Every time I saw Tim I had to catch my breath because of how handsome he looked. He smiled when he saw me at the door, and the smile lit up the room. I opened the door wider and let him in, hoping it was more than just a business visit.
“You look so beautiful Sasha,” he said as soon as he took in my new dress. It caught me by surprise and I could feel the heat coloring my cheeks. I dressed nicely because I knew Tim was coming and sundresses do fit my fuller figure well.
“Look who's talking,” I said and mentioned to him. Sam was dressed casually in old worn jeans and a tight and pale T-shirt that wrapped around his body in quite a suggestive manner.
“I feel like ever since we met we have been in one emergency after another and we never actually had a time to sit down and talk.” He said and sat on the sofa.
“Well that’s not true. I remember a pretty memorable evening of watching a certain Vampire movie?” He laughed at my comment.
“Yes, that was one of the best evenings I have had in a while!” I sat next to him, so close our legs were touching. He lifted his hand and for a second I thought he would pat my cheek, or pull me closer for a kiss, but all he did was fix my hair, by tucking several strands of hair behind my ear.
“I would love to talk about the mysteries of the universe with you, but sadly, I am here on business.” He whispered.
“I had another vision.” His voice went from warm and welcoming to serious in a second. It took me by surprise so I leaned back on the sofa.
“About me?” I asked.
“Yes.” I waited for him to elaborate but he just looked at me in amusement.
“Anything I should know about?” I asked, hoping it wasn’t another disaster.
“Let’s just say that I think today's cleansing ritual will be a bit more of a vision quest. Tell me, has something happened recently?” I made a face.
“Me dying wasn’t enough?” His smile faltered.
“I wish I could say I forgot about that, but seeing you dead, laying in that room,” He glanced behind him at the closed door.
“It was quite shocking and I felt like I failed you. I was supposed to be helping you in your quest and I wasn’t there.” I raised an eyebrow at his confession.
“Tim, what could you have done?” Tim shrugged at my question.
“Probably nothing, but I still feel like I failed.” I leaned in closer.
“Well you didn’t. And everything turned out ok, right? Wendigo is dead, your people are avenged and we have a plan on how to permanently keep the kids safe. So hopefully in a couple of days all will be well and we can go back to normal.” I said with a smile, but I was hiding some anxiety behind my words of confidence. I just want to go back to normal boring days, but thinking about Mia, made me realize that my boring normal days might be over.
“So how does the ritual work?” I finally asked.
“Well first you will drink a very special drink that will make you lose all the food that you have consumed in the past two days. It will be nasty and you might have wished you didn’t agree to perform the cleansing, but it will also let you distance yourself. Then we shall take a swim in a very cold lake and after we are clean and cold we will sit around a bonfire, drink some alcoholic beverage and smoke some herbs that will let us connect to the spirits. Hopefully that will start your vision quest.” With every sentence my eyebrow rose higher.
“See in my village, if we want to commune with the spirits, we just drink until we pass out and somehow that works.” Tim looked at me with a little amazement and horror.
“Really? Does it work?” I laughed.
“Depends on who you ask!” We both laughed so hard that tears were starting to form at the edge of our eyes.
“Is this the same as a spirit quest ceremony performed by others?” I asked when we both calmed down.
“What we are gonna go through today is a modified ceremony that I perform for people of non native descent. You might not know it, but in the past few years spirituality has become quite popular, and a lot of people pay a lot of money to connect with their inner selves.” I nodded thoughtfully. Tim got up and offered me a hand.
“You ready?” I took his hand and out we went.
Tim drove to the cabin where we first met. We drank his cleansing concoction at the house so that we could purge our bodies and it was the worst thing I have ever drank. Everything that I ate within the last two days came out of me via one end or the other. I cursed Tim with all my might and told him that next time he should just tell me to fast for a couple of days and I will do it, no questions asked. He was taking it surprisingly well and gave me privacy while I was hugging the toilet. My body hurt from all the heaving and pushing and I felt lightheaded. Tim was finally satisfied and told me it was time to visit the lake. The couple miles walk to the lake was very entertaining for Tim, since I stumbled around as if I was drunk and he made fun of me, until I threatened to turn and chase him to the lake. That made me laugh and Tim conceded and helped me to walk by holding my hand.
