Chapter 4

The Hopes of Life

As Kaito-kun entered the shower, I immediately stood up and frantically began searching for anything that stood out in the room.

I heard the bathroom door creak shut, causing me to flinch.

I realized this isnt my house.. THIS IS KAITO-KUN'S HOUSE?!

"Okay, deep breaths.. Calm down.. "

"Okay!"

His room was oddly plain, its not expected from Kaito-kun's usual messy self.

Musty air clung to my skin. I noticed a drawer that was a bit open.

I told myself, "It's already open anyway, whats the harm of opening it even further!" Excited, but scared, I open it.

"What..?! A-are these.." Embarrassed, I close the drawer right away and notice something from the bookshelf. Some ink marks.?

It was a bit faded but I could still see it..

It looked like a prayer, a protection prayer..

But, protection against what..?

Curiousity and Desperation empowered me to keep searching, I knew Kaito-kun was gonna take awhile so this was my chance.

There had to be something, atleast a clue of some sort..

Hmm.? A book?

"That's odd, it wasn't there before. " I exclaim.

Well, might as well take a look.

I then walk towards the bedside table, the sun engulfing my eyes as it was bright, fueled with curiousity, I open the book and it was titled, "Kaito's Diary & Adventures"

The title was a bit confusing.. It looked old as well.. It was dirty and rough on the edges.

I also never knew he kept a diary...

"Enough of this!" I tell myself, hitting myself in the head.

I kept overthinking, "What if it kept the answers of everything I wondered. The exploding circle, Hirath and the Odd House..?" Still unsure, I clench my fists with a determined expression and open the diary to the next page.

—~The Bathroom Door~—

"Oh, I'm finished. I gotta return back! Oh no.. " I struggle to return everything to its original places but after 1 minute I was able to.

I went and laid back on his bed and pretended to be asleep.

I hear the door open and I slowly open my eyes, seeing Kaito-kun.

He was dressing for school.

I told him, shyly and refusing to make eye contact, "W-why don't you stay here with me and keep me company, Kaito-kun.?"

Before replying, he took a glance on the table and said, "Hey, did you touch my diary.?" He asked me looking me in the eyes. He looked uncertain.

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I lie and tell him, "N-no, I only saw it but thats all I did."

He replies with a sigh and says, "Hmm, okay. I'll keep you company here. Just let me change first, okay?"

"Yeah sure, I'll look the other way."

He replies, shy, blushing hard, "You don't have to you know.. "

He then turns back and begins changing with robot-like reflexes. He was also eating his lips, causing me to let out a small laugh.

As he put on his polo, he stumbled.

"Ah!" He shouts, visibly uncomfortable.

Concerned, I quickly rush up and ask, "Are you okay, Kaito.? "

"Y-yeah. I'm fine. " Uninterested and ignorant, he mentions, "Don't snoop around, I'm gonna go get something. "

"Yeah. I won't. " I thought to myself, huh.? Had he found out I looked through his things earlier? Oh no.. My heart, it's.. racing.

I need to find answers, what if this is a setup?

"This is so damn confusing!" I scream, hoping nobody hears, tears coming out slowly.

Something really isn't right, my body shivers as I feel I'm going into a dream-like state.

Suddenly, I'm back here.

A mysterious voice dwells and a figure starts to emerge from the white shadows.

"Hirath.?" I ask, pondering on who it may be.

As the figure formed, I realize it's actually her.

"Hello, Miyuki. There are things you don't understand yet. " She exclaims with an emotionless expression.

"Then, tell me everything I need to understand!" Annoyed, I pull my hands and clench them into a fist-like shape begging for answers.

"Miyuki. Calm down. —" I interrupt, my heart racing, "Why should I calm down, Kaito is acting weird, everyones acting weird!"

Hirath pulls me close and hugs me. I blushed and rest my face on her shoulders, crying silent.

She whispers on to my ear, "You will understand and find the answers when you open the diary and as you grow old. I am not a Goddess nor a God. I am a figure of your imagination and your guide to help you through everything. " Then, she disappears and I awoke from the state.

