The Captain

“Hey!” a skeleton in biker-like gear called out. “You there! Guy who was vomited up by the goddamn sand!”

The man lifted his head and shook the sand out of his hair. He looked towards the skeleton groggily and gestured to himself with one hooked hand.

“Yes, you! Ya four-armed freak!” it shouted. “Who else would I be talking to?”

The man shrugged, extremely confused by his situation. He looked around, regaining control of his senses. He was stuck in a vast, seemingly endless desert.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO,” he screamed. And he screamed. And he screamed and he screamed and he screamed. He was surprised to see the skeleton still standing in the exact same spot and position. He hadn’t moved a muscle after the hour or two that had been spent screaming.

“Dude shut the fuck up,” the ethereal voice of the skeleton ordered.

The man looked at the skeleton and stood up. He raised his two right arms and stretched, before doing the same with his left arms. He looked to check what he was wearing. Everything was there. He patted his head.

“You. Skeleton. Did you steal my hat?” the four-armed man asked.

“I ain’t ever seen you with a hat man. I just needa capture you and find whoever has a bounty on your head,” the skeleton told him.

“Who are ye?” the man asked, forcing the accent into his voice.

“Answer your own question and I might consider telling you.” the skeleton deflected his question. Anger began bubbling in his throat.

“Me name is Captain Jack of The Delilah. I am the warden of the high seas district of hell. Now tell me who ye be?” Jack said, forcing himself to speak in the skeleton’s tongue instead of his own.

“I’m called Skulls. Interdimensional bounty hunter. You got some pretty fancy titles there four-arms,” Skulls answered.

“Don’t mock my titles or I will destroy you,” Jack yelled at him.

“Oh no, I’m going to mock your titles,” Skulls mocked further, waving his arms jokingly at the captain. “I don’t give a damn who you are I just give a damn how much you’re worth to some rando who has ties to the guild. Anyone out there out for your head?”

“The Shadow Core,” Captain Jack spat.

“Oh cool I hate those guys. They aren’t the friendliest to the bounty hunters,” Skulls stated. “Ima go get Teddy you stay right here.”

“Who’s Teddy?” Jack asked as Skulls ran off.

The Skeleton

Skulls slowed to a stop as he reached the highlands he and Teddy camped in. He walked up to his secret cave, through the entrance, and basked in the artificial glow and the cool air flowing over his bones. He shut the entrance, cutting off the hot air and natural light, and approached his stash. He flicked a lever in the cavern’s steel wall. It was still a natural shape but Skulls preferred the energies of man-made materials. Nature wasn’t his style. The wall in front of him began rotating, disappearing into the floor. He had the idea for this cave-base thingy from a comic that existed back when his world existed. He didn’t remember who though. He didn’t remember much about his world.

“DAMN YOU WHISPERER,” Skulls shouted. One of the only things he could remember. The man who cursed him. Betrayed him. Murdered him and then brought him back to kill him again and again. One day he would get that overlord back for what he had done. It didn’t matter what he had to do. When he spotted his glorious firearms he quickly forgot his outburst.

He grabbed his revolver and said, “Oh Shank your polish is so beautiful. There’s not a single part that has been tarnished since I left you here.”

He looked at his rifle with disgust. “Oh, Trigger. What have you done? How did you get so, so dirty? I’ll have to polish you after this.”

He looked at his motorcycle with awe. “Jessica. It’s been so long since I’ve used you. Your cherry red paint is as bright as ever, but I must take you out today and get you dirty. I’m sorry my love.”

He quickly put his belt on and shoved Shank in its holster. He slung Trigger across his back before lifting Jessica off the wall with his superhuman strength. He set it on the ground, freeing up his hands to pull the lever again. The wall rotated again, revealing his stash of grenades, fuel, and ammo. He grabbed a few magazines for Trigger and a few loose rounds for Shank before lifting a gas can off the floor and pouring just enough gas into it to find the captive and come back here. He opened the cave door and hopped onto Jessica, revving her up and launching her out the gate. It quickly closed behind him and he was off, speeding through the sand.

