alas, the other part of her had ensured that he wouldn’t follow. She clutched at her sternum, gazing across the miles between her and Goddess Hill. Covademara loomed in the sky above the hill, its branches and blooms rising to infinity. She placed her hand on her heart and dreamt she could return to the place she belonged with the person who she knew in her heart was her life’s mate.
“Look forward,” she whispered, gazing upon the hill where the Leverians once reigned.
Alexia had looked forward when Zander had passionately declared that he would go with her. As surely as she knew that a rose was beautiful and had thorns, Alexia knew that she couldn’t bring Zander to the Sapphire encampment the day after he had killed scores of Sapphires. Even if she could navigate around the camp, Alexia knew that King Gideon’s reaction to Zander would have been powerful and extreme. He had plans to betroth Alexia to his son and heir. Prince Halius would demand Zander’s demise just as he had once demanded hers.
Alexia smirked. Zander would fight for her like Elior fought for Pelianna and she didn’t doubt that he would win that battle. Alas, the cost of that victory was peace. That was a price Leveria couldn’t afford.
Alexia took the doll out of a pocket of her blood-stained, sapphire-blue master’s robes. Allison had painted the doll to have Alexia’s two-colored hair back when she had hoped Alexia would be her friend. The doll was her reminder to look forward. Her life didn’t belong to her. It belonged to Allison. It belonged to the Leverian people. For as far as her eyes could see, she would strive toward seeing peace restored to the Leverian people so that no other child would suffer Allison’s fate.
Alas, she was ever a dreamer and she dreamt beyond the sight of her eyes. She dreamt of a day where Leveria was whole and free from the Celegan threat. She dreamt of a day where she was not chained to Halius nor indebted to forge peace. She dreamt of a day where she could return to Covademara and once again rest in Zander’s arms. It would be a long road to peace. She might never be redeemed but she would spend every day striving to do the right thing. Hopefully, at the end of this long road, Zander would be there to welcome her.