[THE WRITER AS CHARACTER] - INTRODUCTION

Isn’t it interesting that even at my most honest I can’t help but play a character? The words typed are not my own, the voice speaking is not my own, this is a character. I created this character in order to tell you this story. Yes, this is a story masquerading as analysis, but don’t tell that to anyone, I really do want the reader to think that this is an analysis, because so do I. I genuinely do think so. Because it is what I set out to write, because it is the exercise I took upon myself to perform, but even in my most honest I remain a character of my own creation. The Author: A character in his own story.

What does this say about me, I wonder.

Suffice to say that I believe in my own lie, in which case so should you. And with that we can move on to the first chapter.

  [STRENGTHS AS WEAKNESSES] - CHAPTER 1

I, as a writer, very much love metaphors and analogies. To say something that isn’t in order to evoke the feeling of what it would be. I find that metaphors are the perfect bandage to so many great flaws of language. That they can be made beautiful and pleasant is but an unintended consequence of how truly great they are in my eyes.

This preference, of course, bleeds into my work. I use and overuse them, I pace them so that the usage will have that much more impact, I make it so literal descriptions turn out to be that much more visceral since everything else is colorful and dreamlike in my mind’s eye. I’ve trained this so much that it became one of the greatest strengths of my writing, the usage of a certain word in order to evoke a feeling - and alongside it a tangential meaning of it - is something I will slave at for hours or days before I finally settle on that 5 words phrase: Her heart bled words unspoken.

That may have no literal meaning, but it evokes a feeling that the reader may or may not be sympathetic to. And even if they are not, they recognize it as an emotion. That is the power of metaphors: To speak that which cannot be said.

To further elucidate this point, I will now write the same thing first as metaphor, then as a metaphorical comparison, and then literally. I want you to take a moment in between reading each one and then pick your favorite before we continue:

1: Flowers bloomed in her ingenuous visage. And by coloring an otherwise bland world, she wounded her surroundings.

2: Her presence was received like the gentle colors made by the light of a fair skies afternoon, though those around her failed to perceive this, since they were as if stuck in a deep dark cave, where light has no color and blinds instead.

3: - - - -

Well, where the hell is the third example? There were meant to be three. The answer is that I couldn’t do it with half the quality which the previous ones had. And thus I arrive at the title of this chapter: I am somewhat decent at creating metaphors or analogies, it is one of my greatest strengths, but conversely I absolutely suck at not doing so. And what is meant to be one of my strengths is instead an incredibly limiting weakness that I play as a strength.

I suppose that also can be said for any strength I have. In fact, I wonder what that says about me, could it be that by making a character in order to write his analysis for him the author is stating that he is once again playing a weakness for a strength? “I am so good at characters”, says the author. “I am so good that I can even create characters that speak with my voice.”, says the author… or did he? Is there even an author?

What a terrifying notion, and once stated aloud it starts plaguing every accomplishment with a deep-rooted doubt. Strengths as but ways to mask weaknesses, as an escape from mediocrity or failure. You are an imposter! Nothing that you accomplished has meaning! The entire time you were avoiding the truth that you are weak and have weaknesses!

Hahaha

That sounds so very silly when stated aloud, almost like a villainous 5-inch midget screaming at your ear with his deepest and most terrifying voice, which turns out comical instead. Yes, I have strengths, I have weaknesses, what makes something a strength or not is how well I can perform it, how much it spikes when placed near the things I can’t perform as well. And “hiding my weaknesses” is also a strength, a strategy to make my work appealing in spite of that which I’m not good at. One that I think every person employs to some extent in their lives.

I’ll even go as far as to state that others should also try to never only state their weaknesses, but remember all the ways in which their strengths massively compensate for them every single day of their lives. State it aloud, don't be scared, go on. I’ll do it too.

I love the way I use metaphors, I love spacing them, I love using many words to not describe any physical component of a scene but just how it feels to look at, leaving everything else to the imagination of the reader. I am good at it, I am good at making metaphors! I am good at making analogies. It is a strength. I like the way I create characters, I like the way I make them speak and interact, I like

  [THE WAY I STRUCTURE THINGS] - CHAPTER 2

The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there.

That was nice, smooth, interesting even. Did you like that? Do you pat yourself on the back when you do something like this in your stories or day to day life? Well remember to do so, don’t overdo it but it’s ok now and then.

I did that to slow things down, to equalize the mood so to speak. That was also the point of the previous paragraph. There is flow in the way information is conveyed to the reader, and I like controlling it the best I can. I sometimes use long descriptions to slow down pace or sudden ones to speed it up. To try and emulate that feeling of how fast things are happening.