“Wait, Jesse, darling, did I ever tell you who we’re after?” Skulls asked.

Naturally, the motorcycle didn’t respond.

“Damnit, it’s too late now. I forgot who I had caught. Now I’ve gotta have that whole conversation again. Wait what am I doing? Darling, do you know where we’re going?”

The motorcycle, again, didn’t respond.

“Jessica!? What am I doing?!? Why are you off the wall?!?!” Skulls began panicking. “Darling call Teddy. Tell him we have a bounty and that I’m forgetting again.”

This time, the motorcycle did respond. “Calling Teddy,” Jessica stated in a robotic yet feminine voice.

“Now stop,” Skulls commanded.

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The motorcycle halted, throwing his head off his spine. His body got off the cycle and started blindly trying to grab his head.

“To your left,” Skulls said. The skeleton moved right.

“Forward,” Skulls ordered. The skeleton turned 180° and started walking away from him.

“You idiot!” Skulls screeched. The skeleton collapsed into a pile of bones.

“Guess I gotta wait for Teddy to pick up,” Skulls muttered.

The Bear

“Huh?” Teddy yawned, opening his eyes for the first time that day. “What’s going on?”

Teddy heard the phone ringing. He got up on all fours and shuffled over to the phone before collapsing in front of it. He reached out with his gauntleted paw and picked up the phone. He put it up to his ear.

“Skulls why’re you waking me up so early? It’s 12:30,” Teddy asked.

“Huh? Bounty? Ooooh right. That’s our job. Wait no it’s your job. Why do you need my help with this?”

“Oh, you’re forgetting again. You need me to come help?” Teddy asked.

“I dunno why else you’d be calling. I’ll be there in a few seconds.”

“Of course Skulls.”

* * *

Teddy slowed as he smelled Skulls nearby. He got up on his back legs and started walking in a way that copied the way Skulls did towards the scent. He pushed the little grains of sand out from between his paw pads with the razor-sharp claws that his gauntlet gifted him. He didn’t even know the full extent of the gauntlet’s powers, just the general enhancements he got and the memory retrieval he used for Skulls occasionally.

Skulls waved at him. “Hey, Teddy! Please walk faster, I don’t know what I’m doing here!”

“I’m walkin’ as fast my legs’ll let me,” Teddy shouted.

“Yeah, well, my head came off, and my dim-witted body is still trying to find it!” Skulls shouted.

“Do you want me to wait for your head to be reattached?” Teddy asked politely.

“No! You idiot! It’ll speed up the process if you do it!” Skulls yelled.

“Ok. It’s always good to ask about things. I’m sorry for doing something stupid,” Teddy apologized.

“It's fine. Just find my head and retrieve my memories,” Skulls said.

“Where is your head?” Teddy asked.

“You idiot! Follow my voice!” Teddy finally noticed Skulls’ annoyance.

“Oh ok. Should I just stop talking?” Teddy asked.

“I don’t give a damn! Just find my head!” Skulls shouted impatiently.

Teddy walked around the motorcycle, looking briefly at the pile of bones and clothing. He followed Skulls’ voice until he finally found the head, half buried in the sand 3 feet away from the motorcycle. He picked it up with his left paw, staring Skulls in the pits of darkness he called his eyes. Teddy chucked the dead man’s head backward, landing it in the pile of bones he had seen earlier.

Teddy turned around. “Trickshot!” he called out to Skulls, pointing at him with both paws.

“I guess you did make a trick shot today,” Skulls told him before muttering, “What a child.” Followed by a quiet chuckle.

“Whoo! I did it!” Teddy said, doing a little dance. Teddy turned and stared Skulls in the eyes, looking in as deep as he could. “Also, I heard what you said about me being childish. I’m seven years old gimme a break. And I can hear betta than you.”