I don’t know if it was the fact that my whole body was tense, but when he grabbed my hand I finally felt better. I forgot all about the pain, about the uneven paths and the falling trees, I just focused on his hand, warm and firm, holding mine. Before I knew it, we were standing in front of the lake.
“You should undress and walk into the lake. Or would you like me to help you?” I smiled at his suggestion and whispered into his ear.
“There isn’t much you can do to help.” I was not wearing any underwear so I slid the dress down. At least I tried, but I was clumsy and almost fell while trying to undress gracefully. Tim caught me and pulled the dress slowly off me. We were standing so close to each other that I could feel his body heat irradiating mine. I turned away, toward the water, and walked into the lake. When the water was waist height, I turned around to see Tim staring, mouth open.
“You coming?” I teased. I closed my eyes for a second because I was feeling so odd, so lightheaded. By the time I opened them Tim was nude and walking toward me.
We walked further into the lake until my breasts were covered by the water. Tim stood next to me, holding my shoulders and spoke in his native tongue. The wind got stronger slowly and I could smell scents on it that reminded me of home. Somehow in the middle of Tennessee I could smell the old ancient forest of the Balkans with magic that permeates the earth from home. Wind was so strong that I could barely hear Tim, but the magic wouldn’t let us go. I could sense something gathering inside of me, as if I had severe heartburn and it was on the verge of spilling out. I wanted to double over and throw up, but Tim was holding me too tightly.
“Sasha, get under water and stay there until I let you go!” Tim’s voice got me out of my daze, but I felt too weak to actually duck under the water. Tim had to forcefully push me down and I didn’t even have enough energy to fight it. I let him push me down into the water and I went from being beaten around from the wind to a complete stillness of being underwater in the lake. I didn’t inhale properly before Tim pushed me down, so my foggy brain really hoped that whatever happens it would happen quickly. I hoped in vain. The arm disappeared, yes, but so did my ability to swim on the surface. Somehow, someway even though I was supposed to be standing right next to Tim, I suddenly couldn’t stand up and I lost sight of the surface. I looked at what I thought was up, but there was nothing but vast emptiness of the water. It was all around me with no end, no floor or surface in sight.
I panicked. I tried to swim in what I thought was up, but it was a rapidly losing battle. I had no air left, my lungs were screaming for air and my body felt too heavy to actually move. There was such pain around my heart, it almost felt as if someone stabbed me in the heart and I was losing the battle. I gave up and opened my mouth to breathe. Something bizarre happened. Instead of water rushing into my body and replacing the air in my lungs, a dark heavy substance came rushing from inside of me. I started fighting back in shock but the sustenance gathered itself as if it was sentient and floated away. I stared in horror, almost forgetting that I was in the middle of drowning.
I felt hands on my shoulders lift me up and I was face to face with horror stricken Tim.
“Sasha, are you ok?” He almost screamed in my face, shaking me until I was more dizzy than breathless.
“Tim let me go, I can’t breathe!” I yelled back, finding my footing again. He slowly let me go and it took me a while to realize we were no longer in the deeper end of the lake.
“What happened?” I asked Tim, who still looked at me with horror. He took my hand and helped me walk out. My legs were barely holding me up, but with Tim’s help I managed to walk all the way to the shore.
“I have no idea, but that has never happened before. The wind picked up as if we were in the midst of a tornado and as soon as you went underwater, it stopped. When I tried to pull you up a blackness came from somewhere and engulfed you within and I could not find you anywhere! You just disappeared and the darkness was spreading so I had to run out of the lake, otherwise the darkness would swallow me as well.” I still felt light headed and my whole body felt sore, but I also felt different. It's like I have had a headache my whole life, so I learned to live with it and then suddenly that headache is gone. I felt that something was different, but I could not really fathom what exactly it was.
