Wednesday, January 6, 2945

I am confused. Why do guys dislike gay people? Last Saturday, Bob and I encountered two guys making out in the streets. The instant Bob saw them, he said, “Ewww, look J, it’s gay people.” I was puzzled. I asked Bob, “what’s wrong with gay people?” The answer he replied to me with a disgusted look was, “they’re gay!”

These few days I’ve been thinking, what is wrong with gay people. In my opinion (IMO), I LOVE gay people. Obviously, I don’t love them sexually or want to develop a relationship with them. I love the idea that gay men exist. Now let me give you a lecture to broaden your view.

There are five main categories of people. Straight men, straight women, gay men, gay women, and last of all loners. Starting with loners, no one cares about them. In fact, most people don’t know they exist. Do you ever have that one classmate that you didn’t even know exist? Like midway through the semester for school, your teacher takes attendance and says, “Johnny, is Johnny here?” The whole class looks around and asks, “who is Johnny?” Yep, those are the loners I am talking about.

Next, we have straight men. People like me. People who look for a relationship in women. Our enemies are lesbians due to the fact they try to convert straight women into lesbians. The goal of straight men is to convert lesbians into bisexual. Why bisexual instead of straight? Think about it, lesbians mean there are two women. If you convert one into a straight woman, you get only one woman. If you can make them bisexual, there is a chance you get their old partner as well and make it a threesome. Now if my math is still as amazing as I am, two women are greater than one. After they both become bisexual, then you turn them straight, so they will be faithful only to you.

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Now, where do gay men fall into this category? Gay men are our friends. Why? They lower the amount of competition straight men have. Imagine a scenario of ten people. Five males and five females. If there are four gay men in the five. That means the straight man has the opportunity to get all five women to himself. Of course, this is the best-case scenario. Due to the factor of lesbians trying to convert straight women into lesbians, we might lose some women. That is why we straight men hate lesbians.

WARNING: gay men are great to have as friends. However, one thing straight guys need to be aware of is the danger of being with gay friends. The goals of gay men are to convert straight men into gay ones. When you are with your gay friends, make sure to protect your anal hole. Never get too close to them and give them any thought of the wrong idea. One misstep means you lose your anal virginity or be converted to a bisexual or gay.

Note to the gay people out there: If you are gay, make sure to do the sticking. Be the dominant one and not the one getting dominated. (Unless you like getting dominated)

At this point, some of you smart fellows will go “AHHHHHH!” the existence of more gays than lesbian causes a disparity in the ratio of straight females and straight males. Thus, the idea of Harem is born.

Now for some of the slow-witted readers out there. Do not fear, I am speaking at a very high level of intellect. You might not be able to understand me. Thus, for your sake, I drew a diagram and label it into simpler words for you to understand.

PS: I would start labeling my diary entries for you readers to understand.

Professor J