The 12 seat, white passenger van with bird poop caked in the arc between the wipers pulled into the parking lot of the West Gardenia Mall at 8 AM on Wednesday morning. Officer Avril, accustomed to the ABS of his patrol cruiser, jerked the car to a halt between a pair of yellow lines. Viral's head bounced forward, jarring him from the nap he'd taken for the 12 minute ride from the Ramada. "Everyone out," Avril called, "And take your soda cans with you."

The night before someone had apparently left an unopened can of Mountain Dew in the middle carriage of the bus after the group had left the Women's College. Overnight the temperature had reached 110 F inside the vehicle causing the Dew to erupt like an Afghan IED. Though no one was hurt, the fructose from the soda congealed on the floor and vinyl cushions of the bus. As if that had not been bad enough, Viral learned from Smooshy's recounting to the group that a colony of fire ants had settled in the bus's emergency exit row. The rental company had reportedly told Avril the fee for careless beverage damage to the interior of the bus was an extra $850. Ada told the group she'd tried to listen in on the phone call Avril made to Monica, but he'd had to leave a voicemail. When the rental company's actuary came to assess the damage and reclaim the bus, Avril paid him out of pocket. His face still burned red from the debit.

As the other members of his cohort hung on every word of Ada's recollection, Viral struggled to swim from the bottom of his slumber. He'd been up till 1 AM with Farooq and Dr. Hackman watching the neural net try to dictionary attack Ankur's flash drive, which contained the decoded RNA sequence of the Wuhan Covid strain. After 20 minutes of watching cells load in a Jupyter Notebook, Viral felt his eyes go heavy. He slipped into sleep. But the escape was short-lived as a gentle oscillation in his mattress woke him.

Upon opening his eyes from beneath the floral patterned comforter at the Ramada, Viral saw the silhouette of a two-headed monster. Too afraid to squeal, he instead held his breath hoping the minotaur would dissipate like an illusion, like an eggy fart in an aeroplane aisle. When his eyes adjusted Viral understood that it was not a dos-cabezad demon on the foot of his mattress, it was the intertwined shadow of Farooq and Dr. Hackman necking. Having never been in the same room as foreplay, Viral did his best not to move. He shut his eyes tight and hoped for the undulation of his bed to cradle him to sleep.

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But the sleep never came, and 8 hours later he was pulling himself through a cracked parking lot outside a run down JC Penny in the suburbs of Cherry Hill. Viral felt a push against his shoulder. Alan tripped past him, calling back to Smooshy. "I said no punch backs!" he said.

"Eat a dog," Smooshy responded.

Aleph tugged at the sleeve of Farooq's trendy bomber jacket. She pointed toward a Sephora. From under copper rimmed aviators, Farooq grumbled. "Whatever," he said.

"What the F, man," Alan said. "You said you'd hit the Foot Action with me."

"Guys," Gyn interjected, "Cliff said the money is only ear-marked for essentials."

Cliff? Viral wondered. Was Gyn referring to officer Roid Douche by his first name, Cliff? If so, how did she find out his good name? And more importantly, why was she calling him Cliff?

"I need LeBron's on my feet to think clearly," Alan said.

Aleph pointed at Alan's shoes. "These are Lamello's," he said, sheepishly. "I bought them early from Lithuania before Big Baller went under."

From behind the group of them, as they neared the mall entrance beside the JC Penny, Officer Avril coughed a machine gun laugh. "Big Baller brand? Sucker," he said. Alan's cheeks puffed and he stuffed his hands into the pockets of his carpenter jeans. If he had a tail it'd have been between his legs.

"Where's the other group?" Viral asked.

Avril checked his wrist watch. They're sleeping in. Treyna's bringing them to the mall this afternoon, depending on when she gets back," he said.

"Is Plank with them?" Smooshy asked.

The group stopped. Everyone turned toward each other. Avril counted all their heads. "Shit," he said, "I knew I was forgetting something."