“As soon as the black liquid started to dissipate I saw you in the middle so I swam to you to pull you out, because you weren’t moving.” He finished saying. I turned toward him and smiled.
“That was the weirdest thing I have ever experienced.” I finally said. Tim pulled me into his embrace and held me tight.
“You scared the shit out of me woman, I thought you died.” We stood there for a few minutes, our naked bodies holding each other in a completely non sexual manner. I felt myself going limp and together we sat a little bit away from the lake shore. There was a small bonfire ready to get started and a couple of pillows and blankets to sit on. Tim gently leaned me on one of the trees so there was no danger of me falling over and he started the fire.
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“We need to get you warm and get you home as soon as we can.” He said, looking for the clothes we dropped on the shore.
“I thought the ceremony wasn't over yet?” I asked when he came closer.
“No, but you almost died. Again. We need to get you home and figure out what happened.” He wouldn’t even look at me, so I got up and grabbed his hand, forcing him to look into my direction.
“Tim, whatever happened, that darkness was inside of me. You made it go out. I don’t know what happened but I really think that it might have saved my life. I would like to finish this ceremony now.” I was talking softly because my head was spinning and I felt like I drank a couple of liquor bottles on an empty stomach. Tim was saying some other stuff, about how dangerous it is, but I waved my hand.
“Please Tim, I need to finish the ceremony.” He finally relented and gave me a drink. It felt more like a slushie with little nasty pieces, but I drank it all. I felt the effect immediately.
There was a time lapse, because I was looking at the little bonfire and it went from a tiny little flame to a massive fire that had to be going on for a while. I was sitting still, but I felt the world move around me. Tim was walking around the fire with a tree branch talking to a raven that was sitting in a tree and it was so funny that I would have laughed if I could. But the dizziness was getting worse, so I closed my eyes, hoping that when I opened them I would feel better.
I took a couple of deep breaths but instead of my world stabilizing, I felt as if I lost the floor underneath me. I kept my eyes closed as my body floated through space. When I finally opened my eyes, I realized that this was the same feeling as when I did astral projection. I could feel every molecule of air touching every molecule of my body. I felt everything and nothing at the same time, like I had no body but was instead a blob of conscience flying through space and time with the speed of light.
And just like that, it was over. I was slammed down in my body so hard I couldn’t breathe for a solid minute. I fell forward hacking and coughing, trying to catch my breath. I was touched on my shoulder by Tim and that startled me enough that I jumped up, ready to fight. Tim looked amazing. His dark skin had a shine, as if someone turned on the light from the inside of him, his amber eyes were on fire and they had a depth to them and the more I looked at them, the further they went. His hair was tied back in a style I haven’t seen before and he was dressed in a pale yellow tunic with an intricate design on it. He looked happy and for some reason he reminded me of the sun, strong and powerful, always there for you. He was talking to me, but I couldn’t understand anything.
Something behind him caught my eyes. I looked at the horizon behind him and noticed a completely different set of trees on Tim’s left and Tim’s right as if he was the line to a completely different forest biome. Tim turned around as well, and showed me two paths in front of me. Somehow seeing the two paths made me feel very annoyed and I wanted to stomp like a toddler throwing a tantrum. I took a few steps toward the clearly divided forests. Tim immediately went left, following the crow that swooped in from one of the trees. He turned around and waved, inviting me to follow him, but the longer I looked at the trees, the more I realized why I can’t follow him.
Tim was heading toward the left path where the forest was exactly the same as the one behind our apartment. The trees were tall and skinny, with needles falling to the floor. It was sunny with crickets calling for their mates. The forest was not too dense, so the sunlight was able to reach the floor but you could see the top of the trees and the leaves were not blocking sunlight or water. The path was clearly visible and well worn, as if it had been walked often.
