As usual for Isaac, he was inclined to try all the potentially easy ways of tackling his problems before moving to the hard ones. As a programmer, I can only consider this wise, but in Xianxia you still need to put in the hours unless you get bullshit hax, and for now Isaac wasn't that lucky.
He spent the majority of his time in the meditation hall, intent on massaging the flow of his meager Qi into the right meridians as he hyperfixated on the face of Li Tian, trying to ignore the intrusive thoughts that reminded him of the sheer terror he'd felt being helpless at his hands.
Even before he broke through, he was looking at the course catalogues for a variety of sects in the Empire. The IIEC campus had provisions for helping talented mortals breakthrough into the lowest realm of cultivation, but that's where it largely ended, most students were strongly suggested to go and sign up with a sect and come back when they were ready to engage in serious research.
Simadril province was unusually poor in terms of the options available, there were only a handful of sects around, since the ambient Qi density was too low for most Cultivators. In terms of those near to Scholar's Township, there was the Paraplegic Cultivator's Association up in the Pampers Mountain range, but the most they had going for them was that their sect headquarters were wheelchair accessible.
Then you had the Adventurer's Guild, a small organization out in the boonies where people from Footfall who couldn't quite cut it as real Cultivators ended up trying to do something with their "classes". They never got all that far, and barring a few research expeditions where the serious Cultivators went to ogle at their stunted counterparts, nobody cared about them and it wasn't something Isaac was interested in. He'd already seen what Obbie was good for, and even the more practical paths were deeply broken.
Jim had even offered to take him in as a disciple, or "Wizard's Apprentice" as he put it. Isaac was initially interested, but then he discovered that his primary role would be mopping the infinite staircase and indulging Jim's rather insane ideas about what Wizarding involved. Last he'd heard, the man had decided to place a bulk import order for darker-skinned slaves in an effort to replicate the wonderful feats of the Ku Klux Klan.
Ah yes, slavery was perfectly legal in the Empire, but primarily involved those captured as prisoners of war, or the rare Cultivator who chose it as an alternative to death.
Isaac was cultivating in a communal garden, high as a kite on study pills and gritting his teeth hard enough to break shards. In his Qi vision, his meridians throbbed alongside his raging headache and massive boner (the pills weren't the cleanest).
He visualized his hatred of Li Tian, imagining smashing his smug face for a change. He imagined Lady Ling and him engaging in more involved activities, sweat beading his brow as the pleasant imagery overcame the fiery sensation of raw Qi burning his Dantian.
Punch that stupid face. Tear out his ugly guts. Use his ear canal as a urinal. These were the thoughts raging through his mind as I idly used the Neurology Inspector on him, and was mildly shocked at how fucking pissed he still was.
Good. Let the hatred flow through you. Chat was busy cheering him on, and there were already 23 fanfics shipping him with Lady Ling, only half of which were cuckold fantasies.
He broke through with sheer rage and lust, a gale swept through the halls of the college, doing its best to sweep up skirts. Dogs howled and chickens laid eggs out of fear.
Isaac walked out of cultivation with a grin on his face, but on seeing the reaction of the crowd waiting outside, rushed back in to change into new pants.
He was a Cultivator now.
----------------------------------------
"What do mean I'm a sex-pest?" Isaac yelled at the professor.
"Hold on Isaac, that's not what I said, I merely stated that some of your Dao marks are consistent with the Dao of Sexual Assault. I'd know, my uncle was an accomplished Daoist in his time. But don't worry, it's just the name of this particular combination of lust and hatred" The man looked off into the distance.
Isaac groaned in disappointment, "Surely there's something you can do?".
"I didn't say we couldn't help you. Here, go see Doctor Shen, he'll give you a couple tablets and a pamphlet."
Isaac trotted off obediently and let Dr. Shen poke at him. Indeed, the Dao of Sexual Assault wasn't something he was locked into, given enough time, the Dao marks of lust would fade, and there was a nice acupuncture specialist who could deal with the priapism. If he wished to cultivate a different path, he'd just have to put in more effort till his accumulation overrode it.
