For a hungry man (or undead, in my case), a dry piece of meat is like water to a man with a dry throat. It felt crusty and bitter, but as soon as I chewed it I felt myself in a bliss. I would have hugged the old man then, but he only gave me two small slices of meat, and told I would get the rest when I found his daughter. The blue screen flashed back again in the same moment with a new message.

Main Quest [Eating is Sating] Complete! Achievement Unlocked - Hypocritical Meat Lover! 20 skill points gained! New Skills Available!

The word skills was highlighted in red, and once I tapped on it, it took me to a new screen.

Unlock one of the skills below Abilities [Spitter] - Your spit is poisonous, and even a little of your drool could make your opponent lose vitality. Make a poison-master your lover and you can spit at her all day! Cost: 15 skill points Agility

[Climber] - You have no bones, and your sinews are non-existent. Use this for your advantage and climb trees, cling to branches, and unleash the monkey inside you! Cost: 10 skill points Appearance [Hairy] - If hairy is what you like, hairy is what you shall be! This will grow back your hair in both your head…and other places. No undead skin could stop hair from growing. Cost: 15 skill points

I ran my finger through each, wondering if all of it was true. But assuming that it was, then the hair would be something I’d love. But I doubt proper hair would help me rescue a captured woman, so spitting it was…

Once I tapped on it, I felt a bitter taste in my mouth.

“Why do you keep touching your hand?” the old man pondered. His eyes seemed to wonder if he had made the right decision.

Without a reply, I looked at the ground and spat. As soon as my drool hit the ground, the soil charred, and it frothed and grew into tiny bubbles before leaving a tiny hole in the ground.

The old man didn’t look convinced. “If that is your strategy for saving my daughter then I’d rather have my meat back.”

“Calm down,” I stretched myself. It was funny how only a little meat was needed to bring back my lost energy. “I will come back with your daughter. And that’s a promise.”

“A promise from an undead?” he scratched his beard. “What a funny world we live in.”

“In what world would an old man with a mule plead an undead beside the tree to save his daughter?”

He was silent for that.

☠☠☠

The old man, who called himself Abel of the Northmorrow, gave me exact direction to where he last saw the bandits. He ushered me out before he could give me a proper explanation on how a village girl ended with the bandits, but I didn’t care. I was grateful for the meat, even if it was two slices, and I was glad he didn’t finish me off with the silver sword, even though I doubted he had the strength for it.

I approached the forest I had previously walked through, and despite being in a haze before, I had a clear idea on where to take the turns. Once I was past the moss-covered trees with a bad odor that would make even an undead wrinkle his nose, I reached a large clearing where a broken statue of a warrior lay scattered in pieces. Some of the parts, like a toe and the left side of the guy’s face was submerged in the mud. And the bottom half of the man, which somehow stood erect, was consumed by fast growing vines. It must have been an old statue.

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I spitted on it just for fun, and watched the limestone turn into a creamy color liquid before fading away.

Out of every part in my body I cannot believe my spit is the strongest.

I focused back on the task at hand. Abel said there was a thin footpath to the left of the statue, almost obscured by the heavy weed that had grown above it. I found it very easily. A part of being an undead is that you didn’t have to worry about serpants inside thick forests or traps laid hidden near bushes. You were dead anyway, how worse could it get?

I cut through the overgrown shrubs until I slid across a thin slope and landed on something rough. My butt hurt from the fall, which reminded me pain still existed. So my previous judgment was wrong. A snake could poison me and I would live being poisoned, suffering everyday.

That blue screen was right. Death was the better option.

I scratched my scrawny butt and looked around me. I had landed on an uneven rocky platform, with an abyss right in front of me.

How would fall damage affect me?

Before I could ask my companion I heard voices behind me. It was when I turned back I realized an entrance to a cave. It was small, and an average man would have to bend really hard to crawl through it, but I wasn’t an average man.

I bent down until my chest touched the ground and my ass was high in the air. And then I wiggled in, pushing myself forwards with the hands and crawling in. It was dark, but a little light at the end helped me identify its structure. It was just a matter of crawling in.

As I edged forwards the muffled voices became more audible, and I took note of the dialogue.

“Two miles north of here we find Ridgefest,” it was a man’s voice with a deep baritone. “I say we sell her there, keep the cash and send a big fuck you card to the Red Priests.”

“And suffer their wrath?” Another man, but his voice more younger than the other. “They set dogs upon traitors. And not the kind of puppies your daughter loves. The kind that makes hunting dogs wag their tail and scuttle away.”

“Enough!” it was a female voice, more authoritative. “We accepted this from the Red Priests so she goes to the Red Priests. As long as I lead, you two follow me.”

There was silence, the only sound was the crackling of the fire.

At least that proved I was on the right place. The old man had said to move to the right past the shrubs, but I had slid down a slope and fallen beside a cave entrance, giving me a more different and sneakier route.

The cave entrance got more larger as I approached the fire, so I had to stay hidden in the shadows. But I edged just a little closer to get a good look at the scenery.

Three people were sitting by the fire. A middle aged man who was chewing off a chunk of meat like a hungry wolf, a skinny boy who held onto two swords while looking at the fire, and a more sturdier woman with long black hair who kept polishing her sword. All of them had donned armor, with their helms close beside them.

But my rescue target was just behind the little fireplace. Tied to a tree with tight ropes was a girl close to twenty with mahogany hair and blue eyes that looked to and fro in panic. She was dressed in a plain white blouse and a skirt, which gave her the look of a village girl. She was gagged, and her voice came in muffles. The three bandits didn’t seem to pay any attention.

Now I could approach the situation boldly or sneakily. If I approached boldly I’d have to crawl my way out of the cave, grating my silver sword along the stones and snapping the three bandits back to attention and then spitting as hard as I could amidst the chaos as an element of surprise. Or I could wait until one of them walked out of the fireplace and then take them away sneakily. I didn’t know if I had the urge within me to kill a person, so a very strong knock on the head would do the trick.

Alright, I’ll wait.

I positioned myself in a very comfortable position, pressed my chest to the ground, prodded my head on my hand and kept watching the three people. It wasn’t easy to watch the man chewing the meat, since that only made me want to chew that meat myself, so I focused on the other two people.

“Hey,” the young one sniffed the air. “Anyone smell something rotten?”

“It’s your unwashed hair Levil,” the bigger man spat, and the woman chuckled.

The young guy muttered something and went back to staring at the fire.

Do I smell that bad?

It was at that moment my nose started to feel funny. It started off as a tickle, and then it grew to an itch, and a few moments later I wanted to sneeze.

Oh come on, I don’t even breathe, how can I sneeze?

But the urge grew stronger and I decided to retreat. I kept a foot back and the edge of my sword hit one of the rocks. There was a loud clang, and it echoed inside the tiny cave like a church bell.

All three heads perked up, even the one that was chewing the meat.

“What was that?” the woman’s hand moved to her sword.

Oh god, not now…not now…

“HACHOOO!”

If the sword’s echo was a church bell then my sneeze was the entire Holy Parade. It reverberated through the tiny cave walls, emitting out with a force enough to draw three pairs of eyes onto me.

For a moment all of us just stared. Then the big man spoke.

“Hey, I think there’s a zombie inside the cave.”