If there was a single letter in the entire alphabet I hated it was D. I’d heard that annoying letter my entire life, I’d ignored that letter my entire life in the pointless attempt to try to fool myself that it didn’t perfectly sum up my entire existence. Other people, normal people, would be thinking why the hell would anyone care so much about a stupid letter and why that one I mean there’s 25 other ones right. Wait its 26 letters in the alphabet right? Or was it 29 or maybe 23. Ah friggin’ hell I’m getting off point again. The reason I hated the letter D so much was because for most of my life I’d been called various things. Don’t get me wrong id been called all sorts like Stupid, Retard, Moron. Other honourable mentions included Dimwit, Halfwit, Fuck-wit pretty much all the wits except the one that meant you were actually smart. And yeah they were all up there in terms of insults I hated but at the end of the day all those names were pretty much bang on accurate as much as I hated to admit it. But yeah back to the one I hated the most the creme dela cream, or was it creme dela creme, ah fucks sake I’m doing again. Anyways the one I hated most was the phrase “D-Lister”.

Now you might be wondering why on earth would anyone have a reason to be called a “D-Lister”. Well I was living an ordinary simple life. I’d never been that book-smart so enough D’s on my report cards at school made it pretty clear I was never gonna cut it at High School let alone university so I dropped out in 10th Grade at High School and began my blue-collar career as a Dock-Worker at the New York Harbour after two years I eventually snagged a gig as a Crewman on a Cargo Ship. Sure the hours were crap, my clothes were never dry and I reeked of sea salt but the pay wasn’t that bad considering I was finally able to move out of my dickhead dad’s apartment in the Bronx for you guessed it an even crappier apartment in the Bronx. But anywhere was better than living in the shitty place with my abusive dad. I don’t know if the reason I wasn’t too bright was due to him passing down his idiocy or just all the beatings he gave me leaving my childhood years as one long stretching concussion. But hey I wasn’t complaining mainly cause there wasn’t anyone in my life who’d listen.

So I was working as a crewman on this cargo ship about two years into that gig and on one of our ships jobs we were lowering some fancy shmancy generator. I didn’t really get why on earth you’d be putting an experimental generator into the ocean but what the heck the eggheads behind it definitely knew better than me. But oh how wrong that turned out to be. I found out later after my “accident” something to do with volcanic gases yeah right volcanos are mountains on islands numbskulls and they shoot lava not gases from underwater how the hell does that make any sense right. Anyways apparently it made the generator go all sorts of haywire. Cables flying everywhere striking the ships hull and deck bodies ducking for cover anywhere they could try to find it and where am I for all of it playing cards with a buddy of mine huddled behind some crates taking it easy. I would’ve be fine right there too if. IT. WASN’T. FOR. THAT. FUCKING WALL CRAWLER SPIDER-MAN! He was web slinging all over the place and one of the cables he diverted go smack bang right into my throwing me overboard.

What happened next was the most painful thing that ever happened to me worst than my death. After being thrown overboard I splashed right into the water landing on top of that fucking generator. Then it started… I felt like every single part of my body was on fire while being lashed and slashed and dumped in a vat of acid. I was awake for the whole thing barely but still awake. Couldn’t move a finger let alone my arms and legs to swim away as I was sucked into the ships propellor saw that stupid red web head dive in and try to save me. AFTER BEING THE FUCKER THAT THREW ME IN BY THE WAY! But it was too late slipped right through that propellor and came through the other side without a scratch.

When I eventually got pulled on deck I thought it was a miracle. Until the sweating started. Imagine trying to dry off and no matter what you stayed wet. That drip drip drip sound was like a nail being hammered into my skull. Once we got landslide I went straight to my favourite whole in the wall for a beer. Still drip drip dripping away leaving puddle after puddle in my wake. I wasn’t even half way into my third pint until I eventually just exploded. Literally exploded into a puddle of water. It took days to figure out how to transform back into my human body I was so scared and confused just whooshing down the street as a stream of water having to bring back all the water that I’d sweated back into my body. At the time there was only one thought going through my mind. KILL. THE. SPIDER-MAN. And on that day Hydro-Man was born. My career change from blue-collar crewman to D-Lister Villain started.

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

I eventually came to terms with what happened after getting repeatedly beaten by that damn wall crawler. I thought I’d be a god I mean I was pretty much invincible. Freeze me and eventually thaw out I’m still alive, Burn me and I turn into vapour reform I’m still alive. I could control any water not just my own. Turn supersized and my only weakness was this stupid thing called my “soul molecule”. Something so small you need a microscope to see it. That was my only real weakness. A FUCKING MOLECULE. But after being incarcerated for what must’ve been the hundredth time I realised it was all a constantly repeating cycle.