He tried to get his cancer checked out while he was there, but unfortunately a doctorate in Traditional Chinese Medicine was about as useful for Oncology in Cultivation OS as it was in real life. All the really good herbs were hogged by the sects, and plain old ginseng didn't cure everything.
Isaac sent out a whole bunch of application letters to every sect in post range, a frankly PTSD inducing affair since it reminded him of the his attempts at getting into an Ivy League school while being Asian-American. To kill the time, he even went to personally visit both the Adventurer's Guild and the Paraplegic Cultivator's Association. For the former, he abandoned the trip halfway when the mosquitoes got too bad, and the latter informed him that they had no desire to take a disciple so well versed in that particular route of Cultivation, especially when the instructors lacked practical experience due to being paralyzed from the waist down.
Out of better options, he rolled back down the wheelchair ramp and returned to Scholar's Township to think of an alternative.
I checked my notes to reference the different paths of Cultivation available in COS and immediately got a splitting headache. There were approximately 228k mainstream paths, about a million narrow paths, 5k entirely mutually inconsistent Cultivation paradigms, and that's just what was live on the server, there was no end to them when you considered temporarily defunct or patched out variants.
Back when COS's popularity first started to dwindle, they made a point of throwing in a dozen different new paths every update to keep the attention of a jaded playerbase. Then there were the stupid gimmick paths, the limited time offers, and after you gave yourself brain damage, you might be truly inclined to experiment with options such as the Dao of Dough, which if pursued to the Heavenly Realm might enable you to tame the mysterious Linguini Dragon or drop Flamin' Hot Pocket meteors on your foe.
Right now, Isaac was tentatively specced into the Dao of Rage, the Dao of Hatred and a few points in Lust too. Title IX policies meant that practising the Dao of Sexual Assault on campus was a bad idea, but Isaac was intent on getting rid of the marks of Lust anyway, it gave entirely the wrong idea and he wasn't cut out to be a courtesan.
He was eagerly awaiting the replies to his applications to the distant sects when a squawking messenger chicken tumbled through his dorm window and landed in front of him.
It stood up, dusted itself off and looked at him intently. "Nice cock bro."
"Yeah, you too."
The chicken handed over a beautifully calligraphied letter and took its leave. Isaac opened it with haste, and was surprised to see it was an invitation to dine with a certain Young Master Pang of the Myriad Flying Cockroach Sect.
Isaac put on his best robes and wandered over, but just before he entered the fancy restaurant, he started hyperventilating. He calmed himself, willed his eyelid to stop twitching and walked in to see what this was about. A well-dressed Young Master was dining on pizza and quickly waved him over.
"Greetings, fellow Daoist Kai. It's a pleasure to call you that, when I first decided to meet you, it was in the aftermath of your unfortunate duel, and you hadn't earned that title yet. I was passing by and decided to make your acquaintance. May I know what fields you pursue?" YM Pang affably enquired.
"Hatred and Rage, mostly. There's a minor path too, but I'm going to get rid of it." Isaac explained.
"I can understand your decision, especially after what that brute Tian did to you. Rest assured, I think we can help each other out when it comes to dealing with him."
Isaac quickly learned that Pang and Li Tian were bitter rivals, continuing a centuries-long grudge between their respective clans even after they'd ended up in the same sect. Recently, matters had gotten so bad that Li Tian had challenged him to an honor duel. While Pang was a perfectly competent fighter, he was inclined to dig a little into his opponent and look for an edge, and thus wanted to talk to Isaac.
"When you told me that you cultivate Hatred and Rage, has anyone taught you the move Reclaiming One's Lost Blade?"
Isaac shook his head. Pang leaned closer with a grin. "It allows you to channel your Qi into a blade that once belonged to you but was taken by an enemy. For obvious reasons that makes it a tad unwieldy in the hands of one's enemies. At higher levels, you can even wrench the blade out of your foe's hand into your own, or twist his strikes to hit himself or allies. But for now, I'd like you to learn the basic move that makes his blade useless. It's a difficult move, but made much easier when you have a seething hatred of your foe."
A grim smile appeared at the corners of Isaac's lips. "Making his blade useless? I can work with that."