Kaito is back and he's getting his bag when he noticed, "Oh, you're finally awake. Listen, I can't stay today. I have a project I need to finish. I'll take you back home if you'd like."

I wonder why he's stressed. —, "N-no thanks, I'll wait here. " Flustered, I blurt it out struggling to get my words straight, trembling.

"Looks like you're cold. You're face is red too. " He puts his hand on my forehead and checks if I have a cold. "Well, you should rest. " he says, blushing.

He then kisses me on the cheek and says, "I'm gonna go now. Good night, I mean, morning." Embarrassed, I reply, "You too.."

As he left the room, his kiss reminded me of everything that we did before.

Unsure, I gathered the courage, my body trembling, "What happened?! Kaito-kun? Why are you acting weird!?" I grab his arm and beg him.

He screamed at me, his eyes full of fury and dread, "Miyuki-san. STAY PUT. I WILL EXPLAIN LATER." He then quickly got out.

—

As I ran out of the room, I lay my back on the door feeling bad for what happened.

I clench my fist to my chest and whisper, "No matter what, I cannot let her know yet."

—

"Kaito-kun.." I start crying, letting everything out, Iet myself under the covers and put my face on top of the pillow, crying in dread. Thinking about what happened, suicidal thoughts came on my mind.

My inner demons were coming out, whispering cruel words to me.

"You should die, you are worthless."

"He doesn't care about you, what are you even doing?"

"Jump off a building, it'll be much easier."

I listened to my thoughts. I stopped crying and became emotionless, thinking about everything that hapepned in my life. I didn't want to let it go, but if it came to this.. I have no choice.

I slowly get up from bed, my eyes red from the crying.

I get out of the room and drink water. Following that, I ran outside and wen't to the nearest building. Surprisingly, I saw Kaito-kun on the way there.

He saw me on his way to school since he went to a convenience store and called for my name but I ignored him. He started running to get me.

"Had he realized?" I thought, "Why are you even coming for me, you hate me don't you. You wanna mention me this so we can break up."

I was crying, helpless, sobbing. Everything was falling apart. I trip and bruise myself, screaming in pain. But I got myself back up and started running again.

I knew Kaito-kun heard all the screams but I didn't care to look back. I screamed one more time, "WHY IS MY LIFE LIKE THIS?! AHH!! PLEASE.. HELP.." Helpless.

I don't stop running, getting closer and closer to the elevator. It was open, I dash inside but I trip, Kaito-kun got ahold of me but I pulled back and kicked him. I went and run to the elevator and hurriedly closed the door, leaving Kaito behind.

As it closed, He and I looked at each others eyes. I didn't notice anything from him.

I thought to myself one last time, "Was this really a good idea.? Is this..? The end of me.? "

Then, a man my age tapped my shoulder, "Hey, you okay? You seem sad. "

I ignored him. Giving him a slight glance while I look down, trembling.

"You seem cold, heres my jacket. "He put it on me softly and his scent remained. I look at him and ask, "W-what about you? Aren't you gonna feel cold?"

He noticed my teared eyes and say, "No, I like it cold anyways. Are you sure you're okay? You're eyes are — " I interrupt him and give him his jacket back, trembling in fear.

"Heres your jacket, this is my floor. Thanks." I smile at him with tears falling down my eyes. Was I really gonna do this.?

He waved at me as the door closed.

I walk closer to the edge and say, "God, if I were to jump, would I still be on your good side? Can you give me a sign.? "

I waited for a while and there was nothing.

I hesitated, and Kaito-kun pulled my hand off the ledge and kissed me, "Miyuki-san, I love you. I'm sorry. " Shocked, I push myself away and ask, "Who's Hirath then?!"

He stood silent for a while and said, "I'm sorry. Hirath is — " I interrupt him and say, if you can't or won't tell me then.. I'll leave you!

"Miyuki-san. You should calm down and understand. " He tells me, worried. The look on his face disgusts me..

END CHAPTER 4