The right path was my path, no question about it. The trees were not all that tall, maybe two thirds of the other forest, but the trees were vastly different. They were thick trees, growing closely together with canopy overlapping in such ways that almost no sunlight reached the floor. The path was covered with old brown leaves and they hid the path underneath it. I recognized the mighty oak tree at the start of the path, covered with moss decades old, and it brought tears to my eyes. I forgot about Tim and walked down the right path, the path to the Mother. I don’t know how long I walked before I saw the old massive cave, but just like that, it appeared to me as it did so many years ago. I smiled when I saw a big mother bear playing with her small cubs.
“Welcome back child,” she said loudly, inviting me in. I walked, carefree, until I was right next to her massive form. The cubs were newborn, barely old enough to be walking and the cutest things I have ever seen. I blinked and felt like something hit me on the head. I was here recently. Talking to other bears. Bigger bears. I gasped, realizing I came here when I died. I turned around violently, looking for other bears, but there was no one here.
“Are there others around here?” I said, looking at the Mother. She shook her massive head no.
“No my child, they are not here. This is a place between life and death, a place where the spirits reside, a place where you can come to talk to me. This is also a place for the soul, whose body is still alive and the souls who are ready to be reborn.” She motioned to the little bears playing around us. I raised an eyebrow and picked up a small bear who was nearest to me. It looked like a perfectly normal bear, and I lifted it up toward the Mother. She made an odd noise that could be considered laughter.
“That one shall be born to your family next moon and she is quite excited about being reborn. Last time she was alive, she was too trusting and naïve and was killed by an avalanche that could have been avoided had she not been distracted by a dead deer. I was hoping she would learn, but by the looks of it, she had not. Her soul will shine brightly and I suspect she will rejoin me soon, for curiosity is as dangerous as living next to a murderer.” I was looking from the mother, to the little cub I was holding and was awe stricken. She certainly seemed curious, smelling me, tasting my skin, licking me all over.
“My family? I didn’t know we were expecting,” I said, more to myself than to the Mother. I put the little bear down and told her:
“I guess I will see you soon. Hopefully I can keep you safe so you can learn your lessons this time, little one.” The little bear looked at me as mischievous as a bear could, and wandered away.
“Mother,” I said, looking toward her again.
“I feel…” I didn’t know how to finish the sentence. What do you say to a creature that is the closest thing to your creator as you can get?
“Do you remember the very first time you came to see me, child?” She asked, ignoring my previous sentence. The question caught me by surprise and I had to think a little.
“It was when my cousin got lost and I felt the call.” I answered.
“It was too soon. You were not called by me, as it was supposed to be, you were called by dark magic that your cousin got involved with. That dark magic found the potential in you and coaxed it out so it can be chained and harnessed for their use.” I was listening to her but I had a hard time believing what she was saying about my cousin.
“Mia would never do that!” I finally found my voice. Mother looked down at me and being glared at from a bear as big as your house almost gave me a heart attack.
“She was a child herself and most likely wasn’t aware of what she was doing. But the fact remains, the witch in the forest taught her magic and your cousin used that magic to shackle you to her.” I knew about the witch, the bogeyman of the forest, but we didn’t talk about it. It was like the devil, if you talk about it, it will appear.
“You both had a destiny that would have gone beyond what you are now, but it was all stopped so you could serve the witch and her agenda. You, my child, have finally found your way out of the shackles and are free, unlike your cousin.”
“Was that what happened in the lake? When the darkness escaped from my body?” I asked quietly.
“Yes, when you died the shackles were loosened enough for you to start seeing the truth and the magic that you performed with the dream walker was enough to escape.” Suddenly the odd feeling of something missing and the light headedness made sense.
“So, I’m free? I am no longer bound to Mia?” I asked, hope in my voice.
“No.” The confidant and resounding no deflated any feeling of victory that I had.
“No?” I asked.
“You are free of the shackles that the witch put on you, while the girl was using her magic. The shackles held your magic down to a point where we were not able to converse. Your destiny was to be my voice in the clan, my ears, eyes and mouth. But you were awakened too soon and I was not able to contact you and after you were grown enough the darkness was too powerful in your soul and it stopped me from talking with you or you from visiting me.” She was quite talkative today, that’s true.