Like Li Tian, Pang was at the level of Spirit Apprentice, the usual level of Inner Disciples, and a tier above Isaac's Spirit Novice. He had dabbled in sword-related paths before, and while not particularly experienced in Hatred or Rage, knew enough to guide Isaac. Isaac couldn't care less, while the guided tutoring was great, the last thing Obbie needed was a spell to nerf it anyway, and the move was already so niche there was little use outside this particular duel.
After Isaac proved that he could perform the basics of the move on a toothpick that Pang performatively took from him and then used to try and poke him, they talked compensation. While Isaac was happy enough seeing Li Tian get fucked, he was hard-nosed enough to haggle for a dozen spirit stones and a letter of recommendation from Pang's father to a sect of his choice.
It was the end of the current semester, as disciples departed in flocks to visit their families and prepare for the New Year. Isaac quickly wrapped up the handful of classes he had remaining before joining Li Tian in his journey back to the Myriad Flying Cockroach Sect. This involved a short voyage out to sea in a fancier class of vessel than Isaac was used to seeing. Pang was a decent enough host, and after a few drinks and a lot of bitching about Li Tian, the two of them ended up thick as thieves. He was enthralled by Isaac's stories of Earth, especially the idea of TikTok. He'd heard from an ascended Ancestor that something along those lines was available in the upper realms, but he could only look forward to decades of cultivation before he'd get a chance to see for himself.
Just as he was getting slightly anxious about how long the journey was taking, they went from a relatively tranquil portion of the sea to the first of many sea currents. At this point the yacht picked up enough speed to practically lift off from the water. Skillfully alternating between parallel and perpendicular currents, they ended up crossing the small sea in no time, with the foothills indicating the start of the Slumbering Immortal mountain range.
This was the end of the abnormally low Qi density that plagued Simadril province, and even as a Spirit Novice, Isaac felt a pep in his step from the massive increase in Qi levels. The scenery started to get real weird, as the higher level of magic allowed for a whole bunch of unusual phenomena both natural and not to take place.
Isaac gawked at the first flock of Cloud Sheep gamboling overhead, gently herded by eagle dogs. Trees gently moved even in the absence of a breeze, and massive forests of Storm Bamboo called down lightning at random intervals even when the sky was clear as could be.
If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.
Several sects and a handful of clans called this place their home, each occupying one of the many mountains and surrounding valleys. This was an unusually peaceful period in the history of the Jiangshu province, the presence of the Empire kept the usual squabbling between sects to a minimum, so instead of everyone murdering each other out in the open, they did so on the down low.
The Myriad Flying Cockroach sect was a survivor of the events of the last epoch which had laid low most other powers in the region, tenaciously clinging to life in their underground bunkers even as the Battle of the Three Divines made the outside world uninhabitable for centuries.
Then there were their arch-rivals, the Platinum Lotus sect, who laid claim to a fertile valley next door, which unfortunately had been part of the territory of the Cockroaches before they'd gone to ground.
Both sects had their own specialties, but dabbled widely in the mainstream paths.
There were some smaller sects, such as the purely Elven White Eucalyptus Koala sect that, no points for guessing, occupied a small forest of eucalyptus trees next to another sheltered bay. They regularly squabbled with the more cosmopolitan Bay Area Rats, a distant offshoot of an upper realm sect that had fallen on tough times.
The General Tso's Flaming Chicken clan were pastoralists focusing on animal husbandry. They got along well enough with everyone else as their founder was a retired Imperial officer who held the secrets to factory farming phoenixes.
The Dishwater Grey Badger clan was a relatively small faction that resided in a sprawling network of underground tunnels in the foothills of the Platinum Lotus mountain. Unlike many of the sects and clans that thrived on dramatic displays of strength and prestige, this Badger clan favored subtlety and cunning. Renowned for their earth-manipulation abilities, they were often considered to be the clean-up crew of the Jiangshu province. Although frequently overlooked, their strategic location and expansive underground informants' network meant nobody dared to provoke them without serious preparations.
The Celestial Salamander sect ruled a chain of vibrant, mineral-rich hot springs. The sect held a reputation for its healing arts, which made use of various mineral baths and experimental acupunctural techniques involving the sting of their namesake creature, the celestial salamander. Although generally considered easygoing hedonists, their uncanny ability to recover quickly from injuries made them a formidable force in the region.