Rob a bank then get locked before I could spend any of it and even if I did buy cool shit when I eventually broke out it was all gone. Join a team of villains… “fellow d-listers” to pull off bigger jobs same result. Rejoin a team and switch lanes from theft to killing spider-man so we can get back to stealing and just get beat up worse than usual and locked up again. I swear it was on the verge of insanity were spiders the same as cats with that whole nine lives bullshit. That damn wall crawler may as well have been called Cockraoch-Man the insufferable pun machine was. FUCKING. INVINCIBLE!

Even when I changed tracks and tried beefing up my powers. Man kidnapping that Namor guy was hilarious. Prince of the Sea my ass. Stealing his powers was so easy and still Spider-Man trounces me and the cherry on the sundae of it all I pissed the guy off so much that he then returns the favour and kidnaps me, tortured me for days or well tried to. Pains not really a thing when your entire body is literally water. But then he had to find that damned soul molecule and that’s when the real pain started. He stole my powers but eventually I came out there alive by some miracle and regained my powers after a couple years. But it was straight back into prison after escaping and wrecking havoc.

Which led me to why I seemed to be floating in this endless murky void. I was murdered. Not even by my nemesis that uppity self righteous creepy crawly. By a fucking parasite. Out of all the stupid things I’d done in my life trusting that god damned Carnage was the stupidest thing of all. I thought at the time. “Here’s my ticket out of here. I’ll finally be powerful enough to kill that wall crawler once for all and start getting what’s mine.”. But it didn’t exactly end up that way. The damned parasite ate my soul molecule and that was it light’s out.

And now I’m stuck. It feels like it could’ve been an eternity just floating around in this murky tomb. If this is the after life I don’t really get it. It certainly isn’t Hell or Heaven maybe I’m just stuck in-between. Not bad enough to even get into hell. If that wasn’t an analogy for my entire life then I don’t know what is. So I’ve just been alone with my thoughts for quite some time now. I haven’t quite gone insane yet but who knows it might happen any day now. Heh I can’t even tell time since its this place never changes. I have come to some conclusion in my imprisonment. My entire life was meaningless I first became a supervillain to get back at Spider-Man for what he did to me and that resulted in a total amount of nothing. The worst I ever gave him was some cracked ribs and a bloody nose at best. Then I came to terms with my power got high on my own Kool-aid and decided to start stealing so I could be rich and famous and live the easy life I never had growing up. Which also amounted to nothing. I never had my riches long, never enjoyed my loot and purchases long enough for it to matter. I tried becoming stronger and shocker I was never enough or at least smart enough to fully utilise my powers. I mean Doc Ock was a serious heavy hitter A-Lister Supervillain and all he had was mechanical tentacles. I was the equivalent of the Poseidon guy from the Greek Gods and just amounted to a tough day at the office for the Wall Crawler.

If I ever got a second chance I think I’d try living a normal life. Study up and hit the books, be smart, get a decent paying job and raise some kids. A normal life would’ve been sweet. Way less of a headache I thought.

Just as I came out of my contemplative thoughts there was a change in my surroundings. I felt my feeble form being pushed into one direction. I started panicking and tried to move my body but nothing worked. I’d been in a stupor since my death both mentally and physically. As I started moving I saw in the distance a bright pin of light.

This is it, I thought, I’ve repented my sins and crap and I’m finally getting into heaven. Boo yah! As I finally reaching the growing bright light I was taken out of my tomb and lifted high into the air. There was muck and blood all over me as I felt a gigantic hand grab my entire left leg and hoist me. As the gunk fell off my eyes I could barely see my surroundings and started to panic. From what I could see I was surrounded by giants in lab coats with an exhausted blonde woman sitting on some sort of gurney. This masked terror looming over me just gently lowered me towards this woman. She had golden locks of her hair sweatily plastered around her face. As I got closer and was placed into this giant woman’s arms I could hear the rest of the cabal of giants speaking in a weird gobbledegook language it sounded faintly like one of the asian languages I’d hear around the Chinatown Area in New York. Maybe Carnage didn’t kill me and they were just holding me somewhere in Chinatown. Her giant blue eyes seemed to ignite with life as she gazed at me. Her faint smile was starting to creep me the hell out.

But then I started putting the pieces of this bizarre puzzle that was my new environment together and some scary thoughts started to come to me. I wasn’t in a tomb, these people weren’t giants, I haven’t been transferred to somewhere in New York.

I WAS IN A WOMB, I’M A BABY AND THIS ISN’T CHINATOWN!