“Sorry ‘bout that. I forget a lot of the time. Something that you know very well,” Skulls told him. “Anyway, where’s the target?”

The Captain

Sand. His old enemy. Nothing but sand. Miles and miles of sand. It was in every crevice of his body, every fold of his clothing. Captain Jack was practically living his worst nightmare. But he waited. He was patient. The skeleton would be back with whatever ‘Teddy’ was, and then he would be able to escape this wretched place. He would find The Delilah, reclaim his rightful place as the captain, and destroy all those who stood in his way. But right now he needed patience. He had to suppress wrath for now. Patience was what he needed. The seven archdevils that created the districts imbued the wardens with powers of sin, but in turn, allowed them to contain virtue as well. So he channeled his patience. He suppressed his wrath. And he waited. He remembered his past life and the days he spent on that ship. He remembered his father, captain of such a grand ship, but could not remember his name.

On the other hand, he remembered naught of his mother but her name, Delilah. They had lost him in that fateful crash, but the hellish creators of the districts found his young self. He did not remember his old name. It did not matter. The seven devils had raised him to crew his mother’s namesake, and to help contain those that died. He was one of many Jacks. He was Captain Jack. Captain of the Delilah, Warden of the High Seas District. He could wait. He was a patient man. A few hours passed, and he sat in the sand. Waiting for the bounty hunter to return. It did not take as long as he had thought it would.

“Yo! Warden guy! You still here?” He heard the skeleton’s voice shout.

“Yes,” Jack stated blankly.

He saw a red motorcycle crest the dune. The skeleton from earlier was riding it, and he had a revolver on his hip and a rifle slung across his back. He wore the same pitch-black sunglasses, leather jacket, and ripped jeans as before. A grizzly bear followed close behind him, with a steel gauntlet covering its left paw. He continued the wait for a few minutes longer as they finished their approach.

“Why the hell are you still here?” the skeleton asked.

“Where do I have to go to?” Captain Jack said.

“I don’t know, but I assumed you would’ve run off somewhere so you wouldn’t have gotten captured,” Skulls said.

“What reason do I have to struggle?”

“He has a point, Skulls. He ain’t got nowhere to go, and he ain’t got a reason to try,” Teddy said in a rare introspective moment.

“Ok, ok, I get it. He’s an idiot who can’t escape something for the life of him,” Skulls joked.

“That is not what either of us meant!” Captain Jack shouted.

“Who cares?” Skulls scoffed. “And shut up.”

Skulls pulled one of his hands off and sent it like a spider to fish around in the box of junk attached to Jessica. He eventually pulled out a disc the size of a frisbee and threw it at Teddy. Teddy caught it in one hand and began to attempt to pour all his focus into the disc.

“What’s that thingamabob do?” Captain Jack asked.

“It’s a portal. Now let Teddy focus,” Skulls said.

Teddy clutched the disc in both hands, holding the flat portion parallel to himself. It began to hum with power, giving off a soft white glow. It slowly began to expand, constrained by the grizzly bear’s strength. Teddy let go and backed away, the disc expanding rapidly to fill a circle with a radius of 6 feet. Only the perimeter of the now very large disc appeared to be made of the technology it had appeared as before. The rest of the desert space was filled with white light, tiny strings of which connected to the gauntlet covering the bear’s fist.

“That doesn’t look very safe for me,” Captain Jack pointed out.

“What’s wrong? You think it’s some holy power that's gonna obliterate your demonic form?” Skulls mocked.

“YES,” Jack shouted.

“Well, it’s not. It’s just some flashy colors. Change it Teddy,” Skulls told him.

The portal quickly changed from black to red to a rainbow, then back to white.

“Now go through the portal,” Skulls commanded Jack.

Jack walked through the glowing white center of the metal ring, disappearing into another realm. Skulls followed, slowly riding his bike into the portal. Teddy walked through last, the metal ring shrinking back down to its original size and the portal vanishing.

The desert was quiet once more.