On the shores of a massive saltwater lake, one could find the Saltwater Taffy sect. Their salt manipulation skills were renowned in the region—they could extract the mineral from various sources with ease, and their signature Braided Salt Whip technique was a thing of dread to merchants who tried skimping on their toll. Apart from their combative side, they were known for their exquisite confectionery, single-handedly raising rates of diabetes in Scholar's Township by 200%.
The Streamlined Autumn Otter tribe occupied an extensive network of rivers and streams crisscrossing the province. This variant human tribe was named for their semiaquatic lifestyle, as they lived in burrows along the riverbanks and relied heavily on river-fishing and pearl-diving. They were friendly but fiercely territorial, and thanks to their Water-Weasel Kung-Fu, they controlled all waterways in the region.
There were a handful of towns, usually nestled against the hills or along the many rivers that ran through the region, but Isaac felt like he was in a Proper Real Actual Xianxia setting now. Poor bastard.
----------------------------------------
As expected for a Young Master, there was a party of servants and guards awaiting Pang's arrival. Isaac tagged along in surprising comfort on an elephant sized cockroach equipped with a howdah, well, comfortable as long as he didn't look down at what he was sitting on. The beast skillfully skittered up ridges and hills, occasionally pausing to leap and take flight to cross larger ravines and valleys.
Soon enough, they arrived at the waterfall marking the beginning of Myriad Cockroach territory, which faced off with a massive sculpture of Raid bug spray built by Platinum Lotus.
[https://i.ibb.co/Wycv9Yj/5446fb2f-b736-452e-acc3-edd79726c984.jpg]
Isaac was escorted by sect servants to his new guest quarters, overlooking a lovely garden of blooming rafflesia and orchids. He tried not to look too hard at the insects bred to pollinate them.
What surprised him the most was increasing presence of technology, the sect had what could be best described as a mainframe computer powered by spirit stones, which had some kind of network link to magic scrolls carried by disciples.
Isaac was dining with Pang in the sect cafeteria when he noticed Li Tian enter the room. The latter did a double take, but then grinned and walked off, demonstratively wrapping his arm around Lady Ling's slender waist. Isaac shuddered, but Pang gently placed his hand on his arm and calmed him down.
After a word with a Sect Manager, Isaac managed to get a magic scroll of his own, and after figuring out the right way to input a calligraphic password with his shitty handwriting, he logged into the local intranet.
Imperial News E232.7005 Month of Sìyuè, Day 3
Major News:
In a surprising turn of events, word has arrived that Lord Shao Ling has managed to secure a marriage alliance with the daughter of an Elder of the Glowing Green Magpie Clan of the Ascended Realm. As part of Fairy Liao Ying's dowry, he has been gifted twelve tons of Heavenly Enriched Uranium, six tons of methamphetamine and four kilos of Adamant Sunflower seeds and a manual about how to grow them. Imperial diplomats consider this a portent of success in their endeavors to bind the clans of the Ascended Realm together, and increase acceptance of the Nonproliferation of Demonic Cultivation treaty.
The Cultivator World waits with bated breath for the scheduled reappearance of Old Monster Bai Jung's inheritance, this time rumored to appear in his old hometown of Scolding Monkey city. Major sects in or near the Mortal Realm are already gearing up for a sect competition to determine the heir, with reports of severe congestion in Heavenly Highway 64 and of injuries to mortals from litter being thrown down from 5000 meters above. So far, the frontrunner is Sword Maniac, a promising candidate from the Swirling Sun Sword sect, but many are choosing to back a hidden elder from the Palace of Sorrows sect, Lingering Daoist, who has emerged from closed cultivation thirty years late after the alarm on his magic scroll failed.
Minor News:
Almost a millennia after their defeat at the hand of the Surviving Divine and the Coalition of Sorrow, the last surviving Akeni are believed to have gone extinct. Imperial Conservationists plan to hold a candlelight vigil out the Hall of Fallen Foes in their memory, but are currently facing legal obstruction from the "Fuck the Aliens" movement.