Because, you see, in a movie it’s much easier to slow down or speed up a scene, there is much more audiovisual information being conveyed in a small collection of frames than I could ever replicate in as much time spent, and movies can also hold a frame for as long as they want. But there are ways to slow down pace in writing, or speed it up. I’ve learned a few. You see, writing can do things movies can’t, their strength in showing us what is happening exactly as it is happening - as a picture with sound - is also a weakness. Because I have so much power, I can say nothing concrete and still give you an image or idea. I can pace with punctuation. I know the rules of writing, you know the rules of writing, you know I know the rules of writing

So I can break them.

I can do whatever I want.

All of it to achieve

a purpose.

A place.

A timing.

A beat.

And then completely destroy the pattern I have created in order to change the pace, to create tension, an unending phrase, it keeps going, I keep adding onto the mountain of things that are being said, shoved into your perception, different rhythms, words, exacerbating vocabularic idiosyncrasies, then simple again, until I’m,

finally,

done.

You’re free.

Different people read at different speeds, but I do my best to manipulate that. So that the story is perceived at its intended speed. It’s the main reason that I re-read the things I write several times before I even consider them finished.

Structure is not one of my strengths, it is one of my obsessions. I see it everywhere, in everything, and thus I feel the need for it to be as close to flawless as it can be in my works. Success rate varies, but this overbearing hold it has on me means that it is a cage. And as such, there is much more I wish I could have fit in this chapter. However,

it ends here.

  [CONTEXT] - CHAPTER 3

In a way, everything that has been written so far is context. What I said, what I didn’t, and most importantly how I said it.

I chose to play a character to write this because the best way to understand something is to see it as it is, rather than have it explained.

If I explain it, there are things to be missed, misunderstood, missexplained by me even. But when you see the character playing out, unfolding before you, you gain an understanding of it. Which is different than when you understand something incorrectly upon it being explained, because in this case there is no true correct or false, there’s nuance, there’s color, there’s personality. To teach and explain by example is a much more valuable experience than otherwise, even if you’re being taught about an unreliable narrator.

This last sentence plays into the last piece of the puzzle I’ve been constructing so far. I am not, as a writer, a reliable narrator. In this sudden bout of honesty I will tell you that when I write, very rarely do I write about the things you are reading, but rather about the feelings that my writing will evoke, about the ideas and thoughts that it will provoke. I don’t like making statements, I leave blanks that can’t be filled by my words alone. The reader must come forth and feel, if they do not feel, if they see but words and their meaning, then my work is incomplete. Fatally so.

They will see statements where there are none, thoughts I never meant to provoke, ideas I never meant to share.

But then again, who am I to say this? I’ve already made it plain that I’m not a reliable narrator.

  [GROWTH] - CHAPTER 4

In the first story, I was not the same person that I was in the third story. These three stories were years apart, and all of them years ago. The line that connects them is but a narrative element and their theme. They were written with similar understanding of that subject but each of them with a deeper one. In the third story I was much more acquainted with that theme than I was in the first one, even if my general conception of them was the same. This is because, as most that have experienced it must know, grief is not the type of thing that one grows out of, but rather grows with. It hurts each and every time, and none of the next ones lessens the hurt of the previous ones in any way. And it is a harrowing thought to consider that these words sound obvious to some and poignant to others, men more learned than I have had grander thoughts than mine about this subject but it still hurts to think about how constant it is.

This deeper understanding does not only apply to its themes however, I grew as a writer in between them, and had plenty of growth before I even wrote the first one. I grew as a writer while I wrote them, in between one paragraph and the next, one section and the next, and the caging nature of my obsession did not allow me to improve the previous parts to match the new ones, but adapt the new ones instead.

If asked, I can no longer draw the lines of where I stopped and continued, and in all honesty I can hardly see them, but it still bears mentioning.

As a final note, the caging nature of my obsession is also another point of improvement, today it is less so than yesterday, and as such it was back then. It’s important to mention this because those stories weren’t written in a single day, as stories usually go.

They are insufferable little parasites that torment me endlessly, and the only cure is the excruciating procedure of writing them.

  [WORDS AS STATEMENTS] - CONCLUSION

It’s easy to forget that rules in art are much like guidelines, paths that one can choose to follow or not at any given time, and that any piece of art is greater than the sum of the guidelines that dictated its medium. I can word or state things as I please so long as it improves the final result, thus making absolute freedom the absolute cage.

See how the final statement contradicts everything said before to make a new idea? Bear that in mind. I love contradictions, I love greys, and one can only paint them by using a whole bunch of white and then a suitably strong black.

Enjoy the tales.