“You still have a bond with your cousin, but it is a smaller bond and it doesn’t hold as much influence as before. Also, your life is no longer tied to hers, so if she dies you will not die with her.” I closed my eyes and sat down. This was all too much information.
“So we can talk now more often?” I asked, trying not to think how this would impact my and Mia’s relationship.
“Yes. One of the tasks that I will give you, is to talk to the parents of the cub you were holding. As my representative in the clan it is your job to inform her parents that they need to keep her safe as she is far too curious for her own good.”
“Wait, so my job is talking to parents about their kids and how to raise them?” I asked incredulously.
“Yes and no. I want to see my children flourish and grow, not see them accidentally drown because water is shiny. I can not see the future, and every person is different, but souls like to follow the same patterns every time they are born. For example,” she picked up one of the cubs.
“In his last life this little one, got obsessed with fire and managed to burn down the forest and himself, because he wasn’t careful enough. He was barely nine human years old at the time of his death so his soul is almost ready to be reborn. When the time of his birth comes, you shall tell the parents that he might have an unnatural obsession with fire and they need to teach him properly how to handle fire and his obsession.” She put the cub back on the floor.
“It has been almost a century since the last true guardian has awoken, so many have forgotten that your job is to help them. You were supposed to be the matriarch of the clan eventually and then no one would doubt you or your authority, but because of the darkness and your cousin, your path is different now.” She seemed thoughtful.
“Your path does offer many interesting choices. I will be here for you, with an occasional task that will help all my children develop, but your life is your own. If you choose to ignore me, you can. If you choose to listen, I will be here.” She lifted her massive paw and gently patted my head.
“No matter how you came here daughter, no matter what path led you here, I am proud of you. You survived and you are thriving like no other. Grow my child, in age and wisdom, and one day walk the path to the other guardians.” She was saying goodbye. I wanted to say more, to ask more, but between one blink and the next she disappeared and I was sitting in front of the lake, watching the small bonfire.
Tim was sitting across from me in a trance, but I was too dazed to actually do something about it. I wanted to move to maybe cover my naked body, but I was frozen, unable to do anything but watch. In the corner of my eye sight I noticed a movement. I tried to focus on what was going on but it was hard when all I could move was my eyes. A woman walked toward me and Tim, dressed in an old tunic with several colorful layers. She seemed very familiar, but I could not place her in my memory. She came and sat right next to me, watching my every move as if she expected me to somehow move. She smiled once she noticed that I could not move and she put her hands in the fire. Her hands were unburnt though and she seemed like she was enjoying the warmth. After muttering some words she pulled a wooden toy in the shape of a bear out of the fire. It was incredibly well made and she laughed when she saw it. Not a normal person laughing, but an evil witch cackle that you only hear in cartoons. The woman put the toy next to me, made a gesture at the crow that was watching us from above the trees and walked away. As soon as she disappeared from my sight I was able to move.
I was so tense that as soon as I was able to move I almost fell forward into the dying fire. I caught myself at the last second and pulled myself back. I decided to examine the toy that was laying next to me, when Tim gasped loudly, scaring the shit out of me.
“Tim!” I yelped in fear and the toy fell from my hands on the floor, dangerously close to the fire.
“Sasha!” He exclaimed back. We were staring at each other until the tension grew and we started laughing. Tim scooted all the way to me, offering me a blanket to cover myself. I wanted to talk with him, to ask him what happened, but when our hands touched everything else was forgotten. The blanket fell from his hand, between us, as we leaned closer and kissed.
It was a passionate kiss, full of fire and life. We embraced each other as if we were starving and only being together would fill out the emptiness inside us. The kisses grew slower but we were exploring each other's bodies more and more. The heat that was building between us, was enough to burn down the forest and only when our bodies became one, the heat was quenched. We spent the rest of the day and most of the evening next to the little bonfire, enjoying ourselves and new found freedom.