After a hiatus of almost two decades, a new confirmed sighting of an Otherworldly Demon in Jiangshu has experts wondering about the future. While no obvious pattern has emerged, some conjecture that the lull in appearances might be due to unknown events in the Celestial Realm. This particular OWD, a Kai of the Isaac clan, is the inheritor of a largely defunct Proto-Cultivation path only found in the Simadril province of the Jiangshu continent. Despite preliminary reports that he was involved in the extermination of the Akeni, Imperial News has heard that he was sorely trounced by a low level Cultivator of the Myriad Flying Cockroach sect. While some consider this as likely being due to his abilities not being allowed under Scholarly Duel regulations, others claim it's a sign of the immense advancement in Cultivation techniques over the epochs, and that even a "Lord of Destruction" from the early era is a frog in a well compared to what has come since.
Prices of shark fin soup have skyrocketed due to the appearance of a Divine Four Legged Shark in the Microcosm sea, the Ascended Beast already destroying a dozen fishing fleets. The Imperial Department of Fisheries has promised to dispatch a team of Spirit Masters to deal with the beast shortly.
...
Isaac scratched his head, wondering if there was any chance that others might seek him out due to his nature.
Bored of reading salacious gossip, he wandered out into the gardens, where saw a toddler in a stroller chain smoking cigarettes being pushed around by heavily armed Inner Disciples. Just a moment later, YM Pang showed up and spotted the child, and immediately began kowtowing.
"Your unfilial descendant greets Ancestor!" He exclaimed, banging his head on the ground hard enough to make Isaac wince.
The kid chuckled and bid Pang to stand up. "Easy there lad, you don't have to kowtow to me, how old do you think I am?"
"726 years, esteemed Ancestor!" Pang almost kowtowed again but restrained himself.
"Oh right. We're going to need a bigger cake this time. Whatever, just get two candles, no need to make a fuss."
Spotting a gawking Isaac, Pang hurriedly ushered him over.
"Ancestor, this is Isaac Kai, the most recent Other Worldly Demon."
Isaac bowed as hard as his back would bend.
"Interesting. Do they have cigarettes where you came from?" Isaac nodded hastily.
The Ancestor snapped his little fingers, and two cigs flew out of an ornate case and lit themselves before hovering before Pang and Isaac. They expressed profuse thanks and accepted them, before taking a puff. Pang broke out into a bout of coughs, but Isaac kept on dragging like a pro. He really missed his Juul.
"Well Little Kai, I'm Ancient Ancestor Pangolin, they used to call me Invincible Pangolin when I was adventuring about in the upper realms. Little Pang, I heard you have a duel with Little Tian soon?"
"Yes Ancestor, any guidance you can provide will be taken to heart by your descendant." Pang said resolutely, implying that a bit of assistance wouldn't be unappreciated.
AA Pangolin moved to stroke his long silky beard before suddenly remembering that he didn't have one. "Ancestor supports your resolve, but my hands are tied. Li Tian is the grandson of my ex-wife's cousin's step-brother's great-uncle's cousin once removed, it would offend him if he came to know I was bullying juniors, or at least it would if he came out closed cultivation anytime soon."
Both Pang and Isaac sighed in disappointment.
"Hey, you got any games on that?" Pangolin suddenly pointed at Isaac's iPhone with his beady eyes, which Isaac immediately handed over.
When he got it back that evening, half of its storage was filled with blurry selfies, and he was utterly confused as to why it had full cell signal and had managed to connect to the local magic wifi. I have no fucking clue myself.
But buried inside twelve directories, next to some scat porn, Isaac discovered a document called "Hey Siri, how do I write in Chinese? Big Booba Blonde. Delete that. Stupid bitch. Now listen carefully as I dictate some ancient wisdom".
His eyes practically popped out of his skull as he saw a treasure trove of notes on Cultivation covering all kinds of disciplines, from the Dao of Surviving Like A Cockroach to Sword Path and the ancient technique of Diamond Fist Uppercut Smash.
This provoked a furious debate in the chat as to whether this counted as a fortuitous encounter, but it's pretty obvious to me.