Sunday 28th Jan 2018

The Blue Zone is located in the type of area that city guidebooks might describe as “vibrant and cosmopolitan”, while simultaneously encouraging you not to go there alone after nightfall. It’s also in an older part of town that was built before people found out about the convenience of wider streets. Meaning that, when I emerged from the club and stood panting on the pavement, my eye was met by any number of tiny alleys and side streets that Smirk Guy could have dodged down and disappeared into.

Heck, let’s be serious. He could have even called, waited for and got into a taxi in the time it took me to get my act together and make it out of the club.

Downcast and dispirited, with no sign of my mark, I turned to go back into The Blue Zone with the intention of following my original plan - eg: find a nerd (and not the swallowable kind) … (that came out wrong.)

But there I met trouble. It had been easy enough to get into the club without paying when I arrived stupidly early. Now, late in the evening, it was a different story. Gorgeous girls in dresses just like mine were lined up along the pavement waiting to be admitted. In my rush to chase Smirk Guy, I’d committed my most fatal mistake and forgotten to get my hand stamped on the way out. Now I was facing an impenetrable wall of bouncers who had no sympathy for sob stories from forgetful sluts. After a few seconds of batting my eyelashes, followed by reasonable logic, followed by heated arguing, I could see that it was a lost cause.

In a graceful retreat I flipped them the bird and tottered off to catch the night bus home.

And by home, I mean Shane’s place.

And by Shane’s place, I mean the Shane&Jade Romantic Love-Nest Retreat.

Note to self: Buy emergency alcohol stash for purposes of passing out and blocking out Shane&Jade Romantic Love-Nest Retreat soundtrack.

After two days of failure and three nights of very little sleep, I hope you’ll forgive me for being rather down, Dear Diary. If I was the wallowing kind there would follow here a monologue all about the unfairness of life and how that lousy bitch Destiny seems to have it in for me. So far I have discovered a grand total of nothing about my expulsion.

Sophie’s updated priorities:

This book's true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.

1. Find Smirk Guy and pump him for information.

2. Find Chief Nerd and pump him too. (that came out wrong)

3. FIND ANOTHER PLACE TO LIVE

It’s Sunday morning and my top two priorities have surely gone to ground until at least the afternoon. Let’s focus on number three. It would be a relief to get out of this gooseberry suit.

Later…

2 hours and 5 coffees later I’m still in this cafe. I was alternately dozing in my seat and browsing through a room-to-rent group on Facebook when something like a cobweb brushed my shoulder. I managed to bite back the unholy shriek that came bubbling up but couldn’t prevent myself from jumping violently.

I turned and found an elf standing behind me.

Ok, I’m exaggerating a tiny bit. But still, while this person put on a good show of being a normal, student-age girl like me, there was something ethereal about her. She had fair skin and silver-blonde hair. She was so pale she could almost be albino, except that her eyes were dark enough to be called black. It made me wonder whether I’d taken a hallucinogenic the previous evening and forgotten about it, because I was experiencing all kinds of Lord of the Rings flashbacks.

“Hi,” said the girl. “Sorry for startling you.”

“Gnghuuuh?” I managed.

She pointed at my laptop screen, which was on display for anyone to see. “Look, it’s very stalkerish of me,” she said, “but I noticed you’re browsing through that accommodation group. Are you by any chance looking for a room to rent?”

It was such a mundane thing for an elf girl to ask that I was struck dumb again. I stared at her for longer than was polite before I managed to snap out of it. “Sorry!” I glanced at the screen. “Er… yes, I suppose I am looking.”

“It’s just that one of my flatmates moved out last month and I haven’t found anyone to take her room yet. Would you like to see it?” When I failed to respond, she leaned over me. “Here, I’ll show you.” She scrolled down the group’s feed until she found the post. It was one that I had already noted as a potential lead - a room in a 3-bedroom flat, close to the centre of town, sharing with two other girls.

Elf girl straightened up. “Look, I know it’s weird that I’ve pounced on you like this but I just had a feeling. I’ve posted adverts in various places, but it’s a bit late in the month for students. So far I’ve only had creepy guys showing interest. I’d much rather have a female flatmate. The room’s small but cheap and Tessa and I aren’t axe-murderers. My number’s there, so if you’re interested, give me a ring. I’m Layla, by the way. It’s nice to meet you, Sophie.“ She stuck out her hand.

“How did you know my name?” For a fictional creature, her handshake was shockingly firm.

She grinned and gestured to my laptop. “It says it there on your Facebook page. I’m going to leave now because I’ve probably creeped you out enough, but I’ll hope to hear from you, Sophie. Have a nice day!” Wish a swish of silver hair, she disappeared into thin air.

Not really. She walked out of the cafe like a normal person and strolled off down the street. But I could have imagined her disappearing into thin air. Just like I could have imagined her dressed in green robes proclaiming me to be welcome in her forest kingdom.

With all the weird things that have happened this week, I suppose I should take being accosted in a café by Lady Galadriel’s cousin in my stride. Anyway, I’m going to think about her offer for a little while before I decide what to do.

Still later…

I got back to the flat and found Jade and Shane in a shall-we-say “compromising” position on the couch. The couch, A.K.A. my bed!

I’ve thought about it. I’m ringing Layla first thing in the morning.